I'm so sorry about the delay for this chapter. My focus is 100% now, though, so there won't be another gap of that magnitude. Not sure how strong this update is, but I just wanted to writed something to get this on the move again. Hope you enjoy, and thanks fot the support.

Ziva was fairly certain that she hadn't moved a muscle for well over an hour. In fact, the only outward signs that she was conscious—or even alive—were the tears that escaped her eyes with every blink, as well as the shaky breaths that accompanied them. She had lost track of the time ages ago, and had no clue how much of it had passed since Gibbs went back to the Navy yard to try and shake some information out of somebody. She knew it was late, and she knew that she should really be in bed. Exhaustion would only add more despair to this dreadful situation. She also knew, however, that there was no hope in hell of her getting any sleep. Slumber was sporadic enough already with Tony being out of the country, but now that she had no clue whether he was safe or not… Well, she just couldn't see herself resting any time soon.

Or, maybe, ever again.

So here she sat, in the comfort of their living room. The soft couch was the only thing between her and the deep abyss that she could feel below her, trying with all its might to drag her down. With every second that passed, she couldn't help but feel tempted to let it. The house lacked its usual warmth in her partner's absence, and now she couldn't help but feel like the world was a much darker place, too. Any hope of this being a bad dream was completely gone for her now. Even her worst nightmares weren't this long.

She felt herself move for the first time in forever. She managed to raise her hand to her face and wipe at the corners of her eyes. Her limbs felt as heavy as her heart, but her thoughts danced around in her head like smoke in the wind. She imagined half a dozen scenarios in which Tony could have survived, and even more where he didn't. She hated herself for that. She considered jumping on the next plane to Afghanistan, and scouring every corner of that damned place until she found him. She even planned out the logistics of it all, to a certain extent. The small part of her brain that still held a minute amount of rational thought dismissed her plan as ridiculous, though.

Her mind wandered hopelessly from one desperate idea to another, but it always seemed to end up at the same place. A place where she would have to raise Lia on her own. A place where she would have to look her young daughter in the eye and tell her that her daddy would not be coming home. A little piece of Ziva died every time she allowed herself to picture the look on the little girl's face. She may not understand at such a young age, but she would eventually. And it would destroy her. She absolutely adored her father, and she would never be the same without him.

Ziva felt her eyes burn again. God, why did life always do this to her? Just when she had finally settled down, just when she had finally found happiness, life throws another heavy sucker punch. Tony's job was dangerous; she always knew that. She had always found it hard to not be one who watched his back as he did it. It had taken years for her to relax about it, to have faith in the people on Tony's team to look out for him. But now, she wasn't sure if she was angry at them or herself. If she was honest, she wasn't even sure if she was angry at all. Her emotions were all over the place. They seemed to have churned themselves up and left behind a broken woman.

A broken woman with a daughter, she reminded herself. She isn't even four yet. She needs you.

Ziva's head fell into her hands as she tried her best not to cry out in pain. Yes, Lia needed her. Seeing her mother in such a weak state would only make things harder. If the worst had happened, and Tony really wasn't coming home, then Lia would need the people around her to be strong. Ziva would need to be her rock, her beacon of hope guiding her through the pain. Could she do it, though? Ziva knew she had to, there was no other option. She would never let her daughter down. She would never fail to protect her. But there was still a part of her that wasn't sure.

Tony had always been there whenever she had doubts about herself as a mother. He had always reassured her, always had every faith in her. He gave her courage, and at times his words made her feel invincible. How could she do this without him? Raising Lia on her own was a mission she may not be able to carry out. Not without her partner. She thought back the weeks after Lia's birth, where she had been so scared and exhausted that she was on the verge of a full blown mental breakdown. In the end though, she only had a mini-breakdown, and Tony was there to save her.

As always…

Ziva had tried everything to stop the baby crying. She fed her, she rocked her back and forth, she changed her, she fed her, she sang soothing lullabies, she changed her, she fed her, she took her for a drive in the car, she fed her again. No use. No luck. No hope. She was on the verge of crying herself. If not from blind frustration, then from sheer exhaustion. Having a kid was always going to be hard, she was well aware of that. After months of waddling around with an inflated stomach, and then eventually spending fourteen hours in labour, she thought the hardest part was over.

