I'm so sorry that this took so long, but it's up now. This chapter is going to kind of get into the M part of why it's rated the way it is, so, there's just a warning there.
Let me know what you think, and again, sorry it took so long to update.
The most beautiful moments always seemed to accelerate and slip beyond one's grasp just when you want to hold onto them for as long as possible- E.A. Bucchianeri
I had never had anything good in my life- really good. It's always sucked with things with my father and then my brother.
Pain seemed to be the only constant in my life, except maybe Oliver. Oliver has always been there, he's my best friend and I guess I can say that he was the only good in my life.
Even when I'm a bitch to him and run off to do my own thing, he still lets me come crying back into his arms with not so much as an 'I told you so'.
But then She comes. So shy and perfect and so very much good.
But she has never been a constant, so it makes me wonder; how long will she last? And if she doesn't, will I survive this time?
You better not tell,
-Scotty
As I drive away from her house, my smile slowly drops to nothing. With me not in the room, she will most certainly rethink what just happened. She will really think. And then regret her decision.
If not, then things will go good for a while until she finds a nice boy that she likes.
My hands tighten on the wheel. I need to talk to Oliver.
My foot presses down on the gas a little harder and I feel as the car responds by lurching into a higher speed until I'm soon turning off the ignition in my best friend's driveway.
"Hi Mrs. Oaken." I greet as I walk through the door without invitation. She waves from the kitchen with a smile. "Oliver not up yet?" I ask leaning against the counter to watch as she puts brownies in the oven.
"Nope, he had five too many drinks last night, don't you think?" With a nod from my head she continues. "That reminds me, do you mind taking these up to him?"
She hands me a glass of water along with two oval shaped pills.
"Not at all Mrs. O." I turn with one last smile and head up the stairs.
Not being courteous at all, I slam my best friend's door open loudly, interrupting his snores. "Get up Oaken, rise and shine."
A loud groan sounds somewhere beneath the piles of sheets on the bed.
"Screw you." He moans sending a pillow horribly in my direction. It hits the wall five feet to my right.
"Awe, don't be that way Ollie, I have your pain killers."
A hand appears out of the heap and I hand over the glass and pills. Then the blankets fall away as he sits up with a head of messy hair. He tilts his head back and downs them in one gulp.
He's silent for a moment before he turns to glare at me through his messy black mop.
"What do you want and what did you do?"
I grin. He knows me so well, and even if I know it wont last, I can't help but feel giddy about the events that took place an hour before.
"Okay, don't be mad-" I take a seat next to him on the mattress.
"Why is it that whenever you say that, it usually means that I'm going to be in pain?"
I ignore this though silently agree. "-but I kind of told Miley that I love her."
Oliver's face is impassive as he stares at me blankly. "And do you?"
My sigh sounds almost dreamy. "Yes." I confess and fall back onto the bed with my heart thudding fast by just thinking about her. He leans back as well and shifts to face me.
"What was her response?"
I bit my lip as a smile breaks across my face. "She kissed me." I bring my fingers to lightly touch my lips where I can still feel the ghost of hers.
He stares for a moment longer before a huge grin breaks his expressionless facade. "I knew it."
"...What?" I ask a little confused.
"I knew you two were falling for each other, it was so obvious!" He continues sitting up excitedly.
"You're delusional." I say.
"You're the delusional one if you think no one noticed your absolute devotion to her."
I scoff, giving him a shove. "Shut up."
He rolls his eyes playfully and says something totally like Oliver. "So when can I get a video of you two making out?"
Instead of hitting him like he was expecting from his cringe, I laugh.
"Wow." He says straightening up. "She makes you really happy doesn't she?"
"She really does." I say honestly, and then frown slightly. "I just don't think I'm good enough for her; she deserves better than me."
A frown tugs at my best friend's mouth as well. "Do you love her?" He asks seriously.
"With all my heart." I reply immediately.
"And will you ever intentionally hurt her?"
My face hardens at the thought, practically growling the answer. "Never."
His lips once again lift. "Then you are good for her, as long as that feeling never changes."
I study him quizzically for a moment, pursing my lips in a thin white line. "You have been reading your mom's magazines again haven't you."
"No! Well yes, but it's still true!" He says and a smile breaks across my face.
"Alright Ollie, I believe you."
"Well good, cause I'm gonna go back to sleep now." He says flopping backwards and pulling a pillow over his face.
A short laugh falls from my lips as I stand, patting his stomach on the way out the door.
"You do that buddy, see you tomorrow."
I only get a mumbled response as I softly shut his door behind me.
"Bye Mrs. Oaken!" I call over my shoulder as I make my way out the door.
"Bye dear, be safe walking home!'
"I will." I give her a grin before pulling the door shut behind me.
I breathe in deeply as I tilt my head up to the darkening sky. The stars just barely glint through the clouds of the not yet dark oblivion.
A breeze stirs my hair and the feeling of being in a movie wraps magically around me. Usually when this atmosphere falls around me, it's of me watching in on other's lives- that I was just a spectator of a film. Never have I ever felt so real, so there.
Only when I'm in pain or in a few weightless moments with my best friend do I ever feel that I'm actually living.
