I know my updates have been slow recently, and I apologize. Thanks for your patience. Hope you enjoy this chapter
Ziva knew there was something on his mind the moment he got home.
It was in his distant eyes, his tense jaw and the general heaviness to his mood. It was as if he was conflicted. As if he was trying to make a big choice about something. Or perhaps he'd already made the choice and now couldn't quite decide whether or not it was the right one. Whatever was going on in that head of his, she'd learned over the years that it was best to just be patient. If it was really important, he would tell her eventually. If not? Then she'd just have to try and live without solving the mystery. Nowadays, though, they were more than just partners. Their bond was as strong as it ever could be. If she really wanted him to open up, she knew he would do so. If he really didn't want to talk it out, then he may just have to be mad at her for a little while.
When she found him leaning on the door frame of their daughter's bedroom, gazing emptily in the sleeping little girl's direction, she was certain that something was bothering him. She decided to take the casual, gentle approach. ''Lia tried to wait up for you, but she was too tired.'' She informed him in a hushed tone.
His head barely twitched in her direction. ''I got a little held up at work.''
''It is okay.'' She assured him, wrapping her arm around his waist and leaning her head against his shoulder. ''She is not upset. Your little girl just likes to know you have come home safely.''
That information seemed to make his face pale slightly, and he gripped her hand with an unexpected intensity. ''You know I love you, right?'' He asked in tight whisper. And there was something in his voice, something she recognized. It almost sounded as if he was about to apologize for something. ''Both of you.'' He clarified after a moment.
''I think you make that clear in everything you do, Tony.''
He sighed heavily, and she could have sworn his eyes grew a bit wet with unshed tears. ''Not everything.''
Now she was more than concerned. ''What is going on?'' She dared to ask.
''I...the case…'' He began, but couldn't quite seem to find the words he was looking for.
After closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, he seemed to have composed himself. ''The case has led us to a contractor group in Afghanistan.'' He explained, as if that was terrible news. ''The dead marine was actually part of their team.''
''That is…good? You have narrowed down the list of suspects.'' She offered unsurely.
He shook his head. ''They've disappeared. Gone into hiding or something, I don't know.''
''Is anyone looking for them?''
He met her eyes for the first time that night. There was a certain darkness in his hazel orbs that suddenly had her heart squeezing with worry. ''A team's being sent out tomorrow.'' He answered, before swallowing in apparent nervousness. ''It's gonna be led by NCIS.''
It all started making sense to Ziva now. Her gut twisted with dread. ''And it is your investigation. You are the Agent in charge so…''
His head bowed, and he nodded slowly after another deep sigh. ''So I'm flying out in the morning.'' He announced in a whisper. ''Wheels up at 0800.''
Her throat had suddenly grown too tight to speak. Afghanistan was far. Really far. Not to mention dangerous. ''Where…'' She tried to ask, but couldn't quite find her voice.
''Nowhere safe.'' He replied honestly.
That did nothing to calm her racing heart. ''But…surely you get a choice in the matter?''
''I did.''
''Then why-''
''-Two of us have to go out there, Ziva.'' He interrupted. ''I can't send the probies on their own. They're just kids.''
Deep down, she understood. She really did. He had to do this. From a professional stand point, it made sense that an experienced agent and team leader like Tony should be the one to lead this little field trip. But from her perspective? This was no field trip at all. It was a huge venture to the other side of the world. He was going to enter a warzone. And he wasn't going to have her there to watch his back. Could his teammate of choice really look out for him and ensure his safety to the same extent that she did for all those years? That particular question ate away at her mind almost every day since Tony left to lead his own team. Now she found it overwhelming, and her imagination went wild with hellish pictures of him being shot at, blown up and generally suffering in the desert landscape of the Middle-East. All because he would be alone. All because none of his real team would be there with him.
''Hey,'' He gently coaxed her out of her dark thoughts. ''I know you don't want me to go. I doubt Lia will either. But I've got to do this. Believe me, it took a lot of time for me to decide that.'' She hadn't realized her eyes were leaking until he gently wiped a stray tear off of her cheek with his thumb. ''I'm sorry.'' He whispered, just as their foreheads rested against each other.
