CWCollateral: A Tale of the Resistance
by Manajerkop
Chapter 8: Mirror, Mirror
PVCC Call Log (encrypted)
Speakers: Mary Lee Walsh (MLW), Alec Benson Leary (ALB), and Evan Christopher George (ECG)
MLW: Alec? Hello?
ALB: Hello, Mary? What can we do for you?
MLW: I'd appreciate an update on Project Asperchu, like we discussed in yesterday's meeting. But tell me the truth. No sugarcoating. Will it work?
ALB: The honest truth? Yes. But it won't be for a while. Evan's still ironing out the last traces of feral reversion from the one you caught for us. Why do you ask?
MLW: Well, all I want is to know…
ALB: It's Graduon, isn't it? What aren't you telling us, Mary?
MLW: Alec, you know I can't tell you. Not here. All you need to know is that he's got an agenda of his own, and if we're going to see this rebellion all the way to the end, we've got to play by his rules. Believe me, I know you're men of science, but this might be our best shot at taking Chandler out of the equation for a very, very long time.
ALB: I don't believe any of that in the slightest. I'll be honest, Mary, all this blood magic and ritual bullshit's starting to scare me. Are you sure you can't hold off on this whole Dark Mirror project for a while? At least until we know the event horizon's stable enough for human testing?
MLW: I'm sorry, but I can't control him.
ALB: Then we've just given up our authority to a ghost in a staff. (sigh) Evan, come here.
ECG: (picks up the phone) Hello? Who is this?
ALB: It's Walsh. She wants to know how you're doing with Simon.
ECG: Oh, okay. Well, the Sonee you caught seems to have imprinted onto me…the techs and I are actually getting along pretty well with the little guy. Say hi to Mary Lee Walsh, Simon!
Simon Sonee: Goo-goo!
MLW: It's healthy, though? What about the DNA synthesis?
ECG: Healthy, happy, and reverting to a homebred state. Mao and Sean are about 65% through the gene sequencing, and once that's done, we're going to try and clone a completely original Sonee and Rosey in the Asperpedia lab, then imprint them with elements like what we're doing with Simon and ground. We figured you'd know what to do once we evolve them.
MLW: I do. Agent McKenzie requested a fire-type Sonichu and a normal-type Rosechu. After that, start working on the new Combo and the Sonichu double, as well as your Asperchu, Alec. Don't worry about resources – just keep up the research and I'll take care of the paperwork. Our benefactors want to see results.
ALB: Benefactors?
MLW: You'll meet them soon. I promise. Ivo might have deep pockets, but his network of associates runs even deeper. If it means we'd get access to new weapons and robotic vehicles, I'd blow Chandler himself to keep the good doctor on our side.
ECG: That's a bit extreme, but I get the point. All right, I'm out of here. Simon's getting fussy.
Simon Sonee: WAAAAHHH!
ALB: I should go too. Thanks for calling, Mary.
MLW: Get back to me as soon as you have some results. Until then, I'll see you at the next meeting. Goodbye.
(call ends)
May 5, 2004, CWCville slums, Slumberland, Honey Badger barracks
"Good morning and happy Cinco de Mayo, liberators of CWCville!" crackled the radio set next to Kevin's cot as the clock struck 7:30 a.m. A trumpet reveille sound clip blared, rousing the Jerkop from his slumber. At least it was better than being rudely awakened by one of Jamsta Sonichu's desperately outdated slang barrages. "Once again, I'm Patrick Ryan and this is your 7:30 wake-up call on R-PAT, Radio PVCC, All the Time. You're all probably still a little sleepy now, but don't worry. We've got an awesome playlist full of rock, metal, and action movie soundtracks lined up for all you Jerkops going into combat today, and let me tell you – I think I outdid myself again. But first, a few current events…"
Kevin yawned and rubbed his eyes. Nick and Allie were just starting to stir as well. Matt was already up and getting dressed, as was Amanda. Kuri was snoring quietly and clutching a big plush Rosey that she normally used as either a "teddy chu" or a stress-relief punching bag. Still fairly sleepy, Kevin lay back and just let the news wash over him. The Honey Badgers obviously wouldn't get a mention on R-PAT, considering the most exciting thing they'd done last night was Matt punting a Sonee off of a fifteen-story apartment and into a bin full of scrap metal.
"…which turned into a multiple-car pileup when the operatives managed to push both pursuing EHPF cruisers into the path of an oncoming eighteen-wheeler," continued Ryan. There was a faint shuffling of papers. That's it for the Wilderness area. As for the others, the admins haven't released too much information to me yet. Hopefully we'll have more on this as the day goes by. Stay tuned. Now before we get you started with some Metallica and the Rolling Stones, here's your daily update on the Soup Hotel massacres. That's right, folks. It's time for RIFTWATCH!"
A few seconds of "Raining Blood" blasted out of the speakers, interspersed with sound effects of gunfire, crackling flames, and the screaming of Sonees and Roseys. Kevin smiled. This was always everyone's favorite part – listening to what the loyalists had to deal with in terms of aftermath from the greatest chu slaughter of all time. So far, the reports had been immensely entertaining.
"You probably remember my interview yesterday with Joshua Martinez – he's the leader of the Los Chupacabras squad out of Hogwash – where we talked about his personal favorite moments of Operation Rift. Well sadly, we don't have any Jerkops in the studio today, but…get this, I watched a bit of FQX News last night, and it looks like they finally got Soup Hotel #4 back upright. Remember, a few Slumberland squads took out the supports and crashed it into another building to escape. They put this…they sent a camera crew in with the Sparker investigators, and when they opened up the first hallway, the fires were still going. And holy hell, talk about a satisfying payoff. I've got a TV on in here with the footage running…I still can't believe it, THIRTY-FIVE THOUSAND. And that's a conservative estimate. See, I saw these rooms where they must've thrown grenades in or something, because the walls and floor and ceiling were completely red. Good stuff. It's pretty much the same old same old across town, investigations, body counts, carting whole truckloads of dead baby chus out of the hotels, et cetera. We'll keep you posted if Chandler makes another rant. I sure hope so…that last one was a riot."
"Morning," grunted Matt as he stood up from his cot and grabbed his toothbrush. "I'll be in the lockers if anyone wants me."
"Me too. I'm gonna hit the shower," added Amanda, and left the room with Matt.
Kevin turned to Allie and Nick. "Who's waking up Kuri? I'm not doing it two days in a row."
"Rock, paper, scissors?" Allie suggested.
"Nah." Nick rummaged around in his pocket and retrieved a C-Quarter. "Call it."
"Tails."
Kevin left his two squadmates to their horrific task and headed through the door to the main barracks. Steve was lounging on the sofa as usual, scribbling something into a notebook and munching on a cold slice of pizza from the Honey Badgers' mini-fridge. He looked up and nodded a quick hello to Kevin, then resumed writing.
The morning progressed as usual, with the added bonus of real scrambled eggs and bacon for breakfast, courtesy of the Cashiers and their now-legendary escape from a Soup Hotel using a fully-stocked CWCuisine delivery truck. Al hadn't lined up any early patrols, so Kevin and Matt used most of their free time in the training yard with Zoey, practicing multi-squad combat maneuvers alongside a few ALBinos and Red Devils. That was one of the great things about being a Jerkop – the job was seldom boring, and there was always room for improvement. Even though Kevin now had three Sonichu kills to his name, the number was inconsequential. Anyway, two of those had only been possible because of Sugarplum Fury.
Around 11:30, the three tired and sweaty operatives headed to the shower room for a quick rinse, then arrived back in the barracks just in time for Steve to brief them on the day's operation.
"Okay, this might sound a bit unusual for us," the Jerkop squad leader explained once everyone had assembled, "but we're off patrol duty for today. It's not a day off…Al's been in touch with Walsh about another special assignment."
"No. No more catching babies," insisted Jexis bluntly.
"Don't interrupt, Cadet," Zoey admonished her.
"It's okay, Zo. According to Al, Walsh doesn't need any more live specimens, thanks to us." Steve glanced at his notebook. "Anyway, the admins are going to be conducting some sort of secret weapons test on both larval and adult chus. We're coming along as their escort, and they also want us to…set a trap for the EHPF with live Sonees and Roseys."
Jexis slumped back in her chair and let out a huge sigh. "I knew it. Here we go again."
"It's not what you think," Steve said defensively. "No sewer hunting or anything. We just pop open a manhole somewhere in the abandoned zone, lower down a trap with some candy inside, wait for a few ferals to get stuck, then lift it back up. Easy."
"Why didn't we just do that before?" the medic groaned. Clearly, she was still quite traumatized from her near-death experience from that night when they'd faced off with Angelica and a horde of starving ferals.
"Because there was an entire blockade around the abandoned zone." answered Nick with a frown. "And now it's gone, right?"
Steve nodded. "Right. After we just up and annihilated 75% of the feral population in one day, that blockade's ancient history. Even Chandler isn't stupid enough to keep relocating his 'pwecious widdle bay-bees.' Good news for us, anyway. Means the abandoned zone's open for Sonee and Rosey hunting season again."
"Goody goody," whispered Kuri with a wicked gleam in her eyes.
"Pack your gear and load up," continued Steve, and smiled. "We're going feral fishing."
Three hours later, CWCville abandoned zone
"Anything yet?" Kevin asked, squinting up through the bright early afternoon sunlight toward the tops of the desolate apartments that dotted the abandoned zone.
Jexis shook her head and gave her trap rope a few tugs. "I'm starting to wish you guys hadn't gone and killed them all. Now they're gonna be too scared to even go hunting in the sewers."
Kevin sighed. "Look, it's not our fault you got hurt. Anyway, there's always going to be more."
"Wish that were true here," muttered the teenage medic. "Come on! I sent down Twinkies, for crying out loud!"
"Maybe they're not in the mood for cream filling."
"The hell they aren't. You ever see a Sonee fire an entire can of whipped cream into its mouth?"
"Heh." Kevin chuckled, remembering his special OxiClean experiment back in the Soup Hotel. "I can think of a few other things I'd like to feed them. Hey, maybe we should make Kuri a fried jelly-filled Rosey for her birthday."
"That's not until October. By then, we'll probably be lucky to even find a single feral around this place. Of course…chu gestation periods last about three months, and since we just dropped a hammer on almost 40,000 of their babies, I'd be shocked if every Rosechu in the city wasn't already flat on her back getting pounded up the…"
Ding ding ding ding ding!
"All right!" yelled Kevin as the bell attached to their lure began ringing violently. "Catch of the day! Come on, reel 'em in! Reel 'em in!"
"What the hell are you in such a hurry about?" asked Jexis patiently. "They're not going anywhere. Don't you know how lobster traps work?"
The two Jerkops waited another minute, then began hauling up the rope and its significantly heavier cargo. Foot by foot, they lifted the trap higher and higher, until Kevin at last heard a wooden thunk and several surprised "goo-goo"s. With a mighty heave, he and Jexis finally pulled the entire 100-pound cage right out of the sewers and onto the deserted street.
"Jackpot!" shouted the medic, kneeling to inspect the two Sonees and three Roseys they'd just captured. The larval chus drew away from her fearfully, but in such a compact container, there wasn't too much room for them to retreat. All they could do was whine and paw at the bars.
"Think that'll be enough?" asked Kevin as Jexis poked a Rosey in her malnourished little belly.
"It should be. A couple of hours without food and they'll be bawling at the top of their lungs." Jexis grabbed one side of the cage and waited for Kevin to get the other. "Come on, let's get this back to the admins before that happens. One…two…three, LIFT!"
Abandoned zone, Dark Mirror testing ground
"Pair of nines," Al muttered, and placed his cards down for his fellow poker enthusiasts to see. "Someone had better beat that or I'm gonna break something."
"Sorry dude. Pair of threes." Sean August Watley threw down his hand and took another deep draw from his joint. "Fuckin' moonbeams, man. Everywhere, you know? Just gonna watch Allison Amber fuck that flag and then I'm gonna kill Seth MacFarlane…"
"Okay, enough moon talk, Sean," insisted Mao Ling, and grabbed the marijuana before Sean could enter another 15-minute coma like he'd done three times already that day. "Any day now, Mr. Hill."
Jimmy Hill grinned and revealed a full house. "Hand it all over, chaps,"
"Fucking…finally¸" slurred Sean as he and Al pushed their spent chips across the table to the smiling British man. "Mao, come on, dude! Give it!"
Mao gave him a sour look, then stole a few puffs before handing back Sean's joint. "Ledger, you want to deal this one?"
"What I want¸" Al said between sips of whiskey, "is to get a goddamn move on with whatever it is you guys and Walsh are doing here. 'Course, that's not gonna happen until my squad gets back, for some reason."
"If we knew, Mr. Ledger, Sean would have told you by now," answered Hill, and continued arranging his newly-acquired chips into neat stacks. "Marijuana, I've been told, is an excellent tongue-loosener."
