CWCollateral: A Tale of the Resistance

by Manajerkop

What happens when innocent bystanders get fed up with enduring the fallout from Sonichu's zappin' adventures? REVOLUTION, that's what! Experience Sonichu from a whole new perspective, as the PVCC fights to end the tyranny of Christian Weston Chandler.

9. Chapter 6: Suffer the Little Children

CWCollateral: A Tale of the Resistance

by Manajerkop

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Chapter 6: Suffer the Little Children

April 4, 2004, CWCville slums, PVCC "Slumberland" headquarters

"Walsh here."

"Howell, Schroeder, and Gee here."

"Hi, BILLY MAYS here!"

"Cash and Thaddeus here."

"Hill here."

"Liquid and Devoria here."

"Leary here."

"Surfshack Tito here, little cuz."

"Agents O'Neil and McKenzie here."

"Right." Mary Lee Walsh leaned toward the webcam on her desk and adjusted her horned hairband. Around her sat a dozen screens of various sizes, each displaying the face of a different PVCC administrator. The Miscreants had assembled. "I know it's been a while, but as you all know, I've been preoccupied due to my injuries. Vivian, thank you once again for filling me in on the events and impact of Operation Rift."

"My pleasure," replied Vivian Gee.

"Jason, you may start," continued Walsh. "How goes the support effort in Tennessee?"

"Slowly but surely, or so my associates tell me," Jason Kendrick Howell replied. "Our propaganda campaigns are undergoing preliminary tests, particularly the Rosechu sex-change accusations and Thaddeus's advertisement override."

"For those of you who don't know what he means," Jack Thaddeus added, "Clyde and I found a tiny flaw in the CWCville media security network. We're working to slowly introduce subtle pro-gay and lesbian advertisements into the city's television network, mainly through Family Guy."

"Excellent choice, Jack," commented Alec Benson Leary. "As for me, I can't really give an estimate on when the gene sequencing for Project Asperchu will be complete. All the material Walsh sends us keeps degrading before we can extract the full chu genome. We'll piece it together eventually, but it's going to take time."

"Alec, you know I can't control how fast the material degrades," Walsh answered with a frown. "Here's an idea – I'll have one of my Jerkop squads capture a live Sonee and a live Rosey. We'll bring them to your labs, have your technicians force-evolve them, and then extract the genome from the live adult chus. I'll get Blanca's squad or the Honey Badgers on this after we're done."

"Good idea!" boomed BILLY MAYS.

Walsh winced. The TV spokesman/politician's voice was still unbelievably loud, even through a TV. One or two decibels more and he'd be reaching BRIAN BLESSED levels. She reached out and cranked BILLY's volume down a few bars.

"That actually brings us to our next problem." Vivian Gee leaned back in her chair and removed her glasses to clean them. "The ferals. Rift's working, that's for sure, but I can't help thinking that we entered the cycle too late. According to Alec's research and my own analyses, the ferals are still holding the abandoned zone. Seems even Chandler doesn't want them to leave – remember, that's why we can't safely disrupt the body dumps."

"Exactly," Leary added. "Cut off their food supply and they'll go for other sources. I think we all know what those are."

A few seconds of silence passed. Mary Lee Walsh knew what he meant. Since the beginning of Operation Rift, feral attacks had claimed a total of six Jerkops, two of which hailed from her very own Slumberland squads. Previous Sonee and Rosey-related casualties had been rarities. This new wave of deaths meant nothing less than a full-scale retaliation from the feral population of CWCville against their destroyers. The PVCC track record was very good, however. On the whole, each Jerkop now had an average of forty feral kills to his or her name. A friendly feud between squads was currently running; the object was to see who could rack up the most dead chus in a single patrol. For once, the Tomgirls were besting the Picklemen at something.

"All we can do now," the PVCC supreme commander muttered grimly, "is to continue Rift to our fullest extent. It's going to be somewhat harder now that Chandler knows what we're up to, but I have faith in my Jerkops." She smiled. "We'll just have to wait and see what happens over the next few months. Now as for O'Neil and McKenzie, I believe we might have found another double agent to help you out. At least, once Graduon's secret protégé is ready, that is…"

Slumberland garage, squad assembly area, 10:30 p.m.

"Walsh wants us to what?"

Steve nodded to Amanda and adjusted the band of his dust mask. "Project Asperchu. Al wouldn't give me the more intimate details, but apparently it's some kind of bioweapons development program headed by Alec Benson Leary. The admins have been researching chu DNA for some time now, but now they're saying it's time to move forward. And now we get to be the lucky ones to take that first step."

"Well, exactly how hard is it to catch two of the little shits?" asked Zoey as she continued scouring out the barrel of her AK-47 with a wire brush. "They run about as fast as narcoleptic turtles. Couldn't we just pick 'em up and stuff 'em in a bag or something?"

"Yes…we could," replied Steve. "Unfortunately for us, it's not gonna be quite that easy. We know the EHPF's been diverting a huge amount of patrols to the abandoned zone day and night, so that's one thing. For another thing, Al told me that Walsh's spies in Chandler's circle of gal-pals have been overhearing plans for even more security measures, plus some other big plan to protect the ferals. Whatever. All I know is that just getting close enough to a Sonee and a Rosey, let alone capturing them, is gonna be one hell of a tall order."

"So you're sayin' the ferals have bodyguards now?" Amanda scoffed. "Goddamn Chandler. I swear, that man-child's got his…"

"No, no, I'm not saying that," the squad leader assured her. "The EHPF can't exactly babysit them – they've still got to deal with us. All I'm saying is that it's been getting harder and harder to infiltrate their territory since Chandler decided to counter Rift. Odds are, we're going to need to blow something up to distract 'em long enough to get past the patrols into the abandoned zone. That's where you come in Amanda…unless you don't think you can get their attention."

"Please." Amanda rolled her eyes and pointed a thumb at the grenade launcher strapped across her back. "Steve, just 'cause you ain't been out huntin' with me for four days don't mean I'm gettin' rusty."

"She's right," added Zoey. "Speaking of which, how's your ear doing, Matt?"

Matt tilted his head and wiggled a finger around inside his left ear. "Not too bad. Still need the drops for the swelling, though."

"Okay then," said Steve somewhat disinterestedly. "Anyways, I've assigned two teams for this operation, Sonee squad and Rosey squad. I'll take Sonee with Allie, Kuri, Serge, and Amanda, Zoey gets Rosey with Kevin, Matt, Nick, and Jexis. We'll light the fuse, you just get through and hold at Point One, got it?"

Kevin automatically sidestepped over to Matt, glad he would at least have one of his old friends to talk to. Allie flashed him a grin as she filed in behind Steve, then promptly started up a conversation with Kuri.

"What happened to your ear?" he muttered under his breath as Steve and Zoey continued outlining their plans to each other.

Matt shot a glare at Amanda. "Baby Boomer. Went off early last night and took down an entire EHPF truck while I was running for cover. I couldn't hear out of that side of my head for the rest of the mission. Jexis gave me some anti-inflammatory drops, but I'm still hearing this weird thumping noise somewhere back in there."

"You gonna be all right?"

The Jerkop nodded. "Yeah, as long as I'm far away from her for a few days, I'll be just fine."

"What is a Baby Boomer, anyway?" asked Kevin. "Everyone keeps talking about them."

Matt chuckled and grinned. "I think tonight might be your lucky night. They're mobile explosives…Amanda found a way of using captured Sonees and Roseys as IEDs. You gotta see it for yourself…it's just awesome."

"Yeah, we used to deal with the perros fuegos - those were dog bombs - back in Juarez," commented Nick. "Same principle, just another animal. But this time we're the terrorists."

Kevin and Matt couldn't argue with that. What the PVCC was doing definitely qualified as terrorism in its most basic form, but once one compared their drastic actions with the consequences of living under Chandler's control, the word suddenly didn't sound so despicable anymore.

"Okay, final briefing before we leave," announced Zoey as she and Steve parted and joined their respective squads. "We do not engage the chus unless Sonee squad's pinned down. We get into the abandoned zone, regroup, split up, lure and grab a Rosey, and then we'll start exterminating them if we still have time. Any questions?"

"Do you think we'll be fighting anything worse than mercs out there?" asked Jexis with a slight note of uncertainty in her voice.

Zoey looked just as lost for answers as the medic. "Expect the worst, hope for the best. Steve always told me that when we were training under Al. If something does happen, just remember the fallback procedures and we should be all right. Now load up and get to the trucks."

Twenty minutes later, CWCville abandoned zone

"Slumberland, Cashier Lead. Operation is still active, but we missed our extraction. Half my team's still pinned down in the apartment block by mercs and chus. We're low on ammo and have sustained multiple injuries. Request additional troops to disrupt the attack, over."

"Copy Cashier Lead, stand by for confirmation. Okay, we're sending in a few of the Red Devils to bail you out. Maintain your position and try to keep everyone alive, understood? Over."

"Copy. Over and out."

Kevin closed his eyes and listened to the radio chatter crackling through the truck's ancient built-in speakers. While he had no idea what the other squads were doing, he was slowly piecing together the night's series of events from the incoming reports. So far, no one really important had died, and the feral body count was steadily rising with each passing minute. The Tomgirls stood well in the lead with twenty-four confirmed kills, but the White Medallions and the Picklemen were close behind with twenty each. The ALBinos had miraculously taken out a transport van full of loyalist mercenaries, and the Spikes of Blue and a ChinaTown-based squad were engaged in a pitched shootout with EHPF officers in a derelict gay bar.

As for the Honey Badgers, no one seemed to have acknowledged their mission or even knew they were out trying to catch live ferals. Kevin guessed it was all due to the secretive nature of Project Asperchu. Zoey had said that everything about it was passed down to Al and Steve on a need-to-know basis, so they were all on the same level in terms of information.

With so much Jerkop activity tonight, the entire Slumberland communications network was running at full strength, monitoring every squad's progress, dishing out advice and new revised strategies, recording chu sightings, and relaying messages back and forth from the field teams to base. As the PVCC's lead communications director, Bryan Bash must have been incredibly stressed about overseeing all of this. Kevin smiled and imagined the admin running back and forth between monitors, shouting alternately into his headset and at Vivian Gee as he struggled to keep his tech team from devolving into chaos.

"What're you so happy about?" asked Matt from the seat next to him.

Kevin glanced out the window. "Nothing. Just thinking."

"Me too." The Jerkop looked sullenly at his feet. "It's just so weird. Sometimes I think Jake's still here, or I keep dreaming about the Shopping Center…I don't know how you and Allie can just forget about it so quickly."

"It's been two weeks, Matt," replied Kevin quickly. The familiar empty space was beginning to creep back into his gut. "I still miss him too, but you can't let it affect you this much."

"I know, it's just…" Matt's voice was tinged with frustration and anger. "Goddamn it. I just keep feeling so helpless and I can't make myself think otherwise. I don't even know what to do. I just want Chandler dead and all his chus dead with him."

"We all do," Jexis spoke up reassuringly. "Don't worry, we'll get our chance. Think of it this way – every larva we kill is another step towards avenging Jake…and Ricky and Caroline and Scott and everyone who…"

"Wait, who were those other three?" asked Kevin. "I know someone mentioned Ricky before…aren't I his replacement?"

Zoey nodded from the front of the truck. "Yeah, Ricky was killed about a week before you showed up. Ferals got him, too. Caroline and Scott were some of Al's original squad – the EHPF ambushed and zapped them both back when I was just getting started alongside Al and Steve. There were others…hobos, mostly. I don't remember too much. Those were bad days. No ferals back then, just mercs and chus and the Chaotic Combo. It was pretty much a fight for our lives."