This is real; I am real. I can only hope that it lasts- that this high that I have doesn't have just as big of a fall. Miley, Miley, Miley.
I smile as my feet carry me to the beach where the waves crash along the shore. People mill along the cooling sand, only a few hardcore surfers daring to enter the icy water.
I turn away from the water and the harsh tide, for the first time in a while feeling like I'm not drowning. The walk home seems short and when I enter the house, it is dark and silent. No clanking of alcohol bottles or drunken curses. Nothing.
It's just perfectly silent as I make my way upstairs and fall into bed.
Perfect silence.
...
The weeks that pass are amazing. Oliver, Miley, and I at school walk through the halls like the sun is out for the first time, though maybe that's just me feeling that way.
It feels like everything up to now was a dream and I just woke up. Everything is in a much more sharper focus and I find myself actually focusing in class.
My teachers at first looked at me suspiciously, like I was up to something, but after the first few weeks, they seemed to lose the paranoia. My writing teacher commented one day, that my writing style has changed- a not as dark outline to it and all I did was smile.
I've been doing that a lot lately- smiling.
Everything just feels so surreal, but very tangible.
I'm even meeting up with Oliver and Miley at this old family restaurant. It's a double date kind of deal; Oliver had met this nice girl at a soccer game and they seemed to hit it off. This would be their third date.
"Yes, I know I'm late." I tell Oliver over the phone. "I just have to pick up my sweater from school and I'm already at the gate. It will take me two minutes to run in and get it and another five to walk there. If you want, I'll cut it down to three by running."
"This date is very important to me, I want you guys to really like her."
"Does Miley?" I ask.
"Yes." He says.
"Then I like her; I trust Miley's judgement." My footsteps echo along the empty corridors.
"Just get here." He sighs and I laugh.
"I will- see? I'm already at my locker; I'll be there in five."
I hang up and sigh before stuffing my cell into my pocket and hitting the edge of my locker. It springs open wide enough for me to reach in and pull out the blue sweater I had accidentally left on Friday.
Instead of walking all the way through the school again, I decide to go out the side exit. It's getting warmer outside, but there is still a slight chill in the air; like winter might come back at any second if you decide to leave your house without a coat, even if it just hangs around your waist.
I'm pulled from my thoughts, by movement at the corner- three boys disappearing around it.
Curiosity makes me follow them. "Hey!" I call. School is closed, and I can't imagine anyone wanting to come back on a Saturday night- it's already getting dark.
"Hey, wait up!" I say rounding the corner at a jog. "What're you-"
Something hard and unmistakably mettle slams into my head, and before I know it, I taste gravel in my mouth.
Black dots my vision, and there seems to be a ringing in my ears. A headache throbs painfully as hands grab at me and pull. I vaguely hear myself moan as I'm dragged behind the school.
"Fuck." I mutter as I can make out the people holding on to me. It is the boys I had saved Miley from.
The leader of the group looks down at me with a sick sort of grin.
"Not so tough now, are you?" He swings an old pipe around in his hands. The other two look less certain then he does about what they are doing; the one I gave a concision to keeps shifting is eyes from me to the gates, like he's wanting to make a run for it.
If I could just get some control of my body, he wont be able to...
"Says the one who has to take a girl by surprise by hitting her over the head with a lead pipe." I gasp shifting slightly to a sitting position. I can almost feel my hand now.
Anger crosses his face and in a flash, his knee connects with my nose.
Blood gushes into my mouth but it doesn't feel like it's broken. I choke on the hot metallic liquid, and twist painfully onto my side to cough it onto the dirty ground.
"Hey, come on Dylan, I think that's enough." One of them says, grabbing his shoulder. He looks nervously down at me.
I know I shouldn't goad him, but I can take a beating just fine. This is nothing I haven't faced before. "Yeah, Dylan, don't you get tired of beating up on little girls?"
His hand tightens on the pipe, and a brief flash of panic makes my heart race. Did I push him too far?
Then he relaxes, and tosses the pipe away with a smile.
He kneels down next to me, and grabs my chest roughly. "Little girl?" He says, groping hard enough to leave bruises. "Doesn't feel that way to me. Miley, well, we weren't actually going to do anything to her. You on the other hand, I've heard that you've got some experience."
Real fear squeezes my chest. Now this has never happened.
"Say, boys." He says. "Isn't it funny how every person that I have talked to, says that they never actually slept with Lily? They just didn't want to seem weak or something. I wander if you ever really have had your first time..." His hand travels down my body and I squirm hard to get away.
But my head hurts and when I moved to fast, my vision goes dark and I get very light headed.
I find myself panting to stay conscious.
The boy laughs. "There's really only one way to know for sure..." He says tugging at my jeans. Terror runs through me as he pops the button.
This has never happened before- what do I do?
"Hey- Dylan, you said we were just going to knock her around a bit; scare her!"
"Yeah, well, plans change." I struggle as hard as I can as he rips my shirt off me, and the cold air seems even harsher against my bare skin.
"No, I'm not doing this." One boy says defiantly, tightening his hands into fists.