"So's this." The Legend tapped the rim of his glass, producing a melodic ding. He was about to pour himself another measure of Jack Daniels when a high-pitched scream and an angry shout shattered the calm.
"WAAAAAH! SONEEEEEE!"
"LEDGER!"
"Damn it all to hell," Al sighed and rolled his eyes as he pushed back the chair and rose to his feet, glass in hand. "Go ahead. Start without me."
Located on the top floor of an abandoned warehouse, the observation room for the PVCC's impromptu testing site held a perfect view of a large gravel parking lot, where the experiment was to take place once the rest of his Honey Badgers returned with their prisoners. Al made his way up the metal stairway past Jerkop guards from Wilderness and Hogwash, several of Leary's scientists, and a few men and women in civilian clothes. It seemed as though Walsh, Howell, and the rest of the administrators were pulling out all the stops for this experiment. Being the Jerkop squad commander in charge of helping to conduct the weapons test, Ledger had been granted full access to speak with Mary Lee Walsh, who was overseeing this experiment.
So far, she hadn't been saying very much about what exactly so many admins and security personnel were doing there.
Al flashed his badge at the two guards waiting outside the observation room, who nodded and opened the door for him. Inside were four more Jerkops from Wilderness, the two Asperpedia scientists Alec Benson Leary and Evan Christopher George, Vivian Gee, and Mary Lee Walsh herself with Count Graduon slung across her back in his staff. Oddly enough, Evan was clutching a live and very terrified Sonee in his arms.
"Sugar, come here," commanded the Legend. The honey badger promptly leapt out from her hiding place beneath a desk and obediently trotted across the room to her master, then curled up at his feet. Al gave her a few pats on the head, then glanced up at the gathered administrators. "Let me guess…"
"You should have sent her along with your squad, Ledger," replied Leary sternly, though the expression on his face showed that he clearly held no concern for the weeping Sonee's mental state. "We can't afford to risk the loss of a high-value asset just because your pet's hungry."
"If I may say so, sir," Al explained as he picked up Sugarplum Fury, "hunting ferals is simply her nature. What exactly happened?"
"What happened?" Evan's voice had taken on the tone of a shocked and angered parent. "That little wolverine got in through the ventilation system and almost tore Simon's head off!" He glared at Mary Lee Walsh. "You told me this place was secure!"
"Perhaps, Evan, it would be better for you to not let…Simon…wander around on his own so much," suggested Walsh. "Especially if he's turning homebred, as you say. Pretty soon he'll be just as helpless as the rest of them…that is, more helpless." She snickered and beckoned to Al. "Ledger, if I were you, I'd keep her leashed for now. As for the status of your operatives…"
"We haven't had any reports of incidents or captures yet," reported the Jerkop commander. "My squad followed the luring procedures precisely – the ferals just seem to be growing more and more cautious. And if you don't mind me saying, they have a damn good reason to be."
"Pity they're not as stupid or as gullible as homebreds," muttered Walsh, and tapped the side of her horned hairband. "They've got instinct, I'll give them that. But we've got candy. They'll bite, mark my words. We'll just have to wait and see what happens."
"And they'd better be alive," added Leary with a frown. "And screaming."
"May I be excused?" Al looked down at Sugar, who was now nuzzling his chest. "That is, unless you want to tell me the reason why you need live larvae."
"Dismissed," Walsh said bluntly. "Keep us posted, Ledger."
The Legend saluted and turned to leave the room, radiating frustration and disappointment from every pore. He was accustomed to being kept in the dark about secret missions – he'd served in the military, after all – but it still didn't feel right to have so much information withheld by a mere…teacher. Al gritted his teeth and swirled the last few dregs of whiskey around in his glass as he tucked Sugar under one arm and stepped out the door, past the guards. He had nothing against Mary Lee Walsh…in fact, he admired her and respected her as a commander in these dark times. But the soldier inside him still questioned her authority at times.
Now Matthew Devoria…that was a man he would follow to hell and back. And compared to the CWCville revolution, Desert Storm had only been the gates. At least Al was serving alongside Devoria's daughter in this particular fight – following a promise both men had made in Iraq when Kacey was just a little girl. The last Al had ever heard of his old sergeant was a letter notifying him that Devoria had risen to the rank of captain and that he was invited to celebrate the promotion.
But that had been all the way back in 1998, before the world ended. Now Kacey was all grown up and intent on marrying Liquid, but her father still hadn't come to CWCville to give the couple his blessing.
"Where the hell are you, Sarge?" he muttered to himself distractedly.
His walkie-talkie hissed.
"Al, it's Steve. We got 'em. Come back, over."
Ledger snapped out of his thoughts and turned up the receiver's volume so he could hear Morrison's voice over the sounds of PVCC staff and security chatting to each other. "Didn't copy. Repeat your last, over."
"Kevin and Jexis just hauled up a crate full of five…I mean, uh, four ferals. Two Sonees, two Roseys. We're in the truck and headed back, over."
"Copy." The Legend smiled. "Hurry back so we can get this show on the road. Out."
"Rrrrrowr." Sugar immediately perked up at the words "Sonees" and "Roseys". She licked Al's hand and looked up at him with anticipation in her beady black eyes.
"Right you are, you stripy little berserker you," murmured Al. "And the sooner we get this done, the sooner you can break all those ferals dead."
Abandoned zone, streets
"WOSEEEEEEEEY! AGH! UGH! WOE! AAAUUUGHH! WOSE! GAAH! WOSEEEUGH!"
"Corner! Corner!" yelled Kevin, nearly choking with laughter as Matt spun the pickup truck back and forth, sending the Honey Badgers careening from side to side. "Take her around!"
"WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"
SCREEEEECH! The Jerkops braced themselves against the sides just before the vehicle swerved violently to the right, launching the bound, bruised, bloody, and skirtless Rosey a full four feet up into the air as it struck a pothole and bounced. Not missing a beat, Matt immediately stepped on the gas as the feral hit the street, then began swerving back and forth so it struck as many cracks and bumps as possible.
Remarkably, the idea for this new form of entertainment had been Kevin's – a first for the young Jerkop. Steve or Kuri usually thought up the crazier kills and torture methods, so it came as a pleasant surprise to everyone when Kevin suggested they tie one of the Roseys to the back of the truck and drag her through the streets all the way to the staging area.
Best idea EVER, thought Kevin as the Rosey's bloody mouth quickly filled up with dirt and gravel again. One of her armstubs had been worn down to the bone, and a few of her ribs were showing through her belly fur. Her tail was gone, sliced off by a sharp chunk of glass, her ears were in tatters, and one of her hideous green eyes – the victim of a rather pointy stick - now sat deflated and leaking inside its socket.
"WUGGGGHHH! WUUUGHGGHGH!" screamed the feral through a mouthful of debris. Kuri leaned over the back hatch and chucked a rock at it, but missed as Matt swerved again and smacked the Rosey against the gutter, snapping its left armstub backwards at an angle that even it wasn't supposed to bend. Droplets of blood spattered the street, prompting a fresh wave of cheers and laughter from the Jerkops.
Under normal circumstances, Kevin might have felt a bit sorry for Steve, Allie, Nick, and the Jerkops in the second truck with the feral cage, but then again, he was having too much fun to even care about the fact that they were missing out on one of the funniest uses for a Rosey that anyone had ever tried before.
"Why hasn't her neck snapped yet?" Zoey yelled to Jexis.
"They don't have necks!" replied the medic, pointing out the missing feature as the little chu flipped over and began losing her back spikes against the pavement. "You see where her head's fused to her shoulders? There's vertebrae in there, but they won't break unless she hits her spine really hard! There's too much fat protecting it! It's like a natural airbag!"
"Good!" shouted Kuri. She was laughing so much that tear streaks were beginning to appear on her painted face. "So she won't die for a while, right, Millie?"
"Exactly!" Jexis sidestepped any mention of Kuri's peculiar family-oriented PTSD and instead focused on watching the bouncing and bloody Rosey with immense satisfaction.
A few more minutes of hilarity passed before Matt finally pulled off the road and followed the other truck into a large gravel parking lot next to a warehouse. Jexis was given the honor of finally dispatching the now semi-conscious feral, and chose a rather creative execution method of exsanguinating its little body with a needle while Steve and the other Jerkops helped unload the caged Sonees and Roseys from the truck. By the time they were done, the medic had grown bored with drawing out the Rosey's blood and was now jabbing the needle deep into its one working eyeball again and again.
Kevin had a feeling this was going to go on for at least another five minutes. Jexis had missed out on the Soup Hotel exterminations, and wasn't about to let her compensation victim escape with a quick death.
Never underestimate the power of teenagers, the Jerkop reminded himself as he fastened a small chain around a Sonee's stumpfoot and attached the other end to a ring set into a weighted metal block buried beneath the gravel. The feral chu whined and tried to kick him as he set it down, but of course failed miserably.
"Do they care when we make them start crying?" he asked Zoey as she and Allie secured one of the Roseys next to him.
Both women shook their heads.
"Fantastic. Got your nose!" laughed Kevin, and grabbed the Sonee by its little black snout. With a single pinch, he ripped the entire thing right off, leaving only a ragged squirting hole in the middle of the chu's face.
"WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! AAAAAAUUUUGHHHHH!"
Kevin sat back and began playing with the piece of cartilage as the now-noseless feral pawed at its mutilated face and screamed in horror, trying to locate the source of its pain. Kevin placed the little black blob on his thumb and flicked it right into the Sonee's open mouth, force-feeding it its own nose.
"God DAMN!" yelled Matt in a mixture of shock and admiration. "You haven't been hanging out with Kuri lately, have you?"
"Nope. Think I should start?"
"Probably not. She might start thinking of you as competition."
"Who's competition?" asked Kuri indignantly as she plucked out her Sonee's eyeballs one by one with a gloved hand and replaced them with two large rocks while the blinded chu screeched and bawled at the top of its lungs, upset by the horrible pain and this new heavy feeling in its head.
Both Kevin and Matt promptly shut up and went back to work.
Observation room
"Looks like we just got our bait," commented Vivian Gee as she paced back and forth in front of the cracked window with a PDA in her hands. "And here's a little more good news – there's a few cruisers heading through our sector. They should be able to see the lure if we pull this off."
"Let's hope they're paying attention," muttered Mary Lee Walsh, and drew Graduon. "Count, we're putting a lot of faith in this operation. It had better work, or we…"
"Or what, Slaweel?" the spirit replied in her head. "I control the Dark Mirror as easily as you control your little Jerkops. If you hold up your end of the bargain, there is no need to worry."
Wrong, Walsh thought to herself. There's always a need to worry.
Graduon pulsed briefly as if he'd sensed her doubt, then went silent again. Outside in the staging area, the Jerkops were falling back to a safe distance as overwatch, having successfully secured their captured ferals. Above the whirr of the building's air conditioning, Walsh could hear faint screams of pain from the middle of the parking lot. Evan quickly covered Simon's ears, but the little Sonee was too busy munching on an armstub-load of Oreos to even care about what kind of horrible torment his fellow ferals were going through down there.
"Yes?" Vivian placed a hand on her headset to steady it. "Go ahead." She listened briefly, then turned to her commander. "We're good. The Honey Badgers are in place, snipers are standing by on backup, and the table's set."
Walsh smiled. "Fire."
Outside
Kevin wiped a few beads of sweat from his forehead and rolled up his sleeves to vent some of the stifling heat that was currently baking him inside his combat jacket. He didn't have the slightest idea how someone like Steve could even stand it while wearing his customary white PVCC sweatshirt. Yet Morrison sat beside him with a sharpening stone and his kukri in hand, listening to R-PAT on his iPod radio as he worked on giving the curved knife an even sharper edge. Sugarplum Fury lay curled up at his feet, gnawing on an entire armstub from the Rosey that Jexis had killed.
Well, seeing as how his squad leader was preoccupied, at least Kevin still had Amanda to talk to.
"You didn't happen to see the menu for tonight, did you?" he asked, edging over towards the Jerkop and leaning further into the meager shade to escape the burning sunlight. The big gravel pile protected them from view well enough, but it didn't have much in the way of sun protection.
Amanda glanced at him disappointedly. "Probably a bunch of reheated beans and canned tuna again. Goddamn, I could go for some onion rings right now."
"Yeah, me too," Kevin replied with a chuckle. "But if we're comparing sides, nothing beats waffle fries."
"Okay, stop. Hold it. We start talkin' about food, I'm gonna…"
FWOOSH!
The three Jerkops whirled around so fast that Steve accidentally yanked his iPod earbuds right out in surprise. The sound had come from the warehouse, but Kevin couldn't see anything except a tiny speck of light climbing higher and higher into the air, until…
CRACK! SSSSSSSSS! The light exploded into a blast of red fire as the emergency flare activated over the city and began slowly drifting down, flashing like a beacon and extremely visible, even in broad daylight. Anyone within a few blocks with their eyes on the sky would have noticed the signal.
"There goes our invitation," muttered Steve as he sheathed his kukri and reached for the P90 on his back. "Hunker down and get ready. Odds are, we've got a few guests coming to this party."
