"James!" Lily cried in distress the next morning at breakfast. "What have you done with my essay, you foul git?"
"Wha- so quick to jump to conclusions, Evans. I have no clue what you're talking about," James replied innocently, despite the mischievous gleam in his eyes.
"JAMES!" Lily screeched, balling her fists. "I know you have it! Merlin, if I find that you did anything to it-"
"Alright, ALRIGHT," James interjected, laughing. "I have it right here with me." He patted his pocket, smirking at Lily's defeated scowl. If he didn't know any better, she was actually hoping to have a reason to pummel him...
"In which case, I'd like it back right now, Potter. I'm sure Flitwick will appreciate the effort I put into this textbook, unlike some goons," Lily huffed, holding her hand out expectantly.
Unfortunately for poor Lily, this was James Potter she was dealing with, and James was not one to give up such an opportune moment (honestly, you'd think that after nearly seven years, she'd have learned something). He put his own hand in Lily's instead of the essay, pulling her in close as she yelped in disapproval.
"I'll give you back your paper," he whispered in her ear, trying desperately to control his delight as he felt Lily shiver while ignoring the way his mind went hazy as he felt her breath tickle his neck," if you go with me to next week's Hogsmeade trip."
Lily blinked and stared blankly up at James's smug expression, slowly taking in what he said. "Potter, you realize that this is utter blackmail- and quite a horrid way to ask a girl out, right? And just so you know, I'd rather write my essay ten whole times before going out with you. I've already told you, I find no charm in your pathetic personality."
James's smile never faltered as stepped back and replied," All right, then, I guess I'll be keeping this." He waved the essay in his hand before stuffing it back in his pocket. "Oh, and I'd hurry if I were you. It's due tomorrow, if I'm correct."
"You creep- you git- you... I honestly don't know what others see in you. You are so..." Lily's eyes burned with a fiery hatred as she searched for a word that would properly convey her feelings at the moment.
James finally gazed down at her with a pleading look, realizing that maybe his "ingenious plan" had gone a teensy bit too far. "Come on, Lils," he implored desperately," you can bring Marlene, too! See, then it won't even be a date- just a friendly gathering. I'll even bring Sirius!"
Marlene McKinnon was Lil's best mate, as Sirius Black was to James. She never seemed to mind James, unlike Lily...
"Oh, come on, James," Lily snorted. "You know perfectly well that Marly will just saunter off with Black into a secluded corner where they will snog the life out of each other. You can't fool me that easily."
Ok, so maybe this thought had crossed James's mind... but hey! You never know when the notoriously "intimate" couple will take a break... there's always that possibility, though James wisely decided not to bring it to Lily's attention.
"Lily, please! Just give me a shot!" James cried, throwing his arms up in despair- he was running out of ideas.
"Oh, give you a shot? So after having the satisfaction of winning over Lily Evans, you can just string me onto your collection of heartbroken girls? It's always been some sick game to you, right? So NO, Potter, I will NOT give you a shot," Lily replied icily, disgusted by the mere thought of giving into James.
"Lily! Wha-I would never hurt you- hurt anyone- like that! Where did you get that theory from?" James gasped, grabbing for Lily's hand again.
She yanked herself away and hissed," You know what, James? I'll give you your measly shot. I'll show you that you won't be able to so easily make a fool out of me. You can take me to Hogsmeade, but under my conditions."
James stared at her, expecting her to burst out laughing and tell him that she was joking. But one look at her stony mien told him that she was being serious.
"Anything," he breathed.
"You have a mere half-an-hour with me," she stated, crossing her arms.
"Wait. What? Half-an-hour? That's-"
"All you're getting. Thirty minutes, James, to do whatever shit you do."
And with that, she swiped her essay back, pressing it to her chest and practically crooning to it, before walking away and leaving James staring at her back in disbelief. He shook out of his bewilderment and sat down next to Sirius to eat.
"It just had to be her, eh mate?" Sirius joked as James grumbled. Both boys had gone to hell and back together- everything from facing McGonnagal's unforgiving detentions after playing pranks on the Slytherins to grave family matters. James knew he could always count on Sirius Black for assistance with his ever-many life struggles, especially when it came to the mysterious female specimen. Sirius Black had always been quite the charmer; girls eyed him hungrily as he walked by, mystified by his mischievous dark eyes and tousled black hair. Besides that, he and Marlene had been an official couple for quite a few years, so he was obviously doing something right.
"I'm doomed," James sulked, resting his head on his palm. "I'll probably trip over my feet and knock her over and then have to spend my measly half-hour in the hospital with her. Curse my large feet and foul luck."
He heaved a dramatic sigh and continued," Sirius, mate, you gotta help me! The only thing she'll be doing with me in a dark and empty corner is skinning me alive! I can't go like this to Hogsmeade- she hates my guts! And if I'm correct, that is not a contributing factor to a date."
Sirius eyes James with a piteous expression for a while, stroking his nonexistent beard, and then sighed anticlimactically. "M'dear James, I do believe I am your only hope left in winning over the fair yet rather prudish-"he winced as James elbowed him a bit too low for his liking-" Lily Evans. I therefore accept this responsibility and will take you under my wing. My teachings will enlighten you on everything from simple, flustering gestures to- ahhh, more intimate-"
Sirius yelped as James punched him again, but this time, both began cracking up.
"Yes, m'lord Sirius. I do hope your... teachings, if that's what you call it, serve me well..." James replied with a grin, dramatically bowing to Sirius as both stood to leave for class.
"I really do," he bit back.