"Wow." Kevin had never heard this before. "So you and Al and Steve were the only survivors from back then?"

"No, back then we were called the HEXterminators, founded by two guys…John and Marcus. They were both soldiers like Al, but…aw hell, I don't even remember what happened to them. Whatever the case, they're both dead now. Al's the last link we have to the very beginning of the resistance. Anyways, now we…"

Her shoulder radio hissed once, then Steve's voice sounded from the speaker. "Zoey, it's Steve. We're seeing a lot of flashing lights in there. Looks like you're gonna have to run like hell once Amanda starts the fireworks. Over."

Zoey twisted back around and squinted through the windshield. "Goddamn it. Copy that, I see 'em. See if she can take out a few of the cruisers, over."

"I think she's got that covered. Out."

"We've got a shitload of EHPF waiting down there," the Jerkop growled as Kevin watched the red and blue flashes growing larger and larger in the darkness. "We're going to have to improvise a bit. Will, drop us at that gas station over there and get to a safe distance. We'll let you know when we need a lift back."

"You take care now, Zoey," the driver replied as he pulled the truck up to the sidewalk in front of the ruined gas station. A faded sign beside the street read CWC-Gas – Easy, Cheap, TRUE, and HONEST. Kevin smirked. He'd be surprised if any of those adjectives were actually TRUE. With the War on Terror erupting in the Middle East, oil prices had soared across Virginia and the rest of the American regions. Add to that the whole C-Quarter and W-Quarter debacle, and gas now cost somewhere around $6.00 a gallon. The PVCC siphoned their own meager supply from derelict stations and government fuel trucks, but the human civilians of CWCville once again had to bear the full burden of Chandler's monetary failures.

The Honey Badgers quickly evacuated the truck, leaving Will alone to find a safe hiding spot for it. As the vehicle pulled away, Zoey shouldered her AK and tapped the side of her walkie-talkie.

"Rosey team to Sonee team, we just disembarked and are proceeding on foot to Point Zero. You'd better have that distraction ready, Steve. Over."

"You doubting me, Zo? Just get over here. Out."

Zoey looked up at her team. "You heard him. Move up to that intersection and stay out of sight. Matt, you're on point. Let's go."

Seven blocks away, CWCville abandoned zone

"How's it look down there?" asked Julia, glancing across the roof at her squadmate as Miles continued scanning the ruins of Scrapland.

"Barren. Still nothing," muttered the Sweetbolt sniper. He winced as another piercing wail rang out across the quiet city skies. "Goddamn it, will you just fucking kill that thing already? They're not coming."

"Fine." Julia sighed and began reeling in the length of fishing line she'd been playing with. Twenty feet down, a live Sonee was tied to the end, dangling in midair by a single blue sneaker. The two Jerkops had been swinging it around to see if they could make it scream and thus attract some of the little chu's feral brethren, but so far, the latter goal had eluded them. Now they were just stuck up here on their own with an unbelievably terrified Sonee, waiting for the other members of their squad to give them the all-clear.

"Bet they're finding all the nests down there," she lamented. "Goddamn Yuri. Next time, he's babysitting you, understand? You're just…boring."

"Am not," Miles responded under his breath. He was too busy watching for chus to care whether Julia was entertained or not. She'd just complain and complain until the rest of the Sweetbolts showed up, just like she always did. Julia knew it annoyed him to no end, especially since he was always demanding that everyone else be quiet in the Hogwash barracks.

"Come on, you gonna watch me off him?" The woman heaved the shuddering feral up over the edge of the roof and began rolling it back and forth in the gravel. Its throat was raw from screaming so much, and it could only manage a few wheezy sobs of anxiety.

Miles shook his head. "Nah."

Julia scowled. "Bah. You're no fun anyway. Fine, your loss." She picked up the Sonee and took a few steps back, calculating her throw. "Hey, I think I can put it through that window down there!"

WHUMP! CRUNCH!

The Jerkop felt a sudden breeze whip her hair forward. Clutching the feral tightly in her hand, she spun around to see what had happened.

Miles' head smacked her in the breast with a sticky wet thud, leaving a dark smear of blood across her shirt and jacket. Before the Jerkop could scream, a gloved hand had her by the throat. The white thing lifted her bodily off the ground in a single heave. Trapped and suffocating, Julia flailed helplessly in the air as her captive Sonee screeched and bawled and writhed to escape her crushing grip.

Shick!

Julia felt a fiery whip lash across her belly as something curved and metallic slit her open like a fish being gutted. She only felt a brief, sickening sensation as her intestines slithered out and hung - loose and dripping - from the point of incision.

There was only pain in her world now…pain and darkness and bitter cold. Julia died with a single hysterical giggle, her eyes rolling back in their sockets of their own accord. Her fingers went limp, and the wriggling Sonee instantly dropped from her hand. It smacked the edge of the roof once and bounced out into empty space, shrieking in hopeless terror.

"SONEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeee…"

"Heretic," hissed the angel, and released her grip on the Jerkop's neck. She licked her sickle as the lifeless body fell into oblivion, running her tongue up the blessed silver blade to taste the bitter blood smeared across its surface. "Magi-Chan, I've found them. Warn the mayor and dispatch more ground units to the abandoned zone."

"Already on their way," replied the floating purple head in her peripheral vision.

Down in the street below, the falling Sonee smashed against the pavement and burst apart like a melon, splattering the sidewalk and half of a nearby trash can with a mess of blood and viscera. Only two blue sneakers remained, surrounded by a chunky red stain on the concrete and a few scraps of yellow, brown, and peach fuzz.

Seconds later, Julia's body joined it.

CWCville abandoned zone, near the EHPF blockade

Kevin never would have guessed just how much Chandler had increased his security around the abandoned zone over the past two weeks. Just three nights earlier, he'd been out with Steve, Amanda, Matt, and Sugar on an extermination run through these very same roads, and they'd only had to avoid three EHPF patrols in total. Now the loyalists had set up an intimidating welcome wagon for any Jerkops who happened to stray near the intersection – a full street blockade with police cruisers, barricades, barbed wire, and what looked like three or four mercenary soldiers.

Kevin had to admit it – whoever was pulling the strings of Chandler's private army definitely knew what they were doing. He hoped Steve and Zoey knew what they were doing, too.

Beside him, Nick was kneeling by the shattered window of their drugstore shelter, observing the chus through a monocular. For the last five minutes, the mercenary and Zoey had been relaying enemy troop positions to Steve's squad, in order to maximize the effective range of Amanda's "distraction." With so many searchlights sweeping the area, this was proving to be a rather perilous task.

To top it off, they hadn't so much as glimpsed a single feral on their way over to Point Zero.

"This is bullshit," Matt growled, ducking his head away as another blinding beam flashed through the window. "Hell, why don't we just go down into the sewers and catch a few? There's five of us in each squad…they won't be able to jump us if we stay together."

"That's exactly what we're doing," replied Zoey. "They blew up the main canal entrance, so that's why we've got to go this way to get into the sewers now. Jexis, you still want to be in charge of the bait?"

The medic nodded and hummed a few bars of "" to herself.

"Good. I think Steve's had more than enough time to get Amanda prepped." Zoey tapped her radio. "Rosey lead to Sonee lead, come back, over."

"Go ahead, Zo. You guys ready to run? Over."

"Affirmative. Light 'em up."

"My pleasure. Amanda?"

BOOM!

Kevin stumbled back a few inches, startled by the earsplitting bang and the massive plume of orange and yellow fire that erupted from the foremost EHPF cruiser. The few remaining pieces of glass in the window frame shattered instantly, raining down on Nick as he cursed and leapt away from the falling shards. Through the oily black smoke, Kevin could see a pair of Sonichus on fire, writhing on the ground as their fur and headspikes ignited.

Before the loyalists could recover from the initial shock, Serge's RPD opened up with a clattering roar like a rusty chainsaw, perforating the other vehicles and another EHPF officer with heavy machine gun rounds. The stricken chu spun and fell with a cry of pain, leaving a thick splash of blood across the front of the adjacent cruiser. The enemy mercs, on the other hand, had already taken cover behind the concrete barricades and were now proceeding to lay down a withering barrage of SMG rounds at their attackers. Kevin saw one soldier lean out and toss something across the intersection into the building Serge was firing from.

"That's it! RUN!" yelled Zoey, and vaulted through the window. Jexis and Nick followed simultaneously, then Kevin, then Matt.

BANG! The front of the pet shop went up in flames as the fragmentation grenade exploded inside. Kevin couldn't tell whether anyone had been caught in the blast, but right now Steve and his squad were the least of his worries. It looked as if Zoey was leading them right into the most dangerous part of the intersection. The fires from the destroyed cruiser and the thunderous sounds of gunfire were concealing them for now, but if they caught the attention of the other loyalists…

Up ahead, Zoey slid to a halt near a manhole in the middle of the road and wrenched off the heavy cover with Nick's help. Tossing the metal circle away, she dropped her AK inside and slid down into the darkness. Nick quickly ushered Jexis down after their squad leader and stood up, raising his rifle to his shoulder.

"Get in there!" he yelled to Kevin.

"What are you…"

"Making our job easier," snarled the sniper. "Now get down there, chico."

Wasting no time, Kevin hurried to the open manhole and lowered his feet and legs into the blackness. There was no ladder here - only a black synthetic climbing rope that one of the other squads had attached a week earlier. He grabbed it and slid down instinctively, taking a deep breath before the dank smell of raw sewage reached his nose.

Thump!

Kevin's feet slipped out from under him as he hit the slimy concrete floor and collapsed instantly. Pain shot through his side, but in seconds it had quickly faded to a dull ache. He pulled himself back to his feet and staggered away just as Matt dropped down from the rope. Above them, two hollow rifle shots rang out across the street.

"Where's Nick?" Zoey yelled. Kevin couldn't see her or Jexis – no one had turned on their flashlights yet.

"Still up top," gasped Matt. "I think he's trying to…"

Clang!

A dark shape covered the manhole opening above. Nick hurriedly rappelled into the sewer and slid the heavy cover back in place before descending the rest of the way down to his fellow squadmates. Kevin heard the Jerkop curse as he slipped and fell. This area of the sewer seemed to be much more moist than the other entryways had been during the Honey Badgers' previous excursions into the abandoned zone.

"We all here?" asked Zoey. She sounded out of breath. "Let's do a head count. Zoey here."

"Jexis here."

"Matt here."

"Kevin here."

"Nick here. Think I just smashed my hip open, but I'm still here."

"Okay, that's everyone. Lights on."

Click. Click. Click. Click. Click.

"GOO-GOOOOOOOOOO!"

"NEEEEEEEEE!"

"SEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Kevin nearly fell over again as he jerked away in surprise. Illuminated by the flashlight beams, nearly three dozen feral Sonees and Roseys scattered like cockroaches, scampering away into the safety of the drainpipes. In less than five seconds, the small pack of baby chus had vanished into the bowels of CWCville's sewers.

A few more moments of stunned silence passed before Matt accurately summed up everyone's reaction.

"The fuck was that?"

"We must have dropped in on them," said Jexis. She picked up a filthy pink bow from the ground and examined it carefully. "They're getting jumpy now. Good thing there's five of us – I think they would've attacked Zoey if I hadn't been right behind her."

"So we…we just dropped out of the fire and landed in the frying pan, is that right?"

"Pretty much," Nick replied, and slid his rifle back into its strap as Zoey opened her mouth to chastise him. "Relax, chica - they didn't even see me. I know I took one out for good, but his buddy's probably gonna live."