Kevin snatched up his AK-47 and made sure that his adjustable iron sights were still set correctly. Amanda simply unslung her grenade launcher and snapped the breach shut. She'd already loaded it, and had another high explosive round standing by in case the EHPF decided to go snooping around the place before Walsh could test this new weapon of hers.
Sure enough, the first sirens reached his ears a mere twenty seconds later.
"Team One checking in," Al's voice growled over the radio.
"Team Two, checking in," replied Steve.
"Team Three, burning to death out here," added Zoey from across the parking lot.
"Remember, hold your fire until I give the order," instructed Al. "Now you all know I'd usually say a few motivational words at a time like this, but I'm going to level with you – I have no idea what's going on. Just focus on the Sparkers and we'll get through this in one piece."
"Watch your crossfire and keep the safeties on until they get out of their cruisers," said Steve as he brushed away a layer of gravel and shifted his position to a more comfortable firing stance. "Eyes on the road. Here they come."
Two EHPF cruisers roared into the parking lot, skidding across the gravel towards the four fuzzy blobs chained to the bait block. Unbeknownst to the chus inside, the trap was already sealed the moment they left the safety of the street. Another buried mechanism quickly pushed a hidden row of tire spikes up from beneath the gravel, blocking any retreats out the way they had come. Coupled with the fact that the cars were heading right for a solid triangle of fire from the three Honey Badger teams, it was hard to imagine any of the loyalist officers escaping without at least twenty bullet wounds each.
Of course, that was assuming they didn't fall victim to Walsh's secret weapon first.
The cruisers screeched to a halt next to the wounded larvae and immediately killed their sirens. As the doors opened, Kevin was shocked to see a pair of Rosechus accompanying the group of six EHPF Sonichus. Guess they brought some china along for the ride.
"Watch the perimeter," ordered one of the officers, most likely a sergeant. "You two, follow me. Ladies, y'all stay back and don't ya do anything."
"Tee hee! Okay!"
Kevin winced at the Rosechu's airheaded giggle. As if he needed yet another temptation to open fire. Steve appeared to be suffering a similar problem, but he kept his P90 trained on the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon all the same. The three EHPF officers stepped right up to the trap, their mouths hanging open in shock at the state of the four crying ferals before them. Upon noticing the presence of adult chus, the noseless Sonee and the two Roseys let out squeals of pained relief, and began waddling forward until they reached the ends of their chains. The blind Sonee merely wandered around, in search of these new strange noises.
"Holy GodBear," gasped one of the officers. "Sergeant, does this mean they're…"
"They already killed everything in the Soup Hotels!" shouted the other Sonichu in a fit of tard rage. "Why the f*** can't those JERKS just leave our babies alone?! They didn't do anything!"
Amanda groaned. "Steve, if you just let me take one shot…"
"No. Just no."
"Get 'em out of here and put 'em in the car," commanded the EHPF sergeant. "Be gentle. We've gotta get the little babies to the…"
eeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE E
BOOM! The chus scattered and dove for cover as a large fireball erupted from the parking lot, punching a deep crater into the gravel. One of the cruisers was caught in the blast and flipped over, unfortunately missing both of the screaming Rosechus. Above, Mary Lee Walsh descended on her hoverboard, wielding both her trident and Graduon.
"Hold," Steve whispered, and clicked off his safety. "Al, you watching this?"
"About damn time," replied the Legend. "Everyone, safeties off. Except you, Sugar."
The honey badger sniffed in disappointment and shook her head back and forth. Across the parking lot, the six EHPF officers had regrouped around the trap, surrounding the wailing larvae and the helpless, useless Rosechus in a wall of yellow bodies. All of them were glaring up at the hovering PVCC commander with a form of overly righteous but misguided rage that could have only come from the mind of a socially inept manchild who couldn't recognize legitimate help from a concerned school administrator if it had walked up and slapped him in the face.
Kevin had heard the stories. He knew Mary Lee Walsh had kicked Chandler out of college for making unwanted advances towards young women, and that the teenage mayor-to-be had never fully recovered. It was only natural that his genetically-engineered creations held the same ludicrous grudge against Walsh that he did.
"Mary Lee Walsh!" yelled a Sonichu. "Put your weapons down and surrender! We have you surrounded!"
Walsh scratched her head in puzzlement. "What? No…you don't. Look." She pointed her trident at the group, then at herself. "I'm up here. You're down there. The only thing you've surrounded are your whores and your bastard children."
The Rosechus gasped.
"WHORES?" one of them shrieked. "Why, you ugly old witch! Come down here and I'll show you what a whore really is."
The blond woman sighed. "Again with the witch bullshit. Does Chandler really draw me with grey hair?"
"That's…you're just wearing a helmet!" insisted another Sonichu stubbornly, unable to accept the truth even though it was literally hovering a good ten yards away from him. "Yeah! Your hair's all grey and bunched up underneath a gold helmet, like in the Mayor's comic!"
Walsh tossed her hair indignantly and rolled her eyes. "Put them out of their misery, Count. I can't stand this idiocy anymore."
"As you wish," a sinister voice chuckled inside Kevin's head. The young Jerkop shuddered, remembering the last time he'd heard Graduon speaking to his mind.
"Do…did anyone else just hear that?" he asked. Steve shot him a puzzled look and mouthed What? Kevin glanced at Amanda, but she was too busy staring up at the hovering PVCC commander to discuss magical talking scepters at the moment.
A fierce purple light shone across Mary Lee Walsh's eyes, reflecting the blinding glow emanating from Graduon's orb. Kevin felt something like a jolt of lightning crackle down his arms and across the back of his neck. Tiny bolts of purple electricity were leaping from the tips of his fingers to the grip of his AK, lashing and striking again and again.
This isn't right, he thought frantically as Steve's walkie-talkie crackled on of its own accord. Suddenly the air filled with voices, panicked voices, voices he couldn't even recognize, all shouting together as their words flooded out of the overloading receiver.
"…we got dark energy spikes all over the place! What the hell's going on out there?"
"Goddamn it, they're inside the field! Get me Ledger's frequency! I'm pulling them out!"
"Start up the dispersal units! We're heading for an overload! I said get the…"
"NO! SHUT IT DOWN! WALSH! WALSH, YOU HAVE TO…"
ZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPP!
A massive lance of violet energy arced down from Graduon and struck the huddled, terrified group of Electric Hedgehog Pokémon, disintegrating them in less time than it took for Kevin to blink. He didn't see them fly apart or burn to ash or anything…just a single blink, and the chus were gone.
But now there was something else…a jagged rift, floating unaided in the air like a bottomless chasm made of pure darkness. The gravel began to rise, one stone at a time, until Kevin, Steve, and Amanda were surrounded by levitating rocks. Purple flames surrounded the opening, and as he stared into it, Kevin could feel some indescribable force pushing him towards it. He saw nothing but a reflection – a terrible reflection of himself, twisted and perfect and hideous and beautiful all at once. He felt as though he was being torn in half. One half wanted to flee, the other wanted to step through and see what was on the other side of this ethereal mirror.
Before he could make up his mind, the rift did it for him. With a high-pitched crackle, a purple bolt speared Kevin in the chest and arced into his forehead, filling him with a surge of indescribable energy. Fire lashed across his vision, but he didn't feel any burning. His skin was wreathed in shimmering violet light, warping and diffusing like liquid glass.
All around him, the world melted away into black. The last sound he heard before the silence reigned was Walsh's scream of helpless fury and Graduon's sinister laughter ringing in his mind.
And then…no more.
?
Blackened husks of steel and concrete towered into the kaleidoscopic sky, stretching high above the sea of grey ash that covered the world from the city to the far horizons. Past the tops of the buildings and the rippling colors above, great shapes twisted slowly, chaotically, thrashing in the void with no discernible motivation or purpose. Every once in a while, some distant creature would let out an echoing shriek in what seemed like a thousand voices compressed into one, or a few balls of purple-blue fire would rain down from the twisted nebula-like atmosphere and impact on the ashes with a faint hiss and a loud crackle of some eldritch energy.
Whatever state this world had been in before the apparent catastrophe, its age of life and prosperity had passed long ago.
So, this is how it ends, thought Steve Morrison as he gazed up at a curtain of orange and green fire spreading across the heavens like some otherworldly aurora. Half-buried in a massive ash pile a good three miles away from the edge of the city, the Jerkop squad leader kicked and struggled frantically, trying to free himself from his shifting prison. After about two minutes of blind digging, he managed to pull both legs free and fell forward, tumbling head over heels down the ash dune until he slammed into what felt like a large piece of broken concrete.
Steve groaned and rubbed his aching side. His white sweatshirt had turned completely grey from all the ashes, and judging by how his feet were feeling at the moment, there were at least three pounds of debris in each of his combat boots. It didn't bother him too much. If this was, in fact, hell, then he was just grateful to still have all his Jerkop gear and clothes intact. Too bad his radio was useless. There wasn't even a signal here…wherever this place was.
A deep, colossal roar echoed over the ash waste, and Steve instinctively reached for his revolver. Off in the distance, titanic shadowed beasts thundered across the plain one earthshaking step at a time. In the opposite direction lay the fallen city, but what awaited him in those dead streets was anyone's guess. Better than getting stomped into oblivion by whatever those migrating creatures were. Steve checked his ammo supply, made sure his kukri was still in its sheath, then set out for the city limits, shielding his eyes against hot gusts of ashen wind.
After what seemed like a few hours of walking, the Jerkop arrived at a large metallic structure with a good amount of dried blood splashed across its surface. Jagged spikes protruded from the top, upon which was impaled a partial human skeleton and an array of skulls. More desiccated bones lay piled on the ground beneath the structure, as well as a few pieces of some kind of heavy armor. Steve tried to pick up a large curved metal plate that he assumed was supposed to be strapped to one's shoulder, but it was far too heavy for even him to lift.
Abandoning the gruesome site, Steve kept walking over the dunes, stopping only to take a drink from his emergency canteen. Without water, he'd die of thirst in a few days, and his chances of finding it in the city couldn't be any worse than they were out here in this desolate wasteland.
CRACK!
Steve cursed loudly and reached for his P90 as an electrical discharge sounded from what seemed like only a few yards away. The air shimmered and seemed to peel apart like a curtain, revealing another yawning abyss like the one that had swallowed up him and his squad.
Piece by piece, an entity assembled in the air before him, floating above the churning ashes through some means unknown to the laws of physics. The thing was about the size of a man, and dressed like one too, with a blue long-sleeved shirt, grey pants, and light blue shoes. Each one of its clothes was stained in blood, but it appeared to be unharmed. Wherever it had come from, this thing had either been in one hell of a fight, or else had just come from a recent mass murder.
But its face and head…whatever they were, they made the Jerkop's skin prickle with absolute fear. The outline resembled a normal human head with strange spiky hair, but both the hair and its skin were completely black, as if it was made of shadows itself. From the void, a pair of huge red pupil-less eyes gazed out like a car's brake lights shining in the darkness.
"Hey," muttered the entity in Steve's voice. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"What?"
The rift sealed shut with another piercing crackle of electricity, taking the newcomer with it before Steve could even begin to wrap his head around what the hell had just happened.
"Steve! What the hell just happened?" yelled Zoey as she appeared seemingly out of nowhere, her AK-47 drawn and aimed directly toward the rapidly-disappearing energy storm.
"ZO!" yelled Steve, and waved furiously. Zoey shouldered the assault rifle and slid down the dune toward her squad leader, her face a mixture of confusion and relief.
"God damn it, Steve! I thought everyone was dead!" she panted. Her combat jacket was tied around her waist by its sleeves, and her black tank top was soaked in sweat. She'd kept all of her gear as well, apparently. Maybe this place wasn't hell after all.
"You didn't see anyone else? Does your radio still work? Mine's out."
Zoey shook her head. "I tried to call you and Al, but all I got was static. Let me guess…you don't have any idea where we are?"
"Nope. Looks like something pretty bad happened here, though. On the bright side, I always wondered what would happen if Salvador Dali and Hunter S. Thompson became Elder Gods."
"Really?"
"No." Steve glanced up at the chaotic sky and shook some ashes out of his hair. "Did you see that crazy guy with the black head and those big red eyes?"
"Wait, what?" Zoey looked puzzled. "What are you talking about? You were just talking to some girl with black hair and a p…" She felt the back of her own head and looked at her own ponytail with something resembling utter terror. "Oh, God. Steve, what's going on?"
"You tell me," muttered the Jerkop. "All I know is that you're the first Zoey I've seen here. And that's all I care about right now."
Zoey gave him a shaky hug, then drew back and checked her AK's barrel for ash buildup. "How much ammo you got?"
"Everything I took from Slumberland," Steve answered. "You?"
"Same. And I think we're going to need it in there." Zoey pointed to the looming black towers of the dead city. "I keep seeing movement in the corners of my eyes. Something's following me."
"Then it'll have to follow me too," said Steve. "And if Al and the others are out here too, we're going to find them. Now let's get in there and find some higher ground."
