"You feeling okay? You're so quiet since we left St. Mungo's..." They arrived at their favourite ice cream café, and he pointed a table outside which was a bit to the side.
"I feel a bit overwhelmed and confused, is all." Hermione sat down, rather absent-mindedly so. She was still thinking about what she had been told in her medical exam in the maternity ward, which had looked surprisingly like a muggle one, at least from what she could tell.
"Confused is never good in your case," he replied earnestly, watching her.
She shook her head, and opened the ice cream card, more to distract herself from the situation than to actually choose something from it. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be. I just wish you would talk to me, let me know what confuses you so much. You know I will listen."
Hermione shook her head again, biting her lip.
Draco sighed, there was no point to press it further for the next few minutes, or else she would never tell him. He had learned to be patient with her. "You want some ice cream?" he asked instead.
She nodded this time. "Dark chocolate and blackberry. And loads of it."
"Okay." He got up again to order inside, always keeping half an eye on Hermione outside. But basically he went inside to have something to do while trying to give her the space to consider his request. Merlin, he had seen her confused and lost a few times in those past two-and-a-half years they were together, but never this lost. Hell yes, it was a huge step to have a child together, one of the biggest he could imagine. He probably felt as unprepared as she did, completely freaked out by it, but not confused. No, not confused. Freaked out and excited, yes. Excited, because Hermione was the one he wanted to have children with, no one else...
"I'm sorry," she repeated when he finally came back outside with the ice cream, a big load of dark chocolate and blackberry for her, and a smaller cup with dark chocolate and tiramisu for him.
"It's okay to be shocked, I'm still freaked out myself. And your mother warned me more than once that you just need to get through everything in your head first..." Draco sat down again after putting their ice cream down on the small table. "I'm not saying you shouldn't, but I'd like to know what's troubling you, okay?"
Hermione nodded, then put the first spoonful of dark chocolate ice cream in her mouth. "I-I just don't feel prepared for it, you know?" she finally said. No, she definitely didn't feel prepared for that kind of responsibility at all.
Draco nodded, happy that she finally opened up a bit, then took his own first spoonful. Yes, tiramisu had been a good choice!
"I still feel like I'm trying to figure out some parts of my life. Not you obviously, but-but more like what's my role supposed to be in life? I want to do something meaningful, you know?"
"You seriously have done more meaningful things in your life than other families can show for generations. You helped Potter win the war, you helped starting the redemption program, and helped chase down those Death Eaters who belonged to Azkaban, amongst other things. Whatever you do, you do it right."
She smiled when he listed all the things she had achieved in her life so far. Maybe he should list those things more often to remind her. But God, the blackberry ice cream tasted marvellous in combination with the dark chocolate!
"But if you really want to do something meaningful, then request a change to my department, you have the skills they are looking for. Or why do you think Potter constantly comes running to you? It's not that he's daft, he really isn't - just don't tell him I said that! - but rather to kind of lure you to our side. I mean, maybe you could even take over my job one day-"
"What do you mean? Take over your job?"
"You never realised that between the two of us, you're the one made for a career? You have the drive to achieve great things, I just listed a few of them for you... But me? I'd be just as happy to stay home and show up for the odd event or two at your side."
"You mean, you would actually stay home to raise our children?"
Draco nodded. "Yes, I would."
Hermione just stared at him for a moment, rather surprised. She actually always thought that she was supposed to be home with the children, a thought that never quite pleased her.
"Look, I don't want to be a rather absent father like Lucius was when I was little, I want to be there, see them grow up, the whole thing. This is the one thing where I want to show everybody that a Malfoy is not as cold-hearted as everybody in society still somewhat thinks..."
She nodded, enjoying the next spoonful of ice cream. God, she could see a small sparkle in his eyes when he talked about wanting to be there; he really wanted to do this. But she just wasn't so sure about it yet. "I don't feel like I'm ready to be completely responsible for another human being."
"We'd be in it together, remember? It'd be as much my responsibility as it yours."
