A/N: . . . Yeah, this chapter is pretty much just filler. You can skip it if you want. ^J^ (Reminder, though, Alfred's dinner date's still set for this weekend!) There are some references to mathematics in the first part of the chapter, but you don't have too look too much into it.

In response to reviewer jessio, happy belated birthday! And yes, there will be eventually, probably in late February or March. ^J^

Warning: You probably shouldn't try Gilbert's How-To. You could get seriously hurt attempting his instructions. Seriously.

Disclaimer: I own neither Hetalia: Axis Powers nor How I Met Your Mother.

How To: Hook Up with a Girl When Your Friends have Confined You to their Apartment "For Your Own Good"

2016 February 19 (Friday)

STEP 1: Take into account your situation. As a test run, I would suggest going to the bar downstairs (yeah, since Roderich and Elizabeta's apartment is right above it . . . and Alfred shares it with them, for whatever reason) and setting a stopwatch from the moment you leave the apartment (Interval A). Stop it and start a new one as soon as you enter the bar (Interval B). Stop it and start a new one as soon as Elizabeta stomps down, yanks you by your awesome leg, and unawesomely drags you back up the stairs (yeah, drags) because, y'know, she's totally sadistic like that (Interval C). Repeat several times to have a larger data set for each of these intervals, then find the measures of central tendency (mean and median, but you can also try mode if that's how you roll).

STEP 2: Decide whether you want to use the mean, median, or mode for each of the three intervals. Remember it. (For me? My data was skewed, so I used the median. Fifteen seconds to leave the apartment, four minutes and fifteen seconds at the bar, and five and a half minutes being dragged back up the stairs because again, y'know, it's Elizabeta.)

STEP 3: Once you have these values, make sure that you have them memorized. When you've got that down, go into the apartment bathroom and find where Elizabeta keeps her makeup. Apply it to your face so that you resemble those awesome wizarding mentors in just about every fantasy movie ever.

STEP 4: On your next trip down to the bar, lock onto a target and approach him/her. In a rushed (but still-awesome and fantasy-movie-mentor-wizard-like) voice tell him/her, "I don't have much time to say this, but I'm from the future, and if you don't sleep with the one known as 'Gilbert Beilschmidt' tonight, then the Dark Side will win. If you fail to lead him out of this bar and into bed within four minutes and fifteen seconds of his arrival, the cycle will loop itself approximately every six minutes until your mission is complete."

STEP 5: When Elizabeta appears and drags you back while you're still dressed like a fantasy-movie-mentor-wizard, awesomely call out "TELL MY STORRRYYY! !" as you are pulled out of the bar. Ignore any strange looks you may receive from Carlos.

STEP 6: Remove Elizabeta's makeup.

STEP 7: Run back into the bar, relocate your target, and use any pickup line of your choice.

STEP 8: When Elizabeta appears and exclaims "GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT, get back here this INSTANT you [A section of this text has been omitted due to it being dubbed "entirely inappropriate and overly obscene for the viewership of any audiences anywhere ever".]!", ignore any strange looks you may receive from your target as you are painfully dragged back up the stairs.

STEP 9: Repeat steps 7-8 until you get laid.

. . . Or until Black Eye Guy shows up, shouts "Hey, that's my sister! Oh, it's you. How fun", totally doesn't punch you again, and immediately leaves the bar with your target in tow.

Dammit. I'm going to get some ice for my totally-not-a-black-eye.

[Comments (2)] [Show comments]

Elizabeta Hedervary: As long as you quit trying to escape the apartment for now, at least.

But wait, I don't use makeup . . . ? ? ?

Elizabeta Hedervary 2016-02-19

Roderich Edelstein: YOU RUINED MY STAGE MAKEUP! HOW COULD YOU?

Now what am I going to use for my next concert? Thanks a lot, Gilbert. (But if you're so good at math, why did you tell me that nine plus ten is equivalent twenty-one?)

Roderich Edelstein 2016-02-19

Notes on this Chapter:

So, Roderich holds concerts and wears stage makeup for them. Huh. ^J^

And there's another hint about who Black Eye Guy is. *cough*HE'S GOT A SISTER*cough*

Also, again, you probably shouldn't follow Gilbert's How-To. You could get seriously hurt. Seriously.