She closed her eyes and tried to soak in his warm presence. It always helped to ground her. But, in this instance, her wondering thoughts turned desperate. What if he was gone for weeks? What if his calming and soothing voice didn't meet her ears for so long that she would be driven to madness? Would his side of the bed grow cold as she lay alone at night, wondering what hell-hole he was walking into thousands of miles away? What if he never returned? What if his convoy was attacked and…
She didn't allow herself to delve further into that particular concept. Instead, she found herself clinging to him like her life depended on it. Their mouths crashed together as they kissed each other with sheer hunger and desperation. Neither of them really knew what was happening when he backed her down the hallway and into their own bedroom.
Clothes were shed, bodies were tangled. It was hard, needy and intense. They held on for dear life and neither ever wanted to let go. On this particular night, there was no NCIS. There was no job, no duty, no long distance cases. It was just them. Just two partners who loved and needed each other.
They had a bad track record when it came to being separated by endless ocean. Perhaps, by showing the powers to be just how strong their bond really was, they would be spared from the heartbreaking tragedy they had suffered far too often in their conjoined lives. Separation could not result in loss this time, not now there was so much more at stake.
...
When he woke up at 0630 the next morning, he felt a pleasant ache throughout his whole body. He'd had this satisfied feeling before, so knew exactly what it meant. The only thing unfamiliar about this entire scenario was the heavy sense of dread and anxiety clouding his mind. He was going to get on a plane soon. A plane that would take him a long, long way away from the two people he loved more than life itself. He wasn't sure how many days he would be away for, but knew that even half a week was just too long. It had to be done, though. Yes, he would be risking his life, but he'd done so hundreds of times before, right? Why did it feel like he was carrying the weight of the world with him this time?
Oh, who was he kidding? He knew exactly why.
His life was far more meaningful than it used to be. He didn't just have a few younger agents looking up to him anymore. He had a kid. He had a daughter he would walk through fire for. A little girl who relied on him- who loved him- and who's happiest moment of the day was seeing him walk through the front door. Leaving her behind was not an option. Or, at least, not one he'd ever thought about.
The soft, warm and naked Ziva lying against his chest stirred a little and brought him back to the real world. He hadn't even considered the fact that he would sleep alone, without her, for an unknown number of upcoming nights. He hated sleeping in a bed without her. Hated it. He actually struggled to find any comfort whatsoever when she was absent. God, maybe he shouldn't have made this choice. His senior field agent was perfectly capable. It was just… it wasn't right sending anyone out there without their leader. He knew full well that Gibbs would have done the same. He'd even gone to the old marine for advice before making his decision. The truth was, though, that he'd already made up his mind by then, and his mentor knew it.
She was awake now, he could tell. Her breathing had become less even and peaceful. He placed a kiss on her shoulder, and she rotated herself in order to gaze up at his face. They shared a loaded look for a few moments, before she ran a hand through his hair and started kissing his chest, his cheek, his lips.
''I'm gonna come back, you know.'' His words had left his mouth before he knew it.
She sighed heavily. ''How long do you think it might take? ''
That was the million dollar question. If only he could actually answer it with any confidence. ''I don't know.'' He eventually replied. ''But I promise to be back for Lia's birthday next Tuesday.''
''What if you cannot?''
He met her familiar eyes once more, and found himself lost in the depths of them. ''I don't care if we've still got work to do; I'm coming home for it. I'd have to be dead to miss it.''
Her jaw dropped and she gave him a not so gentle slap to the arm. ''Do not say that.'' She stated angrily over his yelp of pain.
''What? It's true.''
She closed her eyes and let out of string of what he assumed were Hebrew curses. When she opened them again, her eyes were pleading. ''I am trying to be calm about this, Tony. I am trying to resist the urge to literally restrain you so you will stay home. But…'' She took a deep breath to compose herself. ''But if you start saying things like that, then I'm going to have a nervous breakdown.''
His face melted as he felt his heart break a little bit at her honesty.