"Your funeral," grunted the Jerkop, and gestured to the rest of Rosey squad. "Okay, everyone listen. We're not splitting up this time. No shortcuts, no wandering off, and no leaving anyone behind. I'm not losing anyone on a damn feral kidnapping mission."

"Amen," muttered Matt.

"Right. We'll start drawing 'em out into the middle of the sewer. Matt, Nick, you two take Kevin and start setting up a blind in that tunnel. Jexis, go with them and find a place to set the bait. I'll scope out the best points of entry around there. I want everyone to keep an eye on everyone else, understand? Stay in sight."

Kevin nodded in approval. After seeing what happened to Jake, he had absolutely no objections to Zoey's plan or any of her precautions. The Jerkops set off on their separate tasks – the men to the blind construction, Zoey to observation, and Jexis to bait. Kevin and Matt followed Nick and watched as the former soldier perused the sides and ceiling of the tunnel.

"What are we looking for?" he asked.

"Just a spot with no overhead exposure," explained Nick. "They tend to travel using the pipes in the walls and ceiling. We don't have to worry about smell – Jexis has that covered. They're just really sensitive to sound and light. I used to hunt javelina down in Baja; this stuff's child's play compared to them." He stepped forward a few feet and nodded. "Here. Okay, gather up rocks, bricks, scrap metal, trash, anything we can hide behind. Matt, give me that tarp."

Kevin hurried over to the nearest pile of debris and began excavating large chunks of concrete and twisted pieces of steel as fast as he could. In a few minutes, the three of them had managed to erect a makeshift semicircular wall large enough to hold five occupants. Once it was high and sturdy enough, Nick spread the camouflaged tarp over the top and tied down the ends to heavy rocks, securing it in place. Drawing his knife, he began cutting a few observation slits into the side.

A few yards away, Jexis had shrugged off her backpack and was now scattering handfuls of candy in brightly colored wrappers around the tunnel. For good measure, she piled the majority of it together in one spot and topped it off with a little Beanie Baby panda. The sweet fragrances of sugar and chocolate would mask the Jerkops' scent, and also worked well to attract their prey. Much like sharks, feral Sonees and Roseys had an incredible sense of smell, but even their heightened survival skills could be overridden with enough candy offerings.

"Whatever you do, don't eat these!" she called out to her squadmates. "We need them to smell these! Every one counts!"

Zoey returned from her survey just as Nick finished putting the final touches on their hunting blind.

"Looks good," she commented, nodding to the three builders. "Okay, I've blocked off a few of the smaller tunnel gaps, so if I'm right, we'll force them into a bottleneck at both ends of the tunnel. Odds are, there's gonna be a lot of 'em, but remember that we only need one. Jexis, you ready on that bait?"

Jexis dropped a last few mini-Snickers onto the pile. "All set here."

"Good. Everyone get behind the blind. They should smell that candy in a few…"

Zoey stopped abruptly. In the distance, Kevin could just barely make out a faint shuffling of feet and soft squeals. The horde was already on its way.

"Go!" Zoey sprinted toward the makeshift shelter and pushed Matt inside. Not wanting to get caught in the middle of a stampede, Kevin, Nick, and Jexis immediately hurried after them.

The inside of the blind was dark, cramped, uncomfortable, and smelled like sewage and body odor, but at least it concealed the five Jerkops well enough. Kevin worked his way over to the nearest view slit and peered outside, eager to see what would happen. It was difficult to tell what was going on without the benefit of his flashlight, but he could hear the little chus well enough. It sounded like there were close to fifty…maybe sixty of them, all converging on the immediate area. He took a slow, deep breath as the footsteps and cries drew closer and closer. With a crinkling and tearing of paper, the Sonees and Roseys began to snap up the first few wrapped candies on the ground.

"Ten feet. Quiet," whispered Jexis from beside him. Kevin nodded and held his breath. Happy cries of "YAY!" and "Goo-goo!" echoed through the tunnel as the swarm of feral chus streamed past their hiding spot, closing in on the candy pile with glee. They were ignoring the blind, fortunately for everyone inside. If the Jerkops were spotted, it wouldn't matter if there were five or fifteen of them – the ferals would simply bury them all in a shrieking tidal wave of teeth and fuzz.

Judging by the increased volume of their joyful cries, it sounded as if the ferals had reached the candy pile. Unbeknownst to them, the standard PVCC trapping process was anything but random in terms of bait selection. Tough, chewy candies like Tootsie Rolls and Laffy Taffy reigned supreme, followed by Jolly Ranchers, lollipops, saltwater taffy, caramels, mini-Snickers, and anything sticky or dense enough to impair the undeveloped-yet-sharp teeth of Sonees and Roseys. Soon the chus would hardly be able to open their mouths, and that would give the Honey Badgers the opportunity they had been waiting for.

The juicy sounds of smacking and chewing filled the cramped tunnel as the swarm dug in with gusto, stuffing their little mouths to the brim with the delicious sugary bait. It was like catnip to them – a substance they craved, but couldn't scavenge much of in the sewers and the abandoned zone. Most of them had never tasted anything but human meat and puddles of CWC Cola in their lives. To them, this was a miracle, sent straight to them through divine intervention from their ursine god and the goodwill of the grandfather they'd never met. Somehow, these two ideas had been ingrained in their minds since before they hatched – all effects of the genetic engineering that Chandler had…

"That's it! GET 'EM!" yelled Zoey, and tore the tarp away from the blind. Matt leapt up and flicked his light on, vaulting over the makeshift barricade with a small burlap sack clutched in his hand. Before the ferals could react, the Jerkop snatched up a Sonee and a Rosey and stuffed them both inside, then yanked the string on top to seal the bag.

"WOSEEEEEEEEEEEY!" shrieked the nearest Rosey as she watched her friends vanish into the brown bag. "SEEE! SEEEEE!"

The horde turned away from their feast for a moment, then resumed devouring the sweets. One Sonee sat on top of the diminishing heap, hugging the stuffed panda tightly with one armstub and stuffing loads of Jolly Ranchers into his mouth with the other. Beneath him, a pair of Roseys were stretching out a Laffy Taffy between them. They'd almost pulled it a good five feet long when a Sonee waddled forward and bit the middle right out of it. The two ferals fell over backwards with squeaks of surprise, flailing on the ground as they tried to right themselves.

Matt slowly backed away and slung the writhing bag over his shoulder, ignoring the muffled cries from within. Unbelievably, most of the ferals didn't even seem to mind that he was there. The candy was simply too irresistible an offering to pass up.

"Did those two eat any of it?" yelled Jexis over the cacophony of squeals and chewing.

Matt shook his head. "I don't think so! Why?"

"Later!" Zoey pointed to the far end of the tunnel. "Let's get out of here before they finish it all!"

Kevin grabbed Nick's hand and helped him to his feet, then took off after Matt and Jexis. Zoey stayed behind a few seconds to untie the tarp and bolted down the tunnel as fast as she could. Sonees and Roseys were still trickling in from the ends, but apart from a few wayward glances or cries of alarm, none of them attempted to attack the fleeing Jerkops.

Once they were a safe distance away from the horde's line of sight, Jexis slowed and stopped. One by one, the Honey Badgers assembled. The room they were standing in appeared to be a degraded sewer junction, with rusty pipes running every which way. It was probably one of the main transportation hubs for the feral population beneath CWCville. Regardless of intelligence or physical competence, they certainly knew their way around the sewers better than the PVCC ever would.

Matt upended the burlap sack as Kevin and Zoey arrived, roughly dumping the pair of captured chus out onto the hard concrete.

"WOSEY!"

"NEE! SONEE!"

As soon as they were free, the babies attempted to scurry for safety, but in their haste, the Sonee tripped and the Rosey waddled right into a low-hanging pipe. CLANG! She squealed in pain and fell over clutching her forehead, only for Jexis to pin her against the floor. Matt quickly grabbed the fallen Sonee and forced its mouth shut, preventing it from crying for help.

"Duct tape," the Jerkop grunted to Kevin, who immediately shrugged off his backpack and retrieved the requested item from inside. Working quickly, he tore off a long piece and passed it to Matt. In a matter of seconds, the Sonee was wrapped up like a Christmas present – gagged, bound, and unable to do anything but kick the air helplessly with its oversized sneakers. Matt set it down on its side so it couldn't stand back up, then moved over to help Jexis with her Rosey.

"Damn," breathed Zoey once both chus were safely taped up and secured. "That's what I call going above and beyond, Matt."

"Well, it just didn't seem right to just take one when they were both standing right there," replied Matt as he stuffed the writhing Sonee back into the bag. "Better safe than sorry, right? Anyway, we don't know whether Steve and the others had to pull back or not, so I thought we might as well have a backup chu." He pointed to the Rosey. "Nick, can you carry her?"

"I'll take it," offered Kevin before the sniper could speak.

"Good man." Matt passed him the chu and another bag. "Jexis, why'd you want to know if they ate the candy?"

The medic smiled and withdrew a flare from her backpack. "Because I added a few ingredients. See for yourself." She snapped the tube and heaved it down the tunnel, where it exploded into a shower of red sparks, illuminating the feeding frenzy.

Kevin squinted as he stuffed the taped-up Rosey into Matt's second bag and zipped it shut. There didn't seem to be much of a difference from what he'd witnessed a few minutes earlier. Beside him, Nick removed his rifle and detached the scope, then passed over his monocular for the younger Jerkop to use.

"Thanks." Kevin raised the lens to his eye and focused in on the flare. Around it, some of the little chus seemed to be having trouble breathing. Their eyes bulged from their sockets as they fought for air, clutching at their swollen throats with their armstubs. Others were wailing in pain, coughing up thick gobs of blood all over the candy pile and their comrades. One Sonee lay dead on the floor with a dark stain spreading out beneath it. A razor sharp X-Acto blade protruded from its jugular.

"Holy shit," he laughed. "What the hell did you put in those?"

"Oh, you know, rat poison, razors, ammonia, paint thinner, superglue, you name it." Jexis grinned and lowered her binoculars. "That's why you guys couldn't have any candy. Surprised?"

"Impressed," Zoey replied, placing her hands on her hips. "I think I got the better team after all."

"What? Don't tell me you doubted us," snorted Matt. He grinned and patted the bagged Sonee, who let out a muffled whine. "Okay, should we be getting back to the surface or what?"

Zoey nodded. "These radios won't work underground, and I don't think we ought to try going back up that same rope. We'll follow the sewer back toward where Steve said he was taking his squad. If we're lucky, we'll run into them down here. If not…we'll take the streets and wait for him to call us."

The Honey Badgers set off into the darkness once more, carrying their struggling cargo. Behind them, the few dozen Sonees and Roseys who had managed to figure out that the candy was poisoned quickly scattered and ran for their pipes, leaving their comrades behind to choke and shriek in pain as the toxins and blades laid waste to their innards. Here, a Sonee crumpled onto its side with a gurgling scream, a thick mass of foam bubbling from its mouth. There, two weakened Roseys tried to crawl away from the poisonous pile, but never managed to get more than two feet before each one finally succumbed to the deadly cocktail of sucrose and household cleaners stewing in their guts.

Over by the candy pile, a Sonee who had eaten vast quantities of Clorox-filled Fruit Gushers greedily shoved a piece of saltwater taffy into his mouth and chewed it, smacking his lips with satisfaction. Seconds later, he had collapsed to the ground, wheezing as huge puffs of green chlorine gas rushed out of his mouth, his nose, and every other orifice in his body, generated by the pure ammonia that Jexis had laced the taffy with. Another Sonee tried to escape the cloud, but was quickly overcome by the toxic vapors. Clutching at its throat, it shivered violently and fell dead in an instant. Further away, a Rosey frantically tried to force her jaws open to breathe, but the superglue she'd eaten had already set inside her and was hardening her esophagus with every passing second. As her bloodshot green eyes rolled back into her head, she gave a final desperate gasp, but only managed to force the straight razor in her belly all the way through her liver and into her intestines.

