Sypnopsis:
"If I don't say this now, I will surely break…and I'll look after you." With Izzie, Meredith, Cristina and Alex about to enter their second-year residency and George repeating his internship, it seems like things are finally settling down at Seattle Grace Hospital, right? WRONG! With troublesome interns, flaring tempers, new doctors and explosive confrontations, our favorite characters discover that this is only the calm before the storm. Because someone in the group is hiding a devastating secret from them all…
A.N. First off, a huge thank you and a pat on the back for this story's reviewers thus far: mcdreamyslover, merderdreamy5, gaforever, ChristineGrey, xjossiex, musicforlife, MissJay18, MD2gether4ever! Your reviews are what inspire me to continue writing.. I found myself losing hope for Grey's Anatomy, but now that the show has crawled its way back from a disastrous season, I have renewed energy and faith to finish this story with an eye-popping, knock off your socks conclusion, too! So without further ado, I present to you Chaper 7 of Look After You, No Air (this chapter was quite possibly the hardest one to write, for some reason). Enjoy.
Previously on Grey's Anatomy:
-Dr. Cristina Yang: All you have to do is keep fighting…so my advice right now? Like I said a long time ago, get your ass out of bed. I love you.
-Dr. Alex Karev: I made a vow to save people, and I should be able to do that for my friend.
-Dr. Izzie Stevens: We need to work this out, George. I need you. I have to get my best friend back.
-Dr. George O'Malley: I just…I need to be alone right now. I need to think.
-Dr. Meredith Grey: He's my knight in shining whatever, and I can't live without him.
-Denny Duquette: Promise me, Meredith. Whenever things get rough, just remember that the angels are watching.
-Dr. Mark Sloan: God knows he won't listen to any of us here. The Chief forced him to take a vacation, so he's been sitting in her room almost every day.
-Dr. Derek Shepherd: Mark, go page everybody! This is good news. Meredith's waking up!
-Dr. Meredith Grey: Who are you?!
It's been said that blood is the essence of life. But sometimes, we forget that there's another life-force sustaining mankind and, well, all of existence. The oxygen that flows through us serves as a constant companion throughout out lifetimes, helping us weather the ups and downs of life. In other words, air is loyalty at its utmost. It's there from the second we enter this world until the moment that we take our very last breath.
Alex paced impatiently, glancing petulantly at the double doors that seperated all of them from Meredith. His fingers automatically curled into a fist for the millionth time that day, his hand just itching to release the maelstrom of anger that was threatening to crush his chest. And buried in the recesses of his overwhelming frustration was the gripping, familiar trepidation that seemed to penetrate deep into his body. It was almost like his brain was trying to send him a subconscious message: This isn't over. Not by a long shot. Feeling his blood pressure rise again, Alex clenched his teeth. Looking at the rest of his distraught friends made him remember that he wasn't the only one suffering.
Cristina was stock still, eyes glistening with unshed tears and a trembling hand covering her mouth. Meanwhile, George leaned against the door, muffled sobs emanating from him every so often. And as for Izzie? She was doing what she did best, trying to serenade their somber group with her trademark optimism, but Alex didn't miss the wavering in her voice. Even Izzie, the woman who had always remained hopeful no matter what odds she was up against, didn't believe that there was going to be a happy ending for Meredith yet. Just then, a strangled sob interrupted Izzie's speech. Staring at his ex-girlfriend in surprise, he quickly realized that she hadn't made that sound. Even George stopped crying to look for the culprit. Alex glanced at Cristina and felt a pang in his heart.
The normally steadfast Asian doctor was now trembling as a few tears slipped out and broke her stony façade. He watched Izzie let out a heavy sigh as she walked over to Cristina. Without a word, she enveloped her fellow surgeon in a gentle hug. Just then, Alex noticed the Chief and another doctor walking out of Meredith's room, their faces grim. With his heart suddenly beating double time, Alex barely noticed Cristina breaking the hug. The woman quickly ran her hand across her face, trying to wipe away all traces of what she considered weakness. They huddled together, holding hands, every one of them drawing strength from each other, but painfully aware that they were missing a crucial member of their family.
