I have come to a realization. I need to do some maintenance. The lawn needs mowed. I need to do some trim work. If Derek is going to be hanging out down south, he needs to have a fun place to play. A fun, clean, safe playground. Bodies are playgrounds of the greatest kind. And believe me, after I figured out the magic he can do with his tongue, I want him playing down there.
I have never had a reason to maintenance. I didn't have men. Like I said, I am not a whore. I don't pick up random guys. And getting close to a man is next to impossible to me. So this the first time. And I am not close! I am just... Fucking. So anyway, this... It's not something I have really messed with. I always went au naturale. I went the way nature intended. But now, I know that things could be a little nicer. The shrubbery needs pruning. I am now going to create an amazing topiary, out of my bush.
I could get waxed, but the idea of having someone in my nether region is something that I have issues with. If Derek didn't cause me great pleasure, I would never have let him down there. And now, it seems I must take matters into my own hands. So this means doing the work myself. This could mean disaster. Most likely disaster.
I walk my way into the bathroom. I know I am going to need a good razor. I'm going to need shave gel. I riffle through the cabinets and find a can that has moisturizer in it. Or so it says. I pull off my pants and wet the area down. I quickly place the cream on thick. Soften the hair, right? I know I should be in the shower, but placing on leg on the toilet seems to work best for me.
As I start, reality sets in. One swipe with the razor, and I am realizing that whacking the bush it not so easy. I look at the razor that is now completely covered with hair. I look at my pussy, and you can't even tell that I did anything. This isn't right. It is not working right. I try again, rinsing the razor under the tap, filling the sink with pubics.
"Fuck!" I cry out as I pull the hair that is stuck in the razor out by the root.
Now the damn hair is clogging the razor and causing it to pull out. It's not working. Not even close. It's too dam long and too thick. I look down at the floor. There are pubics all over. This is not good. I groan as I look around for plan B. Scissors. I grab those and flip the water on in the shower. I rinse off the shave cream, and flip the water back off. This was common sense. Of course you would get the hair shorter before you shave.
I quickly chop chop the area, taking it down as far as I can. I have a basic design in play. I am a pussy designer. Yay me. As I look down, I see my shower now looks like a beast. It looks like someone coated it in pubic hair paint. It looks like Chewbacca was killed in my shower. It was pretty sick, actually. If I knew that someone else was doing this shit in my shower, I'd never get in it again. Now for the fun...
I flip on the warm water and place a leg on the toilet once again. This time, much better. This time, my nether region is looking somewhat bare, the way it is supposed . to. I contort myself around so that I can get a good look and start the finishing touches of my design. Just as my head gets to looking, I feel my foot slide off.
"Fuck!" I shout as I crash to the floor. I look up and thank god that I didn't cut my labium majus off.
"Mer... Are you okay?" I hear Mark ask as he comes to the door.
"Fine..." I say as I climb to my feet. "Just fine..." After several swipes, a satisfied grin covers my face. I have successfully completed my mission. I run my hand over my own softness. Perfection.
I quickly climb into the public hair laden shower. As I flip the water in, I am feeling pretty proud of myself. It's for the greater fuck, not the greater good. I go through my usual routine, and soon realize that the water in filling the shower. It is filling because I have clogged the thing. I turn the water off in a panic and begin hastily pulling hair out of the drain.
This is great. Really fucking great. Now I will have to call out a plumber because I have clogged my grandmother's drain with pubic hairs. How will I explain that.? Well, grandma... I was shaving my hoohoo, so that I can have crazy hot, sweaty ass, fuck buddy sex with Derek. This is fucked. Really fucked. I panic. Now I am fucking freaking out. I sift at the drain with my fingers like I am digging for gold.
"Oh thank god..." I sigh as it begins to drain. I realize now, that is is something I cannot let get out of hand. If that hair gets that long again, the city's sewer system will plug up and we will be in a state of emergency. This is definitely a regular maintenance kind of thing.
I do my best to clean the shower. Now mind you, I'm not the cleaning type. I like clean, but I don't like to clean. But this, is something you clean yourself. No man should clean another man's pubic hairs out of a shower. This things stick like glue on everything. I think they are all gone, and I turn around and there are more. Surely everyone can't have such a problem as I.
As I pull on my clothes, I feel like I have accomplished great things. I am the master of my domain. I am the princess of my pussy. I am queen of the cunt. Okay, that's a nasty word. Don't use that word. Anyway, I think you get the drift. I am walking around with king shit, because I am. That's all I'm saying...
--
Okay, there are things you should know. The main thing, the most important thing in the world. Use moisturizer. Something is wrong. Something is really wrong with me. I feel like I have ants in my pants. Yes, people say that all of the time. I never really knew what it meant until now. I have ants in my pants. I haven't taken a look see as to what is going on down there, but I know it is not good. As I walk, attempting to scratch my itch, something crosses my mind. Holy shit! That fucker has given me crabs. He gave me disease.
