Love's Misconstruities
Chapter 18
It was late into the evening when the Kazekage finally made his way home. It had been a very long and stressful day to say the least. All he wanted now was to enjoy his newfound comfort of sleep. He'd managed to remove his sandals, white kage robe, and black shirt before he sensed a presence. He halted, tensing.
"Come out. I know you're there," he growled, preparing for the worst. After what he'd just been through he couldn't help but be on edge. He was caught off guard when Hinata shyly lept through his window.
"You…!"
The young woman before him took a deep breath before speaking. "Kazekage-sama… I'm sorry for causing you trouble earlier."
"You still are," he stated, glaring.
Hinata looked away but caught herself and forced her eyes back to his.
"I know, b-but… I couldn't leave until…until I said what I came here to say," she said, balling her hands into tight fists as she steadied herself. Taking a big breath, she continued. "I…I just wanted to tell you… I wanted to say t-that…that I… I…" she struggled. She gulped and took another breath, closing her eyes and forcing the words out. "I-I-I l-love you! I…I always have..." Blushing beyond compare, she opened her eyes once again and, though her vision swam, she struggled not to faint and intently watched him for a response. Sadly, it was not what she'd hoped for. His features tensed, and his glare bore deep into her.
"Get out," came the faintest of whispers, yet the malice it held was so thick that it was tangible.
"Gaara-san," the girl tried to plead.
"Get out!" he hissed more forcefully.
"B-but, why? Are you that angry with me?"
"Yes," he growled, as if she shouldn't have even had to ask.
"About the Chuunin Exams?"
"About everything!" he grumbled, stalking toward her but stopping a few feet short. He was trying his hardest to keep composed, but it had been a long time since he'd been as angry as he was in that very moment. He had faced powerful enemies before, such as his Akatsuki opponent who had threatened the lives of his entire village, yet while he had been angry, it was a cool anger. He knew exactly what he had to do to save everyone, and that was to kill the one threatening those he cared for. But this was a hot anger, one that boiled his blood and caused him to think irrationally. He wasn't sure how to fix things in this situation.
This girl before him had captivated him, made the ever-present pains in his heart dull, yet when she showed that she wanted nothing more to do with him it reopened the wounds she had begun to heal and then widened them even more. This problem he knew he couldn't fix by killing her. Despite his fury, despite everything she had done to him, though he hated it...he still cared...and that only fueled to enrage him further.
"You're angry about everything?" Hinata asked, confused.
"That scroll was nothing so important that it needed to be hand-delivered, least of all by you. Why did you come to Suna?"
"I-I wanted to see you. To apologize…and say…what I've already said," she answered, unable to repeat her earlier confession.
"Why now?" he asked, struggling to keep his voice low and calm.
"What?"
"Why come now?" he repeated, his patience growing thin. His hostility radiated within every word. "After all this time, you wait until now to come see me…to say that to me."
"What?" Hinata questioned, unable to follow Gaara's train of thought. "I'm sorry, I-I don't understand-"
That was it. Gaara had heard enough. His frustration had reached its limit and he snapped, closing the last few feet between them with a growl. He grabbed her by the jacket with both hands, taking her by surprise. She gasped, but didn't fight back.
"You know exactly what I mean! Coming here now, saying those things to me… You are just like the rest of them…except they at least have some respect for me. They would never go as far as you have," he accused, referring to his incessant fangirls.
"Who wouldn't? G-Gaara-san, I don't-"
"Don't play stupid! Or maybe it would help if I jogged your memory?" he growled as he tried to rip her jacket off.
"What are you doing?!" she meekly yelled, blushing while she struggled with him.
"You weren't embarrassed earlier when you had this off—when you were trying to tempt me! Why put up a fight now?"
"I wasn't- Ugh, Gaara-san, please stop!"
"I'll give you exactly what you want!" he declared, succeeding in his efforts, tossing the jacket aside and thrusting her face-first onto the bed.
Stunned, it took her a moment to realize what was going on. Of all the possibilities that could have occurred during this trip, this was not on the list. It still wasn't. She could not believe what was happening. She rolled over onto her back and tried to sit up, but Gaara was soon straddling her, pinning her down. "Gaara-san, please stop!" she repeated, not wanting to raise a hand against him...though he wasn't giving her many options now. "Th-this isn't like you!" she screamed as he ripped the fishnet which covered the top part of her shirt.