Oh, how wrong she was.

Little Liana had been in a particularly grouchy mood all day. All week, in fact. She seemed determined not to allow her poor mother any time to rest and relax. It wasn't quite as bad when Tony was on paternity leave, but now he was working again and she couldn't rely on his help for the majority of the waking day. At first, she thought it would be fine. It was only a new-born; what harm could she possibly do? She was so tiny and cute and helpless.

And loud. And needy. And exhausting.

She heard the front door open and close again just as another loud wail left Lia's tiny mouth. She nearly cried in relief. Tony was home. Maybe he could try to calm her down, while Ziva went and slept for a solid month.

She looked down at the baby in her arms. ''Your father is home,'' she said softly, and perhaps a little desperately. ''He can cheer you up, yes?'' She placed a gentle kiss on Lia's forehead, before closing her eyes and holding her against her chest as she bounced from side to side. ''Maybe you can smile for Daddy.''

The crying didn't stop, and if Ziva had the energy, she may well have screamed. Her eyes opened again as she heard Tony step up to the doorway. ''Someone's cranky,'' he said with a small smile. ''I think she's hungry.''

Ziva turned an angry glare in his direction. ''Why did I not think of that?'' She snapped. ''I have only fed her about a hundred times today! So, yes, she must be hungry.''

His smile disappeared, and his frown made her feel a bit guilty. It wasn't his fault, after all.

''Looks like both my girls are cranky.''

He approached them with a soft expression, and Ziva ran a shaky hand over her face. ''She will not stop, Tony,'' she whined. ''I have tried everything.''

He ran a soothing hand up and down her back, gazing down at their daughter as he did so. Despite the racket, there was still a noticeable spark in his eyes as he looked at her. He was still completely awestruck, even weeks after Lia's birth. Ziva couldn't help but feel a pang of affection for the man, even as she wished more than anything that he would find a way to shut their darling baby up. Lia clearly meant the world to him, even if she was causing his wife to have a nervous breakdown. He could still see a little angel through all the shrieking, snot and tears. Was it awful that, right then, Ziva couldn't?

''Hey there, Liana-banana,'' he cooed softly, reaching out to run his finger over her cheek gently. ''Are you misbehaving for your mom?'' The baby's cries died down slightly as her little brown eyes shifted to her father, but more noise escaped her mouth after a few seconds. ''Maybe you need some Daddy time, huh? You want to take a walk with Daddy?''

He held out his arms to Ziva, and despite everything she still felt strangely reluctant to hand her child over. But it was only Tony, and she really did hope he could calm Lia down before her eardrums burst. As he placed a soft kiss to her messy curls, she carefully shifted the baby into his arms, and the crying immediately became more quiet. Ziva watched him kiss Lia's cheek and hold her up against his chest, and prayed that he could work some of his magic. He always seemed to be so good with Lia, and it made her feel even more useless as a mother.

''There we go,'' Tony said gently, before shushing quietly at his daughter. ''We don't need to be grumpy do we, munchkin?'' He left the room with Lia. and Ziva could hear him gently talking to the child as he headed down the hallway. ''I missed you today,'' she heard him say. ''You were all Daddy could think about at work.''

Ziva listened as the cries got less and less frequent, before eventually stopping completely. The peaceful silence that had now taken over the house was such a strange sensation that she genuinely wondered if she was actually just imagining it. But, when Tony returned to the bedroom with a quiet Lia in his arms, she knew she wasn't imagining anything. He placed their little bundle of joy into the bassinet at the foot of their bed, and leaned down to give her another kiss. The unconditional love and pride could be seen shining from him as he stared down at her.

''Sweet dreams, Princess,'' he whispered.

Ziva swallowed down the lump in her throat. He was just so good at this. How did he do it? She had spent all day trying to calm Lia down, and failing miserably, only for him to come home and get her to fall asleep in less than two minutes. Maybe it wasn't just about how good he was. Maybe she was truly out of her depth. Maybe she was just terrible at this. So that was why her reaction to Tony's warm smile was to burst into tears and fall back against the bed in a sobbing heap.

