A/N: So yeah, Prussia's blog is probably going to be in real time by the day (but not by hour, since I'm not going to stay up late just to post his nightly bar escapades). Expect chapters of this to be posted about maybe two times per week or so? I haven't quite figured that part out yet. *sweatdrops* I didn't quite expect to type up this chapter today, but, well, here it is. ^J^ The romance doesn't quite pick up in this chapter yet, but it's coming!

Disclaimer: I own neither Hetalia: Axis Powers, How I Met Your Mother, nor IKEA.

I know I'm being pranked, guys (called it!)

2016 February 15 (Monday)

I got invited to lunch with Roderich and Elizabeta and so I went because, you know, free food! (And I guess their company's not too bad, despite how much lamer Elizabeta is now that she's started wearing dresses. I mean, I like dresses as much as the next guy, but just . . . nein.)

But even though she's in a skirt, Elizabeta can still run very fast, as I found out when I suggested that she take off the ring already because I know they're just pranking me and aren't really getting married and suddenly out of nowhere she was all "What did you say?" and decided to chase me out of their apartment (the whole building, not just the room; good exercise, but totally unawesome). She was in the middle of cooking, so she had to turn off the fire because, you know, safety first and all that stuff. However, she was still holding the freaking FRYING PAN, and so that is the story of how I had to outrun a hunk of hot metal. And because the doctor gave me some lame eyepatch, I kept bumping into things on my way out. Stupid lack of depth perception.

Then for lunch all I got was the pity food that Roderich gave me through the fire escape because his girlfriend—as in definitely NOT fiancée, as in definitely NOT engaged—locked the door and wouldn't let me back in. Thanks a lot, Lizzy.

Seriously, though, just give it up already. We all know you're not ACTUALLY getting married . . . right?

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Elizabeta Hedervary: Suuure

Just like how YOU'RE totally not ACTUALLY going to pay for that vase you cracked on your way out. Thanks a lot, Gil.

Elizabeta Hedervary 2016-02-15

Berwald Oxenstierna: IKEA

If there is any other furniture you would like, IKEA would gladly be of service.

Berwald Oxenstierna 2016-02-15

Elizabeta Hedervary: See? HE gets it!

Thank you, Berwald. Take notes, Gilbert. I like this guy.

Elizabeta Hedervary 2016-02-15

Night 2: The Awesome Me REtruns. RETURNS, DAMMIT.

2016 February 15 (Monday)

"But we already went to the bar yesterday," whines he. "Also, don't you think it's a bad idea to be here when you can only see out of one eye?" asks he.

"Come on," I said, dragging him along, "Yesterday doesn't count!"

"Because you totally got punched in the eye?"

"Because we cut the night short!"

"To drive you to the hospital because you totally got punched in the eye. Seriously, Gilbert, I don't know about this . . ."

But I still convinced Alfred to go to the bar with me because I'm awesome like that. (And I guess it didn't hurt when I persuaded him that people go nuts when a man wears an eyepatch, especially when he has a matching hook hand.) However, I wasn't so successful with Gilbird, who ignored me and took a nap instead.

And so, with my awesome eyepatch on, I made Alfred scan the room for potential victims—I mean targets—I mean—Oh, you know what I mean—as I ordered our drinks from Carlos. While he's busy grabbing our beers, Alfred suddenly nudges me in the arm, points across the bar, and says in an awe-filled voice (so I know whoever he's pointing to HAS to be pretty hot), "Hey Gilbert, see that guy?"

I followed his finger to see a guy with glasses standing on the other side of the room quietly talking to someone else. One strand of hair flies away from the rest and hangs near his face, curling partway down so that it looks kind of like a spring. You could tell he wasn't really much of a loud person, and he didn't have much of a presence in the room. If Alfred hadn't been pointing to him, I'd probably have missed him entirely.

And yet, as I stared at that guy on the far side of the bar, his gaze shifted a bit to the side, causing us to make accidental eye contact (his looked kind of purple, by the way) for one brief moment. He looked away just as quickly, but for that one moment, I felt everything suddenly come into perspective and I just knew why Alfred had picked out this one person from the crowd.

"Ja, you just know he has a pirate kink," I agreed, taking my beer from Carlos. I raised the glass to him as I took a sip. "Thank you, Carlos. As for you, eyepatch, I am so sorry for calling you lame in my blog post, because you're about to help me do some plundering and get some booty. Pirate puns, am I right?"

Alfred, who had already taken his own drink from Carlos, gags on it at this.

"W-what?" he splutters. Meanwhile, I watch as Mr. Pirate Kink makes his way over to the counter. "No, I-I mean just look at him, he looks almost exactly like m—"

"I know, I know, you're the one who called dibs," I assured him, already grabbing our drinks in order to execute my most honorable and awesome duties. "Don't worry. As your wingman, I am on it."

With that, I tapped Mr. Pirate Kink on the shoulder, set one glass of beer in front of him, said, "Hey, have you met beer?", patted Alfred supportively on the back, and then left him to fend for himself. What? The kid's got to have some hands-on learning at some point. I'll have to ask him how it went later . . .

As for how my pirate escapade went, it turns out that you actually shouldn't try sweet-talking someone with a hook hand. Who knew? Eyepatch, I hereby suspend my apology until further notice.

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Carlos Machado: That explains a lot!

I was wondering why one of our customers was complaining about someone "getting too handsy with a hook"!

Seriously, though, don't do that again.

Carlos Machado 2016-02-15

Notes on this Chapter:

. . . I don't know if receiving "IKEA" comments from Sweden is going to be a recurring theme here . . . *sweatdrops*

Prroobbably should've mentioned that Gilbert might be kind of a womanizer. Er, man-manizer. I'm not sure what it's called, but you'll probably get to see him going after both. ^J^

Mr. Pirate Kink and Gilbert's Black Eye Guy from the previous chapter aren't the same person, but you'll be seeing more of both later! Feedback is greatly appreciated!