Anger is too light a word to describe how I feel. I swear I see Effie and Haymitch's lips moving, but I can't hear anything they're saying. The only words I keep hearing are "You" "Peeta" and "Married."
I interrupt Haymitch mid-sentence to turn to Peeta. "Did you know about this?" He doesn't look as shocked as I am, but I can see some worry peaking through his calm demeanor. He adjusts the collar of his buttoned shirt, looking anywhere but my eyes. "Peeta," I say again, this time more sternly, and we're all waiting for his response.
"Katniss, can we talk about this later?" He lifts his hand up to touch my arm, but I swat his hands away before it makes contact.
"No!" I cry, visions of my future mixing together with this sham marriage this campaign is forcing me into. "I can't believe you would do this to me!" I spit out, anger rushing through my body. Haymitch and Effie stare at me as if they're waiting for me to calm down, but I decide I'm not going to give them that satisfaction.
I can hear Effie call my name as I storm out of the room, the heavy mahogany door slamming shut behind me. The rest of the office turns to look at me, but quickly looks away as soon as they see my red face. I hear the door slam again behind me, and I know it's Peeta trailing after me. "Katniss!" He calls, but I don't stop.
I'm almost to the door when I feel a strong grip on my arm yanking me backwards, and I finally look Peeta in the eye. "Let go of me," I whisper angrily, careful not to cause any more of a scene than I already am.
"Let me explain," he pleads, his voice low to match mine.
"No," I say, forcefully pulling my arm out of his grip. "You're a selfish prick for even considering going through with this." He looks hurt at my words, but I try to turn away anyway.
He blocks my path before I get a chance to make it through the doors. "I did this for you, Katniss. It was the only way I could have both, I said I would do anything."
"Are you even listening to yourself? I didn't ask you to do anything!" I cry softly, trying to push past him before I burst out in tears. I feel his leg get caught on the inside of mine, and I turn around to see him tumbling into the center table. "Oh my god," I scream as he falls onto the shards of a now broken vase.
It seems like everyone in the office stops what they're doing to circle around Peeta, and I can't help but feel a rush of shame and guilt. "Fuck," he mutters under his breath, holding up his bloody hand.
"Someone get the first aid kit," I call into the crowd, hoping that someone knows where it is. I squat down next to where he's sitting, and grab his uninjured hand. "Babe, I'm so sorry," I say softly. He gives me an agitated look that sends shivers down my back, but I'm more focused on the piece of porcelain lodged in his left palm.
I don't even have to turn around to find the source of the scoff behind me. "I see you got the scene you wanted sweetheart," I hear Haymitch quip. Peeta shoots him a look even nastier than the one he gave me, before wincing in pain.
A college intern finally returns with a first aid kit, and I watch them intently as they open up the case. "You know what you're doing right?" I ask, looking away from the bleeding hand. My mom and Prim were naturals at helping people, but I could never stomach the gory part of it.
"Katniss," Peeta warns me, hissing as the intern pours rubbing alcohol on the wound.
"Alright everyone, get back to work," Effie cries in an attempt to take the focus off of the situation. I can already see the hairs around her neck sticking up as she mentally calculates the odds of someone leaking this story to the press. The crowd slowly disperses, with only Haymitch, Effie, the intern and I remaining. "If anyone asks, you tripped over your briefcase and fell because you're clumsy. A domestic abuse scandal is the last thing I need," She snaps, crossing her arms.
Our attention is drawn back to Peeta's hand when the intern lets out a low whistle. "I've patched you up, but the bleeding hasn't stopped. I think you're going to need stitches." I glance at the blood seeping through the white bandage long enough to make me realize I don't want to look at it again.
"Stitches!" Effie shrieks before Haymitch whispers in her ear.
"It's fine, it's fine, no need to panic," Peeta motions with his unharmed hand. I know how raised voices and chaos stresses him out, and taking control of the situation is the only way he knows how to cope.
"Babe, do you want me to drive you to the hospital?" I offer, squeezing his hand.
Haymitch scoffed at me. "And leave me here to clean up these bloodstains on the carpet?" We all turn our heads in his direction, surprised at his negligence for the situation.
"Leave her alone Haymitch," Peeta asserts, narrowing his eyes at his manager. I feel a rush of relief at his defense, although I always love taking Haymitch on in a fight.
Haymitch raises his hands in defeat, slowly backing away from the situation. "Alright you crazy kids. I've had enough of your shit, I don't care what you do as long as your hand gets fixed." Regardless of his words, he extends a hand to help Peeta get off the ground.