''Ziva,'' Tony said worriedly as he approached her. ''Hey,'' he squatted down in front of her, concern etching its way onto his features. ''What's wrong?'' When she could only let out another pathetic sob, he moved to sit beside her against the bed, and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. ''Talk to me, Ziva.''

''She hates me,'' Ziva let out in a hush.

''She hates you?''

Ziva sniffed. ''She hates me,'' she repeated, her head dropping to his shoulder in defeat. ''I love her so much, but she hates me.''

She couldn't see his face, but she was fairly certain he was looking at her like she was crazy. ''Come on, Ziva,'' he said. ''She doesn't hate you.''

All rational thought had abandoned her. ''All I do is make her miserable.''

''No, you don't.''

She shook her head. ''I cannot get my own daughter to stop crying. I cannot make her happy.''

His voice rose slightly. ''Ziva—''

''I am a terrible mother.''

It was something she had berated herself with silently for weeks, and something she hoped was just a brief phase of anxiety. But, no, this self-assessment had eaten away at her to the point where she could admit out loud. When Tony didn't try to argue with her straight away, she took it as confirmation. He must have seen it, too. She lifted her head to look at him, but found the look on his face to be anything but agreement.

''That's crap, Ziva,'' he argued in a sure voice. ''You're an amazing mom.'' She sniffed and shook her head again. ''I'm serious.''

''She is killing me, Tony.'' Ziva told him thickly, through the tears.

His face softened a touch, but there was still admonishment in his expression. ''She's not,'' he insisted. ''You're just exhausted. I'm here now, so get something to eat and get some rest.'' He brushed a few curls from her face and kissed her crown. ''Please?''

She was feeling more calm, and a little embarrassed now, but she couldn't shake off the defeat. ''I don't think I can do this,'' she confessed in a whisper.

''You can do this,'' he told her sincerely. ''You are doing this.''

She leaned into him further and buried her face into his neck. ''Only when you are here to help,'' she murmured. ''I am too weak on my own.''

''Are you kidding me?'' He gently pushed her off of his shoulder and held her face between his hands. She wasn't sure what was going on inside of her head, but Ziva knew she needed to listen to him. It was in his eyes. ''People have been asking me if being a parent has changed me,'' he told her gently. ''They've been asking if I find it scary, or if I feel like I'm under pressure.''

Ziva was feeling both those things far too often, but she could tell his next words were going to be important.

''And you know what?'' He continued. ''At first, I would say yes. At first, I found this whole thing terrifying.'' He gave her a small smile. ''I mean, really, a little person is looking up to me and relying on me when I can barely take care of myself.'' He raised his eyebrows and quickly let them fall. ''That's pretty scary stuff, even for a very special agent of my calibre.''

Ziva felt herself smile slightly for the first time in what felt like forever.

His smile grew, before his face became serious again. ''But then, after the first few weeks, my answer changed,'' he said honestly. ''I wasn't scared anymore. Not because I had new-found faith in myself- I still second guessed everything I was doing, actually. No, I wasn't scared anymore because my amazing, strong, beautiful wife was doing such a great job.'' He leaned over to kiss her, and Ziva immediately felt her heart lift again. ''I always knew you were strong, but when I see you with Lia, there's no words that can do it justice. I'm so proud of you, Ziva.''

She swallowed back further tears. ''Is that really how you feel?''

''I'm not just saying it to cheer you up,'' he told her. ''I really mean it.''

She felt her self-confidence start to grow again, and her husband's words hit home. She felt a crushing wave of love and affection for the man and found herself pulling him into a warm embrace before she was really aware of what she was doing. His arms came around her tightly, and he started rub his hand up and down her back in a way that brought about a wonderful amount of comfort and stress-relief. Where would she be without him?

Tony kissed the side of her head. ''You okay?'' He whispered into her curls.

She nodded against him. ''I am sorry.''

''Don't be. Don't ever be.''