Chief Richard Webber found himself looking away from his finest intern and second-year residents when they pinned him with imploring looks of distress. He sighed and turned to the second best neurosurgeon in his hospital, Dr. Nick Gladys. "Nick…do you think you could brief Dr. Grey's friends? I think I'm too emotionally involved with this case, and I still can't get perspective…" He trailed off, pinching at the bridge of his nose to keep the tears at bay. He swallowed nervously; the lack of sleep and incredible stress was causing him to experience alcoholic cravings, and he knew Adele would have his head on a silver platter if he lost his sobriety now. He noticed the other doctor's look of surprise, but the younger man knew better than to question his authority. "Yes, sir. I can give them the diagnosis if you want. Do you want to come with me, Chief Webber, or do you wish to go back to your office?" The young doctor continued after an awkward silence. "I mean no disrespect, sir. You just look like you could use some peace and quiet…"
Richard took a deep breath and cleared his throat. "No, what I need is for Meredith Grey to be okay. But that's not up to me, right?" He laughed bitterly, then shook his head. "I'm the Chief of Surgery. Every patient that comes through surgery is my personal responsibility, and Meredith is especially important to me. I promised…I made a promise to a very special friend that I would take care of her. Since I can't do that, the least I can do is be there for her friends if they need my support. Come on, let's go, Dr. Gladys."
Pushing past the double doors, Nick found himself reluctantly meeting the four pairs of anxious eyes that searched for hope, pleaded for a sign that they would see the light at the end of the tunnel. He was painfully aware of how important this woman was. After all, everybody working at Seattle Grace Hospital knew about the often tumultuous but passionate relationship of Derek Shepherd and Meredith Grey … this was his boss' girlfriend and soon-to-be mother. Nick cursed under his breath. "Doctors Karev, Yang, Stevens, and O'Malley, thank you for waiting while we tested the severity of Dr. Grey's amnesia. We-"
"Cut the crap!" Karev cut in edgily. "What's wrong with Meredith? We're all doctors, so let's stop sugarcoating things."
Richard gave Alex a warning look. "Dr. Karev, it'll be wise of you to not talk that way to an attending. What Dr. Gladys was saying before you interrupted him was that Meredith has been displaying symptoms of what neurosurgeons call systemized amnesia. In layman's terms, it basically means…"
Cristina interrupted this time, quietly mumbling, "Her brain has shut out all memories of a relationship with Dr. Shepherd. Isn't that right, Dr. Webber?"
"You are correct, Yang. Does she remember who she is and what she does for a living? Yes. She remembers being friends with you four, too. She also knows that both her mother and stepmother are dead. So the preliminary guesswork as to why she only forgot Derek? It could be due to the fact that he was standing right next to her when this … this accident occurred. Her brain, in order to protect itself, has locked away all sounds and people associated with this trauma." Richard sighed and stopped talking, motioning for Dr. Gladys to continue. He rubbed the bridge of his nose, trying to will away the tell-tale signs of a huge migraine.
Nick continued quietly, "Dr. Shepherd isn't the only one that she doesn't remember. Through extensive questioning, we've also determined that she has no recollection of Mr. Finn Dandridge. That's all we know as of right now. This type of amnesia doesn't occur very frequently with brain injury patients, but like any other type of amnesia, all we can hope for is that she regains her memories. There's a long recovery ahead for Dr. Grey, and she needs all the support she can get."
George nodded, let out one last audible sniff, and then mumbled something about having to do sutures. Izzie started to follow him, but she skidded to a stop and gave Cristina another hug. She looked at Alex directly and whispered, "We have to get through this." She shook her head, and then gave a bitter laugh. "No, we will get through this. I know we will. We're going to survive this, because God knows we've been through more crap than should be legally allowed." Pausing for just a second, Alex noticed that her eyes clouded over, akin to being possessed. Looking worriedly at Izzie, she finally spoke again, but her words sent a chill down his spine. "Whenever things get rough, just remember that the angels are watching."
He watched in confusion as she walked away, murmuring, "I miss you too, Denny." Shaking his head, Alex glanced at his watch. His shift was over, so he may as well go home. Nodding at Nick and the Chief, he patted Cristina's shoulder, who was caught up in her own miserable world. When a single tear slipped out, he hesitated, uncomfortable with the sudden display of emotion from the tough surgeon. "Hang in there, Yang…" Walking away, he felt his heart break a little. When would they ever catch a break?
