Disclaimer: The following story is a work of fiction. The characters are borrowed from the CBS network show NCIS for personal entertainment purposes only. No profit is or shall be made from this fan tribute to the show which is owned by TPTB. Any resemblance to actual persons is purely coincidental.

Identifyer: vglb0012/ch02 - a new chapter of "I Hear the Bells Toll" by VG LittleBear

Spoiler warning: 5×13 "Dog Tags", 5×14 "Internal Affairs", minor spoilers for seasons 3 to 5.

Two Steps Back

Jenny just needed to get rid of her headache first.

The headache didn't let up, not that evening, nor the following days. When Jenny asked Ducky for help yet again, he told her she needed to go see a doctor at an actual hospital. Unfortunately she couldn't do that without SecNav getting wind of it, so she tried to hang on. She didn't want to advertise that she was vulnerable, not in the political climate prevailing on the hill. Jenny had never been prone to protracted headaches, unlike Jethro who once in a while went even more silent than usual, but now it was her turn to experience light sensitivity, react to loud noises, and feel like throwing up, all without a discernable cause, or the benefit of a hangover.

Seeing her miserable mien, Ducky had a doctor friend run a CT on her as a Jane Doe. Once done, she was asked to wait. After a while a Nurse came and took blood, her temperature, more blood, then there was more waiting. When Ducky came back with his friend hours later, they basically told her she needed to go under the knife. They didn't even speak about biopsy. When she asked what her chances were of a full recovery they just looked at her.

She got up and walked out.

Ducky found her sitting in the passenger seat of his Morgan in the parking lot. He got in, then handed her pills that, he said, would do nothing for her health, but keep the symptoms under control for now. Eventually he got around to giving her the full prognosis. She didn't quite get all the details right away, but she got the gist, she was dying. If she went for invasive treatment now, it would just take a few months longer.

That put paid to her romantic notions, even though she wished she could find refuge in Jethro's arms. When Gibbs started asking questions about her health, she refused to give in to his caring though she longed to. Knowing him better now than she had when they were a couple, she just wished to protect him against more heartache by keeping her distance. Jenny no longer denied to herself that she loved him, and for the first time in her adult life she chose what was maybe best for him.

Abby got a postcard from Carson, and soon after everybody in her reach knew that his mom was now officially and legally his. Jethro brought Jenny a cup of coffee to toast the family with. Fortunately Jenny had a good day, and was able to join in the spontaneous celebration in the squadroom.

Accepting that she was sick, and would get sicker still, was not easy for Jenny. She started wearing her sunglasses more frequently, and Ducky would come up to her office to check that she was fit for the day. He had adjusted her pills for the best possible outcome, but warned her that her symptoms would worsen over time, until there was no hiding them. He urged her to talk to Gibbs about what she was facing.

She had heard about the dog Abby had renamed Jethro. The rumors were that Jethro the man had confirmed that he was a good Jethro. That made Jenny smile, that playful streak came out too seldom in Gibbs, and she was glad to see it. She knew that Abby had somehow found a place in Jethro's heart that was far from the conflicts his lovers and spouses faced. Like any good father he let the hyper forensic scientist believe that she was his favorite, and the sweet kisses seemed to confirm it since Tony got the headslaps. Maybe it was just that Gibbs was a chauvinist, though Ziva got both. It was a quaint family Gibbs had created for himself.

Jenny still remembered Jethro's fierce defense of Abby when she had tried to make the resident Goth fit the federal employee mold; her first attempt didn't even last the day. Ms Sciuto had come to work dressed as 'Barbie', and then had proceeded to have a melt-down in full view of Jethro. Jenny would never have believed it, but their forensic scientist had Gibbs wrapped around her little finger, in an entirely platonic way unless she missed her guess.

Abby had treated her as 'Mommy' since she had picked up on Gibbs' possessiveness of her. It was still there, a bit better hidden these days, but as long as he let her steal his coffee she felt entitled to her role.

