Well, this time around I wanted try out a little bit longer and angstier story with actual connections to real life. Hmm, my inspiration was my dearest friend, who is my everything. I hope you do enjoy this one and feel that crushing feeling too so that in the end you can be set free. FEEL THIS. Hopefully you will share your thoughts about this one with me. I sound so depressing…haha.
Please do not flame (I do not find a reason for it so you better not either). I apologize for the possible misspellings and other errors.
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Pairing: Sasuke x Naruto
Summary: Pain, painkillers, loneliness and then that someone sat next to you. You did not want him there, but needed him to support you even if it hurt. Naruto, are you able trust Sasuke - trust that he will carry you no matter what? SasuNaru, M for SEX
Disclaimer: I have no rights over the characters or whatsoever (do not sue me Mr. Kishimoto), I am just loaning them and returning to the rightful owner (Mr. Kishimoto).
We both sleep on the floor, two mattresses lying there. He sleeps back against me and I do not dare to ask him why he did not want. I know he looks at me sometimes, I know since I am always aware of the situation around me. He does not make a fuss about it; he just rests his eyes on me. Maybe I am his safe haven? The next morning I wake up my hair messy and I do not see Sasuke anywhere. Where did he…? Then the smell of bacon and eggs fill my nostrils and I basically crawl from the mattress to the floor and then up.
I walk to the kitchen and see him making breakfast while only wearing his boxers. His hair is like a bird nest and his boxers hang loosely on his skinny waist. Sit, he says without looking at me and I yet again do as he tells me. The wooden chairs are a bit worn but comfy to sit on. I slide my finger on the table until I reach my fork. He empties what is in the pan on to our plates and then settles before me. I look at him in the eyes and for the first time I can see that his eyes are dark, almost pitch-black. You are staring again, he says but now a smile breaks on to his lips. After a silence of who knows how long he opens his mouth again. You wanted me to fuck you, he asks his voice revealing nothing.
I choke on to my orange juice and it runs from my nose to the table. Geez, he sighs and gets a towel. He wipes my nose and face and I feel like a little kid. I have a girlfriend, he sighs then and suddenly my chest feels heavy. I have never been with a girl or a boy, so even if he had said yes, I would have not known what to do. Still, I feel inferior and unwanted. Without noticing I start to scratch the skin on my arms harder and harder. He yanks my hands from me and says "no".
Oh my God, did he see that? I cannot help that my eyes fill with salty water which is about to leak down my cheeks. Do not, I like you, he whispers and now my face is all wet. I cannot do anything to stop this stream of tears, this stream of rain drops, but he just moves next to me and embraces me. His warm arms encircle me and keep me steadily where I am, so I would not fall into that pit of nothingness that lurks behind me. Does he see it too? It reaches its claws towards me, ready to swallow me like an insect.
His hands calm me down and his steady breathing relieves the distress like painkillers. I press my head against his shoulder and inhale Sasuke. Slowly my hands relax too and stop the scratching, yet the surface of my skin is broken and bleeding. He shushes and gets bandage to cover the ripped skin. Sasuke's chilly and edgy fingers slide on my skin and I cannot help the shivers. No one has ever touched me like this. I close my eyes and let him do his magic with the first aid kit. When I open my eyes, he sits towards me his eyes seeking something from mine.
Come, he says sternly and I take the hand he offers. We go sit on his bed and he takes out his guitar. The Tokai Les Paul guitar is as black as his eyes and his long fingers hold it like a secret lover. I sit next to him and watch as he closes his eyes and lets the music fill the room. Yet again I am mesmerized by his talented fingers which caress the neck of the instrument. I wish I could play something too. Sasuke's eyes flicker behind the closed eyelids and I can sense how the music runs through us like quicksilver on a hot day.
Sasuke's figure casts a shadow that dances on the walls as he makes love to the music. Why do I not have such passion, such love in me? Was I built wrong? I lay on my back again right next to him so that I can smell his fragrance. The odour is a mix of comfortableness, laid-back attitude and something I cannot put my finger on. How happy must his girlfriend be to have such a wonderful person beside her. Does Sasuke touch her like he touches his guitar, with love and tenderness? It seems I need that kind of petting too. I so hope someone reaches and holds me too.
Somehow I fall asleep on the bed listening to him playing. I wake up to a hand ruffling my hair and stroking me slightly. He does not say anything, but he does not have to - his eyes laugh the most amazing laughter, like stars twinkling in the perfect midnight sky. I smile hazily back and he says that it must be the first time I smile. I am a bit amazed myself too; I just felt so good lying there. He is about the stand up, but I prevent it by grabbing the hemline of his shirt. He looks at me a little puzzled, but I give him my sincerest look and he sighs with a smile. He puts his guitar away and crawls next to me. He embraces me tightly and I know that at this moment I am utterly safe. He brushes my back and presses his jaw to my forehead. I am so close to him that I can feel his heart beating steadily against my chest and his breathing blows like a wind through my hair. Hold me like this forever.
An hour or so later I wake up in his arms and I look up to his eyes which are lively, yet somewhat concerned. I will live, I whisper, but I am not so sure whether he believes me. I stay the night at his place and we watch movies until we head for bed. Again I watch his blanket rise and fall due to his breathing and I wish I could stop the time and stay in this moment. We walk to school together not changing many words, which are not even needed.
At school the girls ask whether we would like to attend to their get-together-party today at nine. Sasuke looks at me and says "yes" to them. You need a change in environment, he says and almost drags me into the class. I am not reluctant to go, I just do not know whether there is anything for me. I am quite sure the girls wanted Sasuke to go and I am just a freebie the process. I let the judgement be his anyway; maybe I do need something different.
At eight my chest aches so much that it is hard to breathe. I do not want to go, I am not ready. There will be too much crowd, too loud music and I do not fit. I sit in my college pants on my sofa and the whole atmosphere in the apartment suffocates me. Then the doorbell rings and that cuts through the silence like a knife. I go to the door and open it. I see Sasuke lean against my doorframe in tight black jeans and in a black hoodie. I knew you would get scared, he says and lets himself in. I stand in stupor and he just heads for my closet. Put these on, he says to me and I look at what he shoves in my hand. I sigh, but decide to do what he says. I put on the red hoodie and my black pants. Sasuke looks satisfied and he orders me to follow him.
We walk side by side to Ino's house and I have to wonder why he did not take his girlfriend with him. She studies overseas, Sasuke says even though I know I did not say anything out loud. He must have read my mind or something. He slides his hands into his pockets and whistles happily and his whole appearance lifts up my mood. Maybe everything will be alright. We arrive at Ino's house and I can see how the house is living its own life with the people in having fun. We walk in and everybody greets Sasuke and he greets everyone back and somehow I feel so lost. He sees that I am about to panic so he takes me by the hand and leads in to the main room. Drinks, he says and orders to wait where I stand. While he is off to get those drinks I look around and watch people; how they interact, how they blend in. I feel like I am floating in the air, invisible, and I listen to these people talk, but they cannot see me. Somehow it feels exciting and new. I am a ghost behind the door.
Comments? Thoughts?