Mark perched on the edge of the cluttered desk in Derek's office, studying his best friend with an experienced eye. After Meredith's terrified and abrupt return to consciousness, Derek had rushed out of her room, telling anybody who would listen that he had to finish charts. Addison had looked to him for help, her eyes begging him to follow the distraught man and make sure he was okay. In a sad way, personal tragedies were the only times that Derek allowed Mark to get close to him, which, in essence, was helping to heal the rift between them. His beeping pager jolted him back to reality, and Mark quickly scanned it, noticing Derek's suddenly tense posture. He sighed, "It's the Chief. Maybe we should go…" He trailed off, watching Derek slowly slump back into the couch and his eyes harden.
"Derek…" Mark prompted gently.
"No!" Typing furiously on his laptop, Derek did everything he could to ignore Mark's piercing gaze. He blurted, "I am a neurosurgeon. I don't need another doctor to tell me what's wrong with Meredith…I saw the signs myself! She's got systemized amnesia!" He paused to swipe at a stray tear that had escaped. "Yup, I'm a brain surgeon, and yet, I can't do a damn thing to help my girlfriend, the soon-to-be mother of my baby." Derek stopped talking when his voice hitched, dangerously close to tears. His throat burned with a frightening intensity, and he felt that annoying prickle of moisture.
Mark sighed, trying to reign in his flaring temper. "What's the matter with you?!" he growled. "Where's the hard ass, confident Derek Shepherd? Where's my best friend?! Ever since Meredith was admitted, you've been a complete stranger. And I understand what you're feeling. You're my brother, and I hurt when you hurt, too. But she's awake now, man! You guys have a second chance to make things work, and that's more than a lot of people get. We're both doctors, and we've both seen our fair share of tragedy. But this…this isn't a tragedy. This is just another setback before you guys get happily ever after. Fight for her, Shep! You owe her this much. You're always talking about being a believer in happy endings; so prove it."
Mark missed Derek's look of anger, which turned his normally warm blue eyes into a stormy black; he barely managed to duck the fist that Derek swung at him with an animalistic scream. Before either of them realized it, they were throwing punches at each other, their occasional grunts adding to the cacophony of noise in the room as chairs tipped over and a picture frame crashed to the floor. As suddenly as it started, the fight stopped. Derek's lip was bleeding, while Mark nursed his badly bruised knuckles. Both of them were breathing heavily, and Derek looked at the picture that lay in a sparkling array of broken glass; a surprisingly glowing Meredith, one hand thrown around his shoulder while the other held a shot glass. Derek raised tortured eyes and met Mark's determined ones. "I'm always a believer," he snarled.
Walking out the door, he paused. "By the way, I stopped hating your guts a month ago. Maybe some good has come out of all of this." And then he was gone, leaving Mark alone and dumbfounded in the office, struggling to process what Derek's words meant: forgiveness.
Cristina sat quietly on an unused gurney in their group's basement hangout, listening to the comfortable sound of rain smashing against the window. Even nature seemed to understand her tumultuous feelings right now. She couldn't quite describe the agony searing through her heart right now. She was infinitely relieved that Meredith hadn't forgotten her or the rest of their friends. But seeing the naked look of anguish in Shepherd's eyes had almost unraveled her, and that scared her more than anything. Right from the start, she had always maintained a stiff upper lip, and in a strange way, she had prided herself on earning the surgical nurses' nickname of "Ice Queen." After all, watching her beloved father bleed to death at such an early age had prompted her to avoid pain at all costs; in her eight-year old mindset, that had meant avoiding closeness to anybody. But her reaction today, waiting fearfully for Meredith's prognosis, had just put a huge dent in her reputation.
After the start of their surgical internship, Meredith Grey and Preston Burke had clawed and fought their way into her heart, healing old wounds and forcing her to face issues that had been locked away in her memory. But Burke's sudden departure from her life had ripped a jagged hole in a heart that was still healing. However, some good had come from her tragedy, because Meredith and Derek had managed to overcome their issues and stay together. To be truthful, Cristina couldn't have been happier for her best friend. God knew how Meredith deserved some happiness in her life, and the unexpected surprise of a baby had started to make her hopeful that 'dark and twisty' people could, in fact, achieve happily ever after. But that was before Finn Dandridge and his gun-wielding plans had destroyed that. Cristina's vow to be less cynical had collapsed along with Meredith, and she simply didn't have the energy to revive it. Serves the son-of-a-bitch right that Meredith has forgotten about him, she seethed.