"Then leave!" Dylan yells angrily, not taking his eyes off of me, and groping me harder in his anger. It hurts and blue and black marks are already showing stark against my pale skin.
The boys hesitate, then turn and run. And I'm alone with the sadistic madman.
"There." He murmurs, brushing his fingers over my cheek almost tenderly. "All alone. You are always there protecting your friends, but who's going to protect you?"
My lips tremble, despite my wishes, and tears stream from my eyes, the situation finally sinking in.
"Go to hell." I spit and he slaps my hard. My head spins and pain shoots through my skull. I must have blacked out because the next thing I know, I'm naked and he's pulling his pants down.
Some feeling seems to come back to me and I twist, trying to scramble to my feet, but he's there- kicking me in the stomach. The ground is hard, and cold, and it scrapes painfully along my bare skin.
"No, no, no." I murmur almost frantically, as he pushes me onto my back.
If I were at my full strength, and not half numb from the cold, and dizzy from a head injury, I would easily be able to beat him up and take off.
But my head throbs, and my vision is half dark, and he spreads my legs almost too easily.
And then something touches me, right there that has never been touched before, and desperation takes over. I struggle and kick and a scream tears from my throat, but he slaps me again and something hard enters me.
I scream again, through his muffling hand, but in pain this time.
It hurts, it hurt so, so bad that I wish he were still beating me up and hitting me over the head with that pipe. It hurts, and there is a tearing sensation and I just wish I would die right then.
"I knew it." He laughs, and continues to push into me. "You were totally a virgin!"
Then he pulls back and thrusts his hips forward and it's even worse than before. I claw at his chest, and try to push him away, but somehow, I'm not that strong girl that beat him up all those months ago.
I'm just a girl trapped under a rapist.
Every move he makes is agony, and it hurts so much to struggle, that I finally just stop resisting and lay in silence, sobbing into his hand.
This was not supposed to happen, things were supposed to be better. I was alive, and happy. Now I just want to die.
It hurts.
I think I black out a few times, as he grunts, and moans, and thrusts. His hands are hot like iron pokers left to sit in a fire, and his breath is rancid on my neck.
He marks me, laughing and moaning. Blood spills out onto the concrete from between my legs and it hurts.
Everything hurts.
Finally, he gives one last thrust as he cums.
He flips me almost like a dead weight, and pulls my butt back into him.
If my mind wasn't so focused on the pain, I would be humiliated. Like a dog. He's fucking me like a fucking dog.
He thrusts into me again, from a new direction, causing more pain in a new way. He grips my hips hard, digging his nails in enough to draw blood.
It's demeaning. I can feel my own blood running down my legs as he groans and cums again, but he keeps moving, thrusting, hurting me.
He cums again but doesn't stop. Why doesn't he stop?
"So tight." He's grunting. "So good."
I can feel him inside me and my stomach jolts, making me vomit.
His dick twitches, and he shudders, and he cums for a final time. He pulls out with a wet plop. He laughs, rolling me over to wipe his dick, covered in my blood, across my face, but I just sit there, staring up at the stars that were once so beautiful, crying silent tears.
Everything hurts.
"I think I'll take these as souvenirs." He says grabbing up all my clothes, including that stupid sweat shirt that I had come to get, but his voice sounds like it's coming from a tunnel.
He dresses himself, and walks away.
When his footsteps are gone, and I know for sure that he's not there, a loud sob rises from my chest, shaking my body and sending even more spasms of pain to my abdomen.
I pull myself, with great difficulty, to the wall of the school, bend my knees up to my chest burry my face into my knees, and sob.
I can't stop bawling, my body shuddering with the force, and even though it hurts so badly, I can't stop.
Everything hurts.
Vaguely, I think I hear my name, but my cries are too loud to tell.
A hand touches my shoulder, and I jerk, screaming loudly. No, not again- everything hurts!
The pain is enormous, but I scramble away from the hands, scraping my skin raw as I go. My tears are so think that I can't see his face, but I know he's there. The hands are large, a man's, but there are another pair too- the other boys decided to come back.
Terror seizes me, as I blindly try to get away from the hands.
"Lily- Lily!" I finally hear through my screams. "Lily, it's me!"
Soft hands, small hands, warm, not hot hands hold my bruised face gently. She wipes at my tears so softly that I could think that they are imaginary.
Another sob breaks through the night, one that is not my own, and I force myself to focus on the girl in front of me.
Long chestnut hair, and deep blue eyes. My Miley.
I fall into her arms sobbing and she rocks me oh so gently. But it's not the same, underneath her soft caressing hands, I feel Dylan's rough, torturous touch.
Another hand, larger and defiantly a man's, falls on my shoulder. I don't stop to think that it is gentle; I just know that it is a man's, and I scream, ripping myself away from my girlfriend.
"Shh, shh, shh." Miley coos softly, crawling back over to me. "It's just Oliver baby, it's just Oliver."
I twist Miley's shirt around my fingers like a vise. Oliver creeps closer, and I see that he has a sweater. He drapes it over my trembling body, but doesn't get any closer.
Everything hurts, and my head is throbbing fiercely.
Everything hurts. Everything goes dark.
Thanks for reading. Please review.
-Fantasy