''Please promise me you will be careful.'' She begged in a whisper. ''Please promise you will not try and be the hero. You need to remember that there are people back home who love you and need you. If you ever get into any trouble, just think about Lia. Think about our little girl who will be waiting for you to come back safely.''
His voice was suddenly hard to find, and he felt his chest tighten with emotion. ''I will. I promise I'll be home before you know it.''
They had just begun indulging in a deep, drugging kiss when the bedroom door creaked open. They both turned their heads to see a pair of little brown eyes staring back at them. Lia was poking her head through the entryway with a look of innocent curiosity on her face. When she discovered her parents were both awake, she gave them a sleepy grin.
''Good morning, neshomeleh.'' Ziva greeted warmly. ''Did we wake you up?''
Lia nodded slowly as she made her way over to the side of the bed. ''I heard Daddy go ouch.''
Tony and his smirking wife shared a knowing look. ''Well, you're father can sometimes be a little bit…clumsy.''
''Yeah, I sure can be.'' He added with a small smile. ''Sorry, Lia.''
There didn't seem to be any hard feelings, though. Their daughter seemed to have something else on her mind. Naturally, Ziva knew what it was. ''Are you hungry, my little angel?''
''Ken.''
The loving mother reached out and brushed a few of Lia's hairs out of her face. ''Would you like me to make you some breakfast?''
The little DiNozzo nodded again. ''Yes please.''
Being very much aware that both she and Tony were still butt-naked, Ziva tried to win the couple some precious time. ''Why don't you go and get Hippo, baby.'' She suggested softly. ''We will be out in a minute.''
''Okay.'' Lia answered quietly, before turning around and pottering off in the direction of her bedroom once again.
This gave the partners a small window of opportunity. They were well accustomed to acting swiftly, so in perfect sync, they did just that. Ziva jumped up and gathered a few essential items of clothing as she ran into the en-suite bathroom, while Tony threw on some boxer shorts and a pair of random jeans. With the never regions now successfully covered, his sense of urgency had all but disappeared as he rummaged through the cupboard for a shirt, and therefore wasn't too panicked when his peripheral vision picked up the bouncing curly hair of his daughter as she re-entered the room, Hippo in hand. He offered her a casual, warm smile before he pulled an Ohio state t-shirt over himself. His smile fell slightly, though, when he acknowledged just how tight his old college attire felt.
''Are you all ready for breakfast, sweetie?'' He asked, pushing aside his weight-related insecurities.
She nodded in response, but looked somewhat confused after looking around the bedroom. ''Is Momma downstairs?''
''Um…no.'' He answered, fighting back the smile threatening to surface as the memory of a naked Ziva making a dash for the bathroom projected itself onto his brain. ''She'll be down in a minute.''
...
As the clock ticked closer to eight, Ziva found herself wishing more and more that it would just stop. That somehow time would just freeze, saving both herself and the young girl sitting next to her on the couch the pain of saying good bye to most important person in their lives. The worst part was that Tony was still yet to break the news to Lia. He would probably claim that the right time to do so had yet to reveal itself, but Ziva knew he was just sparing himself the pain of looking into his daughter's eyes and telling her he had to go to work again. Not to mention that, in this case, work was half way around the world and in the middle of a war-torn country full of 'bad guys', as he always put it. Even just imagining the potential look on Lia's face after she'd been briefed on this made Ziva's chest ache with sorrow.
''Momma?''
The object of her thoughts spoke up after a few minutes of silent cartoon-watching. She could tell by the tone of her offspring's voice that something was on her mind. And it wasn't any plot related curiosities for once. ''Yes, my sweet child?''
''Daddy's big green bag is in the hall.''
Ziva's heart squeezed. Damn her daughter's observational skills. Clearly Lia had slowly begun to understand what happened whenever her or Tony's duffle bags made an appearance. Thankfully, neither of them had ever had to go too far, or be gone for too long. That didn't make either of the dedicated parents feel any less guilty about leaving the house for any number of days and nights, though. She couldn't imagine how Tony was feeling about it this time.
