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Pulling Puzzles Apart

Chapter Seven :)

Dr Brendan Brady…I thought of nothing else all week. The way I felt when he kissed me, I never thought I'd feel that way about anyone, let alone another man. He really has left an impression on me, one that i don't see myself forgetting in a hurry. The way his tash felt against my skin, how his tongue danced passionately with mine causing every part of my body to respond to him…leaving me wanting more. I go over and over it in my head, how pressing himself up against me almost made me lose control. I wanted to rip his clothes off and climb into his skin, run through his veins like deep red blood. But I am the one who is left reliving that kiss in my mind and crushing on him…my therapist.

This week has flown by and although I am nervous about seeing him, part of me can't wait. What if he brings it up? What if he doesn't? What do I even say to him? I suppose I'll just have to wait and see. It's raining outside and I'm gonna get drenched getting there, but seeing him, it's worth it and who knows maybe he'll like the drowned like a rat look. I think of him walking to the bus stop, I think of him all the way there. As I near the building I wonder what he'll be wearing and if he'll greet me with a smile. Will he meet my eyes? Will he kiss me again?

I wait patiently in the waiting room, it's pretty packed today and I'm wondering if I'll have to wait long. My stomach is in knots and I feel like nerves are getting the better of me. The receptionist calls my name and I take a deep breath and approach his door. I knock and enter, I don't wait for him to tell me to come in, to be honest I can't get in there quick enough. I walk into the room smiling, but my smile fades when I don't recognize the man sitting in his chair. I sit down on the chair opposite the fat balding man and I wonder why Brendan isn't here.

"Hello Steven is it?"

"Ste…no one calls me Steven."

"Well Ste, I'm Dr James Davis and I'm filling in for Dr Brady for today."

"Why? Where is he?"

"I can't discuss that with you Ste. Shall we talk about your week? How's it been?"

"Someone should have phoned and told me, I really don't want to talk with anyone else. Look I'll just come back next week."

"I'm afraid Dr Brady won't be back next week."

"Well when he is let me know okay, until then I'm outta here."

I get up quickly and leave the office, I feel absolutely gutted. Why would he do this to me? I've only just opened up to him and deep down I know he's not here because of what happened between us. I am so stupid sometimes, what did I honestly think would happen? He's a posh therapist for fuck sake, why would he be interested in a scally like me? Amy will be home tomorrow and then I'll have nowhere to live. I can't see a way out of this mess and now without him, without his help, I have no one.

I walk out in to the street and I keep walking. I have no idea where I'm going or what I'm going to do, but I know ten pound and a bus ticket isn't going to get me far. At least it's not raining now. I come to a bench and sit down, there's a little old man sat there too, but it's still early, at least too early for the pubs to be open. So I sit and wait, picking up the few fag butts that are lying on the ground in front of me. God I even disgust myself. What have I become? Maybe this is what it feels like when you hit rock bottom. I really am scum and I no longer have the energy to dig my way out of this big black hole I have made for myself.

I smoke my last fag butt and head off in search of a pub, any one will do, the first one I find will be my hiding place today and after that who knows. I guess I should've known that this would be my fate. Terry always did say I would amount to nothing and that I'd be left with no one. I stop when I come to The Piccadilly Tavern I just want a drink now, I need to think about what I'm going to do and where I'm going to go when I leave here. I notice a few people sat down as I walk in and it feels like they are all staring at me, which makes me feel even more alien if that is at all possible. I approach the bar and the barman asks me what I want to drink. I order a beer and find a nice quite table, its warm in here and at least I can dry off a bit more as I'm still wet from the earlier rain.

My first beer goes down really well…too well and pretty soon I'm back at the bar ordering another one. There's a guy next to me sat at the bar, he is in deep conversation with his lady friend and his jacket is hanging over the chair. I can see his wallet sticking out of his pocket; I'd be a fool not to take it. I look around to check that no one is watching and then I put my hand inside his pocket and grab his wallet out, quickly shoving it into my pocket. He wouldn't know it was me, he hasn't even noticed me next to him. I down my drink and leave, in search of my next water hole. I soon find it, i couldn't tell you what its called, but when i get inside i can tell its more up market. I go straight to the bar ignoring the stares from the strangers inside.

I open up my new wallet and smile at the amount of dough inside. I order a bottle of bud and find a quiet table away from the lunch time posh twats that must be on their lunch break. Five beers later and i'm feeling a lot more relaxed, I have no intention of leaving now at least not until I can't consume any more alcohol. Then i hear a voice, one i recognize, one that led me to where i am now. My eyes search for him frantically and when i finally see him he is sat a few tables from me with a bubbly woman with blonde hair. I stand up with the intention of going over to him but i don't think i can do that, so i walk past him knocking into him as i do.

"Sorry mate I've had a few too many."

"Steven..."

"Dr Brady, where were you today?"

"I had some holiday to take, so i've got a few weeks off."

"That's nice, anyway i'm sorry about that, you know bumping into you. I'll see ya."

"Yeah see ye Steven."

I go up to the bar and order a vodka and coke, beer is not going to shift this new found mood. I can feel him watching me and when i turn around our eyes meet. He turns away first so i pick up my drink and head back to my table. I wonder who the woman is? Must be his girlfriend or even his wife. I try to block them out, but i can hear him, how i wish he was talking to me right now. I think i would open up about anything. I turn my back to them, it's bad enough hearing the two of them laughing, i can't look at them as well. After a while their conversation stops and Brendan finds his way over to me.

"Hey Steven, what are ye doing here?"

"Whats it to you?"

"Don't be like that, i'm just concerned. Ye look out of it."

"So it's my life. If you cared so much where were you today?"

"I told ye Steven."

"so it had nothing to do with what happened between us."

"Keep ye voice down"

"Do you know what Brendan just fuck off will ya. You're just like everyone else."

My mouth is foul, but what does he expect. I have lost everything and the last thing i need is him judging me, making me feel bad for drinking. He let me down too, he doesn't get to tell me what i can and can't do. I came here to drown my sorrows and that is exactly what I'm gonna do.

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