Pulling Puzzles Apart

Chapter Thirteen :)

I hope you enjoy this chapter :)

I could still feel his hand on me, rubbing my back as I got rid of the toxins in my body. I thought he'd leave me to get on with it on my own, but he didn't and I felt grateful for that. I know that I'm out of control and maybe he was right, maybe I am beyond saving, but I need him, I don't want to be alone anymore. I stop being sick finally and I rest my head on the toilet seat. I feel his hand leave my back and I desperately want it back there, but I know don't deserve anything from him now. He leaves the bathroom and I'm left wondering what he plans to do now. If he throws me out I have nowhere to go and I can't see Amy taking me back, especially now. I think about going to see where he's gone, but I can't even lift my head off of the seat. He re-enters the bathroom with a glass of water and some tablets and sits back down next to me. He lifts my head, pops some tablets into my mouth and helps me take a mouthful of water to wash them down.

"What the fuck were you thinking Steven?"

"…I'm…sorry…"

"Sorry isn't good enough. I let you into my life and my head and this is how you repay me by letting some bloke suck you off in an alleyway."

"…Please…don't throw me out."

"I don't know what I'm going to do, but right now you need to sleep this off. We'll talk when you're feeling better, because right now I can't even look at you."

He scoops me up into his arms and I cling onto him, this could be the last time I get to be this close to him after all. I rest my head on his chest, I can smell his aftershave and I really want to kick myself at how stupid I've been. How could I even think about sleeping with anyone else when I have him here? But I wasn't thinking straight and I was drugged up as well as drunk, not the best combination. He takes me into the spare room and as he lays me down on the bed I try to pull him down with me, but he just shrugs and moves away.

"…Stay with me Brendan…I need you."

"You didn't need me a few hours ago did ye? I'm going out for a bit, get some sleep and I'll check on you later."

"For what it's worth I really am sorry."

"Sleep now okay...I'll see ye."

He leaves me alone and I do what he says, I close my eyes and drift off, hoping that sleep will take away my sickness. When I do eventually wake up I notice that it's darker outside. I sit up in bed, desperately trying to focus, but my head is banging and my mouth is dry. I feel thirsty so I get out of bed with the intention of getting a glass of water, but the noises coming from Brendan's room stops me. His light is on, his door is open a little and I want to peak through it, but part of me doesn't in case I hate what I see. Curiosity killed the cat though and I find myself at his door. I know what I'm going to find, I can hear him. I can hear Brendan pleasing another man and I'm starting to feel sick again.

I take a deep breath and peak through the door and I see him fucking someone else, someone that isn't me. He is in control as usual and his lover underneath him is enjoying every minute. I gasp loudly, I don't mean to but I'm shocked at the sight. Disgusted. Jealous. He turns round and he can see that I'm watching him; I thought he'd stop, but he doesn't, he just fucks him harder…faster and all the while he is staring at me. I feel the silent tears fall down my face and I flee from his door and return to the other room. I don't know what to do, it's late and I have no money, but all I know is that I can't stay here. I can't live my life this way, I'm starting to feel more fucked up than I was before.

I stink of sick, my clothes are a mess and I'm not feeling my best. Maybe I should just stay here for tonight, sleep off my fuzzy head and sort myself out. I know I made a mistake with that guy, but I was drunk, off my face on drugs. At least I didn't sleep with him. Trouble with me is that I get attached to people easily. I thought Brendan liked me, you know really liked me. I guess I was wrong. I can hear some movement outside and I'm pretty certain that Brendan's guest has just left…I hope he has. I can hear footsteps outside my door so I get back into bed and pretend to be asleep. I don't wanna see or speak to him yet. He knocks on my door, but I don't answer him. That doesn't stop him though, instead he enters the bedroom and I can feel his presence standing over me.

"Steven…Steven! Are you awake? I wanna talk to ye now."

But I stay still, who the hell does he think he is? I'm not going to be treated this way by him…by anyone. He nudges me a little, but I don't show him any signs that I'm awake. He fucked another bloke and looked me right in the eye while doing it; I don't think I could ever get over that. I feel his hand on my face and he rubs it gently and then I feel his lips on mine and I want to respond to him but I don't and everything is just one big mess. Then I can feel his breath against my face and he whispers in my ear.

"I'm sorry Steven…he meant nothing."

And then he was gone and I was left feeling even worse. Worse because he said he meant nothing, worse because I didn't talk to him and worse because now I've realised just how much I like him. How could he do this to me? Why did he do this to me? He's a therapist and he's fucking with my head more than anyone else is, or even has. I don't need this, I don't need him and tomorrow I'm going to sort out this so called life of mine.

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