By the time the Jerkops had vanished into the depths of the sewer, the last faint agonized moans had stopped. Nothing remained of the once mighty swarm but a sea of nearly fifty corpses, a low-hanging cloud of deadly chlorine gas, and a single unharmed Beanie Baby panda.

Seven blocks away, CWCville abandoned zone

Angelica crouched upon an overlook, looking down at the denizens below.

She knew of their sins.

She knew GodJesus was angered by their presence, and she was not about to allow these heathens' existence to sink her holy city into Hell.

Armed with her blessed scythe, she was ready to cull the herd of the unholy, and deliver the city into the light that Christian had always wanted.

Fifteen minutes later, somewhere beneath the abandoned zone

"Seee! Seeeeeee!"

"Goo-goo! Neeeeee! Goo-gaa!"

"SHUT UP!" yelled Jexis, and delivered a fierce backhand to the Sonee inside Matt's bag. It screeched even louder, much to the annoyance of its captors.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

"Madre de Dios! BASTA!" Nick stuffed his fingers into his ears. "For God's sake, can we please just cut their tongues out?"

"Too dicey," snarled Zoey through clenched teeth. "Jexis, don't hit them anymore. We can't risk them suffocating from the duct tape and we…"

"Nee! WAAAAAAAAAH!"

"SHUT UP! We can't risk having them choke on their own blood." The Jerkop looked around in exasperation. "Son of a bitch. Why on earth did Chandler design them so they forget to breathe if something's stuffed in their mouths?"

Jexis spat in disgust. "You really think he was considering functionality when he made these abominations? I've dissected about a dozen of them so far, and I can say for a fact that the moron had no idea what he was doing. My guess is he just wanted to make the absolute cutesiest things in the world, but of course, he's got the creativity of a severely impaired box turtle."

"How do they even survive?" asked Kevin.

"Just because I'm the medic and I took biology in high school doesn't mean I can tell you how genetically-engineered life works!" Jexis replied loudly as the larvae began wailing once again. "Their body composition's really dense and compact, much more than it should be for something their size. They're mostly made of fat, but there's also a full nervous system, a few simple muscles, a huge digestive system – that's why they eat so damn much – and an enhanced respiratory system. It's all packed in there like an overstuffed suitcase. All that adipose tissue…"

"Goo-goo! GOO-GOO! GAA-GAA!"

"Fuck you too! Anyway, all the fat puts their circulatory system under a huge amount of pressure, which is why they get stressed so easily and need to keep breathing, or else they forget to and suffocate. Also explains how the little mutants can hold so much blood inside those fuzzy fatbags of theirs. Their lungs are also really big to compensate for the high blood pressure, and…"

"Why the hell are you telling us this?" yelled Matt.

"Because I'm going to go completely insane if I don't keep talking about something over this fucking sound!" Jexis nearly screamed in torment as the Rosey's crying somehow managed to reach a new pitch. "SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!"

Kevin plugged one of his own ears and gritted his teeth. At least Jexis, Zoey, and Nick all had both of their hands free to block out the noise. Forget Jim Carrey's famous screech in Dumb and Dumber, this was the most annoying sound in the world right here. It had been going on for a full fifteen minutes, ever since he and Matt had to rip off the duct tape gags to keep the little bastards alive and breathing. Now, he was beginning to wonder if it would have been a better idea to put the gags back on and just "forget" about the whole suffocation thing. Walsh would understand, and they'd be better prepared with earplugs and a soundproof cage if she sent them on another kidnapping mission.

As it stood, the Honey Badgers still had themselves a pair of live ferals. Until they found some way of silencing them, finished their mission, or outright killed the screaming chus, they were all stuck with this auditory torment for however long it took to get back home. And that third option was looking better and better with every passing second.

Kevin stepped over a low pipe after Jexis, taking care to jostle the Rosey on his back as much as possible. The creature started frantically beating against his shoulder with her armstubs, but this attempt at retaliation was next to useless. If anything, it felt like a gentle massage…and the Jerkop didn't mind this at all.

"Does anyone have any idea where we even are?" asked Matt.

"We took a left at the last junction…that would put us right somewhere under the north side of the abandoned zone." Zoey looked up, shining her flashlight across the tunnels until she spotted a blue rappel line hanging down from the ceiling all the way at the other end of the room. "There. Looks like another squad came through here before us."

"Steve's?"

The Jerkop shook her head. "Maybe. Probably not. We use grey ropes, remember? I think this one's from a Hogwash squad. What the fuck were they doing out here?"

"Does it matter?" Jexis asked dryly.

"Everything matters, Cadet," replied Zoey. "The rope's new. They must have rappelled down earlier tonight and gone hunting in those tunnels over there – the ones that lead to Scrapland. Otherwise, we would've seen feral corpses and footprints and…"

Jexis glanced around. "And?"

"No. Listen." A huge smile broke across Matt's face. "They finally stopped! YES!"

Kevin could have sworn he heard the "Hallelujah Chorus" playing somewhere off in the distance. Indeed, the two ferals had gone quiet. Now that he thought about it, they'd actually been quiet for a few minutes now. He just hadn't noticed. Nor had the rest of the Honey Badgers.

"Whatever you do, don't startle them," hissed Jexis. "They probably got all stressed out and tired after screaming so much and just crashed into slumber."

"Nope. Wrong." Matt opened his bag a mere crack and peered inside at the captive Sonee. "This one's still up and about. Kevin, check yours."

The Jerkop slung the bag off his shoulder and carefully peeled back the cloth. The Rosey glanced up at him as his flashlight beam shone across her green reptilian eyes, but she didn't cry or scream or even give him a "goo-goo." There was only silence from the prisoner. Silence…and a strangely baleful stare. Kevin hurriedly tied its burlap cell back together.

"Same here," he said confusedly. "Guess they just gave up or something."

"Let's hope." Jexis' eyes darted around the room, scanning each dark nook and cranny in turn for signs of movement. "I don't like this place. Let's just get up to the surface and find Steve."

"Agreed," replied Zoey. "Nick, you climb up first and make sure the area's secure. Jexis, you follow him up, then Matt, then Kevin. I'll go last."

"No argument here," said Nick with audible relief. "Just wait until I give you the all clear signal to…"

"Hg…gh…help…"

Zoey whirled toward the rasping voice and raised her AK-47. "PVCC! Identify yourself!" She gestured to Kevin and Matt. "Flank it. Go!"

The two Jerkops stepped forward hesitantly, drawing their guns at the same time. Kevin circled around to the right and held his pistol steady, making sure he stayed well behind Matt's line of fire. If Matt was as jumpy as he was at the moment, it was more than likely a few wayward shotgun blasts would end up being loosed off.

"Help!" The voice was louder now, and much more urgent. The speaker sounded as if he or she were injured, badly. Kevin sidestepped around a line of pipes and aimed his flashlight down to the end of the room.

There. Crumpled in a heap against a support column, a single human figure lay shuddering and weak, gasping for breath as the two men hurried over. Upon closer inspection, Kevin realized it was a young man he'd never seen before, clad in light body armor and a PVCC logo jacket with a lightning bolt and a heart engraved onto his Jerkop badge.

"Clear!" yelled Matt. "Looks like we found one of those Sweetbolts." He knelt beside the injured operative. "Jexis! We got a man hurt over here!"

"Hey." Kevin spoke softly. "Listen, we've got a medic coming to help you out. Can you tell us your name? Mine's Kevin, and this is Matt."

"Hi," coughed the Jerkop. Kevin noticed a spatter of blood on his pale lips. "Brad…"

"Okay, Brad, can you tell us what happened? Where's the rest of your squad?"

"Came down here to hide…" Brad shivered violently, and Kevin thought for a moment that he might have been going into shock. "Angel killed our spotters…we roped down to wait her out…they were all waiting for us when we landed."

"What?" Matt was interested now. "What did he say about an angel?"

"I think he's hallucinating. We need to get him back to HQ before he loses too much blood." Kevin slid over to let Jexis through. Her medical kit was out and open, and now was the time to let her do what she did best. "Brad, what was waiting for you? Ferals?"

The injured Jerkop nodded and groaned softly. "Hundreds…hundreds of 'em. She drove us right into them. Yuri and a…a few others climbed back up…they're probably dead too. I got…one of 'em chomped my foot and I lost my grip…took M-M-Mindy down with me. They…goddamn it…they ate her and left me…here…" Brad let out a choking sob as Jexis began pouring disinfectant into the bite marks on his chest. "They're gonna…they're gonna come back for me. You gotta get me up…back to the surface. Angel's prob-probably gone."

"Angel?" Jexis looked up. "What the hell's he talking about?"

"Can we make a stretcher or something to carry him?" asked Matt. "Or…wait. Brad, how does your back feel?"

"It's…fine…y-you can just lift me up."

"Okay. Kevin, you get his legs."

Brad stifled a groan of pain as Matt and Kevin hauled him up off the ground. Jexis had managed to stop most of the bleeding, but the Jerkop was still incredibly weak. He'd have to be tied to the rope and lifted up to the surface if they wanted to get him out of here in one piece. The ferals had savaged him terribly, but luckily for him, they'd been more interested in poor Mindy. All he'd sustained in terms of injury was a good collection of deep bites and severe bruising. It would be safe to send him up via rappel.

Zoey was waiting for them when they returned with their injured comrade, but Nick was nowhere in sight. Glancing up, Kevin noticed that the manhole cover had been prized loose.

"Holy shit. What happened?" asked Zoey as Kevin and Matt placed Brad down on the floor at her feet.

"Ferals got him," replied Matt. He reached for the end of the rappel line and gave it a few tugs, estimating its length. "Is Nick up there? I think we're gonna need to send someone else up to help lift this guy out of here."

"You go," insisted Kevin. "You're stronger than I am. I'll help Zoey tie him off."

"Good. See you up there." Matt grabbed the rope and began climbing as fast as he could. The bagged Sonee swung back and forth violently, but still didn't make a sound. Kevin was beginning to feel a bit uneasy with all this silence now. It was as if someone had simply switched on a mute button for both of the captive ferals. Not that he minded, but it just seemed…unusual.

"Okay!" Matt called down from the top of the rope. "Just give me a shout when you're ready for us to lift!"

"Will do!" Zoey shouted back. "Right, pass me that rope. Jexis, does he have a spine injury or anything?"

The medic shook her head. She seemed restless and upset. "No, he's fine. Can we just hurry up? I keep hearing noises in the walls."

"Take it easy, Cadet. Breathe." Zoey eased Brad's legs up and looped the rope once around his knees, once around his waist. "Kevin, lift up his shoulders."

"I'm serious. Guys?" Jexis started backing up until she was about two feet from the rappel line. "Zoey, can't I do anything to get us out of here faster?"

"Yeah." The Jerkop stood up and gave the rope a tug. "Just stop panicking. Matt! We're ready!"

"Okay!" a faint voice called from the distant manhole. "One! Two! THREE!"

With a mighty heave, Brad's body rose up off the ground as Nick and Matt pulled on the rope with all their might. Bit by bit, the injured Jerkop ascended toward the light, leaving the three Honey Badgers temporarily stranded down below. Kevin only hoped the two men up top could get Brad untied pretty quickly. He'd just about had enough of sewer crawling for one night.

