What the...
Announcer: I'm baaaack!
Kit: NOOOOO!!!
Announcer: Quiet, you or you get a pretty pink tube top to match that skirt!
Crickets chirp
Announcer: That's better. It {ahem} was Saint Patrick's Day, and the leprechauns told me to add another chapter, so I did! I know this is pretty late, but the disk I had this on wouldn't work until this week when I was going through my old fics (because my modem broke and nothing was distracting me) and stumbled across this one! Oh, and a few corrections: No, Voldemort wasn't a spoiled ex-rich kid ; My bad... got him confused with his dad, I guess... oops...and hermaphrodite should be transvestite or cross-dresser. I certainly HOPE Kit's not a hermaphrodite... {shudders at the thought} I probably gave some of you REALLY bad dreams...
{All other characters back away slowly}
Announcer: Enjoy the stories! HEY! YOU! COME BACK HERE!!!!! {runs after the other characters}
Table of Contents: Those to come, those that might come, and those included. Feel free to add more suggestions! I might actually have time to do them!
Ahhh... the joys of summer break...
1) The Announcement
2) Luck O' the Irish
2) Scooby-Doo and Hermione's Writer's Block
4) A Secret Revealed and the Intro to the Pretty White Room.
5) The Worst Piece of Dribble Ever.
6) I am your father...
7) The Intergalactic Dating Game
8) A Makeover story
9) Jerry...
10) Where they'll be in ten years...
11) Celebrity Deathmatch (back by popular demand with many new matches a' brewin)
12) YW, HP, and the evil encounter with Karaoke
13) The Date(s??)
14) The Dreaded Cameo
1) The Announcement
Announcer: Hey! There were only 14 more humor fics since 2002!!! Out of 129! And most of them are categorized as half-humor... {sigh} Well, in further efforts to bring humor to the YW dep. of , I've decided to start a little contest. {Insert maniacal laughter} Submit a humor fic by labeling it as a Submission to yours truly, SugarCrazedLOTRfan, somewhere in the summary (if that's still allowed...like I said, I haven't been on in a while… if it's not, do your own fic! I really wanna read other people's! I promise a review!) . Nothing rated over R, please, and label it as humor in category so I don't pass it up! The first place winner gets a cameo and an opinion in The Dreaded Cameo plot (some prize, huh?) Second place gets any Celebrity Deathmatch match they want (as long as it pertains to YW.). All entries should be submitted by July 14th. Good luck, and remember, 14% humor isn't enough!
2)Luck O' the Irish
Ronan: I'm afraid. I know she's gonna come after me today... Someone hold me!
{crickets chirp}
Announcer:It started out a normal Saint Patrick's day until--
Ronan: NONONONONO!!! {throws a hissy fit} NOT UNTIL! It stayed normal. Please let it stay normal?
Announcer: UNTIL the characters crossed paths once more with a sugar-high author.
Ronan and Kit: {break down into sobs} Not again!
Nita: Wussies. It's not that bad. Look! It's a rainbow!
{A green leprechaun runs down the rainbow}
Lucky Charms Leprechaun: Nobody can catch me lucky charms!
Nita: Oo; That's-- odd.
LCL: I see a few of you lasses and laddies aren't wearing green! {Pinches Ronan, Kit, Tom, and Dairine}
LCL: Nobody can lay a finger on me lucky charms! {dashes off}
Kit: That wasn't MY fault!! The crazy author-lady made me wear pink!!!
Announcer: AHEM!
Kit: It was Ronan!
Ronan: Nuh uh!!!
Announcer: RONAN! That was very mean of you, trying to get Kit into trouble. Besides, I'm in a bad mood already. I've been starting my driving instruction with a crazy mean German guy... {shudders} Six more hours in the car with him...
Ronan: Please not a skirt... Please not a skirt...
Announcer: A nice, neon green spandex jumpsuit! {conjures one and zaps it onto Ronan}
Ronan: {sniffles} I'll be a good boy...
Dairine: I am in heaven... {snaps more pictures} DARN, almost out of film... Damn, I'll have to ration the blackmail pics.
Ronan: Oh... so you don't just take pictures of me because you like me? My poor ego's bruised...
Announcer: Dairine's been good; I'll let her have a gift.
{Three rolls of film appear in front of Dairine.}
Dairine: Woohoo! I love you, author lady, wherever you are!
Announcer: Then you'll be glad that we're having some more fun.
Ronan and Kit: {tremble} We don't like fun...
Announcer: Then I guess you don't want out of your pretty outfits...
Ronan and Kit: We'll do it!
Announcer: It's--
Scooby Doo and Hermione's Writer's Block!
Nita: Eh?