The two Honey Badgers set off toward the ruined city outskirts one by one, watching each other's back in case their mysterious pursuers decided to show themselves.
?
The first Thundershock came without warning, impacting against the wall with enough force to crack the frail concrete. Allie probably would have died instantly had Matt and Kevin not tackled her from behind to avoid the next salvo of bolts that tore open the building like a sardine can to reveal the Jerkops inside.
"GO!" yelled Matt, and shoved Allie forward while Kevin drew his pistol and rose to return fire. Another bolt nearly hit him right in the face, forcing the young Jerkop back behind cover as more spears of bioelectricity exploded across the walls and ceiling of the collapsing structure.
"Where the hell did they come from?!" he shouted frantically, shielding his head as small chunks of debris rained down from above. The lightning barrage was wreaking havoc on the building's supports, but Matt and Allie managed to grab him and pull him to safety inside a nearby stairwell. Thankfully, the steps were concrete instead of metal, and thus hadn't yet rusted away. With no idea where their attackers were, the shaken Jerkops could only wait and pray that the Sonichus would realize they were gone and stop firing before they took out the entire skyscraper.
Allie drew in a deep breath and clutched Kevin's shoulder in desperation. None of the three operatives even needed to say anything to each other. They all knew there was no possible way any one of them could come up with an explanation for where they were and how they'd ended up there. Whatever had gone wrong with the secret weapon test, it had transported the entire Honey Badger squad to somewhere very, very far away from CWCville. And even worse, their intended test subjects had ended up here too.
"We should move up higher and get a better vantage point," suggested Matt. "We'll have more range from up there."
Kevin nodded and gritted his teeth as something huge and probably important fell off the building and took out what sounded like a few walls on its way down. "I'll go first."
One by one, the operatives made their way up the stairs as the stubborn Sonichus continued laying waste to the fragile building. The three of them had been fortunate enough to all emerge from the rift in a group, but the unfortunate part was the fact that the other Honey Badgers were nowhere in sight. Outgunned by an unknown number of hostile chus, their only chance for survival was to outmaneuver their enemies.
At the top of the stairs, Kevin stopped and scanned the room. If there had been a civilization here once, not much of it was left behind in the ash wastes. One of the walls was torn open, and through it she could see a few flashes of yellow fur and flying sparks.
"Got em," he growled. "Stay here and I'll check it out."
Matt and Allie nodded and sat down on the trembling steps. Kevin checked his footing and tiptoed to the edge, clutching the grip of his pistol as if he was strangling a feral chu. Beyond the crumbling hole in the wall lay that same horrific, barren cityscape – as if some great metropolis like New York City or Celadon City had been subjected to the fallout from a nuclear blast.
But all that the Jerkop was interested in were the three large yellow Sonichus and a single pink Rosechu standing in the adjacent skyscraper, along with two little pink blobs that could only have been the pair of bait Roseys. The male Electric Hedgehog Pokémon were too busy emptying their bioelectricity supply into the other building to notice him, but from this new vantage point, Kevin deduced that they must have been at least twenty stories above the ground. A large piece of twisted metal and concrete stretched between the collapsed wall beside her and the opposite structure, forming a bridge to the other side.
Readying his pistol, Kevin turned to wave over Allie and Matt. It was now or never. They had to take advantage of this distraction if they wanted to…
"More," hissed a chilling, disembodied voice that seemed to have been spoken from somewhere right next to his ear. "More. More! MORE!"
Kevin's heart hammered against his ribcage frenziedly, threatening to burst from his chest. Looking around for the source of the noise, he thought she saw a pair of hideous bluish eyes staring out of the blackness above for a split second, but as soon as he blinked, they'd vanished. A shadow flashed across the barren room, only to be swallowed up by the dark like the eyes had.
"Help," he tried to whisper to Allie and Matt as they approached his hiding place, but ended up producing only a strangled gasp.
Outside, the zapping abruptly ceased, only to be replaced by the Sonichus' terrified voices.
"Y'all hear that?" one said shakily. "They're back! GodJesus, they're coming back!"
WHAT'S coming back?! Kevin thought to himself as chills of fear lanced down his spine. Through the hole, he could see the Sonichus retreating back to protect their female companion, readying fresh Thundershocks while the little Roseys giggled and played patty-cake around their shoes. Their injuries had stopped bleeding by now, and they'd most likely forgotten about the whole "jumping dimensions" thing.
"Sarge, did ya see anything?" asked another Sonichu.
"No. Watch the skies," the EHPF sergeant ordered. He sounded just as terrified as the other officers. "If they come in through the windows, zap 'em to the extr…"
CRASH!
"GODJESUS NO!" shrieked the Rosechu. "NOOOOOO! AAAAIIIIIEEEEEE!"
"What the FUCK?!" Matt gasped in something between a whisper and a fearful shout.
Kevin and his friends watched, transfixed by absolute terror as something blue and massive smashed straight through the wall and thundered into the room towards the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon. With cries of terror, the Sonichus whirled around and unleashed a triple bolt of bioelectricity, but their attacks simply rebounded off the thing's armored skin and into the floor as if they'd been nothing more than Sparks. Before the foremost chu could ready a second Thundershock, the newcomer raised what looked like a massive AK-74u in one hand and fired off a single deafening shot that struck its target straight in the chest.
BANG! The round exploded in a geyser of gore, blasting open the EHPF officer's entire torso and exposing his ribcage and internal organs. With a horrendous shriek of pain, the Sonichu collapsed, flailing as his insides spilled out on the floor.
"RUN!" the sergeant bellowed in terror, and turned to flee. Before he could dash away, the massive beast raised its weapon and unleashed a second volley of explosive shells that turned him into a shower of red mist, fleshy scraps, and bits of fur and skin.
"SARGE!" screamed the remaining Sonichu, and hurled himself headlong at the attacker in what had to be the absolute stupidest decision he could have made in such a dire situation. The thing's armored hand fastened around his neck, lifting him bodily off the floor with a horrifying metallic chuckle.
As the Rosechu wailed and the larvae giggled to themselves, the monster stepped to the edge of the building, holding its struggling captive out over the ashen abyss. Stowing the large pistol with its other hand, it reached up to a sheath on its back and drew a jagged, misshapen sword. A rusty roaring sound filled the air, as if someone was using a chainsaw nearby. Only when the thing raised the blade did Kevin finally realize that the noise was coming from the weapon itself.
Crack!
A bolt of violet lightning flashed across the fallen city, and for one second, Kevin saw the monster's face…or rather, the colossal horned helm that covered its face like a piece of armor worn by the Knights Templar. Bulky plates of rusted metal covered it from head to foot, adorned with spikes, skulls, and other articles of intimidation. Whatever it was, this thing was definitely not human. Not even close to human.
"AAGHGAHGHGHGHGHGH!" gasped the choking Sonichu as it tried pathetically to punch its captor's plated chest. "GHGHGHGHAGAAAAAHHHHH! NHHHRRRRGGGGHHH!"
The armored knight simply let out a savage laugh and buried its sword in the screaming Sonichu's ribcage, sawing straight through muscles and bones as if they were crepe paper and toothpicks. As the chu was torn in half, its killer sheathed the sputtering weapon, took hold of its spasming lower body by its lightning bolt tail, and lifted it up off the ground as easily as a little girl would lift a doll.
"FOR TZEENTCH!" it roared, and hurled both halves of its victim out into space.
Allie clapped a hand over her mouth to stifle her oncoming scream, but even if she had, she would never have been able to drown out the horrified cries of the Rosechu. Snatching up the little Roseys, the pink Electric Hedgehog Pokemon turned and ran for the makeshift bridge. By now, Kevin was far beyond the point where he would have even considered shooting the chu and her illegitimate offspring. He was paralyzed, rooted to the spot, unable to do anything but watch this cavalcade of otherworldly horrors unfold before his frightened eyes.
As the Rosechu leapt onto the bridge, a horrific shriek that sounded like the cry of some monstrous bird echoed across the city. Terrified beyond rational thought, she made her way towards the other building, step by shaky step, clutching the feral larvae to her chest for balance.
"HRUEEEEEEEE!"
SHICK!
Something like a colossal blue manta ray with a hideous spiked mouth swooped down from up above and plucked the Rosechu right off the bridge, impaling her with its lamprey-like jaws and curved fangs. Two more of the flying beasts emerged from holes in an adjacent building and flapped out to join in on the feast. Kevin heard the chu screaming as the creatures tore her limb from limb, dropped her, caught her and fed on her some more, then finally let her mutilated corpse fall to the ashen sea below.
"HRUUUUEEE! HRUEEEEE!" shrieked the flying hunters as they wheeled back to find more prey.
"WOSEEEEEEY!"
Kevin looked back toward the bridge to see a new horror emerge from the darkness below. The armored warrior had gone now, and only the two feral Roseys were left alive. The Rosechu had dropped them when the flying manta ray had taken her, and now both of the little Electric Hedgehog Pokemon were waddling towards Kevin, crying their hideous eyes out as shadows and malformed shapes twisted and leapt from the room where the EHPF officers had died.
Another blue shadow hissed across the bridge, and just like that, the two Roseys became one. A tiny shriek of pain and fear echoed through the sky, followed by a sloppy crunch and then silence. Before the last Rosey could waddle another two feet, a horrendous slimy pink creature leapt onto the bridge from the floor below and snatched her up in two of its four slender clawed arms. The thing's twisted torso seemed to be made up of nothing but a monstrous mouth with two sets of jaws. Laughing madly, it raised the squealing, struggling Rosey to its maw and bit down hard, shredding the helpless little chu into a thousand scraps of meat.
"More," the voice chuckled again, and this time, Kevin knew exactly what it meant. "More. More! MORE!"
Licking its bloody lips, the warped monstrosity unleashed another bout of insane laughter and began crawling forward, eying the helpless Jerkops at the other end of the makeshift bridge.
Crack!
The familiar hollow report of Nick's sniper rifle reached Kevin's ears just as the nightmarish creature screeched in pain and toppled off the bridge with an oozing hole punched in the side of its head. Down below, more of the chattering beasts conjured what looked like balls of pink fire and hurled them across the city in a furious attempt to pin down the unseen Jerkop who'd just killed or critically injured one of their brethren.
"NOW!" shouted Matt, and dragged Kevin and Allie away from the hole. "Over the bridge! Hurry!"
"ARE YOU INSANE?!" screamed Allie as Matt drew his shotgun and leapt onto the slab of concrete and steel with the intent of crossing right into the heart of the swarm.
"There's no way down to the street here!" the Jerkop yelled back. "We stay here and we'll be trapped! Come on!"
"He's right," added Kevin, and reached for his AK-47. "One at a time! Watch the skies!"
More rifle fire lanced down from wherever Nick was shooting from, suppressing the horrors as they climbed further and further up toward the three operatives. Step by terrified step, Matt, Kevin, and Allie made their way across the bridge, taking care not to look down upon the unsettling sight of a wall of pink six-limbed beasts closing in on them.
"HRUEEEEEEEE!"
"TWO 'O CLOCK HIGH!" yelled Allie. Kevin whirled and opened fire frenziedly, striking one of the flying manta rays in its wing and sending the creature crashing headlong through the side of another building. Judging by the commotion within, its wound unfortunately hadn't been fatal.
A taloned limb appeared over the edge of the bridge, followed by the hideous face of one of the pink creatures. Allie raised Trogdor and blasted it right in the mouth, setting its entire torso on fire instantly. The monster shrieked and let go instinctively, plummeting into the abyss as its body burned and promptly split into two small lumps of writhing blue flesh.
Kevin reached the other side and pulled Allie across after him, then fired off another burst into the sky to keep the circling rays at bay. The room stank of dead chu flesh and corruption, but none of that mattered to the desperate Jerkops. As long as the giant armored knight didn't return, this building was their absolute best bet for getting away from the nightmares chasing them.
To do that, though, they'd need to get down to the street where they wouldn't be so easily trapped by whatever these things were. And judging by how high up they were, the way down wouldn't exactly be a walk in the park.
?
If Al, Amanda, and Serge had known what Kevin, Allie, and Matt had to deal with at the moment, they would have gladly traded places in a snap. Crouched behind a crumbling wall next to a large open space Al assumed had once been a plaza, the three operatives were working their way across to the other side, towards the sounds of gunfire and muzzle flash they'd heard a few minutes earlier.
"GOO-GOO! GOO-GEEEEEEEE!"
"WAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! SONEEEEEE!"
In the center of the ash-strewn plaza, a group of eight-foot-tall, heavily armed soldiers - wearing green armor and what looked like metal gas masks – had captured and surrounded the two injured feral Sonees, who were now screaming and crying at the tops of their little lungs.