"Come on, come on, come on," muttered Jexis, trembling impatiently as the airborne body neared the halfway point. "Come on, hurry up. Hurry up."

"Take it easy," repeated Zoey, though truthfully, she herself was beginning to feel a similar sense of dread creeping over her body. "It shouldn't take too long. Hey, if it'll make you feel better, you can go up next. Believe me, I want out of this place as much as you d-"

"Goo-goo."

Kevin whirled around. The noise hadn't come from the Rosey on his back. Before he knew it, his pistol was out and in his hand. Stepping forward, he directed his flashlight beam into the darkness.

Ten yards away, a single Sonee squirmed out of a hole in one of the larger pipes and dropped a few feet to the ground with a soft smack. It stood up, shook itself all over, then turned to face the Jerkop intruders.

"Goo-goo," it repeated. This time, the sound did not go unanswered.

"Goo-goo!"

"Goo-gaa!"

"Wosey!"

"Seeeeee!

"Gaa-gaa!"

"Nee!"

"Oh…my…God…" gasped Zoey as the thunderous clatter of dozens upon dozens of tiny footsteps filled the pipes around them.

With a collective "YAY!", a vast swarm of chu larvae poured out of the pipes like an army of pink and yellow termites – the Sonees and skirtless Roseys dropping down from the lowest holes and the skirted Roseys parachuting from the higher exits. One of the largest pipes groaned and burst in a spray of rust, unleashing a flood of ferals from its innards. At the sight of the Jerkops and a prospective meal, the hungry chus cried out in joy and began waddling right towards them, blocking off both exits in a sea of furry little bodies.

Kevin felt his insides turn to water as the horde closed in around them. There must have been hundreds…maybe even a thousand. And more were arriving with every passing second. He, Zoey, and Jexis were cows in a piranha-filled river, and now there was blood in the water.

"What do we do?" yelled Jexis as she reached for the MP5 on her back. "Zoey! ZOEY!"

Zoey leveled her AK-47 at the thickest concentration of chus and squeezed the trigger. "FIRE! OPEN FIRE!"

The Kalashnikov barked and spat like a rabid dog, sowing bloody death left and right among the oncoming swarm. Jexis and Kevin immediately started firing at every feral they could see, laying down a suppressive field of submachine gun rounds and 9mm bullets.

And still, the horde advanced.

In a matter of seconds, the Jerkops had cut down fifteen larvae. A Rosey's severed armstub sailed backward into the crowd, trailing blood and ragged veins like crepe streamers. Two Sonees flew apart beneath a barrage of fire from Zoey's AK, their chubby bodies exploding into showers of bone and gore. Further back, one of Kevin's bullets caught a Sonee in the throat and tore its jugular wide open, drenching the surrounding chus with a hot spray of blood. Jexis dropped to one knee and emptied her magazine in a wide arc, dropping half a dozen Sonees and Roseys in their tracks. One of the stricken Roseys had her leg shot away and collapsed with a scream of pain. She was immediately trampled into the ground by her comrades.

BANG! Kevin blasted a Sonee through the eye and unloaded the rest of his rounds into a small pack of chus. Ejecting the empty clip, he slammed another one into his pistol and began picking off ferals one by one with headshots. Every shot struck home. At this range and with so many of them, they weren't at all hard to hit. It also helped that their misshapen heads were nearly fifty percent larger than their bodies. Gritting his teeth, the Jerkop fired again and again, no longer concerned with escape. They had no rope, and with so many Sonees and Roseys advancing on them, it would only be a matter of seconds - a minute at most - before they were overrun.

Beside him, Jexis and Zoey had formed a triangle with Kevin inside the circle of light projected by the manhole. The teenager was firing in short, controlled bursts, suppressing any groups of ferals who tried to charge forward. Zoey, on the other hand, was shooting directly from the hip, spraying bullets every which way she could. There was no telling just how many the three of them had killed so far, but Kevin was willing to estimate that the number was around forty or fifty at the moment.

Fwump! Fwump!

"SEEEEEEEEEE!"

"WOSEY!"

Kevin whirled around, just in time to see two Roseys parachuting down from a high pipe, straight toward the back of Jexis's unprotected neck.

"JEXIS!"

BANG! BANG! Two heavy bullets zipped down from above and punched a pair of gaping holes straight through the airborne ferals. Jexis sidestepped the corpses as they fell, then quickly kicked them away into the mob's path.

"Thanks!" she yelled to Kevin, and blasted another Rosey to pieces with a barrage of SMG fire.

"Wasn't me!" Kevin shouted back as the coiled rope unraveled and struck the ground beside him. Up on the street, Nick lay prone with his rifle aimed down into the manhole, and was now taking out targets in the crowd with deadly accuracy.

"GO! GO!" Zoey frantically pushed Jexis towards the rope and kicked away a Sonee that was gnawing on her boot. "JERKOPS, WE ARE LEAVING!"

Kevin shoved his pistol into the waist of his jeans and dashed for the rappel line. Gripping the rope with numb fingers, he clenched his knees together and hauled himself off the ground. Zoey was right behind him, screaming savage battle cries and whacking Sonees and Roseys with her rifle stock as the feral swarm closed in around her.

"WOSEY!"

Kevin felt the chu land on his shoulder and immediately whipped his head to the side, knocking it off. The Rosey plummeted a foot and then parachuted the rest of the way to the ground.

"Zoey, COME ON!" he yelled.

Zoey stowed her AK-47, took a step backwards, and grabbed the rope, winding it tightly around one hand. With her other, she drew the pistol holstered on her belt and tucked it under her arm. Moments after her feet lifted off the ground, the ferals clashed together like a tidal wave from all directions, enveloping the floor in a moving carpet of garish pink and yellow fuzz. A few tried to grab the rope and shimmy up after their escaping dinner, but even with the benefit of natural static cling, their armstubs simply couldn't take their weight for such a distance. The unfortunate babies managed to get maybe two feet tops, then simply gave up entirely and dropped back on top of their comrades.

Below him, Kevin could hear Zoey laughing in hysterical relief as she climbed the rappel line. He would have liked to join in, but his heart currently felt like it was going at about a million beats per minute. Hand over hand, he followed Jexis up towards the circle of light.

"W-W-WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

The Rosey on his back snuffled a few times and began crying once again, but this time, Kevin didn't care in the slightest.

"So that's what you two fuckballs were up to," he murmured to the bagged chu as its bawling grew louder. "Thought you'd call all your little friends to eat us up, didn't you? Well I've got news for you, heartsweet, Honey Badgers don't gi…"

"Seeee! Seeeeeeeeeeee!"

Kevin glanced down to make sure Zoey wasn't watching and gave the bag a few hard slaps, right across where he knew the occupant's fuzzy face would be. He made sure not to damage the Rosey too much…just enough so its tiny brain might make a connection between loud noises and pain. Unfortunately, these were Christian Weston Chandler's creations, and thus, learning from experience wasn't exactly their strong point.

"WAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

The Jerkop smiled. It was worth it. Above him, Jexis pulled herself up and out of the manhole, flopping over onto the street like a landed fish. Kevin climbed the last few feet to the surface and grabbed Nick's offered hand, then dumped his squirming captive down on the asphalt once he was safely out of the sewer.

"Is she all right?" asked Matt, pointing to the burlap bag.

Kevin stared back in disbelief. "Is SHE all right?"

"Just kidding." Matt pulled his friend in for a shaky hug. "What happened? Anyone hurt?"

"Ferals swarmed us," coughed Kevin. "Brought a whole damn army. The crying drew them in. They must have been watching us for a while…I think Brad was some sort of bait."

Matt looked puzzled. "They can do that?"

"Yeah. Remember, that's how they got Jake."

"All right, fun's over. Let's never do that again," growled Zoey as she dusted herself off and picked up her AK-47. "Everyone sound off."

One by one, the Honey Badgers called out their names. Matt and Kevin made sure to include their two prisoners and Brad in the roll call as well. The wounded Sweetbolt had finally succumbed to the heavy dose of Valium that Jexis had given him, and now lay sleeping on the ground beside the open manhole.

"Okay." The squad leader smiled and tapped her walkie-talkie. "I'd say it's time to get the hell out of here. Sonee squad, this is Rosey squad, come back. Over."

Several seconds of static passed before Zoey tried again.

"Sonee squad, Rosey squad, come back. I repeat, Sonee squad, this is Rosey squad, come back. Steve, we're out of the sewers and we've captured two live ferals. Over."

There was no response. Kevin clenched his fingers into fists and sat down, gritting his teeth in frustration. It didn't seem fair at all. They'd almost died trying to get out of that sewer, and now Steve wasn't even answering. A dozen different scenarios of Sonee squad's fate flashed through his mind. Maybe they'd been trapped down in the sewers as well. Maybe their radios weren't working. Maybe they were in a firefight. Or maybe they were just all dead. That last option was looking more and more likely with every passing second.

Zoey sighed in irritation and clicked her transmitter again. "Sonee squad, Rosey squad, come back…please come back. Steve, if you can hear this, we're…"

"GET OFF THE STREETS! GET OUT OF THE STREETS!"

Kevin leapt to his feet and drew his pistol as the Jerkops around him scrambled to do the same. It took him a few seconds to locate the speaker, but finally he noticed a man waving to them from the ground floor window of a dilapidated apartment building. He nudged Zoey and pointed.

"PVCC! Identify yourself!" she yelled, taking aim at the stranger with her assault rifle.

"PVCC, Sweetbolt squad, based in Hogwash! For God's sake, get your team off the street before she sees you!"

"We've got one of your men here!" shouted Zoey. "Brad, right? You know him?"

"Yeah, I know him! He's still alive? Get him in here as fast as you can! Come on!" The Jerkop beckoned to them. "Please! We can't let her know we're here!"

Zoey glanced back at Nick and Matt. "You two, carry him. Kevin, Jexis, cover the rear. Let's move!"

The Honey Badgers hurriedly collected their belongings and replaced the manhole cover, then made their way up the street toward the apartment. Matt and Nick held Brad by the shoulders and legs, bearing the sleeping man at the center of their miniature convoy.

"Oh, God, it's good to see you, whoever you are!" exclaimed the Sweetbolt as the five Jerkops neared the front of the building. "I got separated from the rest of my unit when we got attacked further up the block…I ran back and I've been working my way from building to building ever since she…"

"Hold on, hold on." Zoey raised a hand and stared directly at the man. "Shut up for a minute. First off, I'm Zoey. We're part of the Honey Badgers, based in Slumberland. Now tell us your name."

"Yuri…It's Yuri," replied the Jerkop. "You guys are from Slumberland? Really? What are you doing over…"

"Not important," snapped Zoey. "Second of all, what the hell are you talking about when you say 'her?'"

"The fuckin' Angel of Death, lady," Yuri growled fearfully and scratched his frizzy hair as he glanced at the sky. "Took out three of my squadmates…and maybe the rest, unless they made it off the street. Come on, get in here! Quick!" He disappeared from the window, and seconds later, Kevin heard a click as Yuri unlocked the apartment's front door. "Hurry! She's been circling the whole abandoned zone for the last two hours!"

Kevin looked at Jexis and mouthed What the hell is he talking about?

No idea, replied the medic silently.

Zoey nodded and turned to Matt and Nick. "Okay, get him inside."

The two Jerkops hoisted Brad's body up and carried him gingerly up the front steps and through the door. Yuri stepped aside to let them through, then beckoned to the rest of the squad.

"Right, let's go." Zoey shouldered her AK-47 and headed for the door. Jexis and Kevin followed eagerly. The ten-story building seemed to be a fair shelter in terms of size, and would make a good temporary base of operations for the operatives until they could get some backup, or else contact Steve's squad. What it lacked in structural integrity, it more than made up for in scale.

