I.
Goodbye
He held his breath as she spoke, trying to piece together every detail, much too dazed to actually comprehend it. Irrationally he spoke,
"Clarke.. if you need forgiveness, I'll give it to you..." His voice trailed as the defeat began to settle in the pit of his stomach. "I forgive you."
Though the effort was futile, which he was aware of, he still tried. But they both knew it was over. He then began to urge her, "Please come inside." Though the only reply should could give was for him to take care of those whom she had helped. Those who she had guided. Those she would be leaving behind. She explained this to him, even though his head was delirious with thoughts that consumed him. Thoughts that were begging for her to stay, silently.
"Where are you gonna go?" He questioned, almost desperately, in an attempted to show the concern that was already written on his features. Her reply came with an "I don't know" and kiss upon his cheek. Embracing one another for a final time, he once again allowed a hitch in his breathing, careful not to show what was trying to escape. The guilt, the unhappiness that weighed in down on his chest, and all the pain of the day spent trying to save those who needed them. Her final, painstakingly last words were the last he'd hear for some time soon followed;"May we meet again."
She was the one to pull away, despite his want to hang tight to her just a little more in hopes she wouldn't go. She allowed a small look of encouragement to crawl to her features as she turned her back to the injured people of the Ark. What a sight it had been to her, all her own doing was she able to achieve it. However, the deaths that she caused scratched in the back of her mind. Knowing how mangled the bodies looked as radiation consumed them. It was unbearable and too much to restrain, especially after knowing she killed allies. They were both aware of it, yet it would haunt her for eternity. Much like the death of the one she grew to love.
She began her descent into the vast forest that lied ahead. There would be the unknown that would soon consume her, now that her alliance was broken with the Grounders. The unknown that would hide her from her own demons and allow her a new home, or so she had hoped this were the case. As she did so, a silent sigh escaped the mouth of the boy. Tears flooded around his hues, causing his shoulders to slump and the weight of the pain from the events of the past few days to slowly take their toll. It lasted for mere moments, before he turned his back to her and the forest, repeating the words she spoke to him. He too had to play the part of a confident soldier and so he tried.
"Close the gate!" Bellamy ordered to those guarding it as he merged into the camp. Confusion spread across the faces of those who witnessed the occurrence, looking back to the nearly vanished Clarke. People began to question, openly having some sort of anger or resentment towards Bellamy for not going after her. Among the group chimed in a worried mother, Abby Griffin. Being strapped to a gurney limited her movement, but did not weaken her pained voice.
"Bellamy!" She ordered, her voice already hoarse from the screaming that had occurred from the past two days. Pain rippled in her chest and leg, but she forced herself to get a good hard look on the boy. "Where is Clarke going?"
Silence befell the group of Ark survivors, allowing the guilt of not being able to stop the blonde from escaping to the forest to settle upon the boy. Even he looked back to the forest in which the blonde had vanished into. How could he say it though? Would he even be able to successfully explain what was running through her head as she journeyed into the woods? He knew he couldn't, which bothered him because he felt it also. He didn't want to admit to the surviving group the regret they had felt for having to do what they did, even if it was necessary for saving their people. Brown eyes observed the forest, even as the gate door shut. It was burned into his mind, the blonde disappearing into the dangerous woods.
"I don't know." The answer sparked whispers, questioning whether or not he was the one that casted her away. Jasper, among the group, shook his head angrily. He then stepped forward.
"Just let her go." He said, his voice tainted with hatred as he glared at Bellamy. "She killed too many people to be able to come home. Even Bellamy here is confident in staying. How is that fair."
"Enough." Bellamy hissed, glaring back in Jaspers path. What came next was enough to shut him up. "It's not our fault we were in danger. Everyone was in danger and we made the decision that saved you all. Our lives over theirs. That was the plan. We never meant for her to die though, no matter how much you want to believe that. We tried and we... We failed. I'm sorry Jasper."
"Bellamy." Abby's voice taunted, causing his eyes to lock onto her glazed ones. It was the sight of her own blood soaked hair and messy face that caused him to become uneasy. A lump, much too hard to swallow, caused him to choke as he tried to apologize for not being able to stop her. "I don't want your apologies. I want my daughter!" He dipped his head low as he admitted his own defeat, falling victim to the overwhelming emotions that consumed him. Out of everyone, Marcus Kane approached the trembling teen who had not given into the pain quite yet. He offered a comforting hand to his shoulder, giving a small squeeze as he glared back at Abby dismissively.