She nearly jumped out of her skin when a voice spoke in the darkness. "A penny for your thoughts?" She whirled around and relaxed when she saw Alex Karev standing there, no visible sign of his trademark smirk. She was surprised when she saw nothing but compassion in his eyes … and a hint of pain? Patting the empty gurney next to her, she smiled slightly as he accepted her silent invitation to sit and talk. For the next few minutes, the only sound that could be heard in the room was their quiet breathing, a comforting regularity despite the increasing pandemonium in their lives. Alex finally broke the silence with a hushed whisper, so soft that she had to strain to catch what he was saying. "My mum almost died because of my abusive bastard of a father." His quiet confession stunned her. In all the months that they had worked together, Alex and Cristina had rarely exchanged more than a few words, never mind sharing intimate secrets. Their relationship had only thrived because of their overly competitive streaks. Most of the time, Cristina had preferred to think of Alex as a loudmouth, good-for-nothing frat boy, while he had told her more than once that she was a Beverly Hill princess who knew nothing of hardship. But when Alex moved into Meredith's house, their relationship had grown to where they shared a weekly breakfast outing and an occasional gossip fest.
As she sat there, unsure of what to say, he continued his narrative in a shaking voice. "I woke up one night to horrific screaming. She was yelling at him to stop hitting her, and I kept hearing a thud against the wall. I was too scared to do anything until I heard my dad leave the house. The doctors later told me that she had suffered severe brain injury, and that there was no chance of her ever waking up from her coma. But she proved them wrong, and she woke up. Due to her traumatic experience, she suffered from systematic amnesia, too. My mom had no idea who had done this to her, and to this day, she still hasn't regained any memory of the bastard. I was so relieved when she forgot him. To me, it meant starting over and having some semblance of a normal childhood."
Alex paused, forcing back the tears that had sprung to his eyes. "And now, all of this is happening again…so I know how you feel. You feel like 'dark and twisty' people never get the good things in life. You're thinking that there is no such thing as tranquility and that crap about good things happening to good people. But you're wrong, Yang! This is just God's way of telling us to stay strong for each other. Like my mom used to say, believe in miracles. We all prayed for Meredith to wake up, and she has! Now we just need to help her remember Derek again. Because once again, it all comes down to us. We're her family – her real family – and we're going to help her get through this! Besides, we're all long overdue for any kind of happy occasion. Getting her to recognize Shepherd and her giving birth to the baby … that would be a perfect way to ring in the New Year, don't you think?" He glanced at Cristina, watching her unchanging sullen expression and wondering if his words had had any kind of effect on her obviously foul mood.
Just as he gave up and closed his eyes in exhaustion, Cristina murmured, "I know." He looked up in surprise when she gave him a quick hug. Alex smiled and gently squeezed her shoulder. A thought suddenly crossed his mind, and a devilish grin spread across his face. "Hey, remember when I touched your boobies?!" The comment was so random and lighthearted that Cristina couldn't help but snort. Before long, the basement was filled with their laughter as they recalled memories of their intern year and life with the sloppy but congenial Meredith Grey.
Two months later…
Derek stood outside Meredith's room, forcing back tears. His hope that her amnesia was just a temporary setback had quickly morphed into a desperate, dark animal that seized his chest every night, rendering him sleepless. It didn't help matters that his fatigued brain did nothing but pelt him with a relentless barrage of his memories with Meredith. He had brought her to their secret hideaway, took her on a ferry boat ride, treated her to a fancy dinner at her favorite restaurant … anything that would help jog her memory of their past relationship. Granted, he was coming on a little too strongly for a "new relationship," as Meredith put it, but he missed having her in his life so much that he couldn't breathe sometimes. Although she was starting to develop feelings for him again, she told him repeatedly that this was a relationship that should proceed slowly. Today had been the worst day ever. When he had walked into her room, Cristina and the others had left immediately, knowing that he wanted to spend time with her. But Meredith, in a foul mood, had screamed at him to leave her alone, calling him an overbearing bastard who was acting like her father.