"After you," Kevin chuckled as they reached the top of the stairs, and gestured for Jexis to go through the door ahead of him.

"Oh, how chivalrous." The medic rolled her eyes, but stepped forward nonetheless. "Come on, Kevin. If you're done being such a gentleman, we've got a man wounded in he-"

WHUMP!

Something huge smashed into Kevin and grabbed him from the side, knocking the air right out of his lungs as if he'd been hit by a speeding train. Jexis's scream of terror sounded for a whole half a second, then was swallowed up by the wind rushing in his ears. Fighting to stay conscious, he could only gasp frantically for air as the large picture window of a nearby Gamestop grew larger and larger in his peripheral vision…

Crash! The window shattered instantly as the airborne Jerkop and his aggressor plowed right through the glass, scattering dusty Playstation 2s, Gamecubes, and empty game boxes all over the store. Winded, Kevin tried to shield his face from the flying glass shards, but received a painful cut across his left cheek all the same. The thing let him go as they both struck the nearest display stand and knocked it over. Kevin went flying in one direction while the winged creature flapped and struggled to free itself from the tangle of shelves and old copies of Ratchet and Clank, Metal Gear Solid, and Super Smash Bros. Melee. Only when he slammed into a huge rack full of Guitar Hero controllers did his flight finally come to a stop.

"Aggghhh…" groaned Kevin as the plastic guitars clattered down on top of him. Clutching at the floor, he crawled a few inches forward and immediately collapsed from the pain. Every single one of his bones felt as if it was on fire, and his field of vision was surrounded by encroaching black fog. Seemingly miles away, the sounds of the thrashing beast echoed endlessly across the darkened fields of his brain, hammering molten iron spikes straight down into his…

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEE…POP!

Blood rushed back into Kevin's face as his eardrums strained and popped, immediately releasing his mind from its muddled state. The pain in his ribs quickly slowed to a dull ache, and suddenly he could breathe again. The Jerkop had no idea what had just happened, but all he knew now was that whatever had snatched him up was still in the Gamestop with him, and unless this had all been some hugely contrived misunderstanding, it wanted him dead.

Kevin leapt to his feet and grabbed the nearest blunt object in sight – a light blue Guitar Hero controller. Readying it like a baseball bat, he took a few steps back towards the store entrance, keeping one eye on the collapsed pile of shelves and games where he knew the creature was buried.

Wait, what am I doing? he thought suddenly, tossing the useless piece of plastic away and unsheathing George's hunting knife. The pistol had been knocked clean out of his hands by the sudden impact, and now the best thing he had left to defend himself with was the first real weapon he'd ever been given. If I survive this, I'll make sure I get it back to you, old man.

The thing could fly…that at least was obvious. If he ran out into the streets, it would be on him like a hawk on a mouse. If he stayed, he wasn't sure how well he could defend himself against something as fast and powerful as this monster. That left only one option - go where it couldn't fly so easily.

The alleys.

Knife in hand, Kevin sprinted for the utility door just as something white and winged burst out of the pile and lunged at him with a ferocious shriek. He saw a glint of silver in the corner of his eye, but paid it no regard. He was almost there…almost there…

Wham!

Kevin smashed through the rusty door, nearly breaking it right off its hinges in his haste. Wasting no time, he whirled around and slammed it shut as a curved silver blade plunged right through the metal and stopped two inches from his face. Horrified, Kevin lunged backward and kicked out with both of his feet, smacking the door closed just as his pursuer tried to force it open on him. Another scream of anger and frustration rang out from the opposite side. With a hideous scraping noise, the silver blade retracted, leaving only a single thin slit right through the door.

Before the creature could ready another strike, Kevin was already up and running for the rear exit in the back of the storage room. There had to be an alley back here…somewhere. He found the door and quickly slipped through, just as the creature broke through the first door with a heavy crash.

His heart hammering against his ribs, the Jerkop stumbled backward and fell down the steps, landing on his side in a puddle of water. Something warm and sticky was dripping down his back. For a moment, he panicked, fearing that a big shard of glass had impaled him, but oddly enough, the pain wasn't there. Kevin stood up and turned, craning his neck to the right.

Oh. Well, that explains it.

The burlap sack on his shoulder was still there, but it had been squashed flat. A thick dark red stain was soaking out of it into his shirt. Chuckling to himself, Kevin shrugged off the bag and opened it up to see what had happened to the occupant.

What remained of the Rosey could best be described as the contents of a sloppy joe and a rotisserie chicken, if both had been put through a giant food processor. It had been crushed like an insect under a flyswatter, splattered all over the inside of the bag in a mess of shredded meat, organs, bone shards, and fatty tissue. Scraps of blood-soaked cloth lay here and there - the remnants of its skirt and bow. A single green eyeball rested in the middle of the disgusting slurry, staring sightlessly out at Kevin.

"Ugh." Kevin lowered the bag and coughed as the reek of death reached his nose. It was almost enough to make him forget that he was still being pursued by some murderous airborne hunter.

CRASH!

The Gamestop's back door burst open. Without thinking, Kevin heaved the bag with the dead feral at the creature and ran for his life. A gruesome splat sounded behind him, followed by a shriek of rage and disgust as the thing presumably took the entire mess of crushed Rosey parts straight to the face. If he hadn't been in mortal danger, Kevin probably would have collapsed from laughing so hard.

Up ahead, the alley ended at the street. Paying no regard to the minor possibility of oncoming traffic, the Jerkop hurled himself out of the tight passage and dashed out into the middle of the road. He needed to get away…as far away from this thing as he could…

The searchlight snapped on like a dramatic light from heaven in some biblical play. Kevin half-expected to hear God's deep, omniscient voice talking to him. Instead, he was greeted by the nasal, incessantly irritating and nauseatingly familiar sound of a Sonichu's voice, amplified through a police megaphone.

"EHPF! EHPF! DROP YOUR WEAPON AND GET YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR, JERKOP!"

Kevin didn't move. Instead, he merely raised his hand and clenched George's hunting knife between his middle and ring fingers. The squad of Sonichus might have been expecting a quick and clean surrender, but instead found themselves staring directly at the biggest, sharpest, and deadliest middle finger they'd ever seen in their lives.

"Fuck you and fuck Chandler!" yelled Kevin as he brandished the blade defiantly. Inside, his heart was pounding with fear, but he maintained an air of bravado nonetheless. If he was going to end up in a Feeding Day pile, he wasn't going without a fight.

"I SAID, DROP YOUR WEAPON, YOU F***ING JERK!" yelled the Sonichu. It made sure to automatically bleep out the curse – courtesy of another mental block that Chandler had implanted in the second generation of chus when he engineered them from the true and original Sonichu and Rosechu's DNA. "IF YOU DO NOT COMPLY, WE WILL BE FORCED TO USE OUR ZAPPIN'…UH…FORCE!"

The Jerkop laughed mockingly. "If you're trying to scare me, it's not working. Come over here and let's dance, Sparky!"

"I AM NOT A 'SPARKY!' I AM AN ORIGINAL ELECTRIC HEDGEHOG POKÉMON, CREATED BY THE LAWFUL AND HONEST MAYOR OF CWCVILLE, CHRISTIAN WESTON CH-"

"I'm sorry, what was that?" Kevin faked a yawn. "I can't hear you over the sound of how bored I am. You gonna arrest me, or do I have to go through a cavity search first? Heard you guys like doing those."

"WHAT ? I AM NOT A HOMO, YOU DIRTY SLANDEROUS TROLL!"

"Still in denial, huh? That's okay, it sometimes takes a few years for people to discover their true sexua-"

Kevin jumped back as a Thundershock arced across the street and impacted a full five feet from where he'd been standing. He was well out of range of the Sonichus' attacks, and there didn't seem to be any mercenaries with them, but they were still much, much faster than he was. He had to tread carefully now.

"Listen, why don't we just forget this little incident ever happened and I'll go volunteer at a Soup Hotel for the next three years or something?" he suggested, while scanning the surrounding buildings for any possible exits.

"UH, NO. NO, THE MAYOR HAS MADE IT VERY CLEAR THAT ALL JERKOPS ARE TO BE PUNISHED UPON THEIR ARREST."

"So what are you waiting for?" Kevin spread his arms out to the sides. "All I've got is a knife. You're Electric-types. You know what? Maybe you've got a point. Here, I'll put one hand behind my back and make it a fair fight. Jesus, how the hell do you pussies even arrest anyone, huh?"

WHUMP!

The Jerkop spun around as the winged creature landed on the street behind him. The EHPF officers reflexively backed away a couple of feet, but returned to their positions once they realized who had arrived. A few even smiled and chuckled knowingly. The sound of their laughter sent an icy shiver running straight down Kevin's back.

Standing before him was what would have been a completely white Rosechu, if it hadn't been for the splashes of drying Rosey blood that now covered her face and neck. Apart from a single silver cross on a chain around her neck, she was completely naked, unlike the common pink Rosechus who always wore dresses. What lady parts she had were obscured by a thick layer of white fur, and two feathery wings were furled up against her back, like an angel's wings. A silver sickle was clutched in her hand, covered with old bloodstains and scratches from the battles of years past.

The Angel of Death. The White Reaper.

Angelica Rosechu.

"Oh, God," Kevin gasped.

"God cannot hear you, heretic," hissed Angelica, and took a step towards her victim. "The Lo0rd has sent me to do His will, and I will not suffer your blasphemies." She raised her sickle. "Repent. Confess your sins and be saved. Refuse, and you will burn with the heathens and homosexuals for all eternity."

"You're no saint," Kevin snarled in utter, helpless hatred. "You were just sent by the Mayor to do the work of a false g-AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!"

"Pathetic." Angelica licked a drop of fresh blood from her sickle as the Jerkop reeled away, clutching at the gash in his cheek that she'd just reopened with a single cut. "Oh, you resist now, heretic, but in the end, you'll weep. They all weep when the light of the Lo0rd shines upon them. And as you have anointed me with the blood of innocents…"

"Innocent? Them?" Kevin let out a panicked laugh as he fought to hold his slashed face together. "They ate my friend, you fucking bitch. They eat all the bodies you throw down into the sewers. They're about as innocent as that fat blubbering retard you call a mayor."

"The Sonees and Roseys are all God's chosen children, just as I am His daughter," Angelica said loftily, ignoring Kevin's jab at Mayor Chandler. "They are but helpless little lambs in a world of lions. Lions like you and your heathen friends in the PVCC. But does the Bible not say that one day, the lion shall lay down with the lamb? In the end, you will rest with God's children, and perhaps in death, you will find atonement for the ones you have slain in life." The white Rosechu's eyes narrowed, and a cruel smile spread across her face. "But perhaps not. Perhaps you will atone for your sins by feeding the hungry…the weak…the innocent."

Kevin spun the knife in his hand. "Come get some, Mother Superior."

"Suffer the little children, and let them come to me," chanted the white Rosechu as she raised her sickle and began circling the Jerkop like a vulture circling its prey. "Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven."

Kevin gritted his teeth and readied the knife to strike. If Heaven was to be his fate, he would do his best to make sure Angelica Rosechu went the other way.

"Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses," Angelica continued, "as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver…"

"Wosey! Goo-goo!"

Both Kevin and his executioner turned in surprise to see a single pink blob appear out of an abandoned Indian restaurant near the EHPF blockade. The feral Rosey was all on its own, happy as a clam, smiling that insipid little harelip smile and cooing softly as it waddled its way toward the astonished Sonichus. It had most likely heard the racket from inside and wandered out to investigate.

