Hello Minions!! I have returned! Thanks to my three new reviews! I updated a bit sooner so it's kinda like a Halloween Present! (I mean c'mon you guys I ditched a wedding to write!) Well okay I'll pretty much ditch anything to write but still!

Shout outs to!

Conceited Bitch. : (Ha-ha that's me!)

But seriously:

MarieEsmereldaYADDAYADDA: Thankyousomuchforthereview (I got excited)! I love Angie and Seamus too!

Circle M: No noisy parents this time! They're all wedding hopping and shit! Yes Seamus not being Pansexual would not be a story at all now would IT??

Tries-too-hard: I tried very hard to impress you! Nahh I'm joshing. I'm joshing. THanks for the spell check thing! I got that down in speedy time!

But my true Favorites (literally!) are: MarieEsmereldaYADDAYADDA and Yaoi Lover Kamara Alter Ego!! Ya'll favorited me!

I am listening to: Just Dance by Lady Gaga

Chapter Three: Erectosa Leviosa

Rating: Mainly T but at the end it's Mature!

And the plethora of problems persists:

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It was a constant churning and swirling of colors.

"Up and Down and Up and Down," Harry observed with distaste.

It was a Ron Weasley eating dinner in his usual disgusting manner.

"Ron, close your mouth will you! Some of us are trying to fantasize about having long smashing amounts of sex with Draco Malfoy," Harry thoughtas he licked his lips with the Syltherin minx in mind.

Ron's mouth snapped shut instantaneously.

"WHAT?!"

All food from the young Weasley's mouth was chocked down in an instant. s

"Did you say something Ron?" Harry questioned, just realizing he had said that out loud.

Ron quickly glanced at Hermione for support, she was always better at words than he. "Mione, did you just here what Harry said," Ron exclaimed, practically shouting again.

However, she paid him no mind, Hermione was oblivious to her surroundings, she was too busy writing in what looked to be her journal.

"Hmm Ronald?" she asked with a strange voice, looking up at him with a sort of glazed expression.

Ron on the other hand looked as though he had just been attacked with the "Dumb Shit" hex. Well, if there was actually a dumb shit hex.

"Harry just confessed to fantasizing about sodomizing a ferret," Ron said, wiping some pumpkin juice from his mouth with a napkin.

"Oh that's nice…" Hermione spoke, keeping her eyes on Ron's mouth,"Would you like to go study for our Defense against the Dainty Arses test?"

Ron looked her dead in the eyes and became calm.

"Definitely."

The two left the table so quickly that Harry barely had enough time to realize that we didn't have any "Dainty Arses" test or Dark Arts exam.

Harry watched as Hermione glided past Professor McGonagall.

"That girl is in desperate need of a dildo," she stated matter-of-factly.

She also caught a glimpse of Ron just before he slipped through the door too.

Scratch that just lubricants," she finished, as though she were Madame Pomphrey observing a patient.

Harry blushed profusely, trying to obliviate what McGonagall had stated.

Harry looked at his watch, it was only seven o'clock.

He had two whole hours until he was supposed to meet up with Draco in the room of Requirements.

He took an exasperated breath.

"What shall I do for two whole hours?" Harry pondered while looking around the Great Hall.

"Draco," he thought darkly while looking over at the Slytherin table.

Draco was no where in sight. It was probably for the best he didn't to tire him out before nine-o-clock.

"Draco's probably just sleeping or something. He'll need the rest," Harry thought menacingly.

"Next," he pondered lazily, "Neville, maybe we could dig for crying plants like last week."

Although he was out of luck, Neville was passionately kissing a stringy haired Ravenclaw whore with cork earrings.

"Busy. Got It." Harry stated truthfully.

Quickly becoming desperate he thought of another person to hang out with. "All I'll need is a chastity belt," Harry thought," Or the reverse spell for the Erectosa Leviosa."

As soon as he saw Seamus he mentally berated himself for even the thought of willingly being around him.

Seamus was no doubt touching himself in the corner of the crowded dinner hall.

Harry caught eyes with him. "You," Seamus mouthed while pointing at his wanker.

Realizing his efforts for finding sane and bored companions were futile, he decided to head to the library.

As soon as he entered the large place he was immediately shushed by Madame Pince for barging in much too loudly.

"Maybe she needs a dildo," Harry whispered venomously.

After Harry had calmed down he remembered he had to look for information on the Attractivo spell.

"Since Hermione obviously has lost her bloody mind," Harry whispered, while walking around the large library.

Although his footing quickly stopped when he came upon the "Restricted Section." He had always wondered what exactly was in there. Him and his best friends had been in here before but this looked like a completely different area.

Without a second thought he stealthily entered the section. As soon as he went into the room he became interested in the books.

He finally realized why this section was restricted, it was chock-full of sex!

Well not in the literal sense but in the book sense.

"I've got to read Broom Talk, Professor's Pet, The Art of Shagging , and The Step by Step Guide to Satisfying your Wizard."

While reaching out for the last book: The Step by Step Guide to Satisfying your Wizard, Harry noticed a plain looking black book. He picked that one up too.

"Hmm," Harry observed, "that's odd, no title," her flipped through the pages, "and no words."

