Thank you to everyone who reviewed followed and favoured this story. It really means a lot to me. I thought I'd give you all another chapter as you were all so kind. Enjoy xx
Pulling Puzzles Apart
Chapter Two :)
I take a seat in front of him, I say seat but it's more like a small sofa. It's black leather and as I sit down I can feel the coldness on my bum, but it's comfortable enough. I can see him looking at me intently as if he's already trying to figure me out. He looks dead sophisticated; I bet he's got loads of money. His suit alone must have cost him a bit; it makes me wonder what I'd look like in a suit, it must make you feel dead powerful.
For a minute the room is silent, so silent that you could hear a pin drop. I start biting my nails because I don't know how to be and his longing stare is making me feel on edge. My tummy is doing somersaults and I feel like any minute now I might throw up.
"That's a really dirty habit you've got there Steven." He says finally breaking the silence.
I don't reply to him but I remove my finger from my mouth and then sit on my hands so that I won't be tempted to do it again.
"Right now just relax Steven okay?"
I can't relax, I never relax not really and I'm not about to start now. Not everyone can talk and be open.
"I'm not here to judge ye. We can talk as much or as little as ye want. I can assure ye though whatever we do talk about is strictly confidential okay?"
"Yeah I'm all good me."
"So let's start by talking about your relationships with your family. What kind of relationship have you got with your Dad?"
"I don't know him, he could be anyone. He could even be you."
I laugh out loud, you know one of those mad laughs, but he doesn't look impressed. I don't think he has a sense of humour.
"And does that bother ye? Not knowing who he is?"
"Nah I don't care me, it's his loss init."
I do care deep down, I've always wondered about my Dad. My life might have been different if he had stuck around. I could see Brendan taking notes and I desperately wanted to know what he was writing. Bastard, unloved, waster, chav; were a few things that sprung to my mind.
"So have ye had any other male role models in ye life?"
I was wondering when he'd ask that; I don't really wanna talk about Terry. He ruined my childhood and I really don't want to open up that can of worms.
"Steven did ye hear what I said?"
I must have gone off into my own little world; the thought of Terry does that to me.
"Yeah sorry…no I had no one."
It was of course a lie, but he didn't know that did he?
"So it was just ye and your Mum then Steven?"
"Yeah me and my lovely Mum, I owe everything to her."
I really don't want him to ask any more about her. I'm not ready for all of this.
"Did I detect a hint of sarcasm in ye voice there?"
"No not all. Me and Pauline…I mean me and my Mum are solid. You know really close."
"So what makes you angry Steven?"
"This does, talking about my past and stuff."
"Do I make you angry?"
"A bit yeah."
"Maybe ye are just frightened to open up and deal with things, but talking helps. You need to release all that negative energy that ye are carrying around."
"Look I don't even know you right? You're asking loads of questions that I don't even want to answer and to be honest I think this is a waste of time. I'd rather be at home with me kids."
"How many kids do ye have Steven?"
"Two. A girl and a boy…Leah and Lucas. They are my whole world and I'd do anything for them."
"Well ye have finally said something I believe."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means that everything else that you've said to me has not been exactly true has it?"
"No! What makes you think that I'm not telling the truth?"
"Body language, your reactions and years of experience."
"Right I've had enough of this. Who do you think you are? I don't need to talk to you and I don't want to anymore. I'm fine the way I am. I don't need this therapy shit."
I stand up to leave because I don't want him prying. I don't want him to know that I was once abused, but now I am the abuser. It all hurts me, makes me so mad and I don't want to relive the life I used to live. I walk towards the door already regretting my decision to leave. Amy will never forgive me if I don't do this and then I'll lose my kids for good.
"Steven." He calls interrupting my thoughts of Amy.
"If ye leave then that's it, ye won't be given this chance again. Let me help ye."
I turn to face him and I really don't know what to do.
"I don't think I can do this. I'm not at a good place right now."
"Look Steven, what have ye got to lose? Give it a try, it might be for ye, it might not, but ye won't know until ye try. Come and sit back down."
I do as I'm asked and I go and sit back down on the leather sofa.
"I'm sorry for what I said and I'm sorry for losing my temper."
"I'm used to it Steven. Now let's start again shall we? I want to ask ye about your Dad again and this time the truth."
"Like I said, I don't know my Dad, but I do have a step Dad."
"Right that's good, now we're getting somewhere. So how do ye feel about him?"
"I don't even know where to start."
"How about from the beginning"
I took a deep breath mainly to stop myself from crying, this really is embarrassing. I feel so vulnerable.
"Are ye okay to go on Steven?"
"Yeah, it's just I haven't talked about him for a while."
"So let's start with his name."
"Terry, my step Dads name is Terry."
Once again, his pen is writing notes on the notepad in front of him and I'm just about to relive my worst nightmare. This is gonna be a really long hour.
Not sure about this, please let me know what you think. Thanks for reading xxx