God, he was serious about it, he wasn't just trying to calm her, he was actually open about it. Hermione relaxed a bit, noticed that sparkle in his eyes again.
"I'm not going to pressure you to decide anything today," Draco started, with a heavy heart, rather missing the signs of her relaxing. "Just remember that I still mean everything I said up in Aberdeen, I support you in good times and in bad times."
"I know you'd like to keep it," she said with a small smile.
"Yes, to be honest," he replied as earnest as he could. "You know why? Because for me this is not just a simple careless accident, but it would also be something born from our love - and as cliché that might sound, I'd like to share that with you. I don't want to share that with anyone else, just you."
"I know. And it doesn't sound cliché at all."
He smiled gently. "Look, as much as I'd like to keep it, I'm not going to force you into it, okay? I know you well enough to know that in the end, it's your body, and hence your decision."
She looked at him, smiling faintly, again surprised about his openness; and she also noticed a tinge of sadness in his voice. "Thanks. And I'm sorry if I scare you a bit."
"You do, to be honest. I've never seen you like this... I think I prefer you screaming at me to you being so quiet."
"Sorry."
"Don't be, okay? You have every right to be freaked out."
She nodded. "You know, I just never saw myself as a mother..."
"And with my past and a bad example for a father I never saw myself having a child either. Yet here we are, talking about the possibility."
"I-I just had that idea in my head that as a mother I was supposed to stay home because everything else would be considered bad."
"Merlin, no! You know you'd drive yourself crazy! You're no Molly, who is a great person, by the way. No, you're more like your own mother I guess, who worked and did raise a wonderful daughter, if I might say so," he replied with a big smile.
"You think I'm wonderful?"
"Of course I do, princess. And I'm sure, in your own way, you'd be a great mother."
"Really?"
He nodded.
"I wish was that sure about it."
Draco nodded. "It's okay. It's a huge thing..." He sighed. "Just don't leave me out of your decision, okay?"
"I won't. You remember that, in Aberdeen, I promised to be honest with you."
"Thanks. This means a lot."
"I just need time..."
"Maybe we should let your mother know, she might help you better than I can-"
"No, don't tell her. I don't feel like I can talk to her right now. I-It feels like this is something we need to figure out on our own, not rely on her help."
"You sure?"
"Honestly? No. Right now, I don't know what to think. God, I hate being so confused..."
That night, Hermione lie awake in bed for a long while, with Draco having wrapped his arms around her in his sleep. She always felt safe in his arms, and it was the same now. He was there, trying to support her whatever she was going to decide in the end, even if this could mean to halfway break his heart. She had seen the sparkle in his eyes whenever he spoke about the possibility of having a child; he seemed excited at the prospect in these moments, and it had made her smile. Hermione sighed. Was she really that confused? Or was she more afraid of something? She wished she could articulate that diffuse feeling that upset her so much. But feeling his arms around her, as if keeping her safe from the outside world, she knew that she wasn't able to break his heart and terminate it. No, she couldn't possibly do that, not after having seen the excitement in his eyes. But was she herself ready for what this decision meant? Was she ready for all the consequences? Ready for the responsibility for another human being, the one that was growing inside her right now? She didn't know – yet.
Antiques market, somewhere in town
It was antiques day on their favourite market the following weekend, and Hermione had wanted to go after Draco had suggested it, so that she could spend some time outside her flat and work; especially the book stands interested her, as she could always find interesting titles, had even found a couple of books relating to the wizarding world on other visits, without the muggle selling knowing about it. Today's visit was all about distracting herself from the fact that her life was changing rather fundamentally, so it was nice to visit something that wasn't going to change anytime soon.
"You look happy," Draco noted when she was browsing throw the shelves of fairy tale books.
"I'm always happy when I'm allowed to lose myself a bit in books, that's why you suggested it. Thank you for it."
"I know you're struggling with the situation, so I thought this might cheer you up a little bit."