Exchanging a quick nod of thanks, Haymitch turned around back into his office while Peeta turned to me. "Safe to say you're driving?" He jokes, holding up his bloody hand. I wince, unsure if it's a pang of guilt or a scared feeling he's hiding his emotions. I choose not to say anything, and just nod my head in the direction of the exit.
The tension between us is palpable as I sit in the driver's seat of his small Audi. Peeta was making jokes in the office, but as soon as we were alone, it felt like he had nothing to say at all. He won't even look at me, instead focusing on the different angles he could hold his arm without getting blood on his leather seats.
I pull up to a red light, and sigh as I look at him. "Whatever you're thinking, can you just say it? I want to get this fight over with already." He looks at me and raises his eyebrows, but doesn't say anything until after the light turns green.
"It's just," he trails off. He sounds unsure and unconfident, a drastic change from the Peeta I'm used to. "It just bothers me that you make it sound like marrying me is the worst thing in the world. You're making me feel like you would rather do anything than marry me, and you know, that kind of hurts." He rubs the back of his neck, waiting for me to respond.
I scoff, brushing off his insecurity. "That's not true and you know it. You've known since the first time we had sex that I never saw myself getting married, it has nothing to do with you."
Peeta laughs, but more out of spite than humor. "Let's be real Katniss. I've always been chasing you. And it feels like I will always be chasing you, you know? Do you know how frustrating it is to feel like I will never have 100% of you? Sometimes, I honestly think you could walk away from me tomorrow, and given some time, be ok. I need you to know that it's not like that with me." His voice hitches. "I don't know how I can live without you anymore. I know that if we break up -"
"Stop," I interrupt him, his words giving me a headache. "Do not go there. I already told you I'm in this for the long run, I don't need to defend my love for you just because you're mad I don't want to get married." I see the look on his face in my peripheral vision and he looks hurt, and I immediately feel guilty. "Peeta, listen," I try to say, but now he is the one cutting me off.
"Whatever Katniss. I don't want to fight and I don't want to talk about it anymore so let's just drop it." His tone is nasty and I don't blame him: first I pushed him into a vase and now I'm pushing him away emotionally. I turn my full attention to the road, and the two of us sit in silence all the way to the hospital.
As we spend the next three weeks planning a fundraiser for Peeta to propose to me at, we tip-toe around each other at home and play the role of happy couple at work. We do our normal tasks like eating dinner and watching TV like we used to, but we both know our relationship is missing the intimacy that used to come so easily to us. Peeta can't stop looking at me like I owe him an apology, and the more he gives me that look the more reluctant I am.
My cheeks hurt from smiling so much by the time I make my way back to Peeta almost three hours later. He has his sleeves rolled up and I know he was playing football with the kids, even after Effie told him not to. "Hey babe," he says when he spots me, breaking out into a big smile I can tell is a little bit forced. He's talking to one of our biggest donors, some man who clearly has had too much experience with plastic surgery.
"And who is this?" This man asks while leaning in to Peeta, his smile alone unsettling me.
"This is my girlfriend, Katniss Everdeen." I stick out my hand. "Katniss, this is Kern Overhill."
"Nice to meet you," I greet, but my smile is far from genuine. Almost sensing my discomfort, Peeta moves to wrap his arm around my waist. I can't tell if the gesture is for show or for real, but I immediately feel safer.
Peeta nods his head in my direction. "She is the one responsible for planning all of this, I really don't know where I would be without her. I think I'm amazed by her every single day." He looks at me like we're actors starring in a movie and there's a script I need to follow.
I can tell he's pumping up the charm he uses almost every single day, but I don't stop him because deep down, it still makes my heart flutter. "You're too nice," I exclaim like it's my cue before tilting my head upwards to receive a small peck on the lips. I almost forget what I came here to remind Peeta to do, until I glance at the diamond studded watch on this mans hand. "But babe," I say, nodding to the stage.
"Oh," he exclaims, getting the hint. Turning to Kern, he adopts a perfect look of mock sadness. "Katniss just reminded me that I'm set to give a speech soon. Kern, I'm going to have to cut this conversation short, but I can give you my card if you ever need to reach me." Peeta struggles to find a card as he goes through his pockets, and I hear Kern mutter something about young love when I am able to quickly pull one out of my pocket.
"Nice meeting you!" I call over my shoulder as Peeta and I turn and walk towards the stage. "What a creep, am I right?" He whispers in my ear and I laugh, because for the first time since our fight I feel mildly normal in our relationship.
As we approach the stage I find my leg shaking with anxiety. I do my best to hide it from Peeta and Effie and Haymitch, who immediately circle him as we get closer to the stage. He lets go of my hand, and I take a step back and wrap my arms around myself in an attempt to physically hold myself together.