"Rejoice…" hissed one of the warriors as it snatched up the blind Sonee in a rusted hand and shook the two bloody stones out of its eye sockets. "Rejoice, servant of the Great Corrupter…"
Grey smoke and a cloud of flies poured from the thing's gauntlet and forced themselves into the little chu's open mouth. The Sonee wailed helplessly and beat against the hard crushing metal with its armstubs, but its tormentors simply laughed and looked on as pus-filled boils and malevolent tumors erupted from the tiny creature's torso, eye sockets, and armstubs, swelling and swelling until it had become a blob of corrupted flesh - no longer recognizable as a Sonee.
"NEEEE! GOO-GOO! NEEEEEEE!" shrieked the other, noseless feral. The horrific ritual was promptly repeated, but whatever malignant forces had mutated the previous Sonee seemed to be working in a completely random manner. As soon as the struggling chu inhaled a single breath of flies and smoke, its chubby belly ruptured and split, disgorging its intestines and muscles until the Sonee had literally turned inside out, its flayed skin hanging from it like a bloody cloak.
A choking, spattering sound reached Al's ears as Amanda collapsed to her hands and knees and vomited into the ashes, her body shaking wildly of its own accord. Praying that the armored soldiers were too preoccupied to hear it, the Legend allowed Amanda a few seconds to pull herself back together, then continued leading his squad through the rubble.
"The others?" growled a metallic voice from the central plaza.
"Imperial loyalist dogs," spat another one of the soldiers as the two infested Sonees spasmed to their feet and waddled up to the squad, squealing hideously as their dead flesh continued to bubble and morph. His armor was more highly decorated than those of the soldiers surrounding him, and what was more, he had also adorned it with the skin of a dead Sonichu they'd caught and killed earlier. "Search the area. Kill or convert the rest, and the yellow and pink xenos too."
"HRUEEEEEEEE!" A flock of blue, tusked mantas flapped between the buildings overhead, temporarily distracting the armored warriors long enough for Al, Amanda, and Serge to run across the plaza to a large chunk of rock with an eight-pointed star carved into the side.
"The Lord of Change seeks them." The soldier chuckled and raised a massive assault rifle with spikes and skulls all across its plated surface. "Perhaps the other gods have taken notice as well. No matter. Grandfather Nurgle claims all in the end…" Laughing to himself, he led his squad away into the streets. The mutant Sonees stumbled after him obediently, tripping and gurgling. The corruption in their little bodies was forcing them onward against whatever will they had left.
When they had gone, Amanda immediately broke down, sobbing in utter panic. Al himself now teetered on the brink of insanity, and Serge had retreated to his inner "happy place" and was amusing himself by humming old Russian folk songs. In the end, it was Amanda who broke the silence in probably the most appropriate way to sum up all the horrors they'd just witnessed.
"Right, that's it," she groaned, wiping her mouth on her sleeve. "That's it. We're all fucked."
In a normal situation, Al would have reprimanded her. Now, though, he wholeheartedly agreed with Amanda's statement. Wherever they were, he and his Jerkops had stumbled into some hellish dimension of mutants, black magic, and cold-blooded killing machines. To say they were in over their heads would have been the understatement of the century.
"We're just going to have to keep moving," he said shakily, and raised his Desert Eagle toward the building they'd spotted the muzzle flashes in. "That's where Nick must've landed. If anyone else heard the shots, they'll go there too."
"So will enemies," grunted Serge as he snapped out of his fantasy world. "Not just shock-pigs."
Al exhaled loudly, ejecting a cloud of ash and steam from the sides of his welder's mask. He hated to admit it, but the huge Russian was absolutely right. There was no telling whether Nick had already been overrun up there by the same demonic creatures who had been killing off and torturing the chus all throughout the city. Just fifteen minutes ago, they'd passed the remains of the other Rosechu, who seemed to have been transformed into a hermaphrodite and now bore a malformed set of male genitals just above her china. She'd been whipped apart, flayed open to reveal muscles, organs, and bone beneath her ragged flaps of pink skin. But most disturbing of all had been the look on her face – absolute pleasure, as if she'd reached an orgasm at the moment of her death.
And here I was thinking their BDSM fetish couldn't get any more disturbing, thought Al as he remembered the Rosechu's ecstatic smile and bulging eyes. Gritting his teeth, he stood up and scanned the plaza for more of the murderous beasts, then led his squad forward, into the unknown. What awaited them further in the depths of the city was anyone's guess.
?
CRACK! CRACK!
Nick felt the rifle kick against his shoulder twice, and grinned as two mantas fell from the sky, trailing dark sprays of purple blood from their punctured wings and bodies. Swinging the barrel around toward the building where he'd seen Matt, Allie, and Kevin vanish into, the Jerkop fired off the rest of his clip into the writhing four-armed pink creatures climbing all over its surface, killing at least half a dozen more with well-placed shots. Dozens upon dozens of fireballs impacted against the protective walls of his little sniper's roost, but failed to penetrate.
Beside him, Sugarplum Fury whined and growled as each of the flaming shots struck the tower. The poor honey badger had slipped into a sort of "desperation mode", and was now curled up on the floor and pawing uselessly at the concrete. Nick was too distracted by his targets to worry about her, but he sincerely hoped Sugar was still ready and willing to defend herself if those things made it into the building. It might be futile, but if the skyscraper was breached, he wasn't about to go down without a fight.
"HRUEEEEEEEE!"
CRASH!
Nick leapt back, swearing in Spanish as one of the winged beasts crashed through the side of the building and lunged toward him and Sugar. Shrieking, it opened its tusked mouth and snapped forward, nearly fastening onto the Jerkop's arm in a blood-crazed rage.
"ADIOS, MOTHERFUCKER!" yelled Nick, and drove his machete straight into the manta's spiked head. He nearly lost his foot as the tusks snapped shut inches from his leg, but managed to retrieve the weapon and start frenziedly hacking away at its body. The two huge curved teeth on either side of its mouth clattered to the floor as Nick lopped them off, then delivered a forceful slash right across the beast's thrashing tail. Bleeding and grievously wounded, the huge leathery creature flopped backwards out of the hole in the wall and took off with another piercing cry.
Nick glanced down. Blood spattered the floor, but even Sugar wouldn't touch it. She was hissing and snarling like a rabid wolf, stumbling backward away from the constantly-shifting oily pools of violet liquid.
"You and me both, amiga," muttered the Mexican soldier, and wiped his bloody machete on the wall.
Gunfire sounded from the building with the other three operatives, and Nick immediately raised his rifle's scope to his eye. Through the whirling storm of ash, he could see flashes of light and bursts of flame coming from inside. Allie, Kevin, and Matt must have found more of the creatures. Cursing, Nick stowed the weapon on his back and grabbed Sugar. She didn't even try to bite him…in fact, she almost seemed happy at the prospect of leaving this nightmarish place.
"Hang on tight, girl," he ordered, and dashed for the stairwell. From here, he had no way of giving his squad any sniper support, and judging by how many of those things were crawling into the building, they needed every last bit of help they could get.
?
"I'm telling you, we're going the wrong way," insisted Jexis as she swung her MP5 from left to right, scanning the dark alleys and blinking furiously to keep the ashes out of her eyes. "The gunshots came from up there. She nodded to the building that, unbeknownst to her, Kevin, Allie, and Matt were trying to fight their way out of at that very moment. "There! Muzzle flash! Someone's in there!"
Kuri gazed up at the skyscraper and spun one of her knives around reflexively. "I don't know if we…"
A thunderous blast shook the city, nearly knocking both Jerkops to their feet. Shocked, Jexis gasped and turned to see a huge fireball rising from the street somewhere a few hundred yards away through the city. As they watched, the explosion dissipated into smoke and was quickly replaced by a flashing maelstrom of gunfire. A single flaming chunk of debris hurtled through the air, spinning out of the blast until it smashed into the side of another building and punched a massive hole in the wall.
Kuri glanced at her squadmate. "There."
"What?" The teenage medic blinked in surprise. "You don't mean we're gonna…"
"Someone's firing an AK-47 over there," insisted Kuri. "I think we just found our squad."
"Hope you're right," Jexis replied shakily, and switched her MP5 to full auto. "Okay, I'll go first. You watch the alleys and let me know if anything comes from be-"
CRASH!
The side of what looked like a massive stone cathedral exploded outward in a burst of grey dust and flickering purple flames, sending huge chunks of bricks and concrete raining down into the street. Kuri lost her balance and fell over, then scrambled away as a piece of flying rubble crashed onto the street. Three seconds more and it would have shattered her leg.
"You okay? You okay?" yelled Jexis as a metallic roar sounded across the city.
"Yeah, I'm fine!" Kuri leapt to her feet and started pulling the cadet away from the blast radius. "What was that? Did you see it?"
"No! I don't know! Let's get out of here before we find out!"
"FUCKING RUN!" Zoey yelled as she emerged from the dust cloud with her squad leader hot on her heels. "GRENADE! PUT A GRENADE IN THERE!"
"FIRE IN THE HOLE!" shouted Steve, and turned around as he wrenched a frag grenade off his belt. Heaving the explosive at some unknown assailant, he grabbed Zoey and pushed her forward. "Go! Get the fuck away from the…JEXIS! KURI!"
"STEVE!" Jexis waved frantically to the two Jerkops. "OVER HERE! HERE!"
The grenade exploded behind Zoey and Steve with a deafening BANG! as the Jerkops tore down the street, stumbling over piles of debris and jagged metal scraps in a rush to rejoin their squadmates. Another horrific bellow echoed across the fallen city, and Kuri felt the hairs on her arms prickling up in apprehension.
"What the hell's going on?!" she yelled as the two squad leaders slid down a large chunk of rubble and landed next to her and the medic.
"Later! RUN!" Zoey dropped her spent magazine to the ground, where it was quickly swallowed up by the churning ashes. A fresh cloud of dust exploded from the half-collapsed cathedral as a colossal red and yellow shape emerged with a roar of grinding metal. Without a word, Steve and Zoey dashed away faster than a cute boyfriend-free girl running away from Christian Weston Chandler.
Kuri and Jexis needed no second obligation.
?
"LEFT SIDE! LEFT SIDE!" shouted Matt as another seething horror lunged out of the hallway towards them. Allie swung Trogdor around and sprayed blazing fuel across the thing's face, setting two of its arms and its torso on fire and forcing it to beat a hasty retreat. Behind her, Kevin had dropped to one knee and was firing off shots with total disregard for whether they hit anything or not. The laughing fiends seemed to be able to shrug off anything less than a rifle bullet, but even they knew to stay far away from the murderous AK-47. He might have killed two, but by now, Kevin was long past the point where he could even keep count. Survival was the only thing he cared about now.
The Jerkops hurried down another flight of stairs, slamming doors and knocking over whatever they could in an attempt to slow down the tide of twisted pink creatures. They were horribly outmatched in close quarters, and a last stand would be futile. All they could do now was run, and run fast.
Out of the corner of his eye, Kevin glimpsed a large plume of dust rising from a building several stories down. The rattle of gunfire sounded from the streets, and for one horrifying moment, Kevin thought the monstrous knight had returned with backup.
"Come on!" Allie yelled, and pulled Kevin through the stairwell door just as a pair of shrieking monsters dropped down from the ceiling towards their escaping prey. She gave them both a quick blast of fire and slammed the door as the things burned and collapsed on the stairs.
The second floor of the building they were standing in seemed to have been hit by some sort of colossal explosion untold decades ago, and now lay half demolished – a great pile of rubble leading down to an open area in the streets with a statue of some twisted god and an eight-pointed star. At least it was better than being trapped in that skyscraper like rats in an air duct.
Kevin took the lead and slid down through the debris and ash, fighting to keep his balance as pieces of concrete slipped beneath his boots. Allie and Matt were right behind him, hanging on to each other for support due to the added weight of Trogdor.
If we just get down to the street, we'll have the advantage, the Jerkop thought desperately as he pulled himself over a large steel support beam. Behind him, one of the slavering beasts emerged from a window and dropped down, howling furiously as it watched its prospective victims flee down through the field of debris. Kevin raised his AK-47 and sent it scurrying for cover with a five-round burst, buying himself and his squadmates a few more precious seconds to put as much distance between them and their hunters as possible.
Above, the rays were assaulting Nick's tower, forcing their leathery winged bodies inside as heavy rifle rounds tore into them one by one. Praying that the sniper could find a way out of the building, Kevin dropped over the side of a concrete block and fell the last few feet to solid ground, then turned to help Allie down. As soon as he'd landed beside his squadmates, Matt immediately drew his shotgun again and racked the spent shell out of its chamber with a loud click-click.
Moving with a speed that only terror could have granted them, the Jerkops made for the nearest piece of cover – the base of the statue. It was a miracle they managed to reach it before the horrors emerged once more.
"Now…what?" Kevin panted as they watched the pink creatures spilling out of the building, searching for them and chattering to each other in some demonic tongue that sounded like the laughter of twenty insane men and women.
Before either Matt or Allie could answer, more gunfire had filled the air. Suddenly, the writhing crowd of twisted beasts was falling back to the safety of their building, running like frightened mice from the hail of assault rifle, pistol, and SMG rounds that Steve, Zoey, Kuri, and Jexis were pouring into their ranks.