Announcer: Hmmm, let's see..Spot, you're Scooby Doo.
Spot: But--
Announcer: Nita, you're Fred.
Nita: Figures...
Announcer: Dairine, you're gonna have to be Shaggy.
Dairine: {Eyes up her new outfit} I'm not questioning her authority... It's worth my sacrifice to see Kit and Ronan cross-dressing again.
Kit and Ronan: Aroo?
Dairine: By process of elimination, you two are gonna be girls again!
Announcer: And Dairine's right again! Kit, you're Thelma, and Ronan, you're Daphne!
Ronan: WHY do we always have to be punished?? Oh well, at least I'M the hot one.
Nita: Sorry, but the skirt definitely isn't as cute on you as it is on Daphne. In fact, I'd call it downright disturbing...
Announcer: Look at it this way-- you get a nifty van for the day.
{The Mystery Machine appears in front of them}
Kit: I bet it'll break down in front of a spooky old manor. It always does-- and I'm willing to bet that she has some control on it so I won't be able to fix it.
Ronan: Just get in the van, Thelma...
Nita: Hey, Miss Announcer Author Lady? Do we have to say things like jinkies and gee?
Announcer: You betcha, Fred.
Nita: Damn... well, gang, let's get going! Wait a second, I get to drive! Woohoo!
Kit: {clutches the dashboard} I'm gonna die...
Dairine: I think the REAL mystery is why the Mystery Machine smells like moldy nachos...
Spot: Did ru say nachos?-- this is really degrading. Help meeee, Dairine!
{It's an hour later, and as Kit predicted, the van has broken down in front of a spooky old manor}
Kit: I told you soo...
Nita: Gee, we'd better walk to the manor to get some help!
Kit: First bad idea.
Nita: Just TRY to act normal. She'll just make it worse for you...
Kit: How can I when I'm in a skirt?
Nita: You should be used to it by now. {snickers}
Ronan: WAIT! I finally have the reason for why "we" always break down!
All others: Oo;
Ronan: It's so obvious… so simple…
Dairine: Where did that come from...??
Ronan: We never work, we never get paid, and yet we still drive around to absolutely no destination in particular. It's a matter of time before we break down or run out of gas. Tell me again why "we" act so surprised.
Old manor owner dude that smells like Goldbond and expired Polident: AUGH! What do you AUGH! youngins' want? AUGH! GO away! There are strange things a-happening!
Kit: Like the deterioration of his sanity?
Old manor owner: Don't get fresh with me, you borl.
Kit: Borl?
Old manor owner: Boy/girl. IS there a reason you're wearing a AUGH! skirt?
Kit: I was forced to by an imaginary voice that only the important characters in this story can hear.
Old manor owner: Oh My God! The government's gotten to you too!
Dairine: This isn't going to go anywhere, is it? Just stop talking, Kit, you sound schizophrenic-- plus you're scaring the nice man.
Kit: {sniffles}
Announcer: A girl with frizzy brown hair walks out of the manor.
Hermione: Bite me, announcer. My hair is NOT frizzy! One or two sentences in a few books, and that's how everyone describes you!!!! Maybe I had a bad hair day! And grandpa, don't scare the nice-- wait a second-- it's YOU guys. {glances at Kit and Ronan} Or should I say girls...
Old manor owner: I say borls...
Hermione: I'll agree with that. Well, at any rate, I'm glad you're here.
Kit: {suspiciously} Why?
Hermione: 'Cause Harry, Ron and I are all here on Summer break with nothing to do but listen to Grandpa's ramblings. Damn, it kinda sucks not to have a nemesis anymore... I feel writer's block coming on... {sobs} You've ruined me!!
Nita: Wait a second... YOU'RE the one who writes the Harry Potter books??? What do you do, spy on him over the summer?
Hermione: ... {ahem} ...
Kit: {looks around to see the Dursley's house in the distance} Creepy...
Nita: Oo; How did we get from the U.S. to England in a VAN... in an hour?
Ronan: How comes SHE got to say bite me to you??? It's not fair!
Announcer: That's 'cause she's my favorite HP character. Well, until the fifth book came out...
Hermione: Huh? Why until then????
Announcer: I like how Ginny's a pimp now. Sorry. Oh, and Tonks is awesome, too...
Hermione: {mutters darkly}
Ronan: {sniff} And I'M not your favorite YW character?? {sob}
Announcer: Why did I even start this madness again?
Ronan: I warned you...
Announcer: {sigh} And he wonders why he's not my favorite-- All of the sudden, a woman's loud scream pierces the air.
Ronan: {sigh} We can all hear. Can you give it a rest?
Annoucer: I guess it does get old after a while. {cackles evilly} We'd better go see who that was...