Effie is dressed in a powder blue pantsuit, looking her usual slightly overdressed for the occasion. "Now Peeta, it will be just like we rehearsed. There will be photographers at the bottom of the stage, and you will be standing front and center. Haymitch, Katniss, and myself will be to your left, but the two of us will step backwards when you begin your proposal speech."
Peeta playfully rolls his eyes the way he always does when Effie gets on his nerves. "Yes, Effie. We went over this last night, remember?" Effie babbles on regardless, but I can tell he's getting antsy from the way he keeps cracking his knuckles. Haymitch eventually spots me standing off to the side, and tilts his head to signal he wants to talk to me.
I start to walk towards him, but I hear Peeta call my name. He side-steps around Effie to reach my side. "Sorry Haymitch, I really need to talk to her. Can you give us a minute?" I look between the both of them, unsure of which way to walk.
Peeta looks serious and Haymitch looks mildly annoyed. I'm about to pick a person to walk to when Effie interrupts. "Only one minute Peeta, and then you have to get on that stage," she answers for Haymitch before pulling him away from the two of us.
I look up at Peeta, unsure of what he wants to say to me. "Sorry about that," he apologizes, and I shake my head.
My eyes dart from his shoulder to the people behind him, but I do my best to avoid eye contact. "I didn't want to talk to him anyway, don't worry about it. What do you need?" I try to come off as confident and relaxed, but I'm not sure how well that translates.
He closes the gap between us, bending his neck to come closer to my ear. "I know we haven't been our best selves in the past weeks, but I need you to know that I will not forgive myself if I force you into something that you don't want." I felt the heat rush to my cheeks as I realize how much I don't deserve him. I don't object when he grabs both of my hands and laces them in his. "I'm giving you an out right now. I will not go on that stage and propose to you unless you are completely sure that you are ok with doing this. I know you Katniss, if you say yes and you don't mean it, you will resent me for the rest of our lives and we will not get back from this," he declares, his tone soft but serious.
I squeeze his hands as I stand in front of him at a loss for words. Do I want to do this? He looks at me expectantly as I process his words. "I'll marry you," I blurt out before I can change my mind. Peeta looks at me for a second, waiting for me to take my words back but I don't. "I'll marry you," I say again, this time more sure. All my logical reasoning skills are screaming at me like a siren alerting me that I'm making a very bad decision, but I ignore it as I feel steadied and comfortable in Peeta's embrace.
The next thirty minutes feel as if I'm watching my life from outside my body. I hear Peeta's voice, and the different pitches he reaches while delivering his speech on the importance of public parks. I see the crowd, families, young adults, and businessmen and women who came out to support the campaign. I smell something that I determine is whiskey coming off from my two mentors next to me. And then I see myself, and I realize that I am almost unrecognizable.
The woman on stage was dressed in high end business casual clothes her publicist had insisted she ordered, with at least 15 minutes spent on her makeup. Her smile was wide and she was staring at the profile of her boyfriend and soon to be fiance, with a look like he was the sun and she was the planet that orbits around it.
This is not the same girl who was hired for the Mellark campaign 7 months ago. I'm tempted to open my mouth and scream to warn her about her career will never be the same after she becomes Mrs. Peeta Mellark, but I'm brought back to reality by Peeta's suddenly changing tone that I know signifies the end of the rest of my life.
"This day would not have been possible without the work of my finance and fundraising chair, Katniss Everdeen." He outstretched his arm to me to signal to come closer to the podium as the crowd clapped for me. "Katniss is also my girlfriend, and has supported me and my efforts to show you that I am the best person to represent you. I could not have asked for someone more thoughtful and considerate as you, and I knew from the day that I heard you sing the valley song in Bakersfield Elementary that you were truly something special. I can no longer see myself going through life without you right beside me. Which is why I have to ask," he proclaims, pausing to let the cooing of the crowd die down.
In that moment Peeta turns towards me and we lock eyes, and I feel my head nodding yes before he even fully gets down on one knee. "Katniss Everdeen, will you marry me?" My eyes can't help but dart to Haymitch and Effie, who were slowly nodding as their great scheme unfolded.
Every conflicting thought went out of my head as I looked at Peeta's twinkling eye, and realized that if I had to pretend marry anyone, I'm glad it was him. With my "Yes, of course I'll marry you," the crowd bursts into cheers and whistles, and I instantly feel a wave rush over me as I feel Haymitch and Effie's plan fall perfectly into place.
Peeta and I get separated in the media frenzy after the announcement, and I spend twenty minutes making my way through the crowds of donors before I find him alone, sitting on the ground in front of a maintenance shack outside of view. "Peeta?" I call, jogging towards him.
I can't read his facial expression, but I can tell it's not good. "Rye just called me. It's my dad, Katniss. There was an accident."