"It does." She smiled, and carefully pulled one of the books from the shelf, handling it with the utmost care, breathing in that comforting, slightly acidic smell of old books. It was a collection of gypsy tales she was holding; their tales always had some interesting magical components, so she was likely going to buy that book, and read it that evening, probably with her head in Draco's lap while he was reading something else, one of his hands as always absent-mindedly stroking through her hair.
Draco just watched her skim through the pages. Ever since they had discovered the antiques market, he loved to watch her going through the books, and seeing how she would relax while diving into the content of the books made him happy. Sometimes he would buy one of the volumes she was looking at with some longing, but upset with its price, without her seeing it, then would simply place it on the kitchen table, waiting for her to find it when they were back home. But today, he was finally sensing something in her that meant she had come to a conclusion about the situation. They had avoided the subject of pregnancy for a few days after that talk at the ice cream café the day they found out. Sometimes, it had been an awkward silence because they both wanted to say something but for once didn't know how. At one point, Draco even reconsidered contacting her mother, so that they both would have someone to talk to, but they would have to explain a few things alongside.
It drove him half mad to see her in so much doubt. Doubt about whether she would indeed be a good mother, as she had never considered herself to be a simple housewife— not that he wanted her that way, as she, between the two, was made for a career; and doubt whether it would be a wise decision to keep the child at all. She had only shortly touched that possibility during their talk, knowing that she was scaring him with that; but it still was one of the possibilities she was at least considering at one point.
But today, on the antiques market, the doubts were gone to his immense relief. It was a simple gesture that showed him, the way she repeatedly put her hands on her belly, even gently stroking it, probably without her realising it. He came up to her from behind, putting his head next to hers. "Something to keep?" he asked, a smile curling up his lips, while slowly putting his arms around her in a tender embrace.
She nodded, a content smile on her lips. "I think I'm going to keep this one..." She grabbed one of his hands, and put it gently on her belly. "I'm sorry for letting you wait for so long."
"Some things are worth the wait. Nerve-wracking, but worth it." He placed a gentle kiss on her cheek.
"Thanks." Her content smile grew into a happy and excited one while turning around in his embrace. "The book is completely overpriced though."
"We can always try to haggle..."
"You wouldn't know how to haggle in the first place, my dear..."
"And you wouldn't know how to properly estimate the worth of an object, princess, except maybe books..."
"Prat!" She giggled, pulling his face closer for a kiss, the book temporarily placed back on the shelf.
"Missed that laugh so much," Draco whispered before meeting her lips with his, a gentle kiss between two people that had found their balance again.
"Hermione?"
She and Draco broke off in a slight panic when they heard a familiar voice just outside the stand. "Ginny! Merlin's beard!"
"Is that your idea of a date?" Ginny joined them in the stand, still surprised to see those two here. She had been on her way to a work-related meeting not too far off from the market using the market as a short-cut when she discovered her two friends in the book stand. Then her eyes grew even bigger, when she saw something glitter on Hermione's finger. "And what's that? Is that what I fear it is?"
"Ginny, we can explain," Draco started.
"Then explain away... It's quite curious to find you behave like an old couple, and with what looks like wedding rings on your fingers."
He took Hermione's hand. "We were already planning to tell everyone next weekend because the story is rather different than what it looks like."
"Ginny," Hermione tried, "we don't just behave like an old couple, we are one. We've been together for a bit more than two years now..."
"A bit more than two years? And you've been fooling us the whole time?" Ginny couldn't believe what her friends just told her. "Why? Why have you never told us anything? I mean we're your friends-"
"Because it's me she was dating," Draco suggested. "When we started dating, I wasn't really a friend yet, we just kind of hung around together after work. It was a weird situation-"
"I remember you still being somewhat of an arse back then-"
"I was-"
"-most of the time only pretending," Hermione finished. "We didn't want to spoil it, we were actually quite afraid that you might think him not good enough for me. But he's always been honest and sweet with me..."
"Well, you know enough hexes, and you sure have your own mind, so I had to convince you in another way."