"Goo-goo!" it exclaimed joyfully.

"Well well," said Angelica with affection. "So the lamb comes to pasture."

Kevin ignored her and directed his attention toward the Rosey. A few of the Sonichus were crowding around it, looking down in adoration as the tiny creature giggled and blushed. The feral seemed pleased to be receiving so much attention from its elders. Typical behavior…it was one of Chandler's creations, after all.

"Aww, you're a pwetty widdle Wosey," said one of the closest officers, and bent down to pick it up.

"Wosey!" cried the Rosey happily as two big gloved hands encircled her and lifted her up off the street. The Sonichu cradled her in his arms, rocking her back and forth about as clumsily as possible. It was more than obvious he'd never held a baby before…that was supposed to be a Rosechu's job. The feral didn't seem to mind though, as long as the big yellow things kept giving her love and attention.

"Awe you hungwy, widdle Wosey?" asked another Sonichu in an unbelievably annoying nasal twee voice. "Well, we just caught a big nasty Jerkop for you and your friends to munch on! Y'all can come and eat as much as you want!"

"YAY!" The Rosey clapped her armstubs together, excited by the promise of fresh meat.

"Hang on a sec, what's this?" The EHPF officer noticed something down near the Rosey's waist. Pulling down its skirt a few centimeters, he carefully spread the short peach-colored fur apart to reveal a ragged wound in its belly. "Awwww, what happened to you, sweetie? Did one of the big mean jerks give you a nasty boo-boo?"

"Looks pretty bad," commented another Sonichu in a more serious tone. "Take her skirt off. I want to see."

"You sound like a pedofork," a third chu chuckled.

Gently, the Sonichu holding the Rosey eased its skirt down, only to find that the grievous incision ran all the way to its crotch. A line of crude stitches crisscrossed the cut, as if someone had opened up the feral for some kind of hasty surgery and then sewed it back together.

"GodBear, will ya look at that…" The officer beside him leaned over to inspect the odd wound. "We need to get her to CWCville General. Come on, put her into the…"

A red light blinked on inside the Rosey, flashing straight through her belly fur. The little chu immediately started wailing, thrashing her armstubs and legs around in utter agony as an electronic beeping noise emanated from her guts.

"WAAAAAAHHHH! WOSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYY!"

Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Beep-beep!

"WHAT THE F-"

BOOM!

The Sonichu and two of his friends flew apart before the one holding the Rosey could finish his shout of terror, splattering all over the adjacent cruisers as the feral exploded in his arms like a fuzzy grenade. Kevin yelled and covered his face, but was knocked flat by the force of the blast. Burning scraps of bloody yellow fur and lumps of flesh rained down from above, covering himself, Angelica, and the shocked EHPF survivors with drops of blood and gory chunks of chu meat. A single smoldering pink bow drifted away on the gentle night breeze, mingling with the dark cloud of smoke that billowed from the remains of the three Sonichus.

"HOLY S***!" screamed another officer.

As Kevin staggered upright, he felt a gloved hand circle around the back of his neck and constrict, tightening into a death grip. Angelica had him. With a mighty heave, she hoisted the Jerkop off the ground.

"The Bear will judge you, heretic," she hissed in his ear, and swept the sickle up toward Kevin's neck. There was nothing he could do but close his eyes and wait for the sharp bite of cold silver.

"SURPRISE, BITCH!"

Shick!

Angelica shrieked in pain and dropped Kevin to the ground as three jagged steel blades erupted from her shoulder. Whirling around, she screamed a fierce battle cry and dealt the attacker a mighty blow with her jagged tailbolt, sending it flying backward a full three yards. The mystery woman crashed down onto the street and rolled over and over, the bloodied metal claws on her hand rasping as they scraped against the pavement.

It was only when he caught a flash of teal paint on the newcomer's face that Kevin realized who had just saved his life.

"KURI!"

"AMBUSH!" an EHPF officer screamed. "ZAP 'EM! ZAP 'EM ALL-"

BANG!

The Sonichu collapsed against his police cruiser, clutching at his neck where a shot from Steve's Colt Python had torn a ragged hole straight through it. Decapitating the dying chu with two ferocious swings from his kukri, the Jerkop spun and raised the revolver toward his next victim.

"SEND 'EM TO HELL!" he roared, and opened fire.

"COVER! COVER!" yelled one of the five remaining Sonichus, and dashed out of Steve's line of sight before the bullets could strike home. Clenching his teeth, he felt a massive bolt of energy building in his cheekspots, growing stronger and stronger with every second. The Jerkop might have just killed one of his teammates, but he wouldn't stand a chance against a fully-charged Thundershock.

Too late he heard the horrifying whoosh of approaching flames from the store display window behind him.

"Burn, you Sparky bastard!" screamed Allie as Trogdor the Burninator ejected a billowing stream of fire all over the cowering EHPF officer. Trapped between a wall of flames and a police cruiser, there was simply nowhere he could run. Even if the chu possessed the characteristic super speed of Sonic the Hedgehog himself, there was no possible way that the Jerkop could have missed.

"AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHH! NOOOOOOOOO!"

Drenched in burning fuel, the Sonichu could only shriek and writhe in agony as the fire blazed around him, igniting his fur and headspikes instantly. Allie could see his skin charring, peeling away to reveal blackening muscles beneath. The chu's misshapen, gelatinous fused eyeball shriveled and burst from the heat, leaking a milky fluid into the inferno. Finally, mercifully, it fell to its knees and died with a terrified, primordial squeal reminiscent of a Sonee's death cry.

Further down the street, two other officers were in the process of creeping around the blockade to get a better shot at Steve when Serge burst through the door of an adjacent pharmacy like a bulldozer made of muscle, rage, and ham sandwiches. Before they could even turn around, the huge Jerkop lashed out with a beefy fist, knocking the foremost Sonichu all the way past unconsciousness and straight into a concussion, followed by subsequent total brain death. It was a miracle its skull even stayed intact.

"How you shock-pig cowards like Serge now? Take Serge's guns, Serge use more gun!" bellowed the giant Russian man as he reached for the RPD on his back and swung the heavy machine gun in a ferocious arc straight into the second chu's head. The EHPF officer reeled backward, clutching its face and squealing in pain as blood poured out of the shattered black blob that had once been its nose. Before it could recover, Serge jammed the barrel of his RPD into the Sonichu's mouth like a battering ram, breaking most of its teeth with a horrific crunch.

Laughing, Serge leaned forward to inspect his victim. The Sonichu was weeping like a baby, pleading silently with its teary eyes and making horrific snuffling noises through the cold steel tube in its smashed mouth.

"You want Serge let you go?" he growled in mock surprise.

The blubbering chu nodded shakily, jerking its head up and down around the RPD barrel. "Pluhrze," it sobbed.

"Then…" Serge braced the machine gun's stock against his shoulder and squeezed its trigger. "CRY SOME MORE, SHOCK-PIG! CRY SOME MORE!"

The middle of the Sonichu's face disintegrated into a red mist as a hail of heavy bullets tore right through its skull and shredded its brain into mush. Serge roared with laughter, reached out, and slid the entire chu right down the barrel, letting it hang there like a grotesque trophy. All the while, he had been laying down a withering barrage of fire right towards the last two EHPF officers.

Kevin struggled to his feet and dashed for safety as Angelica took to the air and swooped down at Kuri, sickle in hand. With no time to pull herself back up, the teal-painted operative rolled aside seconds before the curved silver blade dinged against the street. Drawing her heavy butcher knife, Kuri stabbed out with a scream of anger, driving the thick blade straight through the Rosechu's calf.

"AAAGGGGHHH! YOU BLASPHEMOUS WHORE!" screeched Angelica, and delivered a heavy kick to Kuri's abdomen with her other foot. Wrenching the knife out of her leg, she flung it away and limped towards her prone, gasping opponent. The wound had crippled her temporarily, but the accelerated healing ability that every Chaotic Combo member had would have her back to full health within a couple of minutes.

Kuri, on the other hand, did not possess such a luxury. The wind had been completely knocked out of her and it looked as though Angelica's kick had bruised a few ribs. Her horned hairband skittered across the street and finally came to a halt at the edge of a gutter, but fortunately didn't fall in. The Jerkop lay crumpled on the asphalt, wheezing for breath as the Rosechu approached for the final blow.

BOOM!

Angelica dove away as a shot from Amanda's grenade launcher cratered the street beside her. A few of her pinion feathers smoldered, but she herself remained unharmed.

"My turn!" shouted the black woman as she snapped open the metal tube and popped another high-explosive round into the breech. "Fried chicken for everyone! EAT IT, MOTHERFUCKER!"

BOOM!

The grenade exploded right below Angelica's feet, just as she unfurled her wings and shot into the air to escape the blast. Amanda hurriedly reached for another explosive, but Kuri had already jumped back to her feet and was now firing her pistol up at the hovering Rosechu. One of the bullets clipped Angelica in the wing, but didn't seem to harm her at all. The wounds on her leg and shoulder had knitted back together and sealed shut, leaving no trace she'd ever been hurt there.

"YOU WILL BURN!" she roared from above. With her bloodstained white fur and a savage snarl across her face, she looked, ironically enough, like a winged demon straight out of hell. "YOU WILL ALL BURN!"

Kuri reached for the wooden hockey stick on her back and drew it out of its sheath silently. With her other hand, she raised the tekko-kagi in a "come hither" gesture, then smeared some of Angelica's blood across her teal-painted face. The dark liquid smoked, shone brightly for half a second, and evaporated. If the Rosechu had been expecting her blood to burn the Jerkop like holy water against demons, she was sadly mistaken.

Infuriated by Kuri's defiance, Angelica whirled her sickle back in forth in the air as if she were a farmer cutting wheat. Her wings beat down upon the flames below, fanning them out behind her into a hellish inferno. Unfazed, Kuri sidestepped over to the gutter and picked up her hairband, sliding the stone horns back onto her head.

"Now then," she growled.

Folding her wings, Angelica dove.

Raising her hockey stick, Kuri waited.

Kevin leaned out from behind the cruiser he was using for cover, just as Steve vaulted over the blockade and blasted a Sonichu twice in the mouth with his revolver. Dodging a flurry of bolts from the dying chu's comrade, he whirled down behind a concrete barrier to avoid a devastating Thundershock. This last EHPF officer wasn't going down without a fight.

But on the other hand, the Sonichu was extremely close to him, and better still, it hadn't spotted him yet. Now if only he had a better weapon…

Two yards away, the thick blood-spattered blade of Kuri's butcher knife gleamed in the light from the streetlamps. Praying that Steve was keeping the last Sonichu busy enough to ignore him, Kevin dashed away from the cruiser and shakily snatched up the weapon. The adrenaline rush from the chase was still wearing off. He only hoped it wouldn't impair what he was about to do.

Behind him, Kuri swung the hockey stick and dealt Angelica a heavy whack, right across the face. Unbeknownst to the Rosechu, Al had modified the business end of the stick so that not only was it sporting a steel-plated razor edge, but also possessed a sheet metal core. The shaft was simply wood, supported by a hollow steel rod inside so it wouldn't break easily under pressure.

So when this weapon came in contact with the airborne Angelica's head, the effect was not only immediate, but also unbelievably satisfying to watch.

CRACK! Angelica spun backwards through the air, blood trailing from a hideous gash on her cheek, her wings fluttering uselessly behind her as she plowed right through the barricade a few feet away from where Kevin was sneaking toward the last EHPF officer. Kuri took off after her with a fierce yell, wielding her bladed hockey stick like the Grim Reaper's scythe.

