Didn't get as many reviews for chapter Three, but I hope you are all still enjoying it. Anyway here's the next chapter.

Pulling Puzzles Apart

Chapter Four :)

I got on the bus home and ignored my initial thought to go to the pub and drown my sorrows. I thought that talking about stuff was supposed to make you feel better, but right now I felt like shit. Visions of my past flickering in my mind like a slide show and Terry's face was right at the forefront. I get why Amy wanted me to do this, but it's hard seeing him again, even though it's only in my head.

I wait as patiently as I can for the second bus, but I'm itching to get home now. I feel like everyone is looking at me, I feel exposed as if I'm waiting at this run down bus stop naked. I sit down on the bench, trying to shield myself from the world and I wonder if the people around can tell that I'm a damaged chav who hits his girlfriend, has no job and no future prospects. If this is what opening up does to you then I think it's better if I keep my feelings closed, locked away forever.

I notice a little boy and his Dad take a seat next to me. The boy is only young, around five or six, they are sat cuddling and the Dad is reading him a story. They look dead close and the little boy is looking at his Dad intently, with such love and admiration in his eyes. It makes my heart ache; I wish I could have had that. It reminds me of a time me and Terry were waiting for a bus, only this memory wasn't filled with love and stories.

I was around the same age, five or six and Terry was on about taking me to a pub in town. He said I'd like it, he said there were lots of things to do there. I remember him telling me before we left the house.

"Right I want you to pick up all the long fag butt's you see off of the floor. Then I want you to put them in your pockets and remember we don't know each other until we get to the pub. I don't want people thinking that you are anything to do with me okay? If you do what I've asked you, I won't beat your dirty little face tonight."

I remember Terry sat talking to this old couple about the youth of today, but all that mattered to me was finding fag butts. I could see everyone looking at me, but I didn't care. This was going to stop me from getting beaten tonight. I remember the dirty smell on my fingers, it made me feel sick, but that was nothing compared to my bulging pockets filled with butts and when I'd finished I smelt just like a stale ashtray.

I even had to get my ticket and sit on the back of the bus on my own. I knew it was wrong, but I kept thinking that maybe one day it'll get better, that one day he'll love me. Of course that didn't happen and any hopes I had of a normal childhood were beaten out of me until I understood…until I accepted my fate. At the age of ten I stopped having hopes and any dreams I had were one's of Terry going out and never coming home, even though life with Pauline wasn't much better.

While my friends were playing football, laughing and spending time with their families, I was often left alone, hungry and searching for a place to hide, a place where Terry would never find me. Only he always found me. I would get twice the beating for trying to hide, but I wouldn't give up. I still searched for a place that he wouldn't get to me. The bus turns up and I watch the little boy and his Dad walk on hand in hand and I can't hold back my tears any longer. I give the driver my ticket and I find myself sitting at the back just like I used to. Then I let the tears fall freely and I cry all the way home.

I reach the village and decide that the only place I wanna be now is the pub. I need to stop thinking; I need to get that disgusting man off my mind. Amy will no doubt be worried about me, but I have to do this, I just want to forget. By the time I reach the dog it's just gone twelve and I've already got a missed call from Amy on my phone.

I only have twenty pound on me and that was what Amy gave me to get a bit of shopping on the way home. Still I didn't have to spend all of it and I'm sure she'd understand that I needed one after everything that I've just gone through. But the vodka's kept flowing until I had no money left, but it didn't matter I could easily pop into price slice on the way home and steal a few bits. It's not like I hadn't done it before. I leave the pub a bit worse for wear, drinking on an empty stomach never did agree with me.

I can't even remember what Amy wanted me to get as I stumble into the shop. Luckily Cindy was serving today; she was too busy flirting with some hottie that was drooling over her to notice me. Must be my lucky day. I walked around the shop clumsily, grabbing bits as I went and shoving them into my jacket. Cindy didn't have a clue what I'd just done and as I leave the shop with a jacket full of goodies I can't help but grin to myself. That was amazing, such a rush, how I've missed that feeling.

I stumble home, holding on to the bottom of my jacket, I'm too wobbly to get my key in the door, so I bang on it loudly. Amy opens it and she doesn't look impressed by my drunken behavior.

"What the hell! Are you drunk Ste?"

"Yeah I am Ames and I feel great."

"Get inside now will ya. What is all that in your jacket? Oh my god have you been stealing again Ste?"

Amy pulled me inside, slamming the front door shut. Once in the living room she undone my jacket, emptying the contents all over the floor. Chicken, steak, beans, biscuits, toothpaste, wipes, nappies, you name it, it was all there.

"Did you spend the twenty pound on drink Ste? And I want the truth."

"Yeah I did, but you've still got your shopping so it doesn't matter."

"That's not the point Ste. I can't believe you. Why are you being like this? Did you even go to your appointment today?"

"Why do you think I'm like this Amy? I told you I didn't wanna go."

"You can't use that as an excuse Ste. I told you it's gonna get worse before it gets better. Please I'm begging you, don't do this again. Thank god the kids aren't home yet. Now get out of my sight and sleep it off."

"Don't speak to me like that Amy, who do you think you are? You don't control me, I control my own life."

I could feel myself getting angry, the familiar rage bubbling over inside me.

"Do you know what Ste? You are just like him."

"What did you say Amy?"

"I said you are just like Terry."

And before I could even think about what I was doing, I had pushed her up against the wall, drawing my fist back as if to hit her.

"Go on Ste do it, but you'll never see your kids again if you do."

I drop my fist and let go of her. I can't believe I came so close to hitting her again and already I feel ashamed of myself and what I'd just done.

Amy moved away quickly, he eyes were wild, she was terrified and all I could say to her was sorry. The thing is I was sorry, sorry for everything; she was the last person I wanted to hurt.

"Sorry isn't good enough this time Ste; I don't even wanna be around you. I think it's best if I go and stay with my Dad for a few weeks, me and the kids. When I come back I want you gone and out of my life."

I drop to the floor defeated, scared and all alone, but I had no one to blame but myself. I had pushed away the only person who had really ever stood by me. I must have crashed out on the floor for a good few hours as when I come to; I'm sat in darkness and totally alone. Amy has gone, the kids are gone and all I have left for company is my thoughts. Thoughts of Terry and Pauline, thoughts of them destroying my life again, only this time I'm destroying it myself. I am doing to my family what they did to me. I have to end this; I have to change my life and not just for Amy, Leah and Lucas, but for me as well. I can't let him win this time.

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