Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960

oooOooo

August 25, 2009

I told you this morning that I have resigned from my job. You were not surprised. But I could see what you were thinking without Legilimency.

"How Gryffindor."

Living with you for eleven years—even just in dreams—has changed me.

.

.

.

…Six days of probation remain.

We have a house. (A nice house at that; even though you insist on a green door.)

You have found someone to vouch for you—the documents lie safely warded in your desk. Tonight Blaise and Gabrielle will Apparate from London to discuss your job application. Their owl arrived late last evening. Like the Patils, like Hannah, they are indeed willing to do what is within their power.

But all of their power is limited.

I have lost my job, and there is no one to vouch for me.

Azkaban has become a dark temptation.

Don't you see, Hermione?

I could return to the silence of my cell. I could return to dreaming through the twilight of my imprisonment. I could return to where I cannot see the shadows of the past or the future.

I could go back to a world where the sun always shines warm upon our faces as we sit on the bench next to our Gryffindor-red door, where the rain falls forever soft upon our gardens, where you never count days or weeks or months or years, because we are together, and we are happy, and everything is as it should be.

But I will not. I will not [ink splodge]

However… the Dementors have become the prison guards of the whole wizarding world, and I cannot produce a Patronus anymore, so I [ink splodge]

Besides, you need me.

.

.

.

…I fear for Draco after your latest encounter with Agan.

I must admit that—as you put it—if she wanted to kill either of us in broad daylight she truly had sufficient opportunity to accomplish that. However, the mere fact that she did not cast the Killing Curse on us at first sight, does not necessarily imply she means us (or Draco) no harm.

We have not been in touch with Draco. It seemed safer that way. But now, we worry.

.

.

.

…Worrying about Draco inevitably leads me to consider Lucius.

We were never enemies. Not even after my treason and Draco's betrayal. Even in the Shrieking Shack, when he cast Cruciatus on me and put me in chains, I saw no hatred in his eyes. Satisfaction, yes. Rage, yes. But also regret. And…fear.

Lucius signed our release papers.

Eleven years ago he could not have resisted the chance to flaunt his power over my life and my death. Today? Not even a statement in the Daily Prophet.

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Enough of that.

You've been watching me as I write—choosing to wait for good news to put down in your diary, whereas I prefer to get this chore out of the way before bad news arrive.

Now let us see how we can while away this rainy afternoon.

"Perhaps in bed?" I smirk.

…and you smile.

oooOooo

A/N: Many thanks to Mia Madwyn for looking this over.

Further notes:

# The passage that describes Snape's dreams contains literary allusions to the poem "Dreaming Through the Twilight" by Christina Georgina Rossetti and to a traditional Irish blessing.

You can read the poem here: http:// www. cs. princeton. edu/~rywang/mm5/fire/singles/dream_twilight. html
And the blessing is here: http:// thinkexist. com/quotation/may_the_road_rise_up_to_meet_you-may_the_wind_be/151618. html

(As always, take out the spaces to use the URLs.)