"YES!" roared Matt, and leapt up with savage determination. "Come on, let's finish this! GET 'EM!" He stepped forward and began laying down blast after blast from his shotgun at the retreating swarm, more concerned with sowing panic among them than actually killing any.
"What the hell are you doing?" yelled Steve as he and the other Jerkops dashed towards them. "MATT! KEVIN! ALLIE! RUN FOR YOUR FUCKING LI-"
CRASH!
Kevin whirled toward the source of the blast and ejected his empty magazine, sliding his last full one into the AK as something monstrous and metallic lumbered out of a pile of rubble that had once been a solid concrete wall.
Like a miniature tank on legs, a titanic armored walker stepped forward from the dust cloud to face the assembled Jerkops. Standing nearly three times Kevin's height, the vehicle was painted with a slew of dark red and black, along with countless skulls, spikes, and chains of barbed wire. Its surface was marred by a thousand burns and indentations, as well as several bullet holes from battles of ages past. From its plated shoulders hung a pair of cylindrical arms, one of which was equipped with a significantly larger version of the chainsaw-sword the knight had wielded. Its mechanized legs and feet were perfectly suited to rough terrain, sacrificing speed for mobility as they maneuvered the walker over the ruins of the destroyed wall and toward the Jerkops.
What scared Kevin the most, however, was not the vehicle itself, but the creature piloting it.
Lashed inside what must have been a cockpit by a dozen coils of barbed wire, a single Sonichu – the last of the six EHPF officers who'd been sucked into the portal – moaned and gasped with what seemed like agony and rage. Its eyes had been sewn shut with more wire, but somehow the chu was now fused with its metal exoskeleton, and fully in control of its movements. A ragged eight-pointed star lay engraved in the skin of its furry chest, shining with flickers of orange and blood-red flame that seemed to emanate from inside the chu itself.
"What in God's name…" Zoey gasped in revulsion and horror.
"Zoey. Kevin. Jexis," ordered Steve, and dropped to one knee with his P90 raised to his shoulder. "Spread out on my mark and lay down support fire. I'll draw it in. Allie, get ready to torch the cockpit when it comes after me…"
The squad leader's voice trailed off and broke as a new sound split the air…the dreadful metallic clanging sound of steel boots on concrete.
Behind the Sonichu emerged a line of bulky shadows, marching forth from the smoke like the armies of hell itself. Armored in deepest crimson and gold, two dozen more of the knights and a small squad of what looked like elite warriors with chainsaw-axes spilled from the rupture, bearing a frightening array of assault rifles, pistols, larger weapons that glowed with baleful energy, and a handful of swords, axes, maces, and warhammers snatched from the realm of darkest nightmares.
"No…" Steve whispered, and for the first time since he'd joined the PVCC, Kevin heard nothing but sheer, undiluted fear in his squad leader's voice. Somehow, this was even worse than the sight of the murderous warriors standing before them.
The Sonichu and its massive piece of fused machinery both raised an arm simultaneously, their movements matching each other with horrific precision. A thunderous roar, far greater than any noise the chu could have made in its uncorrupted state, surged forth from its mouth as the knights began chanting something behind it.
Kevin looked at Allie in desperation, only to find that her face was as frozen with fright as Matt's and Kuri's and Jexis's and Zoey's and Steve's. He wanted to say something to her, to take her hand, to hug her, kiss her, anything, anything to comfort Allie and tell her it was okay, that they were all sharing the same nightmare, that they were going to emerge back into CWCville any second now, free of the torment and terror of this hellish place.
But as the warriors raised their weapons and began roaring savage battle cries at the top of their lungs, Kevin could finally understand what it was they had been chanting, and realized there had never been any hope for his squad's survival after all. From the moment they'd been caught in the Dark Mirror, every one of the Jerkops had been sentenced to die in this forsaken city.
So this is how it ends, he thought.
"BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!" screamed the knights, and lifted their guns to fire.
"BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!" roared the berserk warriors, and raised their axes to strike.
"BLOOD FOR THE BEAR GOD!" bellowed the armored Sonichu walker, and charged.
?
"I think they're gone for now, sweetie," muttered Nick as he set Sugarplum Fury down on the cracked concrete floor. The honey badger snuffled and scratched the side of her head indifferently. She'd kept herself relatively quiet and calm during the frantic flight downstairs away from the ravenous swarm of flying mantas, which was surprising given her apparent hatred of the vile beasts. Maybe it was shell-shock, or maybe she'd just decided to trust Nick for once in her life.
Whatever the case, the Jerkop was incredibly thankful that he'd made it down to the ground floor alive, and that Sugar hadn't clawed or bitten him at all. As docile as she was now, he still remembered that…horrible training session where Kuri had almost lost her fingers. Nick hoped to all that was holy that Sugar's days of attacking him were over. Maybe by ferrying her to safety, he'd gained a measure of trust from the savage little creature.
"You think anyone's still alive out there?" he asked her in Spanish as he knelt and patted her behind the ears. There was no need for English any more. Not while he was on his own like this.
"Rrrowr," growled Sugar, and nuzzled Nick's hand.
"I know," replied the Mexican soldier, and sat down beside her. Drawing his machete, he began wiping off the spatters of oily purple blood with the sleeve of his combat fatigues. "Hate to admit it, but neither do I."
"Grrrr."
"I'm going crazy," Nick laughed, but there was not an ounce of humor in his voice. "Guess this is how it all ends, right? Talking to a honey badger and waiting to die in hell. Dios mio."
Sugar didn't respond, but merely curled up once more for a nap.
"Right. You call me if you need me to shoot something." The Jerkop stood and stretched, then drew his pistol with his free hand. "I'm gonna go check this place out."
The ground floor lobby was as empty of furnishings as the rest of the building, but signs of long-destroyed architecture remained nonetheless. Nick wandered from place to place aimlessly, inspecting anything that caught his attention. There was just a strange, alien atmosphere to this place, even though it seemed to have been built to house humans. It was as if the past and the far future had clashed horribly and then been run through the grimmest, darkest filter the world had ever known. Skulls and eight-pointed stars seemed to be the "in" things in this world.
It's like something out of one of those post-apocalypse stories Steve's always writing, he thought to himself. Nick wasn't exactly sure what could have happened to the people who'd once lived in this place. Maybe there had never even been any people here at all. Maybe this was just some ethereal projection of hell that he and his squadmates were sharing. Nick wasn't a particularly devout man…he'd long ago rejected the belief that God loved His creations after witnessing the horrible atrocities committed by Christian Weston Chandler and his army of freakish chus. But even now, he was beginning to wonder if all his sins had finally caught up with him.
And what about the others? What had their sins been, and why were they all damned as well? Yes, some of them had killed other men and women…loyalist mercenaries…but it had all been for the greater good. And Nick highly doubted that any kind of loving God would condemn anyone for killing as many Sonees and Roseys as the Honey Badgers had since their inception. If anything, they were doing Him a service by cleansing the world of those crimes against nature.
So why them, and why now?
"Guh…guhhhh…hhhhelllpppp…"
Nick raised his pistol toward where the rattling gasp had come from. Behind a pile of rubble protruded a single jagged yellow tailbolt, spattered in blood. It was more than obvious what the object was connected to.
"Como estas, Sparky!" the Jerkop chuckled as he advanced on the wounded Sonichu. "Crashing into slumber on the job? Your father wouldn't like that now, would he?"
"No…ya don't…you're just a dirty…"
"Jerk? Troll? Spic? Look, pendejo, you were dead the moment I saw you. So why don't you just tell me what happened to all your chu friends, and maybe I'll just shoot you instead of chopping all your fingers off first."
"F***…you…" gasped the EHPF officer, and rolled over onto its stomach. Nick stepped right up to the prone creature and nudged its head around with the toe of his boot.
"My, my, what happened to you?" he asked condescendingly. "Listen, I've reconsidered my offer. Sugar!"
Across the room, the honey badger perked up and began trotting towards them. The smell of chu blood hung heavy in the air, and it wouldn't be long before Sugar went into a feeding frenzy. If the ferocity she'd displayed during the Soup Hotel extermination was any sort of barometer, then that Sonichu would be wise to start telling him what he wanted to know.
"Here's the deal," continued Nick as he knelt down and began sawing off one of the chu's pointy headspikes with his machete to keep as a trophy. "You start talking, and I'll put you down as painlessly as I can. You give me any trouble, and I'll leave you to my…ah…my interrogator."
Sugar appeared around the rubble pile, slavering like a rabid dog. Her eyes shone with a savage gleam, and it took a good chunk of Nick's willpower to not just break down and let her work her magic on the helpless Electric Hedgehog Pokémon.
"So I'm gonna count to three," he said, and raised three fingers in front of the Sonichu's fused eyeballs. "One."
"The Combo's…going to kill y'all!"
Nick laughed. "We're in hell, buddy. We're already dead. Two."
"F*** YOU! F*** YOU!"
"Three. Sugar, safety o-"
CRACK!
"Mierda!" yelled Nick as he spun toward the abrupt sound. The room filled with a deep purple glow, and a vertical line of blue fire materialized in midair no fewer than five yards away from him. As the Jerkop, Sugar, and the Sonichu watched in disbelief, a rift widened and expanded until it reached about six feet tall, then spat forth what looked like a dark cloud of shifting energy. It wasn't until the cloud stood up and shook its head that Nick finally realized that this thing that had emerged out of the portal was nothing less than…
"Ugh," grunted the black Rosechu dizzily, and brushed a few specks of debris out of her fur. "Another successful transport, right? They're not paying me anything close to enough for this." She stretched and adjusted what looked like a purple armored bra. "Oh well, time to find…"
Click!
"Who the fuck are you?" Nick snarled as he raised his pistol, lining up a shot directly toward…
…the wall?
"Look, I don't have time for this," replied the Rosechu from the top of the debris pile, where she was sitting cross-legged with a bored expression. "All you need to know is that…what the hell are you doing to that Sonichu?"
Nick glanced up at the newcomer, blinked, glanced down at the wounded EHPF officer, blinked again, then looked back to the Rosechu, who had seemingly just leapt through space in less than a second. "Interrogation?"
"Ha! No need." The female Electric Hedgehog Pokémon leapt down gracefully to join him. Sugar snarled at her, but Nick held up a hand to stop the honey badger. He wasn't entirely sure why this Rosechu didn't seem to want him dead…or why she wasn't a giggling airheaded abomination like the rest of her species. All he knew was that she could teleport, and judging by the prominent bulge in her panties, there was a bit more to her than her feminine form suggested. Several bits more, apparently.
"What do you mean, 'no need?'" he said warily.
The hermaphroditic creature glanced down distastefully at the injured Sonichu. "Because you were probably going to ask him where your friends are, right?"
"Not really. I just wanted to know how he ended up here."
"Who cares?" laughed the Rosechu, and drove the heel of her boot into the side of the EHPF officer's neck. The Sonichu flopped around weakly and spluttered, trying to fight off the crushing force, but it wasn't long before his throat crunched beneath his killer's weight. Blood poured out of his nose and mouth in an expanding red pool, soaking into his fur and headspikes.
"What do you know about my friends?" asked the Jerkop as the chu spasmed and died. Sugar promptly hastened over to the corpse and began greedily ripping off large pieces of flesh.
"Hang on a sec. I'll get them for you."
With that, the Rosechu disappeared. Nick scratched his head. Maybe he really was going crazy. There was no way in hell anything that unbelievably random could have possibly…
CRACK!
"AAAAAHHHH! FUCK! FUCK!" yelled Steve in immense agony, clutching the right side of his face as he materialized in the room with Zoey, Kevin, Jexis, Allie, Matt, and Kuri. All of the Jerkops looked as if they'd been through a meat grinder and an inferno, both at the same time.
"What the hell? WHAT THE HELL?" Zoey spun left and right with her AK-47 raised, searching for the now-nonexistent enemies that had been mere seconds away from slaughtering her and the rest of her comrades. "Nick? Sugar? What are you…"
"Don't even ask," growled the sniper. "Hell, I don't even know what's going on anymore."
"Jexis! Get over here!" shouted Kevin as he and Kuri grabbed Steve's arms to keep him from collapsing. The squad leader's face had gone a deathly pale, and blood was now pouring through his fingers and sheeting down the side of his head and neck into the collar of his sweatshirt.
"What happened? I heard Kuri yell something about Steve's…"
"Let me see. Steve! Let me see the…oh, fuck." Kevin eased Steve's trembling hand away from the bloody injury to reveal an open hole that had once housed his right eye. "Fuck! Jexis, his eye's gone!"
"I've got gauze!" yelled the medic, and pulled a large wad of it out of her emergency kit as Sugar leapt forward and began licking her master's bloody face. "Sugar, get off! Kuri, what was it?"
"Shrapnel." Kuri eased Steve down onto his back, where Jexis could tend to him more easily. "Caught him right in the socket. When he pulled it out, he took out the eyeball too."