Before the Jerkop could deliver a much more fatal blow, Angelica was already back on her feet. Her face had been slashed wide open, and a flap of skin hung loose across her cheek, revealing her teeth through the cut. She met the charge with a flurry of furious sickle cuts, forcing Kuri to abandon another heavy swing in lieu of using her tekko-kagi to block the strikes. Steel claws clashed against the silver blade again and again, as both opponents sought an opening. Kuri might have been outmatched by Angelica's sheer strength and battle prowess, but she was lighter, faster, and much more advantaged in terms of planning her strikes.

Unfortunately, that wasn't nearly enough to protect her from the one slash that managed to get through.

"AAAAAGGGGHHH!"

Kuri collapsed screaming, clutching her lacerated arm as Angelica drew back her bloody sickle with a grin. The hockey stick clattered heavily to the street. Tears of pain ran down the wounded Jerkop's face, tracing thin streaks where they touched her teal body paint. The sickle had sliced her right arm right down to the bone, leaving it mutilated and limp. A thick bloodstain soaked into her sweater, turning its rainbow-colored gay pride band a uniform dark red. Holding her useless arm like a sleeping baby, Kuri sobbed in agony and struggled to push herself away with her feet.

"Enough!" screamed Angelica, advancing for the kill. "Victory is mine, whore! The Lo0rd has seen to that! Now repent if you wish…and GO TO HELL!"

Before the Rosechu could finish Kuri once and for all, Allie had stepped between the two combatants, seemingly out of nowhere. Trogdor the Burninator hissed ominously in her arms, and the look on her face was somehow, in that single moment, even more frightening to Angelica than the concept of having lesbian sex with Bubbles.

"No. Not Kuri," the Jerkop growled, and wrenched her flamethrower's trigger back all the way past EXTRA CRISPY and SCORCHED EARTH to the BURNINATE setting – meaning the fuel ejection valve was now one hundred percent open. "You go to hell."

FWOOSH!

The white Rosechu only had time to draw a single breath before the colossal fireball enveloped her, setting her feathers and fur alight all at once. Her headspikes blazed bright orange and yellow as they blackened and turned to ash…candlesticks in an inferno. Now she really did look more like a demon than an angel.

With a horrific shriek, Angelica unfurled her burning wings and shot away into the sky, leaving nothing behind but a few smoldering feathers and a thick cloud of ash and smoke. If the Jerkops had done as much damage to her as they believed they'd done, then the Angel of Death would still live, but she wouldn't be coming back anytime soon.

Taking advantage of this distraction, Kevin seized the opportunity and ran straight toward his Sonichu target. Clutching both Kuri's butcher knife and his own blade, he raised both and charged with a yell.

The EHPF officer moved like lightning, darting aside as Kevin hurtled past and slammed into the front door of the nearby police cruiser. Dazed, the Jerkop spun to avoid a retaliatory shock from the chu and leapt forward to drive his blades into its heart. Again, the Sonichu dashed away before he could land the blow, laughing its horrible nasal laugh as it watched him flail about unsuccessfully.

Again and again Kevin lunged, and again and again his target avoided his attacks. The chu was just toying with him, and worse, Steve or Serge couldn't risk shooting it now that one of their own had entered the fray. Kevin felt his already-overstrained muscles beginning to give out and crash into slumber with every unsuccessful strike. Floating in a stupor of shame and fatigue, his thoughts drifted back to that first training session in the Slumberland practice yard.

What am I supposed to do? I just can't hit the damn things!

And suddenly, it was as if Steve's head was floating in front of him, explaining exactly what he would need to do to win through the most utterly contrived methods and entire minutes of dialogue compressed into a single worthless piece of advice.

Well, in actuality, Steve's advice was quite a bit simpler than that.

Strike from where they can't hit you as easily.

Gritting his teeth, Kevin feigned a stab and simply gave up, panting hard for breath as the chu grinned in smug satisfaction. Its cheekspots sparked as a deadly charge built, ready to zap its opponent to the extreme…and into oblivion as well.

Which was exactly what the Jerkop had been waiting for.

Without a word, Kevin lashed out and sent George's knife spinning through the air toward the Sonichu's head. It reflexively twisted away, but not before the steel blade pierced its left cheekspot and buried itself a full two inches into the charged bioelectric organ.

ZZZZZZAAAAAPPPPPPPP!

"GAAAHHRGRGRGRHGRHGH!"

The EHPF officer's yell of pain was cut short by a shuddering scream as the entire force of the Thundershock traveled up through the hunting knife and rebounded back into its own face. Unlike the weak little Sonee that Kevin had tried this trick on in the sewers two weeks earlier, this fully grown Sonichu was packing a lot more than a few volts of electricity. The redirected and amplified attack vaporized it completely, leaving only a sparking radio, a belt, the knife, and a huge pile of black ash on the street. The latter was quickly blown away by the wind.

Kevin leaned down, picked up his knife, and slid it back into its sheath. At long last, the nightmare was over.

His legs turned to jelly, and the Jerkop collapsed without a sound.

Across the street, Allie and Amanda were helping Kuri to her feet, taking care not to move her injured arm too much. Serge merely grunted in satisfaction, tore the brained Sonichu off the barrel of his RPD, and tossed it aside almost as easily as a child would throw a doll.

"Busy night, huh?" Steve dropped down from the hood of the EHPF cruiser and sat cross-legged beside him. "That was nice work on that last one, especially for someone with no gun."

"Did…what I could…with what I had," panted the Jerkop, and passed him Kuri's knife.

"Thanks," said Steve. "Here. Rest a bit while I check up on Kuri and the others. You earned it." He dropped his iPod into Kevin's lap and accepted the offered blade. "That's for losing your EHPF-killer virginity tonight. Don't bother changing tracks. Hope you like Journey."

Kevin leaned back against the cruiser and touched the play button. In seconds, his ears were filled with the familiar tune of "Wheel in the Sky." He'd almost died more times than he could count, barely survived an encounter with a member of the Chaotic Combo, and crawled out of a sewer infested with thousands of hungry ferals, but now the only thing he truly felt was pride. Against all odds, he'd finally killed his first Sonichu…and what was more, he'd killed it with George's knife. Kevin was pretty sure there was a fitting metaphor for all of this buried somewhere in the back of his mind, but right now, he wasn't exactly in the mood for any sort of dramatic analysis. All he wanted was a nice warm bed, and ideally, a glass of scotch from Al's private reserve.

Steve rejoined him a few minutes later, accompanied by the rest of his battered squad.

"Looks like you're going to have to come along with us for now," he chuckled, and offered a hand. "Hey, Zoey didn't happen to catch any ferals, did she?"

Kevin grasped Steve's hand and heaved himself off the ground, then followed the Jerkops as they headed for an alley further up toward the end of the block. "Yeah, we captured one of each. I was carrying the Rosey, but it kind of got…lost. They've still got a live Sonee, though."

"Fuck. And we used up our Rosey for the Baby Boomer. Oh well. I'm sick of babysitting the little bastards anyway. Leary's gonna have to make do with what we give him. I think some well-deserved fame and glory might be in store for our little squad."

"Fame, glory, whatever." Allie wiped a layer of sweat and soot from her brow. "I just want a hot shower and a good night's sleep."

"I can guarantee you'll get at least one of those when we get back," replied Steve. "Kuri, how are you doing? You holding up all right?"

Kuri nodded shakily. Her arm was still oozing blood into the sleeve of her sweater, though definitely not as much as before. Kevin noticed that she'd turned extremely pale beneath the layer of teal paint.

"Hang in there, kid." Amanda patted her on the shoulder supportively. "We'll get you home and get that arm all stitched up. You're gonna be back to cookin' up those babies in no time."

"Goddamn, Kuri," Allie laughed, half in relief, half in admiration for what the Honey Badgers had just done. "You realize you just took on Angelica fucking Rosechu up close and personal? I think the word 'badass' might be appropriate here."

"You flamed the bitch. I lost," murmured Kuri weakly. She swayed back and forth as she walked, and Allie quickly moved to her side to steady her. "Thanks, by the way. Owe you one for burning her. Saved my life."

"Oh no. Don't you try and pull that on me," Allie insisted. "I saved your life, and you smashed the single most dangerous flying creature in this city…in the face…with a hockey stick. We're even, and if anything, I owe you."

"Well…my arm's dead. Could use help…washing paint off."

Allie scoffed. "Please. It would be my pleasure." She shot a glance over at Kevin, who was now wearing the same expression of surprise one would normally wear upon walking into a room and finding it filled from floor to ceiling with hundred-dollar bills. "Okay, I didn't mean it like that. I didn't mean it like that!"

Steve smiled. "Ah…innuendo."

Forty minutes later, Slumberland garage

"You absolute motherfucker," Matt whispered to Kevin as Zoey dutifully handed the Sonee prisoner to Alec Benson Leary and saluted. "Of all the things I had to miss…she seriously used that hockey stick?"

Kevin nodded and raised a finger to his lips. He'd never even seen Leary before, much less actually met him in person. The man was quite fat, but carried the weight well, unlike certain mayors. He wore a white lab coat over a dress shirt, slacks, and a tie, and seemed very knowledgeable in the intimate ways of science. Jexis had taken full advantage of Leary's presence and bombarded him with questions concerning chu biology. Steve and Zoey had just been happy to receive handshakes and praise.

"Thank you once again, Miss Francesca, Mr. Morrison," said Leary. Two of his aides stepped forward, bearing a portable dog carrier with old copies of the CWCville News Dash spread across the bottom. He casually shoved the screaming Sonee inside and waved the men away. "You may not realize it now, and it may seem like a simple task all things considered, but your efforts have put Project Asperchu years ahead in terms of progress. The capture of this larval Navitaricius shall mark the beginning of a new era for the PVCC…an era where man shall no longer live in fear of the chus' superior strength and speed."

"Also known as…this era," muttered Allie, and elbowed Kevin playfully. "How does it feel to be a Sonichu slayer, O mighty warrior of Slumberland?"

Kevin gently shoved her. "Ssshhh. I want to hear this."

"As such, Mary Lee Walsh and I have agreed that you and your squadmates all deserve commendations for your deeds." Leary paused and scratched his ear. "Unfortunately, our sincere gratitude is all that we can give at the moment. Perhaps, when the struggle is over, there will be ceremonies and medals. For now," he smiled at the assembled Honey Badgers, "I once again express my thanks for all you have done tonight."

"Jerkops!" Al addressed the squad loudly. "Attention!"

Kevin raised his hand to his brow in salute. Around him, his squadmates mirrored his action. Kuri was not present, since her arm was currently being treated and stitched up in the medical quarters.

"At ease!" The Legend quickly shook Leary's hand and beckoned to Steve as the PVCC administrator and his retinue turned and walked back toward their transport with the Sonee in tow. "Steve, I've spoken with Walsh. She's granted me clearance for two days off at the most. I'm going to need to go over new hunting routes with you and Zoey tomorrow and…"

"Excuse me, Al," Jexis spoke up suddenly. "Maybe it's just me, but after tonight, I've got this feeling like I'm just gonna break something unless we get to kill some more ferals soon. All that whining kind of…broke my soul."

"Yeah, same here," said Amanda. "Could use some more practice with my Baby Boomers, anyway."

"Give me a day to rest up and I'll be good." Nick patted his rifle and smiled.

"Serge take tiny shock-pig hunting days off, no problem," commented Serge.

"I'm in," said Matt.

"Same," added Kevin. "Allie?"

Allie grinned. "Trogdor's always hungry."

Steve and Zoey looked at each other, then to Al, then back to their Jerkops.

"Right. We'll let you know if something comes up," said Steve. "Dismissed."