She took a deep lungful of his scent, and it brought her back to reality. ''This is harder than I thought.''

''I know,'' he assured her.

''I am so tired, Tony.''

He pulled back from the hug and held her gaze. ''I'm taking some more time off. I want to be here to help. Day and night.''

She shook her head. ''But, Tony, the director won't—''

''I don't care,'' he cut in. ''I'll take it as a holiday. I'm still owed a few weeks.''

She gripped his hand. ''You do not have to. I know I am a mess, but I promise you I will be fine.''

''It's not about that,'' he argued gently. ''When I'm at work, all I can think about is coming home. I miss you guys so much.''

She smiled at him. ''We have missed you, too.''

His full DiNozzo grin never failed to make her heart slam. ''Maybe that's why our little angel's been so cranky,'' he theorised. ''She just misses her daddy.''

A long yawn escaped her mouth, but it didn't stop her smiling again. ''Perhaps.''

His face was serious again. ''Come on.'' He stood up before helping her to her feet, too. She barely had the energy to stand, so she kept hold of his arm. ''Lay down for a while,'' he suggested softly. ''I'm going to make some dinner. I'll bring Lia in with me, so you don't have to worry about her. Just let yourself sleep, okay?''

The idea of lying down in bed sounded ridiculously appealing to her, so she nodded in agreement before stretching up to give Tony a loving kiss. ''Thank you,'' she whispered sincerely.

''It's what I'm here for.''

She gave him a small, intimate smile. ''I love you.''

''I love you, too.''

She nodded gratefully, before turning around to the bassinet and looking down at her daughter. The baby's face looked so peaceful and relaxed for the first time that day, and her little arm was stretched out over her head. Ziva reached out and ran a gentle finger over the miniscule fist at the end of the arm, and felt warmth spread through her chest. Suddenly, the way Tony always looked at her made perfect sense. This was their whole world, the centre of their universe. Love wasn't a strong enough word.

''See?'' Tony's voice came from over her shoulder, and he stepped up to rest his chin there. ''Look how perfect she is.'' She could almost feel his smile. ''How could someone that precious ever hate anybody?''

She thought back to her little breakdown, and now felt even more embarrassed by it. Partly because she was weak, but mostly because she knew he was right. Once again, she thanked the powers to be for letting Tony enter her life all those years ago. He had got her through so many tough times, and she had no doubt he would get her through this. They were always a team, but now they were a family. And she was going to make sure nothing broke this family apart.

Ziva's trip down memory lane came to end when she heard quiet footsteps slowly growing louder and louder from the direction of the stairs. She quickly wiped at her eyes again, and tried to put on a soft, reassuring face before her visitor arrived. When a little head popped around, the doorway, she even managed to give her daughter a small smile. The one she received in reply was sleepy, but still as heart-warming as ever. Lia pushed a few loose curls away from her face, before pottering over to where Ziva sat.

''Tatelah, what are you doing out of bed?''

She leaned down and pulled Lia up into her lap, before kissing her cheek and running her fingers through her dark curls to loosen the knots. ''I had a bad dream,'' Lia told her quietly.

Ziva's chest tightened with sympathy. The bad dream may not be ending any time soon. ''What happened, my little angel?''

She watched her daughter's eyes drop as she pouted slightly. ''A nasty monster was chasing me,'' she explained sadly.

Ziva's face softened. ''There is no monster here. You are safe now.''

Lia nodded. ''Momma and Daddy keep me safe from monsters,'' she recalled.

''That's right,'' Ziva confirmed with a soft smile. ''We will never let any of them get you.''

She met the little girl's eyes again, and the sadness she saw in them was becoming far too familiar. ''But Daddy's not here,'' Lia said with another pout.

Ziva felt her eyes burn again, but tried to stay strong. ''No, but I am here.''

Lia looked up at her with an unreadable expression, before she leaned over and wrapped her arms around Ziva's neck in a tight hug. ''Love you, Momma.''

Ziva had to close her eyes against the emotion. ''I love you too, Liana,'' she returned thickly.