"Jesus," breathed Matt. "Is he gonna be okay?"
"I think I can stop the bleeding!" said Jexis, and began applying strip after strip of gauze to the wound to soak up the blood. "Keep his head tilted up!"
CRACK!
"…you ever tell me I don't know where we…huh?" Amanda asked confusedly as she suddenly appeared in the room, followed by Al, Serge, and the black Rosechu. "What the fuck? God damn it! How'd we get here?"
"She knows," growled Nick, and pointed. One by one, all of the Jerkops except Steve and Jexis looked up expectantly, fixing the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon with a wall of blank, utterly confused stares. A few seconds of infuriating silence passed before the newcomer finally spoke.
"Look," said the Rosechu in a slow, patient voice. "I know you all probably got about a bajillion questions you want me to answer, and I'm just going to say this right now: don't even try to figure out what just happened to you. For now, all you need to know is that my name's Silvana Rosechu, and believe it or not, I'm on your side."
Zoey blinked. "What?"
"I know, I know." Silvana raised her hands and rolled her eyes. "You weren't around for Project Asperchu, so you're probably still thinking that me and every one of my horrible brothers and sisters are still Chandler's retarded puppets, right? Well, turns out you're gonna have to deal with a few big changes once I take you home." She pointed to Steve. "Stabilize him and get ready to leave. We're going back to CWCville."
"Hold on, hold on," said Al as he stepped forward. "I know about Project Asperchu. Are you…PVCC?"
"Ehhhhh…not really," replied Silvana. "I just go where my father tells me to go and do what he tells me to do. And since my father's been working so closely with that Walsh woman you all love so much, I guess I don't have a choice, now do I?"
"Okay. Stop!" yelled Zoey. "Where the hell are we? How'd we even end up in this place?"
The Rosechu sighed. "You don't want to know. Dimensional crossings aren't exactly the safest way to travel. If you do it right, you might end up in…I don't know…somewhere better than here. If you fuck it up, like Walsh did with that stupid Dark Mirror test, then you end up here. Father calls it the Warp. Think of it like an interdimensional dumping ground, full of things that want you deader than dead."
"Father? Who are you ta-"
"ENOUGH!" yelled Silvana, and levitated a few feet off the ground. "No more questions! Is Blondie stable?"
Jexis looked up from Steve. "Yeah. I mean, yes, I think I stopped the bleeding enough for…"
"Okay. Hold on."
Kevin felt himself unconsciously grab hold of Allie's hand. What little sanity remaining in his mind had evaporated long ago, and now there was nothing left but a seemingly never-ending parade of horrifying randomness. The Sonichu mech had been literally three inches away from grinding his face into mush when the world suddenly vanished and he'd ended up here, plucked from the edge of death by a force he still couldn't understand. For the most part, he didn't even want to understand it. He just wanted to go home and leave this nightmare world behind.
A field of purple energy expanded around Silvana as she called up another rift, identical to the one she had used to enter the Warp. Once again, Kevin felt the lightning enter him, carrying him back into the void and out of reality itself.
As the dead city and all of its horrors melted away, the world turned to violet. Storms of cosmic energy swirled around Kevin as he was hurled through time and space, across entire realities and dimensions…none of which he could comprehend in the slightest. Once, he glimpsed a single pretty young woman, very similar to Allie in appearance, floating peacefully in the void and wearing clothes identical to those of Christian Weston Chandler. Passing it off as a hallucination, he closed his eyes and thought of his mother and father, of Lucy and Nate, and of all his old friends from high school. He hadn't seen their faces in either three or six years, and for all he knew, they probably thought he was long dead.
If only we could tell everyone the truth about CWCville, he thought to himself as the violet world shimmered and gave way to darkness. If only they knew what I've done…what I've fought for.
"Kevin?"
Kevin opened his eyes and blinked. It was dark, he was flat on his back, and Allie was kneeling beside him, still holding his hand. Beneath him lay the cold hard asphalt of a CWCville street. Brightly-lit skyscrapers towered overhead, and past them, he could make out the tiny pinpricks of stars in the night sky. The night was cold…very cold, more like winter than the end of spring.
Home.
"We're back," he whispered, and gave Allie a warm smile. She returned it and helped him to his feet. Both Jerkops were a little shaky upon first standing up, but the familiar sensations of the city soon returned, filling Kevin with an intense surge of relief and joy. For the very first time in his life, he was glad to be in CWCville.
"YEAH!" shouted Matt as he dropped to his knees and looked around, tallying up every Honey Badger in sight. "We made it! We all made it out alive!"
"Barely," Steve groaned. Jexis, Kuri, and Zoey were helping the injured squad leader up while Al was speaking with Silvana over by the sidewalk. Amanda, Serge, and Nick were scoping out their location, trying to get a fix on where exactly in CWCville they'd all landed.
"Looks like it's about 8 or 10 o'clock," observed Kevin. "Were we gone that long? It didn't feel like that much."
Allie shrugged. "You're asking me? I don't care what time it is - I'm just glad to be home."
"If you can call this place home," added Matt as he stared around the street in sudden apprehension. "Where'd we end up? Is this the abandoned zone?"
Kevin stared up at the nearest apartment building, noting the shadows moving around inside the lit windows. "I don't think so. There's people here. Lightning district, maybe?"
"Maybe. If that's the case, then we need to get off the street, fast."
The west side of the city, nicknamed the Lightning district, was a notoriously chu-heavy locale, and many of its houses and apartments had been converted over the years to house the ever-expanding Electric Hedgehog Pokémon population. Naturally, since all of the chus went tax-free and received all of their money from the city budget, they could afford much more high-quality amenities and housing than the humans of CWCville could even hope to see in their lifetimes.
But this wasn't even close to luxurious. The walls and windows of the surrounding shops and restaurants were plastered with graffiti and propaganda posters, and several panes of glass had been broken. FACE-RAPING SLUT had been sprayed across a nearby billboard which had apparently once held an image of Rosechu's head. Around it lay a myriad of other strange slogans, none of which Kevin recognized from his night patrols.
ONLY DEATH AWAITS THE SONICHU SPAWN
STAY IN THE TIME VOID FOREVER, YOU COCKSUCKING MANBABY
RISE, RESIST, REMEMBER TENNESSEE
"Does anyone know what the hell all this stuff means?" asked Matt to no one in particular. Kevin and Allie shook their heads. A chorus of "no"s swept through the Honey Badgers. Only the Legend himself seemed to have the tiniest idea of what was going on, and from the looks of it, whatever Silvana was telling him had just taken a few years off his life.
"…and I've notified Walsh," the psychic Rosechu explained brusquely. "I can take you to Menchi-Nasu, but you're on your own from there on out. Remember, I only did this on my father's orders. Don't take it personally."
"No," replied Al. "No, I…I understand. She'll want to debrief us. But please, don't bring us in in and cause…"
CRACK!
Kevin felt himself pulled through another, smaller rift at a truly mind-shattering speed, twisting and flashing in and out of reality until…
"…too much chaos," finished Al as he looked up and found himself staring at Mary Lee Walsh, Vivian Gee, Liquid Chris, and Kacey Devoria. The Honey Badgers were no longer outside in the street, but rather, inside what seemed to be an old high school principal's office that had been expanded and converted into a command center for the PVCC. Flat-screen monitors decorated the walls, and a huge bank of computers and laptops had been set up at what Kevin assumed was Vivian's overwatch desk. Several windows allowed the room's occupants to see what was going on outside, and Kevin could make out several Jerkops in full combat gear making their way down the halls. Each group was accompanied by what appeared to be a tiny floating machine, but he couldn't tell what the things were at this distance.
It was impossible to tell which party was more surprised or happy to see the other, but judging by the look of sheer gratitude on Mary Lee Walsh's face, the Honey Badgers had not gone unmissed.
"Good God," the PVCC commander breathed, and stepped forward to examine her newly-returned Jerkops. "You're alive. You're all alive."
"Alive, present, and reporting for duty, ma'am," Al reported sharply and saluted before respectfully removing his welder's mask. "If I may make one request, though…"
"Denied, Ledger," replied Walsh. "You don't get one request. You and your squad literally walked through hell without losing a single operative. By my authority and the authority of the entire PVCC administration, you may make as many goddamn requests as you want."
"If that means I can also speak freely," grunted Steve as Zoey helped him forward. The Jerkop's makeshift gauze eye patch was soaked in red stains, and his entire body was visibly shaking from blood loss. "I could use some fucking medical attention, commander."
Walsh nodded. "Silvana?"
The black Rosechu vanished, taking Steve with her to what Kevin assumed was the infirmary, then popped back into the room. It took her less than five seconds to complete the trip.
"Thank you," said Al. "Now I think we'd all like to know what exactly went wrong, and how we ended up fighting for our lives against…" He turned to Silvana. "What did you call them?"
"Daemons," replied Silvana. "Daemons, Chaos Space Marines, and other servants of the four Ruinous Powers."
"What she said," the Legend finished.
"It's a long and complicated story that involves idiocy and irresponsibility on my part," Walsh admitted with a good measure of shame in her voice. "I miscalculated the Dark Mirror's area of effect. Basically, you were all trapped in the Warp because I put my faith in a form of energy we hadn't yet mastered. But if it's any consolation, we managed to stabilize the weapon and used it to trap Chandler's cloned sister, Crystal. It was supposed to trap Chandler himself, but…"
"Wait, wait, wait," Zoey interjected. "When did you do all this? We've only been gone a few hours."
"It probably felt like that to you," replied Liquid. "You were below the Time Void – it must have played temporal havoc with you. You were lucky Graduon stabilized the shift long enough for Silvana to pull you out."
"Wait, wait, wait," repeated Zoey. "Please, please just slow down. What's a Time Void? What do you mean, 'temporal havoc'? What shift? Wh-"
"We jumped forward through time," muttered Al, and looked at each member of his squad in turn. His voice sounded unnaturally harsh, filled with defeat and helpless anger. "I'm sorry. I should have told all of you as soon as Silvana told me. This isn't the CWCville we left."
Zoey stared back in silence, shocked beyond words. Around her, the other Jerkops were all experiencing the same reaction. If Kevin hadn't been clutching Allie's hand, he probably would have flat-out snapped and gone insane then and there.
"Today's date," Kacey explained reluctantly, "is January 10, 2008. You've been gone for nearly four years."
Kuri whirled around and stormed out the office door without even asking permission to leave. Jexis reached back and closed the door, but Kevin could still hear Kuri shouting at the top of her lungs in anger and disbelief, and the surprised yells of PVCC personnel as they ran over to calm her down. The rest of the squad had simply entered a zombielike trance, and were so dazed by this devastating news that they were simply unable to respond in any way, shape, or form.
Had Steve been with them, and if he'd still had both eyes, Kevin wouldn't have been surprised at all if the squad leader had dropped to his knees and started screaming that he'd slept too long.
"To put it lightly, quite a lot has happened in CWCville since the Dark Mirror test," continued Walsh in a gentle, sympathetic tone. "I'm sure your fellow Jerkops will be more than happy to fill in the details, but for now, I'll let Vivian give you a summary."
Gee nodded. "Back in the summer of 2004, we held a secret convention at Slumberland to appoint a second council of administrators. During that time, we gained the support of two major assets – Team Rocket and Dr. Ivo Robotnik – you probably know who they are from the news."
Kevin certainly did. The former had tried to murder him and his brother Nate worked for the latter as an engineer. And now the PVCC had just joined forces with a terrorist organization and a certified genius with an army of robotic death machines. If this was the world he'd been thrown into, then it seemed as if the conflict had just gone up a few notches in terms of insanity.
"We gained a huge amount of support after the merger," continued Vivian. "And to top it all off, Operation Rift was still going strong. We'd wiped out all but ten percent of the feral Sonee and Rosey population, so we started focusing attacks on the loyalist soldiers and EHPF. Slumberland was left to Giovanni, and we founded a new HQ in the ruins of Piedmont Virginia Community College. Those were the good days, and they lasted pretty much until 2006. Unfortunately, we had to abandon the new base in July 2005 because Chandler and his cloned sister destroyed the college after our new Jerkop high commander Marcus Bagget captured him and brought him here to be executed. We could've ended the conflict then and there, but we had no idea he'd resorted to cloning actual people. All he did was take his own DNA and turn it female."
Gee sighed and adjusted her hair. "By that fall, we were making serious progress on all fronts. The streets were quiet and attacks were at an all-time low, so that gave us time to focus on outfitting our Jerkop squads with support from Robotnik. We'll get you a LIESA unit soon enough, but I'm afraid you'll have to make do with an older model. We're running low on supplies as is…oh, you probably have no idea what I mean, do you? Well, Robotnik started making us everything we wanted and more – robotic soldiers called S.A.V.s, unmanned fighter jets, combat drones, and enough ammunition to bring down a small nation. Meanwhile, Alec and his Asperpedia team evolved that Sonee you captured into a ground-type Sonichu named Simonchu. He's been working as a support unit for a while now."
