So it's been a month without an update. The creative team behind The Last Minoru (consisting of CEOs Me, Myself and I) extends its full apologies to any fans waiting for the next installment, assuming such fans exist.
In the meantime, while I get my life in order so that I can begin finishing this fic, I've decided to give you guys FILLER!!!
But this FILLER!!! requires a short explanation.
Terry Moore recently finished his 9 issue run, and overall it was poorly received by fans. Upon receiving his last issue (Runaways v3 #9) I was so disturbed by how bad it was that I decided to make a parody of it, more specifically a comic remix.
For those of you who don't know what a comic remix is, it's when you use MSPaint or some other program to erase the dialogue in a comic bubble and write in new dialogue yourself. So its the same art, different dialogue. In this case I wrote a script but never got off my butt to actually make the remix... but I kept the script and have decided to post it as part of this FILLER!!!
If you have the issue in question, I suggest you read along so that you understand where the dialgoue is (kinda) meant to be. So without any further to do, enjoy the FILLER!!!
Runaways v3 #9, we join our heroes after Nico royally screwed up with her magic and transformed a group of zombies into some kind of zombie giant. Yeah.
Chase: What the heck is that thing?
Nico: I don't know; all I said was "Zombie Not," which must have sounded like "Zombie Knot" which must have sounded like "zombie monster man."
Chase: Whatever it is, it's no match for my Footsigons! *misses* I need to work on that.
Victor: Why didn't you just use your Fistigons? You know, the ones on your hands? *Victor attacks and does no damage*
Chase: Nice job super-fart.
Victor: At least I don't have your aim… or dialogue.
Karolina: Nico, our predictable attacks aren't working. Hit it with one of your dues ex machina spells.
Nico: *zoned out* Man I wish I had some coconut oil. *Oil slashes over zombie monster, causing it to fall apart*
Victor: Wow. Apparently oil is stronger than gravity. Or magic.
Molly: Eww, now we're all wet.
Nico: I'm sorry guys. Its getting harder to handle my magic. Probably something to do with that time I was tortured to make my magic stronger
Karolina: Tortured?!
Nico: Yeah, by my great grandmother. I mean, she said she was my great grandmother.
Karolina: Are you sure?
Nico: Why else would she knock me out, strap me to a spiky board and start whipping me?
Karolina: I don't know, but the fact that you two are related makes it more, not less creepy.
Chase: Guys, we have a problem. We're soaked with oil and need to appear clean in the next scene.
Victor: Really? Well, the streets are deserted so I guess the only solution is to get naked and rob a local Hot Topic.
Nico: I guess you're right
*Next Scene*
Chase: Man, looting while naked is fun.
Nico: It would have been if not for the constant groping.
Karolina: Yeah, sorry about that Nico.
Victor: Fighting some disc jockey with magical powers has to be easier than racist rainbow aliens. Molly, start destroying everything, will ya?
Molly: Kay. *starts thrashing and breaking windows* I'm a superhero!
Lydia: Raaawwreeruurr
Karolina: Oh my gosh, that zombie is trying to throw herself out the window.
Chase: Oh yeah, that's Lydia. Before she was a zombie she was hot, but also kind of a bitch. Not out of your league now, am I?
*Lydia tries to jump out. Karolina stops here.*
Karolina: No Lydia, being transformed into an ugly, mindless creature with a desire to eat brains is no reason to kill yourself.
Nico: We sure are lucky we're the only vigilantes in this city. No one's going around shooting zombies with a shotgun.
Victor: No, but there are those musclemen with chainsaws on their guns.
*Off-panel dialogue*
Soldier 1: These zombies don't even spring up from underground, man.
Soldier 2: This is the worst zombie story ever. *cuts up another zombie* Wanna get lunch?
Nico: Well, we don't know where Van is. I guess we have to wait until midnight and then go where he said to meet over the radio. Makes coming here kind of pointless.
All: ....
Victor: …Soooo, anyone got a deck of cards?
*Next scene*
Chase: See Nico, I told you dressing up in brown cloaks was the perfect zombie disguise. They let us right through. Man, zombies are dumb.