Ronan: Why do I have the sneaking suspicion that she already knows?
Announcer: Ronan-- errr, Daphne-- is getting smarter.
Dairine: Jinkies, this story sucks.
Announcer: Quiet, you.
Dairine: Sic her, Spot.
Announcer: {wiggles her fingers} I feel a fatal error coming on...
Spot: {slinks away}
Announcer: {To Spot} Tell Dairine to get back into character.
Spot: {jumps into Dairine's arms and cuddles with her}
Dairine: {shudder} Zoinks, I think we'll just be going now...
Nita: Don't be a wussy.
Dairine: Easy for you to say... no one's threatening YOUR manual.
Hermione: {sigh} Can we just get this over with?
Announcer: {sniffles} They're stealing all my fun...
Announcer's Assistant: The group runs to the house to
investigate.
Ronan: Why me?? There are more than one!!! NO!
Announcer: You better get running.
Ronan: {sigh}
Nita: Gee Golly! Look at this note! It says:
Nobody has given me a spot in this fic yet, and you will all pay!!!! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha-- you get the point. I have kidnapped Harry Potter! Ha, Hermione! You'll never be able to write another best-selling Harry Potter book without Harry Potter-- or that Ron kid that begged me to let him tag along! The amount of hate mail that you will receive will overwhelm you completely! Revenge will be ours-- erm... mine, I mean...
The Cat in the White Abyss in Fields of Lavender
Hermione: I'm even more ruined!!!!!! My money! We have to get them back!!!
Kit: So... it doesn't matter that they're your friends?
Hermione: ...Sure it does. Millions of wasted dollars and LOTS of angry fan letters added to the pile I have for not coming out with the sixth book yet just makes my reaction more dramatic...
Nita: Frighteningly enough, she has a point...
Kit: That sure is a weird penname on the note. Jinkies! Look at the floor!
Announcer's Assistant: They all look down, and sure enough, there are numerous prints.
Ronan: Not HER again... who IS she, anyways?
Announcer: {grin} That's my affiliate in fan-fic publishing!
Ronan: Dear God, there ARE more of them. NOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Announcer's Assistant: What did you do to HIM? Have I really missed that much???
Announcer: I... made him dress up as Maria along with the rest of the YW cast and sing "I feel Pretty" from West-side Story, made him watch the Celebrity DeathMatch with The Lone Power against Voldemort, Made him fight against Kit (who won a date w/ Nita and pulled his hair), made him wear a green spandex jumpsuit, made him dress as Daphne from Scooby Doo, caused a great deal emotional damage to him after he realized that (sadly) he wasn't my favorite YW character, and harassed him with your appearance.
Announcer's Assistant: Geez, you're kinda mean...
Announcer: All in Entertainment Value's sake.
Announcer's Assistant: Sure...
Announcer: Shut up! You're ruining all the authority I've managed from all the said torture.
Ronan: I like the other one better already!
AnnouncerAnnouncer's Assistant: Quiet, you.
Ronan: {sniff} I spoke too soon...
Kit: Shouldn't we be following these tracks?
Nita: {shrug} I guess... not that it matters...
Hermione: {sob} Of course we should be! I need my money-- erm... friends back, I mean...
Dairine: Hasn't anyone wondered why She said a WOMAN'S scream earlier????
Hermione: {snickers} That's basically what Harry sounds like when he screams. Ron too, actually...
Announcer's Assistant: All of the sudden, a mysterious, spooky voice interrupts the characters' complaining.
Mysterious, Spooky Voice: Mwahahahahhaahaha! Youuuuuuu didn't giiiiiiiive meeeee a paaaart in your fiiiiiic. Coooome On, eeeeeveeeen Carrrrrrrl and Tommmmmm haaad paaaaaaarts! Yooooooou wiiiiilllllllll payyyyy!
Ronan: It's not that great! RUN AWAY WHILE YOU CAN!!!!
Announcer's Assistant: {reading the script} A ghost appears? {shudders} Eeep! Save meee!
DairineSpot: A Grh--Grh--Grhost?? {both hide under a rug, which makes the ghost trip}
Nita: Gee! It's a person! {She wrestles it to the ground}
Kit: Remind me never to get on your bad side again, Neets... Anyways, allow me to explain this! I have it all figured out!
Nita: How's that even possible?
Kit: Is ANYTHING in this segment?
Nita: You may have a point there...
Announcer: Here we go again...
A/N: I think I'll make this a cliffhanger ending... I wanna see if anyone can guess who the kidnappers are! Submit it with your {hint,hint} review and we'll see if anyone can get it. So good luck and put your thinking caps on... not that it's THAT challenging... I think... you might even get a prize for getting it correct unless a lot of you do...