"You mean, we've got chus fighting with us now?" Amanda scratched her head in disbelief.
"Project Asperchu was designed to give us a tactical advantage over the Chaotic Combo," explained Liquid. "Simonchu was only the first. Since then, we've cloned several more chus – Blazebob Sonichu, Chloe Rosechu, Asperchu, a new Combo and a new Sonichu…"
"…but only Simonchu's been successfully tested in the field so far," Gee added. "Then, in the spring of 2006, everything went to shit. It all started when we lost contact with an entire squad somewhere in the slum district. We thought maybe one of the Combo was responsible, but it was ferals. Thousands and thousands of ferals." Her eyes burned with anger. "Chandler was doing something right for once while we were all celebrating. He engineered a new trait into some Rosechus – a 'breeder trait' that reduces their gestation period and lets them lay up to eight eggs at once. He set them up with entire harems of Sonichus. They're basically baby factories now."
"Jesus Christ," gasped Nick. "What happened? Did Rift start again?"
"No, by then, Rift was over. We started Operation Spark to try and suppress the new wave of ferals. We gassed the sewers. We torched the abandoned zone. We killed and killed and killed until we thought we'd killed them all, but they just kept on coming. By the time we were forced to retreat, they'd swarmed Hogwash by attacking through the sewers. It was a miracle anyone managed to get out alive. We lost so many Jerkops…the whole operation was a complete failure. Now the ferals rule the streets. They just run around eating everything in sight. Chandler started this program where he assigned some citizens to be their 'caretakers'. Anyone who refused got turned into Feeding Day chow."
Kevin felt like collapsing, and probably would have if Allie hadn't been there to hold him up. Tens of thousands…tens of thousands. And if the ferals had indeed progressed out of the sewers and into the streets, what did that mean for the human population of CWCville?
"To top it all off, Sonichu and Rosechu went and got married March 17, 2006 : )," growled Kacey. "As if the chus needed more reasons to fight on, now here were their two biggest heroes…apart from Chandler, of course…tying the knot. And then they went ahead and popped out three little…"
"I'm getting to that," said Vivian. "A few months after the marriage, Chandler's old friend Sarah Hammer married this guy…Spicer, I think his name was…and gave up her power as Saramah Rosechu. We let her walk away alive, seeing as all she'd done was help destroy Graduon's golem."
"The golem would have worked," the spirit snarled inside Kevin's head. Again, no one else besides Walsh seemed to recognize Graduon's disembodied voice. He'd have to ask her about that later.
"So we sent in Megan Schroeder as her Sailor Megtune superhero persona to infiltrate the wedding, and she went ahead and declared herself a traitor to the PVCC." Vivian smiled knowingly. "Chandler bought it, of course. Wes Iseli staged a distraction, but all that matters is that Megan put herself on the line to become Chandler's potential Sweetheart. He loved her. Absolutely infatuated. He even gave her a cloned freak of her own – this giant skunk-thing she named Megagi. In fact, he was cloning a lot of new friends…even his dead dog."
Gee took a deep breath, but Walsh quickly stopped her and took over the explanation. "By June 2006, the ferals had overrun the city. We couldn't cripple their population at all. They were infesting homes, apartments, anywhere with food and people that Chandler could force to take care of them. No matter how many we killed, it would never be enough. Then we started seeing more and more homebreds wandering around with their parents. With the streets secured by ferals, the chus were adapting into the family stage of their lives – or at least, what Chandler thinks happy families should be like. Which brings me to the biggest piece of bad news you'll hear tonight."
Kevin gulped. He had a feeling he knew what was coming, and it wasn't pretty.
"Sonichu and Rosechu…have had three children: Cera Rosey, Christine Rosey, and Robbie Sonee." Walsh shuddered violently and gritted her teeth. "We didn't think it would be so bad at first – just another three homebreds to kill. But then Chandler started touting the three brats as symbols of hope, turning them into the poster children for chu superiority. And guess what? They loved it. They loved all the attention, all the fame, all the entitlement, and everything else that came with their new status. They felt they deserved all of it, being so special and important just because their mother and father were the true and original Sonichu and Rosechu. So now we're stuck hearing about these spoiled, self-centered, spiteful little beasts everywhere we go." She clenched her hands into fists. "They've got to be put down. And when the time comes…"
Walsh paused, surveying each operative in turn as she made what was probably the most important decision she'd ever made in regards to the Honey Badgers. When she finally spoke again, there was nothing but pure loathing in her voice.
"When the time comes…I want you to put them down."
Al's eyes widened in surprise. "What?"
"You heard me," said Walsh. "Think of it as my apology for stealing four years of your lives. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, though. During the winter of 2006, Simonchu was injured while on assignment, and some mercenaries got ahold of a blood sample. Chris decided to send us a horrible insult, and cloned a female version of Simonchu he calls Simonla Rosechu. Rumor has it that he'd been trying to pair her up with Wild so he could have more damn poster children. But by the next summer, we'd stabilized the Dark Mirror into a weaponized form, and on October 11, 2007, we used it on Chandler to try and end this struggle. All we managed to do was trap Crystal inside, thanks to her saving Chris and Megan. Megan was even ready to sacrifice herself in order to trap Chandler forever."
She sighed. "But we failed. A dark energy surge escaped from the Warp and affected Giovanni's son. He's being hospitalized right now, but intel suggests that a Greater Daemon of the god Slaanesh named Reldnahc made its way into Naitsirhc's head and corrupted him. We don't know whether this is good or bad yet. We met four new major enemies that day – Megagi abandoned Megan due to her being a creation of Chandler's, a purple sword-wielding Sonichu named Darkbind showed up with Chandler's resurrected dog Patti-Chan, and we even got to tangle with Chandler's prototype clone of an Electric Hedgehog Pokémon – Bionic the Hedgehog. I don't even know how many Jerkops died in that battle, but we were crippled so hard that the PVCC's still recovering, even with our new robotic support units."
Each word was another cold dagger in Kevin's heart. While they'd been running from daemons and Chaos Marines, the PVCC had fallen to pieces. What kind of hellish chu-infested world had the Honey Badgers returned to inherit? And how could this Bionic be a predecessor to Sonichu, when Sonichu had been born through Sonic the Hedgehog's fusion with a Pikachu…
NO! No! What did I tell you? his brain shouted, cutting off his thoughts before he gave himself an aneurysm and spontaneously replacing them with an image of a kitten.
"Then, on November 2nd, we finally had a reason to hope again. Chandler was experimenting with the Warp when he ended up traveling through time and getting himself stuck in a temporal dimension known as the Time Void. He's still trapped there even now. The city held a huge celebration…dancing, music, drinking, drugs, orgies…"
Matt looked as if he would have loved to blow his own head off with his shotgun then and there, if only to stop the painful news from coming.
"…but the very next day, 4-cent_garbage was assaulted by Sonichu, Rosechu, and Wild. We haven't managed to get Jason to tell us what exactly happened or how it went down, but he's in a comatose state right now from taking Rosechu's vagina to the face multiple times at high velocity. Apparently, when she gets really, really angry, she turns into something I can only describe as radical feminism gone about as wrong as wrong can go. Anyway, the chus picked up on our weakness, and decided to throw a one-two punch. Take a look at this."
Vivian tapped a few buttons on a nearby computer, and the screens suddenly filled with…
"Oh, good GOD!" screamed Zoey in revulsion as dozens of pictures of nude Rosechus in various suggestive and overly sexual poses engulfed the command center in a storm of pure wrongness.
Kevin's eyes drifted from horror to horror. A brown Rosechu with drills for hands had lifted up her carapace to reveal a pair of furry breasts underneath. Bubbles floated free in a tank of water, twisting her body and displaying her repulsive blue china. Lolisa had been photographed mid-dance, her hands clasped over her headphoned ears as she swayed and shook her body around, entirely au natural. In the background, a tiny Rosechu with wings and a firefly's tail hovered around, casting light on each of the models. But most dreadful of all was the true and original Rosechu herself. She showed no shame, took no prisoners, presented her lady parts for all the world to see in a disturbing display of what Kevin assumed was supposed to be feminism. But she was acting more like what some sex-deprived desperate virgin with rage would think feminists acted like. And this…this was just sick.
"Enough," said Walsh, and Gee mercifully terminated the slideshow of doom. "As you can see, the propaganda devastated us. People were exposed to this nearly every hour of every day – on TV, on billboards, magazines, newspapers, everything was filled to the brim with these…these utter sluts demanding that we stop accusing them of being male by shoving their…chinas…in our faces. Figuratively and literally, in some cases."
Allie was squeezing Kevin's hand so hard that he thought she might crush the bones if she wasn't careful. But this was a grip of pure rage, not fear. All he could do was wait, and listen.
"And until you showed up tonight," concluded Mary Lee Walsh, "that was the last major event we had to deal with in your absence." She sat down in her command chair and crossed her legs, holding Graduon in her lap. "Is it beginning to make more sense now?"
"Yes," muttered Al. "Yes, it does. And it sickens me."
"Then that's where I'll leave you for tonight." The PVCC commander smiled. "Welcome to Menchi-Nasu, Honey Badgers. This is your new home. We'll get you outfitted and debriefed tomorrow, but for now, I think you've all earned a shower and some rest."
The door creaked open. Kuri poked her head back into the room. "Sorry. What just happened?"
Al glanced at Zoey. "You tell her."
Menchi-Nasu, Honey Badger barracks, 1 hour later
"So what we have here," Al explained as Zoey passed him what looked like a legless Rosey made out of metal plating and prayers, "is a first-generation Robotnik LIESA unit, or Larval Infiltration, Extermination, and Support Automaton. This one's kind of…uh…special. Sorry, it's the only one they had left. Go ahead and activate it for them, Zoey."
"LIESA, power command 'on'," instructed the Jerkop.
Kevin, Allie, and the rest of the Honey Badgers watched with bemused interest as the combat drone's eye-screens flickered on into a basic Windows XP startup screen, then turned a bright green, like those of a real Rosey's. The familiar Windows jingle sounded from tiny speakers in its ears and cheekspots, and with a faint humming sound, the LIESA unit lifted up and began to hover in place a few inches above the floor.
"SUZI, reporting for duty," an artificial female voice crackled as the drone saluted with a hydraulic armstub.
Matt knelt beside the tiny robot and inspected it. "SUZI? What does SUZI stand for?"
SUZI scratched her head and looked around frenziedly. A shower of sparks burst from her cheekspot speakers, and she began spasming left and right. "Command not recognized. Error 1742. Reverting to factory settings in 54321SuziSuzibobuzibananafan nafofuziiiiiieeeeeEEEEE!"
Crack! Pop! The LIESA unit dropped to the floor and tipped over backwards, gushing smoke as its circuits overloaded and died. It gave a momentary shudder, then lay still.
"Well, that sucked," commented Jexis in an accurate summary of everyone's reaction to the failed support weapon.
"Give me a few weeks with it and I'll have her up and running," replied Al, and picked up the limp combat drone. "We'll go over everything again tomorrow, but for now, I want you all to get some sleep. Dismissed." He turned and headed for his commander's office, carrying the still-smoking SUZI in one hand.
Kevin went straight for the couch and crashed down without a word, attempting to get himself more acclimated to this new barracks they'd been given. It was certainly larger, but it also looked like it had once been a classroom. The desks and chairs had been replaced by map tables, a sofa, and a crude fireplace made from an oil barrel and some metal pipes. A large whiteboard covered one wall – an improvement from the small board they'd used at Slumberland. The other walls were pretty much barren, but knowing his squadmates, they'd be filled with propaganda posters soon enough. At least the room had enough space for a TV…even if there were only two channels – both illegal – that were worth watching.
He still couldn't believe that all their possessions had been redistributed to other squads, though. When the Honey Badgers disappeared off the face of the earth, the PVCC had declared them killed in action…which made sense, seeing as how they'd been literally sucked into hell. Now their old barracks at Slumberland was occupied by one of Giovanni's Jerkop squads, and here they were, reassigned as members of Mary Lee Walsh's personal task force at Menchi-Nasu.
It was almost too much for him to comprehend.
The room gradually grew silent as the Jerkops headed off to their new sleeping quarters. Kevin stayed on the couch long after the rest of his squad had gone to sleep, thinking and thinking about what the temporal shift had done to the world he'd left. Four years…it would have seemed almost ludicrous had the three-year time rip not happened during the fall of CWCville.
Regardless of that, he was still stuck in this present for now, and the best thing he and his friends could do was acquire as much information as possible from the surviving Jerkops. Were Blanca, Emily, and Jackie still alive? Were Linda and Tammy? Just how many operatives had lost their lives in the four years since they'd entered the Warp?
The Jerkop groaned and leaned back. Thinking about this stuff was enough to drive a person insane. He knew he needed to get some sleep…maybe he'd just crash into slumber on the sofa…
Before long, Kevin lay fast asleep, dreamlessly waiting for an unfamiliar dawn, and the new world that awaited him in 2008.
END OF PART II