I draw in a breath. He is standing in the kitchen eating. He is eating, and I have an army eating my crotch. That is all I can imagine. I want to hurt him. I want to pummel him and beat his ass. I want him to suffer. But then, I realize, I really need to take a look and see what is going on. He's a man. Men are bastards. And he will mostly likely say it is I that brought the disease into our fucked up relationship.
"Mer... What color napkins? The green or the burgundy?" My grandmother asks as I walk by the table. Are you fucking kidding me? She is asking me this shit now? I walk to the table, insane with itch. If you can go insane with itch, I am so close it's scary. I walk to the corner of the table, if I can nonchalantly scratch my pussy on the corner of this table, I am doing it.
"Oh... Uh..." I mutter as we look.
There it is. She is focused on the cloth napkin in front of her. This is perfect. Too perfect. I go to town. The corner is like my own slice of heaven. I let out an inaudible moan as I feel the ultimate pleasure taking me over. At this point, it is better than an orgasm. At this point, I am feeling so much better. And I have no idea, that Derek is watching me.
"So?" My grandma asks as she looks up. I quickly pull away from the table and look at the napkins. "Well, The rug in the dining room is mostly green. Go with the burgundy and it will tie in nicely." I tell her with a nod.
"You are right." She agrees with a nod as she grabs them with satisfaction.
Okay, now I am on a mission. Earlier, it was mission whack the bush. Now, it is mission see what the hell is wrong. I continue my walk, trying so hard not to grab my crotch like a man scratching his sweaty balls. My mind is abuzz. I have no control over myself. I can't take it. I cannot take it.
"Were you just getting off?" Derek says with a huge smile as I walk by him.
"What? No! What are you talking about?" I ask in shock. He saw me. Damn-it, he saw me.
"You were fucking the table. I saw it. If you want to fuck, we can fuck." He says with a big nod and a smile.
"I was uh- Go away!" I say as I rush into the bathroom and shut the door in his face.
I quickly make my way to the toilet and rip my pants down. I don't even look before my hand goes to work. I let out panting moans as I feel my nails scratch the itch that has gotten out of control. It feels so good, I can't take it. I need to relieve the itch that has debilitated me. I love the way my nails feel digging to the flesh offering me the relief I need.
"Oh god yes..." I groan as I lay my head back.
"Having fun in there?" Derek asks with a chuckle from outside the door.
"You sick fuck... Get out of here!" I yell loudly as I look at the door. "Do you like listening to girls pee?"
"Occasionally." He jokes. I hear his feet over the slate floor. He is gone. Bastard.
Now to assess the damage. I can tell you, if Derek gave me something, I will rip his dick off and shove it so far up his ass her won't shit for a week. I take in a breath as I brace myself for the army I am sure I will see. I see something different. Red. Bumps. Ingrown hairs. This isn't Derek. I brought this on myself.
There is a thing. It's called Yahoo! Answers. Great fun. If you are bored, nothing is better than reading the stupid ass questions that some people ask. And what's worst is the answering. Going there, you will find humor, occasionally some good advice, and then condescending attitude. Well, now is the time for Yahoo! Answers. I need answers and relief.
I pull up my pants and quietly sneak away. I trot down the stairs into my room and grab my laptop. Thank god for wireless. I lay on my bed and begin typing. Well, it seems that I may have messed up. I forgot moisturizer. I ripped hair from a place that needs it. I stripped the skin of it's protection and it's moisture, and no I have cause problems. I should have used oil, or lotion, maybe not so hot of water. And I went directly against the hair. It was too sensitive. It wasn't used to the assault. I hurt myself. No matter what, it looks like I am supposed to be fine in a few days. After it grows out a little. Then I will condition it. It needs to be done in steps.
"What's going on?" Derek asks as he rushes in with Mark. Derek gives me a firm slap on the ass and lays next to me. "What is this?" He asks as he spins the laptop around. Before he gets a look, I flip it shut.
"Nothing." I say frankly. "Nothing."
"I see." He says as he looks into my eyes. "I might need..." He trails off, looking at Mark.
"Are you kidding me?" Mark asks in shock as he looks at us both.
"We don't mind an audience." He jokes as he looks up.
"Leaving." Mark grumbles as he walks off.
"So... I'd like a fuck now." Derek tells me frankly.
"Uh... I can't." I say as I sit up. I can't let him see that. "I- I have a problem."
"A problem, huh?" He asks with a smirk. "What kind of problem is that?" He asks with a smile as he looks at me.
"It's uh... No big deal." I say as I jump off of the bed and stand.
"Oh... Come on... You want to fuck me. Get on your back, spread your legs and let's get this done." He says with a smirk.
"I can't... Okay? I have an issue." I growl as I look at him.
"Are you on your period? Just my fucking luck..." Derek says with disappointment.
"No... Not that." I say quickly, almost embarrassed. "I'm-"
"You are turning red. What the hell is wrong with you?" He laughs as he looks at me.
