Pulling Puzzles Apart

Chapter Eleven :)

It was great to see Lucas, to hold him in my arms, god I've missed him so much, both of them. Unfortunately for me Leah was at school, it would have been nice to have a cuddle with my little princess. Amy took Lucas from me, asking him to play quietly in his room so that Mummy and Daddy could talk. I hadn't seen him for a few weeks; I could have done with seeing him for a bit longer.

This was certainly different, all three of us sat down chatting like we're old friends. I never expected him to be here, sat on my sofa with a cup of tea in his hands. I couldn't help but feel a little rush of excitement at the thought of Brendan coming here and defending my honor to the mother of my kids, the woman that I hurt with my own hands. I guess it was wrong really, I deserved everything that Amy dished out, but Brendan defending me, explaining everything to her made me feel special, more special than I have ever felt before. Amy must of sensed my confusion and she turned all of her attention to me.

"Look Ste at the end of the day, I'll always be here for you. I was just so angry, but now that Brendan and I have had a good chat about you and your progress, I have no problem with you coming round to see the kids. I know that you'll never hurt them, not like you've hurt me. I have to help you get better Ste."

What the hell had Brendan said to her to make her think I was making progress? Fucking the therapist wasn't exactly progress was it?

"Steven has shown a lot of remorse for what he's put ye through Amy. He is a very broken man, but he is fixable and I'm sure with both of our support that he'll come good. I know it doesn't seem very professional, but I have suggested him renting a room from me. I feel that it will help ye both rebuild your relationship with each other. Steven needs to support himself, get a job and carry on with therapy. Small steps first though. I'm hardly ever at home, with work and family commitments so Steven will pretty much have the place to himself. He can sort his head out and maybe return to ye a changed man."

I was speechless, me living with Brendan? When did this even happen? This was all too much for me. Haven't I even got a choice in any of this? I suppose it's better than living on the streets, but what the fuck. I must have zoned out, because I'm brought back to reality by him.

"Steven…Steven are ye listening to me?"

"Oh...um…yeah sorry."

"Ste I'm so proud of you for opening up and standing on your own two feet. This takes so much pressure off of me."

Amy comes over to me and wraps her arms around me, I hug her back tightly, it's just hit me how much I'm going to miss her and the kids. I look at Brendan while Amy is still holding me, I notice the intense way that he is watching us…like he's jealous or something. I smile at him, but he doesn't smile back, he just looks at me until Amy moves out of my space and back into her own.

"Brendan I can't thank you enough."

"It's my pleasure Amy, that's what I'm here for."

"Can I get you another drink?"

"Why not, let's have one for the road. Then I'd better get Steven settled in."

Amy disappears into the kitchen and I watch as Brendan makes his way over to me.

"Why are ye always throwing these little strops Steven?"

I could feel his breath on my face as he whispered his words into my ear. My heart rate increased, he was so close to me that I could almost taste him and there was a seductive tone in his voice.

"Why am I staying at yours? Don't I even have a say in this?"

"I thought you'd want to Steven. And no you don't have a choice and ye will come willingly."

"Or what?"

"Or I will just take ye."

This was messed up, really messed up, so why did I still want to go with him?

"Then I'll have to come willingly won't I?"

"Good boy."

Amy presence in the room made Brendan leave my side and return to his earlier position. She handed Brendan his drink and sat back down again.

"Ste you're very quiet, usually I can't shut you up."

"I'm just thinking Ames; I'm going to miss you and the kids."

"You can still see them Ste and let's face it we couldn't have carried on the way we were."

"I know, but I can't remember the last time we weren't together."

"Then get the help you need and who knows what may happen. Maybe we could even start again, together as a couple."

Brendan slammed his cup down on the coffee loudly, the thought of Amy and I together clearly affecting him. I noticed the change of colour in his eyes, how wide they were…jealously running through him and right now he wasn't hiding it

"Right on that note, let's make a move Steven. Things to do and all that. I've already packed ye clothes."

"I just wanna say goodbye to Lucas, give me a minute please."

As I made my way over to his bedroom I could already feel the bitter sting of tears in my eyes. As I entered his room, he was sat playing cars, totally in his own little world and I just stood watching him for a few minutes.

"Hey little man, Daddy's got to go now. I'm going away for a little while, so you have to look after Mummy now okay? I will be back all the time to see you though I promise. Give Leah a kiss for me."

I go over to him and hug him tightly, I can feel the tears falling now, my kids are the only things I've got right and to be honest I don't know how I'll cope without them in my life everyday. I feel Lucas hug me back, he notices my tears and wipes them away.

"Bye bye Daddy, love you."

God that was so hard saying goodbye to him, I'd always been here for them and now I have to leave and it doesn't even matter if I want to or not. I've messed up and now I have to deal with the consequences. Amy held it together until I broke down, but she needed this, she needed time apart from me and the stress that I bring. I've lost her trust through my own reckless actions and now I have to try and earn that trust back. The drive back to Brendan's was a quiet one; to be honest I had nothing to say. When I saw him in my flat defending my corner, I thought he'd fixed everything, but instead his has brought me into his world. A world I know nothing about. A world without my kids.

"Are ye okay Steven?"

"No not really. What am I even doing staying with you? Why did you lie to Amy? Isn't there rules about this kind of thing?"

"Don't ye wanna be with me?"

"I don't mean anything by it. I'm just gonna miss my kids. I didn't even see our Leah."

"Ye don't have to stay with me Steven if ye really don't want to."

"I have nowhere else to go do I?

"I'm trying to help, can't ye see that?"

"Help me? You said if I didn't come willingly that you'd take me."

"I told you before that you had no idea what you'd let yourself in for."

"What is that suppose to mean?"

"We'll talk later Steven."

Brendan led the way inside his flat, the flat that would now be my new home until further notice. I shouldn't be so hard on him; he was giving me somewhere to stay after all. I sat down on the sofa, still too shocked to even speak and Brendan just stared at me, obviously waiting for me to say something.

"Right Steven I have some ground rules. One: No guests, Two: Look for jobs daily and Three: There is no spare room, ye have to stay in my bed with me." So what do ye think?"

"I think I can do that, although I thought you'd get me back together will my kids. I never thought I'd be staying here with you."

"Am I really that bad? I did warn ye didn't I? One day you'll thank me. Now will ye stop being so moody and come here? I think we should go back to bed after all."

Going back to bed and having sex was the last thing on my mind, but I found myself following him and returning to the bedroom anyway. He pushes me down on to the bed and I watch him strip himself bare, god he's so gorgeous and the way he looks at me almost makes me forget that my heart is slowly breaking. I thought being a therapist that he'd know when I needed to talk, but when I tried he silenced me with a kiss and I melted into him once more.

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