Remembering again how she had secretly enjoyed the reaction Gibbs gave to the Abby tantrum which a confused Ziva had related to her in confidence; down to the intelligence that McGee knew about Barbie, high heels and briefcase included. Jenny must have missed some incarnations of the doll. She asked herself if a daughter would have made her care, and then she wondered if Jethro had. She could just imagine the look Jethro would give her if she asked that. Incidentally a good question to have ready if she needed to block Jethro's inquiries into her health again. She'd been diligently working on suppressing her tell, but Gibbs was psychic, at least according to Abby.

Director Shepard had initially found nothing wrong with the NCIS dress code, and she prided herself on having fashion sense. Not that Abby didn't have it, she just had her very own style, and she and a few others were sent a reminder. Jenny thanked her lucky stars that she'd had the good sense of listening to Jethro on waiving the dress code for Abby when he'd shoved the printed notification at her. Together with Ziva, Jenny had later gotten with Abby to go shopping for a few outfits she could wear to court without giving up her personality. Jenny had since shared with Gibbs' honorary daughters that she had undertaken to 'accidentaly' ruin any of Jethro's horrible clothing choices in Europe. Then she'd gotten him replacement clothes that were a cut above her then pay grade, but she had come from money and could afford the expense. The girls had both gotten a kick out of it. She never got why Jethro insisted dressing in those cheap formless jackets, though she appreciated his looks in jeans and hoody. Still did, she was dying, but not dead! Anyway, she was setting aside a bequest involving the tailor Gibbs had used for his rare Sunday suit. She was sure Gibbs would eventually set his feet in there again, and he'd get a whole new wardrobe, even if it killed her. Gallows humor in her situation was good.

Abby had loved the girl power evenings, and had forgiven her for her other error in judgment, too. Giving Abigail Sciuto a laboratory assistant early in Jenny's tenure had started out as a sensible measure to cut down the workload of the heavily solicited scientist. Letting Jethro know that she would not be giving in to Abby's paranoia about working with Charles whatever-his-name-was had backfired grieviously. She had since known better than to contradict Jethro when he approved one of Abby's notions.

Stroking the sick dog in Abby's lab, Jenny had tried to convince Abby, but mostly herself, that some things had to be accepted. Abby had immediately denied that it had all to end a certain way. Abby, of course, was referring to Jethro the dog. Jenny was thinking about the Jethro who had once called her his own. She could not see how it could end well, whether she told him or not. About her health, and lack of future. Or maybe her feelings for him.

Back to Jethro's inquiring gazes. When her sins came to haunt her at NCIS, she had relied heavily on Jethro and his team. Gibbs protected her when the FBI came looking, trying to pin the murder of René Benoit first on Tony, then on herself. Poor Tony felt the wrath of Jeanne, but Jenny knew what Jeanne would be feeling, and speaking from daughter to daughter, showed that her mind had been playing tricks. Though Gibbs was right to suspect that it was Jenny's gun that had been fired at the hated man. Jethro knew more about their last encounter than he'd told, and she had seen his doubts about the end of the Frog, as he insisted calling her French nemesis. Jenny suspected that Jethro only minded that that she had used agency resources to get there, but she wasn't a trained sniper like him. He'd find out eventually, but she no longer cared about La Grenouille, he was gone, and one of these days soon, so would she.

She had apologized to the hapless daughter of the dead weapons dealer. She recognised that she should never have allowed Tony to get in so deep with Jeanne. But her one and only attempt to let go had come to naught when Tony's loyalty to a barely recovered Gibbs had made him anxious to stay on the team instead of accepting the promotion to Team Leader in Rota, Spain.

Those job openings didn't come up often, and she knew better than offer Tony a new Pentagon team after he witnessed Paula's demise. Of course she should have realized that Cassidy's violent death would have driven him straight to Jeanne, and a profound relationship he'd been reluctant to take up until then. It had gotten complicated then, involving the CIA, and Trent Kort. And while she had been furious about their intervention, in the end it was her lucky break. Gibbs had found Kort, and the FBI had nothing to substantiate abuse of her position.

Gibbs couldn't have known the irony of confirming her recovered reign with 'long live the Queen'. Soon enough Crown Prince Leon would take up the scepter for good. And still she wouldn't talk to Jethro, fearing her need for his arms around her would tear down her resolve to keep herself aloof. Not adding to the loved man's burden had become her new goal.

- tbc -