The words had stung deeply, but he had managed a smile and a soft, "I'll see you later" before he had walked out of her room. He had stayed right outside her door for over an hour now, but he just couldn't bring himself to move. How much longer is this going to last? He bit down on a cry of surprise when a familiar hand stroked his cheek, knowing who it was even before he opened his eyes. "Addison…you're back!" he breathed as the tears spilled uncontrollably from his eyes. She held him as he sobbed, deciding to hold off her good news for a more appropriate time. Derek mumbled, "I can't take this much longer. Nothing is working. She can't remember me, and I can't breathe. I'm suffocating, ADDIE!" he yelled. Taking a shuddering breath, he managed a weak smile. "You must think that I'm becoming a pussy. Maybe I should change my name to Derektina," he joked in a half-hearted attempt to make her laugh while he swiped at his eyes. Without warning, the tears started again, and he groaned. "Mark says I'm becoming more hormonal than a pregnant woman. If that's true, I seriously need to stop."
Addison gripped his face in her hands. "Derek," she whispered harshly. "You're a neurosurgeon … hell, the head of neuro. You, of all people, should know that amnesia isn't something that can be rushed. There's no surgical alternative, and you just have to be patient. Meredith's going to remember you eventually, but there are going to be days when that doesn't seem possible. So keep your chin up, OK?" She fixed Derek with a piercing look, trying to drive home her point. "But if she really doesn't remember you, and she's content to start a new relationship with you, I think you'd rather have that than lose any chance for happily ever after with her, right?" Addison frowned when Derek gave her a weak nod. "Derek Christopher Shepherd, I command you to put on your trademark million-watt smile!" Noticing his lips rise halfway in a feeble grin, she nodded. "It's getting there…Derektina!" She giggled and ducked away just in time to avoid his playful swat. His laughter sounded genuine, and a sparkle was slowly returning to his eyes, but Addison knew that Derek would never be truly content until the day that Meredith regained her memories of him. Studying his thinned stature, she prayed that day would come soon.
Three weeks later…
Mark stood at the OR board, not sure of what he was looking for. When he spotted Derek walking toward him, Mark's eyes narrowed in suspicion. Derek looked insanely happy, happier than he had seen him in months, and there was a definite bounce in his step. In addition, Derek was holding a tiny bottle of eye drops, which made his mouth twist. "So…" he leered at his best friend. "What did you and Mere do? The horizontal mambo?!"
Derek smirked and squeezed a drop of liquid into each eye. "Call it the horizontal whatever! All I know is that I got some last night, and I have to say, I wasn't out of practice!" He laughed when Mark wrinkled his nose. "Ugh, dude! I didn't need to know that. New rule: what you do in the bedroom stays in the bedroom!"
Derek laughed, his eyes staying focused on reading the OR board. Mark quietly sipped his coffee for a moment, but he couldn't stop himself from asking, "So how's Meredith?" His best friend paused slightly, still studying the board like his life depended on it. "She recalls bits and pieces. Small things like the way I like my coffee, my favorite cereal, that I live in a trailer…and oh, she remembered Doc, but then she mumbled that he had been put to sleep and said something strange, too. She kept saying that seeing Doc so happy made her feel better, and then she talked about how Denny Duquette misses Izzie a lot. She's improving, albeit slowly, but I can't wait until she remembers everything." He laughed and shook his head. "But she's biting at the bit to come back to work. The Chief thought it was best for her to take a few more weeks off. I told her I agreed with him, and she kicked me out!"
Mark choked on his sip of coffee, gamely swallowing the scalding liquid before he burst out laughing. "She kicked you out of the house?!" Guffawing loudly, he slapped Derek's back. "Hell yeah, Mere's back!" Derek shook his head as the two friends walked away from the board and headed towards the operating rooms, their laughter still echoing down the hall.
Izzie stood at the Admit desk, scribbling post-op notes in her patient's chart. Her head shot up when she heard an annoyingly cheerful whistle coming from down the hall, and she was surprised when she saw that it was Alex. "Okay, Izzie is wondering where Alex was last night, because he disappeared right after dinner. And why is Alex so uncharacteristically happy? Awesome surgery? You got some action? Come on, tell all…" she demanded as he leaned around her, grabbed a chart, warbled a cheerful greeting at a shocked Olivia, and kissed her cheek. "Alex will tell Izzie why he's so cheerful. Alex's mum finally came down from Ohio to visit her grownup, ridiculously handsome, incredibly talented son, and they're going to have lunch today! Now why wouldn't Alex be sitting on the top of the world?"