"Back then, we might have thought that, that's true," Ginny admitted. "So I do get the reasons somewhat... But why did you keep hiding when things started to change? I mean, we clearly accepted you into the group, Draco, even Zabini and Nott to some extent..."
"It kind of just happened I think-" Hermione answered, halfway shrugging.
"You want the truth?" Draco asked, rather irritated about Ginny's misplaced disappointment. "You meddle too much. And I might be part of your group now, but I there are still moments when I get the impression that I'm more tolerated than actually accepted. We kept it to ourselves because you still think I'm not good enough for your heroine, your idea of Hermione."
Hermione looked at Ginny, who still seemed rather disappointed and not sure whom to glare at for the moment. "You know he has a point. You're very protective, I do love you for that. You're family, you know that." She smiled warmly. "But sometimes, the old prejudices come back."
Ginny sighed. "I guess so. We're probably not always as fair as we should be."
"Exactly."
"But that doesn't mean we would oppose it today, you know?" Ginny replied, trying to explain. "No matter what, you're part of the group now, and anyone my mother thinks worth the invitation to the Sunday lunch is good enough for our Hermione."
"You really think that?" Hermione asked, indeed a bit surprised.
Ginny nodded. "Yes. You wouldn't believe it, but we all kind of think that you'd be a good match." She was still a bit mad at her friends for not telling, but she did understand why they'd done it. "We just never quite understood why my mother would do such a thing and invite you, Draco," she added.
"You did look a bit sour the first time I was invited," Draco replied, remembering their faces when Molly brought him to the table. Merlin, they had looked baffled for a moment...
"Well, I might have suggested it," Hermione admitted rather shyly. "Only told her that you worked with Harry and you two had become rather good work friends-"
"You know that I had a really long conversation with her? At one point I think she was more thorough and merciless than all those interrogators at the Ministry..." In a way, the conversation that Draco had had with Molly wasn't so different from the one with Hermione's parents; he again had to prove his worth. Most of the time it annoyed him, but in those two cases, he thought it was worth the effort.
"Okay, you've definitely been an enrichment to the table. It's always fun to watch your banter with Harry and Ron." Ginny chuckled, which relaxed the other two a bit; it seemed like a first sign that she accepted it. "And your recent banters with Hermione as well..."
"Yes, they were fun," Hermione replied, chuckling now as well, starting to feel relieved.
"You lot just never realised that we stopped insulting each other a long time ago," Draco added.
"Well you still call each other prat and stuck-up a lot-"
"Just for your entertainment..."
Ginny smiled, then pointed to Hermione's left hand; it was basically an offer of peace. "Can I see the rings?"
Hesitating for a moment, Hermione finally lifted her left hand, so that Ginny could have a closer look.
"It's surprisingly simple," Ginny commented. "Has a light red tinge to it."
"We like it simple," Draco explained.
Ginny nodded. "Yours has a green tinge, I assume. Like that idea." She couldn't help but smile. "And when did you get married? You never wear the rings when we're around..."
"Six months ago next week."
Completely baffled, Ginny just stared at them for a seemingly long moment. "Six months? Are you kidding me? How?"
"We were on a case together, and I took the chance-"
"We'll give the details next weekend when everyone else is around as well," Hermione interrupted. "Can you keep quiet until then? I know it's a lot to ask, especially with tomorrow's lunch, but we would owe you a big favour..."
"A Malfoy owing you favour can still be quite helpful, you know," Draco added suggestively.
"True enough." Ginny sighed. "Listen, I'm still a bit mad at you for not telling at least me, and I can't guarantee for the others, but I do understand your reasons. And you look cute together..."
"Me and cute?" Draco played hurt by that word.
"You can be surprisingly sweet, you know," Hermione replied.
"I won't admit anything, princess..."
"Oh please, stop it. I think I might prefer the banter you played for us!" Ginny laughed. "But you have my word. I'll probably even help keep Harry and Ron under control."
Hermione finally hugged her friend, hugely relieved that she wasn't too mad with them. "Thank you! And I'm really sorry for not telling you!"