So I'm having some issues with this chapter. I know where I want it to go but getting it there is giving me writers block XP so in the meantime, until I can pound out the final half of it, here's the first half. Hope it sates your desire for an update until I can fully satisfy. (and if anyone wants to talk about DC stuff/ be my sounding board for ideas for this fic just message me. I need DC friends...)

Dick didn't sleep for as long as Jason thought he should, but he didn't say a word as the older man shifted out of bed and onto his feet. All the clumsiness that the liquor had brought, what little there had been, was gone. Not even what was undoubtedly a horrific hangover could put a hitch in that fluid stride. Jason sat up a little and watched, frowning a little at Dick's back.

Dick was, as he would put it, 'chatty'. He filled empty spaces with talk to keep his own edges smooth. But this silence seemed to go on forever, not a word spoken, like the air was glass and words would shatter it. Maybe it was, because Jason couldn't bring himself to say anything either. The words he'd said the night before already hung heavily around him, embarrassingly close to what he wished he could say.

He found himself staring at Dick's back, simultaneously scared and craving for him to turn around, to see his face.

When he did turn, Jason felt his heart in his throat.

Dick's beautiful eyes were hard and sharp, his features drawn. There was a shadow across his face, like a cowl covering his unforgiving features. He was standing there, naked and recovering from his own vulnerability, but for all that Jason was looking he couldn't see that vulnerability now. Standing there before him was a figure that imposed and intimidated through presence alone and Jason felt like a child faced with a shadow. For the first time since Jason had known him, Jason saw the vengeance in Dick; he saw the darkness that had brought together a boy and a bat, all those years ago. For all that everyone saw the differences between Dick and Bruce, and there were a multitude of them, Jason found himself suddenly, startlingly, faced with their similarities. Suddenly, he knew, felt his heart clench around the fact, that Dick, for all his optimism, had the potential to be just like Batman, one day.

God, he hoped that day never came.

"Dick?" Jason said, voice cracked and hesitant.

Dick looked at him and for a long moment Jason could breath, couldn't move. But it ended quickly as the older man's expression finally softened, he leaned over the bed and kissed Jason lightly, lips soft as whispers. "Thanks, Jay." He said, smiling with all the warmth that Jason was used to. "Don't know what I'd do without you." He said, pulling away and heading for the shower.

Jason felt choked, not quite understanding what that had been, and yet understanding completely. He knew what it was to harden yourself, to put deadly resolve in the forefront of your mind when you felt cracked and weak. He'd never seen Dick do it that way before, but he could guess the thoughts going through his mind. Thoughts like 'won't let them have me', like 'I'm stronger than this', like 'they will pay'…

Vengeance was a Bat family tradition, after all.

/

Dick made him breakfast, they sat there at his small table together and ate in silence, Dick sitting close to him and reading the paper while Jason nibbled hesitantly on an only mildly burnt pancake. Dick was still a little cuddly, which was normal for him, but Jason understood that he actually needed it now and he didn't protest. The silence was getting to him though, too much quiet, too much not saying what needed to be said. Jason was about to take matters into his own hands on that front, lips parting and mind searching for words when the phone rang and Dick got to his feet. Jason sighed a bit, a little glad he hadn't had to actually think of anything. For now anyway.

"Bruce…" Dick said once he answered the phone, voice low and Jason stiffened. "Look, I'm sorry I didn't answer your calls before… I'm fine. Yes, I'm sure I'm fine… What do you mean is Jason here? That's none of your business."

Jason winced a little at that. He couldn't help but wonder how Dick was going to react to knowing that Bruce and Tim had been the ones to send him over, not Jason's own good intentions…

"Did you think that maybe I just didn't want to talk to you or Tim?" Dick said, more harshly than Jason had ever heard him speak, especially to Bruce. "I'm not having some crisis that you can fix, alright? Stop interfering in my life. I haven't needed you in it for a long time." That tone was cold. Dick was never cold. Dick was the very essence of warmth. Jason was the one having a crisis now, a Dick crisis. He couldn't believe the words he was hearing, the way the older man was cutting Bruce off like it was nothing.

"No, you listen, alright? I don't need you; I don't need your stunted attempts at being a father to me. It's all too little too late and I'm sick of watching you struggle to care. You don't know how to be a real person anymore, Bruce. I'm human and I'm weak and I have feelings and that makes me an imperfect soldier. I know that's all you really wanted out of me anyway. So just… just shut up, alright. Stop trying. I can't play this game with you anymore."

He hung up. Just like that, not even giving Bruce the chance to reply, and that hard look was coming over his face again and Jason was suddenly on his feet and crossing the room. "Dick." He said, standing in front of him, so close to touching but not sure if he was allowed to.