Zombie 1: Rawwrara. (Who were those two humans in brown cloaks?)
Zombie 2: Rururrah. (I figured they were the virgin sacrifices. We'll just kill them if they start any trouble.)
Zombies: *start chanting* Wa-ooh-ga-cha-ka-wa-ooh-ga-cha-ka
*Molly is away with Klara*
Molly: You know what we should do! We should totally blow their cover; then they'll have to fight for their lives against a horde of zombies. They'll be sooo made at us, and sorry for ignoring my costume ideas.
Klara: I have no opinion, Molly. I've pretty much done nothing and gotten next to no characterization ever since I joined you team. I just kind of follow you around and smile at everything despite my history of sexual abuse.
Molly: Duh. That's why you're my sidekick.
Van: *addressing the zombies* So how was your day? Did you have fun? Did you bring your uncle Val lots of presents?
Victor: Let's take him.
Nico: No, we have to let the villain rail about his evil plan apparently.
Val: So I was talking to my partner the other day and I asked him, how can we turn the Val Pal nation of loyal radio zombies into real zombies that will make me rich?
[Editor's Note: We didn't realize how stupidly egotistical Val's dialogue was until about an hour after printing. We suggest you mentally replace everything he says with Val screaming "STOP THE COPS" to make things move entertaining.
Val: STOP THE COPS! STOP THE COPS! ZOMBIES FIGHT AND STOP THE COPS!
Mother (the fat Mexican guy): But first, the virgin sacrifices. That'll be those two teenagers in brown cloaks in the middle.
Nico: That's where you're mistaken. *Bursts out of cloak and summons a giant eagle* I'm not a virgin!
Chase: Be careful Nico. He's clearly a powerful sorcerer. He saw right through our zombie disguises.
Nico: Cocoon. *Val is wrapped in a cocoon and falls over* Huh. That was anticlimactic.
Mother: Oh my god, you're the Minoru girl. I'm Mother.
Nico: Back off or I'll… I'm sorry, your name is what?
Mother: The California Witchcraft Community thought you were dead. I'm the local treasurer. And president. And secretary. Val here was my intern.
Nico: I'm sorry, what did you say your name was?
Mother: *grabs staff* Yoink. I'll be taking that. *Glares at staff* Yes! The powers of the cosmos are at my command!
*Dragon pops out and eats Mother. Goes back into staff*
Nico: … His name was "Mother."
Karolina: Nico, are you okay?
Nico: Karolina, listen to me. Never pick up the Staff of One. Okay? Never.
Karolina: But a bunch of us have picked it up before in previous issues.
Nico: It must only hate Mexicans then. Never let Victor pick up the Staff of One. Okay? Never.
Molly: Look, reversing the evil zombie music turned them all back into humans again.
Cop: What? Zombies don't turn back into humans. And something as simple and clichéd as "reversing the music" would be ridiculous. We came in and slaughtered all the zombies while you distracted their leader.
Molly: Are you hearing me Nico, I saved the day!
Victor: Should we…
Nico: No. She's too innocent.
*scene change*
*Molly and Klara play videogames while Chase wakes up*
Molly: We're superheroes.
Chase: Yup.
*No one says anything. Molly keeps playing.*
Chase: This ending sucks.
Karolina: *breaks out of the page* I'm sorry, but someone has to say this. Did you even read the comics, Terry? First off, we are not just some superhero team, we're runaways doing what is necessary to survive. We worked for the Kingpin for crying outloud. And another thing…
Nico: Uh-oh, what did I tell you about breaking the fourth wall, K.
Karolina: But I can't stand what he's doing to our characters. And I want Xavin back! I get so lonely at night that I have to sneak into Nico's bed and leave before she wakes up.
Nico: Okay, one, creepy, two, this is Moore's last comic.
Karolina: It is? You mean… BKV is coming back?
Nico: Nope. A whole new creative team is going to mess up our characters in different ways
Entire Cast of Runaways: NOOOOOOOOH!