"No, it's not!" he shouted, grabbing her wrists as she struggled and pinned them over her head, bring his face close to hers and continuing in a seething whisper. "But you came to me now instead of before because you thought that with my demon removed, you would be safe—that there was nothing to be afraid of anymore. You were so scared of the monster within me that you wouldn't even give me a chance to prove to you that you didn't need to be! I was in control of it! So if I scared you, then it was ME that you were afraid of. I am still the same person as I was before…and if you think that I am a monster, I'll prove you right."
His grip tightened on her wrists, painfully so, yet Hinata didn't react. She was too stunned by his words. "You thought I was afraid of you?" she asked in an astoundingly steady voice. Gaara, surprised by her sudden tranquility, paused to stare her in the eye. "I thought you were dating Sakura-chan and I was hurt because I liked you so much…" Tears began to escape her eyes, but her speech remained uneffected. "I backed off because I didn't want to be in the way of the romance I thought you two were having…but I just recently found out that I'd been wrong about you two…"
The boy stared into her pale watery eyes from inches away, listening to every word. 'She thought I was involved with that medic? Where would she have gotten that idea? …Wait, it was after that mission where Matsuri had been kidnapped that she began acting more distant…when I had half-transformed into Shukaku… When she ran from me in town, was it because I was with Sakura?'
"And during the Chuunin Exams, you had me convinced that you were reduced to taijutsu combat. I forfeited because I thought that you were going to, so I did it first. I didn't want to embarrass you. I regretted it as soon as I saw your fight with Kankurou-san. I shouldn't have underestimated you or avoided you. I shouldn't have acted so weak, but I did… I've wanted to apologize ever since I realized that. ...I'm here now trying to fix that."
'She forfeited out of pity?! …That would be like her… Still, I was her teacher! She should have known I had something planned—that I wasn't so helpless. …Then again, I did managed to fool my own brother…'
"I'm sorry, Gaara-san, but you're wrong. I stopped being afraid of you after that first day you helped train me…that was, at least until tonight."
Gaara's eyes got wider, but his brow stayed furrowed as he took in each of her words. 'Have I really been wrong all this time? Arg, what am I doing?! I swore I would never harm her! Shukaku would be proud indeed if he was still with me…' Slowly, Gaara regained his composure. He let go and climbed off the girl beneath him in one swift movement. 'If what she says is true…then… She said she…loves me… But… What have I done?'
Hinata cautiously sat up, carefully holding her torn shirt together. "You said that you are still the same person as before." Gaara sat on the edge of the bed with his back toward her, hearing but not answering…too afraid that she was about to recant her confession. "…I was counting on that. That's why I didn't give up. I knew that you weren't as cold as you acted…that you aren't really like this. You were always so gentle…in your own strong and quiet way. …That was the boy that I fell in love with…demon or not," she admitted once again, wiping at the wetness on her face, willing the tears to stop.
Barely able to believe that he was hearing those words from her, he was now the one in shock. He sat frozen on the edge of the bed, staring blankly ahead. It wasn't until a trembling hand gently touched his bare shoulder that he jumped slightly, bringing him back to reality.
"I…I came here to tell you that. I thought that…you should know. Otherwise, I'd never be able to forgive myself. When I heard about…about what happened… I wanted so badly to help you, but there was nothing I could do! I just had to wait and have faith in Naruto-kun, Neji-nii-san, Sakura-chan and the others… When I heard you were okay, I had to come. I…I'm sorry for all the trouble and confusion I've caused you," she finished, wiping away at the last of her tears.
The hand left his shoulder and the weight on the bed shifted. It took Gaara a moment to realize what was happening and he wasn't quite sure what to do about it. He was bad with social situations to begin with, and this was clearly something he'd had no experience with.