Dick looked at him, blinking for a few moments before the look passed and he pulled Jason into a hug. "Sorry you had to hear that. I know how he upsets you." He said, smiling against Jay's neck. "I don't have to work, so let's go do something, yeah? Something pointless and fun."

"Uh… If you want, sure." Jason answered, feeling strangely. He realized that the lead weight in his gut wasn't actually because of who Dick had been talking to, it had been what he said. That was a revelation all its own but he didn't mention that. "Where do you want to go?"

Dick pulled back to smile at him straight on, and as dazzling and familiar as that smile was, his eyes didn't share the expression. "Oh, I don't know. I think there are a couple okay movies out. We could try that… If you don't have anywhere you need to be?"

Jason shook his head. No, he knew where he was needed. "A movie sounds great." He said, offering a hesitant smile. It was weak, but he tried. For Dick he tried.

"Good. I'll go shower."

/

Bruce stared at the phone for a long time, the dial tone sounding, but he was deaf to it.

Tim was standing a short ways away, eyes wide in shock he could guess Bruce was feeling even though his face didn't show it. He'd heard the whole thing. He honestly couldn't believe it had happened.

"B-Bruce…" Tim started, shaking his head helplessly. "He didn't mean it. He knows you-you care he just… He's having a rough time right now…"

It was like comforting a statue. Bruce's expression never changed, his eyes never flickered from where they stared at the phone. It didn't even look like he was breathing. But he must be right? No one could hold their breath that long…

"Tim… You have school don't you?" he said finally, making the young Robin jump in surprise.

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, I do. But, I mean-"

"You should go before your parents worry."

Tim hesitated. They both knew that his parents probably wouldn't notice his absence, and he wanted to help. But he knew a dismissal when he heard it, so he turned to leave.

"You… You take care, Bruce." He said, rubbing the back if his neck as he left.

Bruce finally pressed the end button on the phone and set it aside, feeling stunned. What Dick had said… Tim said he didn't mean it but what if he did? Did Dick really think that Bruce didn't love him? That he just thought of him as a soldier and not a son? Had Bruce really been so cold to him that it would make him think that?

The self-loathing was a sharp, familiar bite that he'd been getting a lot of lately. He thought back to all the times he'd been callous when he could have been kinder, the times he'd thought to 'toughen' Dick up, harden him against the world. Would it have been better if he'd acted the father then instead? He hadn't known how, but maybe for Dick he should have tried a little harder. God, he'd made so many mistakes.

And now he was on the verge of losing his eldest son. If he hadn't already…

/

Jason felt awkward. He was used to playing parts when he went out in public, used to reciting in his head what his character was supposed to be. But with Dick there was no point, no need to act. Jason was sure that for normal people that would be a good thing. It would be freeing.

For him though, for him it was scary as hell.

How do you act when your sort of, not really brother/lover takes you to the movies? Especially when said sort of, not really brother/lover is in the middle of a seriously distressing time and kind of just told their adopted father to shove it.

No, now that he thought about it, there was no normal way to act in this situation. None.

He was so fucked.

"Calm down, spaz." Dick told him cheerfully, licking an ice cream cone they'd gotten while they waited for their show time. "You look like you're about to run away any second. Let me tell you that would make this date really disappointing."

Date? Jason swallowed thickly and bit into his chilli dog so he wouldn't have to say anything. Now he was really fucked.

A date with Dick? Hell, now he really didn't know what to do…

/

He didn't have much choice but to let Dick have control, let him guide their actions. The older man seemed cheerful enough as they got popcorn and sweets and sat down to watch what was undoubtedly just another cheesy action movie. They shared popcorn. Dick held his hand. Jason felt like the world was turned on its head.

Dick kissed his cheek in the dark, and when Jason felt the small curve of his lips he forced himself to relax. Dick needed this. He could handle it. They were just at the damn movies, it wasn't like he was diffusing a time bomb or something.

It kind of felt the same, but that wasn't the point.

He couldn't remember a single thing that had happened in that movie, but it was a relief to hear Dick chattering about it as they walked out that he really didn't care. They walked through the streets as the evening started to dim, giving everything that ethereal twilight quality.

Dick looked good in any light. Literally any. But right now, with a small, mysterious smile on his lips and the silver light shining around him he could have been the hero of any fantasy novel ever written. So beautiful it wasn't real. So strong and so graceful, like no one else could ever be.

Jason knew. He'd tried to be all of that once. No one could do it but Dick.

"Dick…" he murmured, looking at him, winter-green eyes pensive. "What was that this morning?"

...

To be continued.