She could tell, by the deflated look in Lia's eyes, that she had already guessed she would not be seeing her father for at least a few days. That was an extremely long time from the little girl's perspective. ''Yes, he has packed his travel bag.'' She confirmed through a tight throat.
That brought about the uncommon, but still painfully familiar, expression of sadness to Lia's little face. ''Does that mean he's gotta go somewhere for a long time?''
Ziva closed her eyes in dread. God, she hated seeing that look on her daughter's face. She wasn't sure she could bring herself to tell Lia what was happening. So, when Tony emerged in the doorway to the living room with a stony look on his face, she sent him a silent plea to back her up. Of course, like always, he didn't hesitate to do so.
''Lia, baby, can you come over here for a second?''
She sent her mother a brief glance, as if to ask for permission. Ziva simply gave her a nod, and her little feet hit the carpet before she hesitantly walked over to her beloved father. ''Daddy, have you gotta go camping again?''
He locked eyes with Ziva, who's face melted in sympathy. After a heavy sigh, he crouched down to Lia's eye level. ''Remember last summer when we all went on that big plane?''
Her face lifted in hope. ''We went to Israel!'' She recollected fondly.
''We sure did.'' He smiled affectionately. ''That was fun, wasn't it?''
''Yeah.'' She replied enthusiastically. ''That's where Momma was when she was a little girl.''
His gaze shifted to his wife's face again, and he found her smiling proudly. ''That's right.'' He confirmed in a more serious tone. ''Remember when I told you that not every trip on a big plane is a fun one? That sometimes me or your Mom might have to fly far away to catch the bad guys?''
Lia's brow furrowed as she considered the question. ''Yeah.''
''Well, I'm going on one of those trips today.''
The significance of that information didn't seem to be acknowledged by the little girl, though. ''Oh.'' She eventually replied. ''You gonna be back for dinner?''
Ziva got to her feet and stood beside Tony's squatting figure, placing a supportive hand on his shoulder. The strength at which he gripped her fingers after he reached up to her made her eyes burn with oncoming tears.
Lia looked up at her, a look of innocent curiosity painted across her little face. ''Are we going too, Momma?"
Just the thought of her daughter being within a hundred miles of the violent hell Tony was about to enter made Ziva's heart spike with panic. She knew it would never happen. Neither of them would ever let it happen. That didn't make her protective instinct any easier to shake off. Clearly, Tony had the same kind of mental reaction to Lia's words. She could feel the sudden tension in his muscles.
''No, you're not coming.'' He answered the question, despite it not being aimed at him. ''It's too dangerous, baby.''
This redirected Lia's deep gaze back to him. ''But I wanna go with you.'' She confessed in a soft whisper.
''I need you to stay here and take care of Momma. Do you think you can do that for me? ''
She nodded after a few moments. ''Is it gonna takes a long time?''
''No.'' He half-lied. ''I promise I'll be back soon, okay sweetie?''
She seemed to reluctantly accept the situation. No more words were needed, apparently, as she threw herself into Tony's arms in a tight hug. Ziva could see the tears in his eyes when he kissed Lia's head, before he closed them with a shaky breath. She felt a bone-deep ache of love for her husband in that moment. It never ceased to amaze her just how good he was at handling the emotional conversations with their daughter. Every time she witnessed these encounters, he seemed to make her completely fall in love with him all over again. Who would have thought that the cocky, immature and emotionally guarded man she'd met all those years ago could turn into such a good father? Then again, she wasn't exactly mommy material back then either. A lot had changed over the length of their partnership, including the actual definition of it. They were no longer coworkers, but they were still a team. A team that recruited a new member nearly four years ago. Ever since that fateful day, something as simple as leaving the country became a lot harder to do for both of them. She wished she could so something to help him. Anything. She felt so useless to him. Teams always looked out for each other, right? How was she supposed to do that from halfway across the planet?
...
The doorbell rang with about half an hour to go until Tony was scheduled to take off. Lia lurked a few feet behind her mother as she opened the front door. Waiting on the other side of it, standing on the welcome mat, was the NCIS senior field agent for team DiNozzo.