After they'd pulled back, Lia reached out and gently placed her fingers on Ziva's cheek, running it down one of the dried tracks of tears below her eyes. ''You been crying, Momma?'' Her little face held far more sympathy than any toddler should possess, and it was almost enough to make Ziva lose control of her tears again. She thought about dismissing it, or even lying, but she hated the idea of doing that to her daughter. Lia was far too perceptive, anyway.

''Yes,'' she confirmed eventually.

Lia's face softened. ''Are you sad, too?''

Ziva frowned down at her. ''Why are you sad, neshomeleh?''

Her eyes dropped again. ''I miss Daddy,'' she answered.

Again, Ziva found herself slightly amazed by how her daughter had managed to work out the reason for Ziva's previous weeping. She found it even more strange that Lia had been feeling sad about Tony's absence at the same time that Ziva's mind was dwelling on the heart-breaking possibility that it may just become permanent. It must have been some sort of special mother-daughter connection. It wasn't the first time that it had been evident. This child was part of Ziva's very soul, so there was bound to be an almost supernatural force between them.

A shaky sigh escaped from her mouth. ''So do I.''

''Is that why you're not sleeping?''

Ziva smiled at her daughter's innocent question. There was no way she would reveal the full truth about why she was still up, but she wasn't going to lie, either. ''Yes, perhaps that is it,'' she answered softly, just as Lia let out a heavy yawn. ''Would you like me to take you back to bed, Lia?''

Despite her obvious sleepiness, Lia shook her head adamantly. ''No,'' she said, dropping her head to lean against Ziva's chest. ''I wanna stay here and takes care of Momma.''

''You need to sleep, baby,'' Ziva argued, softly kissing her daughter's head.

Lia groaned with disapproval. ''I don't want to.''

Ziva chuckled at her attitude. ''Would it help if you slept in the big bed with me?''

She went quiet for a few moments, before she nodded slowly against Ziva's chest. ''You gonna sleep, too?''

''I will try,'' Ziva promised.

''No more bad dreams?''

Her face fell again with sympathy. ''I will keep them away. I promise.'' She got to her feet, effortlessly lifting Lia as she did so. ''Let's go and tuck ourselves in, hmm?'' She felt her daughter give another sleepy nod as she left the living room and headed for the stairs. Her mind had been distracted from any Tony-related for a few minutes, but as they entered her bedroom, her eyes landed on his side of the bed. It was too neat, too empty, too hard to look at. She averted her gaze and gently placed Lia down on her side of the bed.

After giving her head a soft kiss, she made her way over to Tony's side again and clambered in. His scent filled her nose, and it gave her comfort. She felt Lia snuggle up against her and wrapped a protective arm over her tiny frame.

''Night-night, Momma,'' she murmured sleepily.

Ziva gave Lia's hand a tiny squeeze. ''Good night, tatelah.''

As her daughter drifted off into slumber, Ziva simply lay awake. She stared at the ceiling and tried her best not to let herself be overcome by the worry and despair threatening to consume her. The presence of Lia always seemed to ground her, anyway, so she knew she could keep control or her emotions for the time being. But Ziva's mind couldn't help but drift to her partner, thousands of miles away from her and beyond her reach. She wanted to reach out and help him, to bring him home to her. But she still didn't even know if he was alive. Gibbs' words from earlier that night echoed in her thoughts, though. He had said that he would know if Tony was dead. He would just be able to feel it. Of course, at the time, Ziva had been inconsolable.

But now, as she lay where her husband should have been sleeping, she couldn't help but feel like she would have felt it, too. Her gut was telling her that, yes, maybe Tony was still alive. That he was a fighter, who would do anything to get back to his family. She felt a surge of determination for the first time that night. She was no use to anyone as a sobbing train wreck. She needed to be strong, she needed to be positive. The man she loved was out there somewhere, and she was going to make sure he came home.

She ignored the tiny voice in her head that reminded her that so many people came home from that place in a coffin. She would not let the image of a folded American flag break her.

Bit short, but it's something. Thanks for reading, and thanks for your patience. There is more to come. Cheers lads and ladettes