Hinata slid off the bed, making her way to the door, satisfied that she had finally completed her true mission. There was only one thing that could have made it even better. 'I know it's enough that I've said what I wanted to, but…I can't deny that I was hoping he would reciprocate. …That really would be expecting too-'
"Stop," came a pleading whisper. Hinata did, turning to face the frozen young man. "Come back." She slowly approached him, yet he still wouldn't meet her gaze. Instead, he awkwardly reached out, wrapping his arms gently around her waist and pulling her close, resting his head against her stomach. "Don't go." It surprised the girl but she complied, nervously reaching down with her own trembling hands and running them through Gaara's hair the way a mother would, trying to soothe him. "Say it again," he softly requested after a silent moment.
Hinata almost asked what he meant, but figured she probably knew. She swallowed the lump in her throat as a blush once again crept onto her cheeks. "I…love you…"
Gaara inhaled deeply, an uneven and ragged breath, as if he had been holding it for quite some time without realizing it. He tightened his hug, trying to bury himself in her warmth. "I love you, too," came the quietest of whispers, yet these foreign words were heavy as they left his lips, weighed down with a lifetime of desperately wanting someone to say these kind words to and finally hearing them back.
Hinata felt her heart jump to her throat and she fought the tears that burned suddenly at her eyes. She almost didn't believe what she'd just heard but knew that she had. She rested her hands on his back and hugged him as well as she could in the position. After another few minutes Hinata tried to take a step back, but the boy's grip only tightened. "May I sit down?" she shyly asked. Reluctantly, Gaara loosened his grip. He finally looked up to meet her teary gaze and gave the smallest of nods as a pinkness began to deepen on his own cheeks, causing Hinata to smile as she sat next to him, wiping her eyes with one hand, the other clutching her torn shirt once again. "What now?" Hinata nervously asked.
"I don't know…" Gaara replied, staring into his lap. "…I don't want you to leave."
"I don't either," she admitted, her face turning pink once again. "But I'm due back in Konoha in another four days."
"Then you have to leave the day after tomorrow," he realized. He seemed deep in contemplation for the better part of a minute before speaking once again. "Stay with me tonight," he softly pleaded. Hinata's eyes grew wide at the request as the morality that had been drilled into her head since birth kicked in, but she couldn't deny that she wanted to accept. She looked away, slowly nodding. Not sure where to take things from there, she decided to follow his lead. Gaara stood, taking her free hand in his and pulling her from the bed. He then moved to turn down the covers and slid in. Hinata slowly followed, not quite sure what to expect. Once she had joined him, he switched off his bedside lamp, darkening the room. Moonlight shone in from the open window, basking the room in its pale glow.
Hinata was visibly nervous, her body shaking with small tremors. This was her first time ever sleeping in the same bed as another, much less the opposite sex…although, she thought of the time when, during a mission where her team had camped overnight, she'd awakened the next morning to find Kiba under her blanket, asleep and snuggled right up against her, grinding himself against her leg. She'd been so startled that she'd screamed and given him a black eye. Both she and Kiba had been horribly embarrassed by Kurenai's teasing the rest of the mission, and to this day they always made sure that Shino slept between the two of them…just in case.
Still, despite that experience, Kiba was a team member and trusted friend…not the man that she loved. She'd learned after overhearing the many dirty conversations that he and Shino had had over the years that it was not sleep that men were really interested in when taking a woman to bed. She was still somewhat frightened by the idea, but seeing the young man before her, despite what had just happened, she knew that she could trust him. She wouldn't mind doing the things he wanted or letting him do things to her. 'As long as I can make him happy, I'll do whatever I can,' she resolved.
For a moment, they both just laid there facing each other, too afraid to move. Finally, Gaara slid lower on the bed, surprising Hinata as he placed his head on her chest and wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her closer. After she forced her body to relax, she rested her head on his and reciprocated, wrapping an arm around him and gently stroking his back. Hinata kept waiting for him to take things further, but he never did. It was comfort that he wanted tonight and nothing more.
To hold this girl in his arms…to have her hold him back…it was then that he finally understood his uncle's words.
'Yashumaru… For the longest time I didn't believe anything you'd told me because of what you did…but it seems you hadn't lied about what it takes to mend a broken heart. Naruto was the one to show me what love really was…but now I actually think that I understand it. …For the first time in my life…it doesn't hurt. Hinata…arigatou.'
Soon he fell into the most peaceful sleep he'd ever had. Never in his life had he slept all through the night, not even in these past few since his return, but this night he managed. Truly, this was one of the best days of his young life.