''Hey, Ziva.'' He greeted with a polite smile.
''Alex.''
She stepped aside to welcome the tall, blonde man into the house. Alex Dempsey had taken on the responsibility of watching Tony's back in the field since he became team leader five years prior. Despite her early skepticism, Ziva grew to like the young man as a person. He had a very similar attitude to Tony and, from what her husband had told her, he was an extremely capable agent. This had led to healthy and well synchronized working relationship between the two men. She could never quite allow herself to fully trust Dempsey with Tony's safety, though, even if she knew it was a bit possessive. That was her job.
''Have you come to take my husband away?'' She asked, but her teasing smile displayed her lack of anger.
He winced slightly. ''Yeah, sorry. I told him me and Simmons could handle it but…''
She gave him a knowing look after he trailed off. ''But he is stubborn.'' She finished for him.
''Oh yeah.'' He agreed with a nod. ''Once the boss' mind is made up, that's it.''
''Hi, Dempy.'' Lia greeted shyly, peering out from behind her mom's legs. Ziva smiled fondly at her daughter's usual pronunciation of his name.
''Hello, Lia.'' He said with a warm smile. ''You know, I think you're a little bit bigger every time I see you.''
She smiled proudly up at Ziva. ''Uncle Gee says that too.''
''Then it must be true, tatelah.''
Her grin grew even wider, before she looked back to their guest with wide eyes. ''Are you going on the big plane with Daddy?''
He glanced at Ziva for a split second, clearly wondering how much the little girl already knew and therefore how much he should say. ''I am indeed.'' He confirmed for her eventually. ''Hopefully we'll be coming back soon, though.''
''After you gets the bad guys?''
He chuckled softly at Lia's oh so innocent query. ''Yeah. And your daddy always gets the bad guys.''
''Well, when you're good, you're good.'' Tony's voice traveled down to them from the top of the stairs. He completed his descent and gave his agent a manly slap on the back. ''We good to go, Demps?'' He asked, in a tone Ziva recognized as his team leader voice.
''Jet's fueled and ready, boss.'' Alex confirmed with a serious face.
Tony nodded in approval. ''Is Lopez on the electronic trail yet?''
''Yep. And I've already told her to borrow McGee from Gibbs if she needs any help.''
He reached down and swung his duffle bag over his shoulder. ''Good. We need any clues we can get. I don't want us to be out there all damn week looking for these guys.''
''Neither do we.'' Ziva re-entered the conversation. This seemed to make something click in Tony's brain, and he turned to see his wife looking back at him with a glimmer of amusement in her eyes. He seemed to have forgotten about his two family members while he was delving further and further into his work related chit-chat. His previously stern expression turned into an apologetic one, full of love and longing.
Dempsey could tell the DiNozzo family needed some privacy for their goodbyes. ''I'll take your bag out to the car, boss.'' He offered, taking the large green sack from his leader. ''I'll catch you later, guys.'' He said to Ziva and Lia as he turned towards the door.
''Takes good care of my daddy, Dempy.'' Lia ordered in a serious tone.
Alex met Ziva's eyes, but she only offered an identical look to her daughter's. It was unnerving, but he knew they were both just being protective of his boss. It didn't take long after joining Tony's team for him to discover just how loved the man was. DiNozzo had a lot of people looking out for him. He knew full well that he'd be facing the wrath of ex-marines, highly trained federal agents, ex-Mossad officers and, perhaps most scarily, a crazy forensic scientist if he ever screwed up. If the bossman was ever harmed, and it was because of his incompetence, he may as well just run away to Siberia or something. Not that it would help; they would find him in about five minutes. Luckily, he'd never let Tony down, and definitely wasn't planning on breaking that streak.
''I'll have your Dad back home in no time, sweetheart.'' He vowed after swallowing nervously. ''I promise.''
Ziva offered him a small smile in thanks. ''I know you will. Take care of yourself as well, Alex.''