"Can't you see he's had enough excitement?" The question, obviously, was to target Abby for her harshness. She had felt it, though her motherly instinct ate away at her. She wouldn't be able to reach her daughter in time, this she knew. This would be her own guilt, but eventually, after everything, she too would have to let it go. Her daughter betrayed her people, in a way she knew Clarke needed her space. But she would not agree with her being alone in the wilderness. Part of her had been guilty for not understanding the actions of what Clarke did in the first place, even though it was smart.
"I tried." Bellamy managed to get out, as he was coaxed to the tents. Eyes watched, unsure and accusing, as he was escorted. Even Octavia, who stood immobilized with anger next to her foreign partner, Lincoln, watched in silence. A part of her, as twisted as it was, felt relieved of Clarke's disappearing act. Though, she hadn't seen her brother so defeated since her passing. She almost felt sorry for him, even if Clarke and her were not on the best of terms. Her brother meant the world to her, which aided in the concern that drove Lincoln to follow Marcus with her trailing close behind.
Whispers and questions rose from the adults as wounded children from the Mount Weather survivors were moved into the medical unit, as well as Abby. Resent would flood her, causing her to shut down her emotions to try and make sense of all the issues that had happened since the moment the Ark clashed with the Earth. There would be nothing, aside from the murderous creatures that were known as the Grounders, Mountain Men, and Reapers. Creatures that she now held ill will towards. Creatures she would silently swear to eradicate lest anything happen to her only daughter, Clarke.
"Yo goggle-face," A pained voice muttered, causing the attention of the two males in the room to fall on the source. They were the only three left in the medical ward after everyone had been tended to, mostly because it was also a bit crowded to begin with. Jasper, Raven, and Kyle all had a reason for being confined in the room. Though there had been no reason they couldn't continue to help one another. Or so, that was how delusional Raven had decided. "Get me an extra pillow, alright?"
"Yeah." The emptiness in his tone struck a nerve between Kyle and Raven, making it hard for them to try to connect with the adolescent. Raven, who had still been under the influence of a small anesthetic, watched as the scrawny boy Jasper force himself to one of the ships closets that held medical supplies, blankets, and extra pillows for those in recovery. He barely managed to get the door open, not even using the strength he had to budge it. Leaning his face against the cool metal, he let the feeling consume him as he began to tear up once again. Both Raven and Kyle watched in silence, understanding that he shouldn't be pushed or pestered.
"I just.. I could have saved.. Maya.." Hiccups began to appear as the boy tried to speak. He crumpled to the floor, which caused Kyle to react quickly. He moved to the boys side, pressed a hand on his back and began to rub in a circular motion. This allowed Jasper to sob into trembling hands, hiding his face from sight. He was embarrassed to feel this way, more so act. He wasn't use to feeling so heartbroken, even over the fact the love of his life was now dead.
It was as if he were still witnessing it; the smell of burning flesh scalding his nose, Maya's body convulsing in his arms, and it had all been for nothing. He watched uselessly clinging to her body as screams rippled through her throat, begging for the scorching pain to cease. He could have done something, or so he thought, but there was no time for the girl to successfully get away and he only blamed himself for that. Maya's death, however, would be fully placed on the heads of Clarke, Bellamy, and even Monty. They controlled the circus act that destroyed the lives of innocent people. Irradiating them all to their senseless deaths. Whether or not he could have saved her, he now resented the three entirely. He simply did not care for Clarke leaving. He, out of everyone, probably hated her the most- which is what he figured.
Eventually Kyle helped him into a sitting position, retrieving Raven's pillow that had been requested, and moved back to her side. Kyle worried for both of them, traumatized by the events of the day. He too felt a bit dazed at everything that happened, almost making it seem too real to be true. It remained silent between the three of them for a good few hours before Raven tried to get the attention of Jasper, whom sunk into a staring contest with the floor. She'd attempt to call out to him, Kyle joining her, but Jasper seemed as though he didn't hear a word. In reality, he was just ignoring the two of them after dealing with so many people.