He remembered what Fred and George had told him yesterday, about there being a real Marauder's Journal.

"Impossible," whispered Harry breathlessly, but hey when you're bored you're up for anything.

Harry took a deep breath and pulled out his wand, pointing it right at the plain black cover.

"I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good," he stated with full intention of mischief.

He waited for five seconds for the book to react.

Nothing.

Harry took another deep breath, becoming frustrated with the book.

He pointed his wand at the book again, having thought of another phrase.

"I solemnly swear that I'm nosey as bloody hell," he whispered with vigor at the dormant book.

As he finished his statement he noticed the color of the book begin to change into an elegant silver and blue just like the color of the journal Hermione gave him.

He heard a muffled voice read," Property of…ehem."

"What was that?!" Harry nearly screamed but the remembered where he was.

Down here," replied the book, in a woman's voice, he slowly opened it up. To his surprise there on the book was a beautiful woman with long black hair in nothing but a bra and panties.

Harry tried to act calm by this but his emotions were transparent. "Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I'm comfortable witha woman's body," he thought.

"Oh Merlin! Sorry, It's just the last boy's who had me said they weren't going to mess with me anymore so I thought I could just relax," she babbled anxiously. It was obvious to Harry that she was lying.

She quickly threw on a tight fitting dark purple dress.

"What's your name handsome boy?" she asked while adjusting her brassiere.

"H-Harry Potter," replied the suddenly meek young wizard.

"Look at the front cover I hope I spelled it right," she ordered.

"Perfect," said Harry looking at her awkwardly.

"Oh, I should probably introduce myself, my name is Rowena Ravenclaw, founder of Ravenclaw, well I'm kind of like the teenage version of her since I, I mean she decided it would be good to create this book to show those other bloody houses that Ravenclaw is not just a house full of loose and promiscuous wizards and witches!" She exclaimed the last part with a heated tone.

Harry decided not to mention a certain "loose and promiscuous" Ravenclaw named Cho Chang that was notoriousfor her after hours quidditch lessons or the whore Neville's so taken with.

Harry shifted awkwardly again, "I'm in Gryffindor."

"Oh," she replied, crestfallen ,"well that's alright, I like you, your better looking than those two crazy red heads who were pulling at yesterday. Although that was quite nice." She said the latter sentence in a reminiscent tone.

"Although they do come so close," she whispered to herself.

"Let me explain how this works, you tell me a name of a person whose journal you would like to read and poof" she slapped her hands together for added emphasis, "onto a page they go!"

"Very interesting," Harry said while flipping through the pages, he noticed that one the pages included an attractive teenage boy who was quickly zipping up his pants and leaving through the back cover. No Harry was sure she was lying about that relaxation comment.

"Yes," Harry thought, "very loose."

"Indeed," Rowena replied in a serious voice while closely observing Harry's facial expressions.

"How did you know that my journal looks like this?" Harry questioned while further studying the journal hoping to bring her voice back from severity.

"Oh you poor thing! Don't you remember that I just got acces to your entry yesterday! It allows me access to everything in your journal, among other things. And that Includes its appearance." Rowena then fluffed out her hair. Using Harry's eyes as her mirror.

But I almost forgot!" Rowena exclaimed in an even bubblier demeanor," The person who's journal you get information from turns into like their mini self and reads their entry! It's really quite funny! And if you ever need suggestion just ask me and I'll help you out!"

"Suggestions?"

"Let's say you needed a pick me up and you need something funny all you have to do is ask me for funny and I'll give you an entry that was written that was funny." Rowena replied while checking her butt out in a mirror, "Or you know something sexy."

"Oh," Harry blushed while thinking about Draco and the dream he had this morning.

"Could you ummm…" Harry thought of a light way to put it but decided there was no easy way to say it, "Give me something with sex?"

"Well you don't waste anytime do you?" she said while applying red lipstick to her full lips.

She winked at the boy then disappeared.

As quick as she had disappeared another girl had reappeared.

"Hermione!" Harry gasped becoming intrigued yet guilty for watch her "sexy" entry.

"Fuck me," her petite lady-like mouth exclaimed, "use your muscular hands and rip off my clothing."

"Merlin!" Harry shouted, but curiously (and pervertedly!) kept watching the mini- Hermione.

"Entwine your lean, freckled body with my slender womanly curves. For I am a humble slave to your sexual desires."

Harry quickly shut the book, not wanting to hear anymore about "sexual desires."

Rowena appeared on the front of the book, fanning herself with her petite hand. "What the bloody hell was that?! You didn't even get to the good part yet!" she exclaimed mercilessly. "I wouldn't want to be that girl's roommate…or would I?" she pondered openly.

Harry decided to not tell Rowena that that was his best friend.

He carefully looked down at his watch, not wanting to throw Rowena off the journal.

It was only 8 o'clock.

Harry looked down at Rowena; she was pursing he lips at the silver of the cover.

"Can you show me some secrets?"

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I know! I know! I KNOW! How could you not show me the room of requirements!

Hey! It's whatever! I just really wanted him to find the journal first!

And to make it up to you! If you message me a character from Hogwarts you want to reveal a secret or review me I'll update even faster!!

YAHH PLEASE REVIEW!