He nodded, before stepping out of the house and towards the squad car parked at the end of the driveway. Once he'd left, Ziva turned back to her husband to find him taking a deep breath. There was a look of regret in his eyes, and she knew he'd be feeling guilty about this for the entire trip. He approached her and Lia, before picking up his daughter and swinging her around playfully. The delighted squeal the little girl let out, and the proceeding torrent of giggles, made Ziva's chest grow warm. She couldn't help but smile, despite her raging anxiety.
After a few seconds of chuckling, he stilled and gave Lia a kiss to the forehead. ''Now, you be good for your Mom while I'm gone, okay?''
Her giggling stopped as reality appeared to come crashing back to her. ''I'll looks after her, daddy.'' She promised, before leaning in and wrapping her arms around his neck in a hug. ''I love you.''
His eyes glassed over as he looked into Ziva's from over Lia's shoulder. ''I love you too. So much. I'll be back soon, okay?''
She nodded against him. ''Okay.'' He went to place her back down, but her eyes went wide as she seemed to suddenly recollect something important. ''Wait, daddy!''
''What is it, munchkin?''
She reached in to the pocket of her little dress and retrieved a small bracelet. It had about a dozen hand crafted, wooden charms attached to it. He immediately recognized it as the gift Gibbs had made her for her first birthday. ''You gotsa take this with you.'' She told him sincerely.
His eyes went wide and he shot her a look of gentle admonishment. ''I can't take this, Lia. It's yours. Uncle Gibbs made it for you, not me.''
''He says it keeps me safe.'' She informed him with pleading eyes. ''It will keeps you safe too.''
Ziva could see he was really fighting back the tears now. Her own eyes became dangerously wet, and she gave him a small shrug when he looked her way for guidance. His trepidation was still apparent as Lia placed the bracelet in his hand. ''I'll take it, sweetie, but I'm gonna bring it right back to you, okay?''
She nodded in agreement. ''Jus don't break it with your big heavy butt.''
His jaw dropped, before both him and Ziva broke out laughing. She started giggling as well after seeing her parents' sudden state of amusement. ''I'll try not to sit on it.'' He solemnly swore, and with that, he gave her another kiss before putting her back down on the floor.
He turned to his wife, and suddenly his voice was a lot harder to find. Unlike their young daughter, Ziva knew the real extent to which his well-being would be threatened in Afghanistan. There was no sugar coating it. She would probably hit him if he even tried to. She wouldn't mind him going on this mission so much if she was going with him. No matter how hard she tried to hide it, he was well aware of how much it still bothered her that she wasn't the one watching his back anymore. He could see it her distant eyes and tight jaw. She didn't like it at all. Could he blame her, though? Of course he couldn't. He had the exact same problem.
She rested a gentle hand over his cheek, before leaning in and giving him a deep, longing kiss. ''I love you.'' She whispered afterwards. ''We both do. Please be safe.''
The corner of his mouth lifted slightly as he leaned his forehead against hers. ''Always am.''
His usual response brought an involuntary smile to her lips. She cupped his face between both her hands and looked into his hazel eyes with silent begging. Please come home. Please don't leave us. I love you. I need you.
His face melted and he gave her another kiss. This one was a pact, though. Another promise. ''I'll be back before the little munchkin turns four.'' He told her with a wink after they'd pulled back.
She nodded and gave his hand a quick squeeze.
...
By the time he'd finally pried open his daughter's arms after another tight hug, stepped out into the chilly morning air and strapped himself into the passenger seat next to Dempsey, he was already homesick. It didn't really help when he looked back to the house and saw Ziva standing there, curly hair flapping in the wind and a miniature version of herself attached to her hip. His whole life was standing in that doorway. They were the only people who could make him tear up, and but for the agent sitting across from him, he may well have burst out in a fit of child-like sobs. He kept it together, though, and even managed to give them a smile. When he saw them both waving him goodbye, he swallowed back the almost overwhelming surge of emotion and managed to lift his hand and signal his own farewell.
This damn trip better be a short one.
Cheers for sticking with this little story, and to those of you who reviewed. It's always great to get feedback. There'll be more to come lads and ladettes