"Jasper?" Raven called to him once again, for the hundredth time, trying to get his attention. Her voice filled with some annoyance, but mostly concern. Even as the weeping ceased ages ago, he still curled into a ball in the corner of the room which would worry anyone. Breathing rapidly, he watched the floor harder, and he clenched his jaw. He replayed the images over and over and over again in his mind, causing him to scare himself even more. Raven didn't let it go unnoticed though and she continued to call to him. Before long his reply finally surfaced.
"Quit it. Just stop talking to me." Quivering lips pressed together as he swallowed back the pain. Blinking a few times caused stray tears to occasionally fall from his lids, which he would wipe away. Swollen, red eyes glared up to the two worried faces that took deep breaths at the sight of him. His brow furrowed, his nose wrinkled, and with his jaw clenched he looked as if he were ready to murder someone himself. "Just leave me alone."
And with his demand, they did just that. With the answer of a nod from the two, Jasper pulled himself into a standing position. His body swayed, causing Kyle to react and Jasper to glare angrily. As Kyle relaxed, Jasper stormed out of the medical ward while being followed by two concerned eyes that eventually were left alone. It was silent between the two, as there had been nothing to say. They knew he was in pain, but there would be nothing that could replace the feeling. Hatred would consume him. This was all too familiar to them, or at least, to Raven.
"I just don't see the point, Kane!" Abby hissed, struggling against the pressure that had been put against her leg.
"Abby," his voice was calm, softening as he spoke to her whilst aiding her. "Your daughter has been through so much. You need to understand-"
"Understand what? That it is too dangerous for her to be walking around in the woods alone when there are plenty of dangers out there? That it is immature of her to be acting like an inconsiderate teenager when she is no longer safe and could be killed? When I need her to be here?" Anger welded into her chest, eyes blazing with fury and tears as she 'burned holes' into the man before her. "You siding with my daughter is not helping anyone, Kane. It's for that reason... I am the chancellor and you need to listen to what I order you to do!"
"Is that right?" He mocked, seriousness crossing over him as he glanced at her. "I've already told you, she was in charge Abby. If she wanted to be found, she'd already have come forth to the search parties. I can't do much more for you. We need the men." He gave his full attention to the woman who adverted her gaze from him. He let out a sigh, only to go back to tending to her leg. "Something fatal happened and now she is running away and hiding. Would you really want her living with the guilt here? She's doing what you couldn't."
"Go to hell." Abby snarled.
"I'm sure it's safe to say," he tightened the bandage on her leg, causing the woman's body to jolt at the shock. She once again set a glare at him, shaking her head in disapproval at the weak attempt at a smile he presented to her. "We've already made it."
"It's not your fault Bell." A pleading sisters voice struggled, as pain shot through her body trying to comfort him. He had been given time to calm down, yet what replaced the sadness was not healthy even for him. Covered in sweat, he had peeled himself out of his tattered shirt so he could be bandaged up. He just chose to stay shirtless as it was becoming restricting. Locks of messy hair fell in front of his face as he angrily drove knuckles into the dirt, twisting each fist with each collision. He was huffing through gritted teeth, causing pain to shoot through his jaw. Bellamy was consumed by his thoughts; betrayals, deaths, and even Clarke leaving. He hated it with every fiber of his being, but he was one of the reasons it had been caused in the first place. He realized the sky people were the ones to be eternally at fault. To be eternally haunted by those who were innocently living in a place that created evil. It was his fault that allies were dead. "Bell please,"
"O, just stop!" The harshness in his voice halted his actions. He peered through his hair, making somewhat eye contact with his sisters. "You're only making me more angry! Don't you see that?!"
"Bellamy I just don't see your logic-"
"Neither do I. Alright? Is that what you want to hear?" He sat up, allowing his feet and ankles to support his hind. He placed his roughed hands on his thighs as he glared towards his younger sister, breathing heavily. She had been shocked whenever this violent side appeared, but the shock lessened during her time on the ground. All she could really do now was watch, unphased by his reaction. "I don't know what I am doing."