"I uh... I may have an issue. A bikini area shaving issue..." I tell him as I turn more red and wince.
"Did you cut yourself?" He asks as he looks at my pussy.
"It's worst than that." I pout as I itch my crotch. "So much worse..."
"You're itchy. Oh my god... Do you have crabs?" He asks in shock.
"No! I just- I didn't- This is bad. Just don't worry about it. Go ride the unicycle or something." I say as I turn away in shame.
"But I want to ride you." Derek tells me as he walks up. "Come on."
"You don't want to. Believe me. You just- You don't want to. It's really bad down there." I say as I look up.
"You were fine... Why did you go shaving?" Derek asks simply.
"It was wild and I-" I started as I took in a breath.
"You did it for me?" He asks as a grin grows on his face.
"No! I wouldn't do it for you! I did it for me. It needs to be done." I tell him frankly. "Like I would shave myself for you."
"Well, It can't be that bad." Derek says frankly. "And I need a fuck." He tells me as he looks down at me crotch and then his own. "I am ready to bust a load. Come on... Cum on." He says as he lays me back. "Quick."
"I- Once you see it..." I groan softly.
"I can handle it." Derek tells me as he quickly undoes his pants. "Let's go."
"Fine, you fuck. You are lucky that I fucking want it as bad as you do!" I spit as I rip my pants off. "Fast. I have shit to do today." I tell him as I toss my clothes in a pile with his. I lay back, my hair cascading around my head and wait for his shocked look.
"Holy shit!" Derek says as he looks down at me. "Did you use fucking electric hedge trimmers?"
"I knew it. Just fucking forget this!" I growl at him loudly as I sit up.
"No!" Derek says, his hard member begging for it. He couldn't stop if he wanted to. "I just... Wow. You are raw. You need to put something on it." He says with a frown. "Does it itch?"
"Insanely bad." I frown as I look at him.
"Yeah... It will. You just..." Derek said in shock. "You did a good job... It looks good. Just read and... Next time... Wow." He says as he shakes his head and rolls the condom on his hard cock.
"You're going to take it anyway?" I ask in shock as he lays over me.
"You bet your ass I am." He says with a grin as he slides his hard cock into me hard.
"Ah!" I gasp at the force that just overtook my body. "Holy... Ah..." I sigh as he slows his pace withdrawing and sliding back in gently. "Time is a factor here!" I say quickly.
"But you were-" He starts as he looks down at me.
"Now... Hard. Now!" I yell as I wrap my legs around him and rock my hips with his motion. I let out panting moans, he is scratching the itch. He is scratching two itches.
"Okay." Derek tells me with a smirk as he firmly places his hand on either side of me.
It was rough. Derek pumped harder and harder, our bodies sliding in perfect motion. His hard cock was assaulting my tiny pussy, but that was fine. I could take the pain, knowing what was to come. I dig my nails into Derek's back as he hastily and needfully sucks my neck. As I look into his eyes, he pumps hard and fast, needing it as much as I do. We both need the sex. We need the release. We need it so bad.
"Oh god... You fucker... You are- Fuck me, Derek..." I cry out as I throw my body at him. I firmly grasp his ass, guiding him faster. At the moment, he can't go fast enough to satisfy my needs.
"Mer... Holy shit... Look at you... Oh god." He shouted as he took my breast into his mouth and sucked heartily.
"Oh wow... Oh wow... Oh my..." I shout as I grasp handfuls of his ass as hard as I can. He bites down hard on my nipple sending chills into my core. My core needs him. It's hot. My ample fluid is sloshing around, making friction no longer an issue. I can feel the juice dripping down all over myself. "Harder, you fucker... You aren't shit. I need it better than this." I say, taunting him.
"Like you can fucking handle it." He laughs as he slams his mass into me, almost tearing me in two.
"Oh god yeah... Whoa... Stop." I say as I look into his eyes. He ceases motion and looks at me. "Now... Go! Go!" I shout, telling him to do it faster. "Now... Oh yeah... Oh yeah! Oh! Oh! Oh... There! Oh god... Oh god... YEAH!" I shout as it comes hard and fast, causing me to quiver.
"Oh yeah... Fuck yes, you little..." Derek groans as he climaxes and lets his cum fill the condom.
"Oh..." I pant as he lays on my. "Get your heavy ass off of me." I say after I feel him shirk inside of me. He withdraws as I push him off.
"That was good." Derek agrees with a big nod.
"It was. Really good." I agree as I look over. I have things to do... But shit. My mind is gone. The sex fog sucked common sense out.
"So... I have a rule. A rule that we need to add." Derek said as he looked over at me.
"Okay..." I say hesitantly as I look at him.
"We do whatever the other says. Unless you will get hurt or get in some shit, you do it. I do it. Anything. Anywhere." He says with a smirk. "Yeah?"
"Hell yeah. What do I have to lose?" I ask with a chuckle.