Izzie grinned. "Oh, that's so great! How long has it been since you've seen her?" Alex eyes took on a faraway look as he pondered the question. "Med school graduation. My bastard of a father was also there, asking me for more money so he can get high. I told him to go to hell and he punched me." Ignoring Izzie's shocked look, he smiled and kissed her cheek again. "Anyways, I'm gonna treat my mom to the best restaurants that this city has to offer. And then I'm taking a day off tomorrow to go the Space Needle and other places with her."
Just then, the piercing wail of their two beepers cut in, interrupting the conversation. Alex took his pager off his scrub pants, grinning in excitement when he noticed the number. "Yes! ER! I hope it's something big!" They raced down the stairs and practically crashed into Cristina and George, who were standing right outside the stairway doors. A huge crowd of hospital personnel were clumped into a huddle, and Alex couldn't see a damn thing. "What gives, Bambi?" he whispered to George. He shrugged as Cristina pushed her way through the crowd, ignoring the various whispered curses and grumbling. "Oh, holy crap!" Alex heard Cristina whisper. "Yang, what's going on?!" he hissed.
When he got no reply, he sighed in frustration and began to make his own way through the crowd. What he saw next made his breath catch in his throat. Suddenly unable to breathe, he gripped Cristina's arm as Izzie and George joined them. His mother was in the clutches of his incensed father, her normally rosy complexion a pasty alabaster. Judging from the hospital gown the man wore, the ER staff had admitted him. But what was even more frightening to Alex than his father being a patient in this hospital was the fact that Patrick Karev held a gun to his mother's head … and the safety had been flipped off.
Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air…
If I should die before I wake,
It's 'cause you took my breath away,
Losing you is like living in a world with no air,
Ohh…
I'm here alone, didn't wanna leave,
My heart won't move, it's incomplete,
Wish there was a way that I can make you understand.
But how do you expect me,
To live alone with just me?
'Cause my world revolves around you,
It's so hard for me to breathe.
Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air!
Can't live, can't breathe with no air,
That´s how I feel whenever you ain't there,
There's no air, no air…
Got me out here in the water so deep,
Tell me how you gonna be without me,
If you ain't here, I just can't breathe,
There's no air, no air.
No air, air,
No air, air,
No air, air,
No air, air!
I walked, I ran, I jumped, I flew,
Right off the ground to float to you,
There's no gravity to hold me down for real.
But somehow I'm still alive inside,
You took my breath, but I survived,
I don't know how, but I don't even care!
So how do you expect me,
To live alone with just me?
'Cause my world revolves around you,
It's so hard for me to breathe.
Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air!
Can't live, can't breathe with no air,
That´s how I feel whenever you ain't there,
There's no air, no air!
Got me out here in the water so deep,
Tell me how you gonna be without me,
If you ain't here, I just can't breathe,
There's no air, no air.
No air, air,
No air, air,
No air, air,
No air, air.
It's no air, no air.
Ohhh, baby!
Oooh…it's no air, no air,
Hey…no air,
Ooohhh!
Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air!
Can't live, can't breathe with no air,
That´s how I feel whenever you ain't there,
There's no air, no air!
Got me out here in the water so deep,
Tell me how you gonna be without me,
If you ain't here, I just can't breathe,
There's no air, no air.
Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air!
Can't live, can't breathe with no air,
That´s how I feel whenever you ain't there,
There's no air, no air!
Got me out here in the water so deep,
Tell me how you gonna be without me,
If you ain't here, I just can't breathe,
It's no air, no air.
No air, air,
No air, air,
No air, air,
No air, air.
-Jordin Sparks/Chris Brown, No Air
A.N. Wow, this is the longest chapter…18 pages on my word processor. Seriously! Ah, I've revived my creative muse, so worry not about a long wait between updates! I'm already in the process of writing the next chapter, and I guarantee that we're going to see a different side of Alex Karev. Love this chapter/hate it? Press that sweet lavender button and let me know. By the way, how would you guys react to a Alextina pairing (Alex/Cristina)? Put in your two cents:)!