"She had to leave and you know that." Octavia muttered as she moved the fabric from the tent to look into the camp. Nightfall had settled fast, allowing barely enough time for a bonfire to be created. Many people sat scattered, with mini fireplaces set up as well. Many guards had also been on high alert. Among them had been Lincoln, giving Octavia and Bellamy space to talk. She only longed for his presence, as the sight of her broken brother was too much for her to handle. He was being weakened by a girl who had idiotic goals that only caused people to suffer- She had left them to die during the bomb and wasn't allowed to tell anyone about it. However, that could hardly matter now that the blonde leader ran. It only brought the thought of what would happen now that the alliance was broken and nothing else mattered.
"Had to." Bellamy scoffed, allowing himself to stand. He grabbed Octavia by the wrist, jerking her to stand in front of him. Forcing her to make eye contact with him. "Just like you had to go off and try to be one of them? Put yourself in harms way? Look at you, you're no better than them. Clarke was doing all she could and look what happened? Our people are safe? Yet you and Jasper seem to be the only ones who are remotely happy she vanished."
"You didn't stop her." She accused.
"You don't care." He spat right back at her. She pulled away roughly, which he allowed her to escape from his hold. He was in a state that was unstable for the two of them. She only shook her head as her own anger began to build up within her. Biting her lips she turned her back to him, readying to exit the tent before stopping her her tracks. She gripped the cloth of the tent before looking back over her shoulder. Fire blazed within her eyes as her lips began to purse. She swallowed rather hard before mustering the courage to defensively state,
"At least I care enough not to abandon my people when in a line of danger, Bellamy." She looked back to the camp, squinting as the flames of the hot fire which had been created to cook the meal of the night began to dance higher. After some moments of silence had passed, and as she allowed him to process what had been said, she heard a confused "what" from her brother. This caused her to look back at him, this time with a bit more relaxed, yet hard features. "At least I wouldn't let my own people die for the sake of someone else. For the sake of one person."
Bellamy's eyes held confusion as he stood before her, arms dangling as his sides. The strength in his legs felt as though he had been carrying cement on his back, causing them to seem heavier and wanting to give out. He blinked through the dimly lit tent, with the only source of light being from a few candles scattered about the small area. Octavia's eyes were illuminated with the flames, but her face had been darkened by shadows. She had not yet cleaned herself up of the warpaint that had been put on her by the Tree People, which allowed a mixture of emotions to build back up in Bellamy. What she had just said, as she intensely stared, made him feel some sort of regret. He was unsure why, but he needed the answer. "What are you talking about?"
"Clarke." Octavia sneered, whipping the tent closed as she approached her brother to get up underneath him. She lowered her voice, careful not cause a scene or risk anyone hearing her. "She deserves to be gone. She killed our people because she followed Lexa into the woods when a missile was launched at us. People died because she thought she was helping you save those who were trapped. I could have died. You're right Bell, I don't care. I don't care a murderer is no longer here to risk any more casualties just to keep the truth from everyone. She was delusional."
With that being her last words, Lincoln had popped his head in to check in on the siblings. Octavia retreated straight away, following her partner out. Her boots collided with the earth in stomps, but it was enough to make a point that Bellamy shouldn't have been defending someone else. Which, as he tried to process it, grew to become angry with. He allowed the image of Tondc being hit with an aerial attack to corrupt his mind. He imagined Octavia fleeing just in time, as many had been injured or killed. In the midst of all of it, he could see Clarke and Lexa standing over the entire village watching as the whole thing play out before them. The only two knowing what could of possibly happened before it even did, even though they kept it to themselves.
The thought alone was enough to bring him to his knees, feeling more guilty than he had before. More guilty than allowing the blonde to leave. It had seemed to Bellamy that everything was piling onto his plate more and more, causing him realize it may of just been his fault entirely. With everything that was happening around him, he had been blinded by his own heroic act that he was allowing others to be put into danger. Because of his own selfishness and wanting to make everything right again, he somehow was at the fall of peace, alliances, and even trust. Putting himself directly in the middle of all the negativity and all the decisions based on what other people were doing. He was delusional with the idea he had actually done something incredibly wrong.
"Clarke," he spoke her name softly in a strained tone, as his head lowered once more. "What have we done?"