What the?
Chapter 6- Caution: Use of this product may cause paralysis of the brain
A/N- I'm baaaack! And this time, more demented than ever… if that's possible. Well, I'm all settled in again after my semi-move and my comp's hooked up again, so beware: I have lotsa craziness to vent… Plus, I don't start senior year in my new school (K-12… scary stuff for a new senior, but at least everyone will be as lost as me on the first day since it's a new building…) until Sept. 7th! Yes! More free summer-time to waste
on fanfiction! heehee… Anyhow, this is going to be one interesting chapter. Underaged drinking andkaraoke? Ah.. what a combination. Read on, if you dare…
And I love all you reviewers, just so you know!! What a great crowd! I'm almost to the fifty-mark -ahem- hinthintnudgenudge -ahem-! Thanks for taking time to visit the Periwinkle box!!!! Thanks to LandUnderWave (I might have to try to read them sometime… movies always butcher books… anyhoo, thanks a lot for the review!!!) VampireNextDoor (Thanks! I'm glad you reviewed!!!) PrincessEilonwy ( Yeah… the R/L thing does kinda suck, but I have a bad habit of needing to hook Ron up, even if it is with Lavender! There aren't many quality Gryffindor girls besides Ginny and Hermione, are there? -grins- And abusing Tom and Carl is toooo much fun! Anyways, thanks for the reviews!!!) Erin- (Ohhhh… good idea! -drools- Sugar… I have fun with the CDM's, too! -grins- Merci!) RandoMaia (Kewl… I wanna read my (and I use the word 'my' loosely…) ideas rewritten by someone else! Finish the fourth chappie of Rampage, dammit…!!! (Whoa… this is weird… I wrote the part about your fic before you wrote that review to Family Heritage… and it's the same friggin' thing… almost…! Creepy…) Heehee… And Bush vs. Kerry IS a good idea… Excellent…) mornstar (Yay! What a nice review to find! "Extreme humor"… what a nice compliment! Merci beaucoup for the review!!)
Announcer: CAT is sitting in the Pretty White Room humming "Alcohol" by Barenaked Ladies. The others (who are just now filtering in spot her in such a good mood)… look suspicious… and then start to get nervous.
Nita: Eh? What's she up to this time?
Kit: -sighs- Don't ask me… I don't really want to know….
CAT: Awww, come on! I know I've been a little—
Ronan: -snorts-A little????
CAT: Quiet, you! ANYWAYS, I've been a little unkind—
Dairine: -ahem- That's the understatement of the year…
CAT: Ok, fine… mean…
Kit: Keep going.
CAT: OK! I give up… pitiless. Is that better???
Ronan: Yes.
CAT: Anyways, I've been a little pitiless to you guys. So in order to make up for it, I decided to do something nice for once!
Ronan: Noooooo! Don't trust her!!
CAT: Ah, loosen up, Ronan! I'm throwing you guys a party! How does it go, "Don't look a gift bash in the teeth!"
AMS: This can't be good…
Ronan: Weeelllll… I do kinda need to relax… and now everyone can witness my mad dancing skills!
Annuncer: All the others back away slowly.
CAT: Errrr… a music-less party, that is…
Announcer: She zaps up a table with party snacks and punch, party games, and a costume chest. The Harry Potter crew wanders in, and in no time the poor, innocent characters are chatting happily.
CAT: -to herself- Excellent.. Gullible fools…-whips out rum, tequila, vodka, gin, and Pucker (along with almost anything alcoholic one can think of) from her otherspace and dumps it all into the punch-
Nita: We've all discussed it and agree on one thing. We don't trust you. There has to be some other entertainment value-twist designed to torture us! AUGH!!!! What is it?????
CAT: -hides the bottles behind her back guiltily- Honestly… no hidden catches! Just pure, clean -snickers- fun.
Kit: Don't trust her, Neets!!!! She'll use you as her pawn!!!
Nita: Well, I am kind of thirsty… -downs a glass of punch- Whew.. that's some good stuff. What all did you put in it? 7up? Fruit? Kool-Aid?
CAT: Errr... secret family recipe.
Hermione: Perhaps we should give her the benefit of the doubt. Besides, I have a feeling we can't escape from this place, so might as well make it worth it…
Ron: I thought you were smarter than that, Hermione! She's evil! Who knows what she's plotting this time!!
Announcer: While they argue, CAT throws all the empty bottles back into her otherspace…
CAT: You are verrrrry lucky that they can only hear you part of the time.
Hermione –looks at the table- I think you may be right, Ron… She knows my weakness! AUGH!
CAT: Eh?
Hermione: Pixie Stix and Mountain Dew!!! Growing up with parents as dentists? –shudders- I could never have sugar, so anything gets me really hyper, and—
CAT: -eyes light up- Reallllly? -mixes the two- Here, Hermione… have some fun.
Hermione: But it'll rot out my teeth!
CAT: That's obviously what magic is for. Do you see one British person with bad teeth in those movies? I thought not. Well, except for Marcus Flint. -shudders-
Hermione: Err... ok, then- if you're sure— -chugs it-
CAT: -grins evilly- Yesssss, that's right, drink it all, precious…
Hermione: Wooooo… feeling a little… woozy… -passes out-
Nita: -staggering across the room- Here, Kitty-kat! Have a drink. I even got it for you. Aren't I nicesh?
Kit: Errr…
Ronan: -snorts- Kitty-kat?
Nita: Mmmm.. punch… -downs another glass- NOW DRINK, KIT!
Kit: Yes, ma'am!
Dairine: I'm telling you, Don't. Drink. The. Kool-Aid. But does anyone listen to me? Noooooooo…
Harry: Hermione, are you OK? Did she poison you??? -shakes her- Live, dammit, live!!!! -sobs- WHYYYYYY???
Ron: Great. Just what Harry needs: another thing to be angst-y over. Can you please wake her up or something or else in a few minutes—
Harry: -eyes glow red-
Ron: Yup. Just like I thought. Angst-y Harry's come out to play. Damn it…
HARRY: SHE'S DEAD! AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! YOU PAWN OF VOLDEMORT! YOU -%&($!!!! AND I CANNOT SPEAK IN ANYTHING OTHER THAN CAPS LOCK WHEN I'M IN THIS MOOD! AND I YELL AT EVERYONE! SHE WAS SO YOUNG! NOOOOOO!
Ginny: Oh my God, you killed Hermione!
Dairine: You bastards!
HARRY: WHY MUST MY LIFE BE SO HARD AND FULL OF PAIN AND SORROW AND UNACCEPTANCE? THE ONLY ONE I EVER-- -breaks down in sobs- TO BE OR NOT TO BE! THAT IS THE QUESTION! WHETHER TIS' NOBLER—
Hermione: -wakes up- Huh? What's he going on about?
Ron: Angst-y Harry came out.
Hermione: DAMMIT! Why?
Ron: He thought you were dead…
Hermione: Dumbass…
Harry: IN THE MIND TO SUFFER THE SLINGS AND ARROWS OF OUTRAGEOUS FORTUNE—
Hermione: Helllloooooo? I'm ALIVE! A-L-I-V-E!
Ron: I need a drink… -gets punch pushed on him by Nita and Hermione and drinks- Kewl… it's like a maid service… Two cups of punch at once! We don't have enough cups at my house for that… too many people and I think that it's really cool with what you muggles do with these nifty little disposable cups, and— look! I can make a hat out of this one!
Hermione: Great. First angst, now babbling… which is worse, I wonder…
Harry: OR TO TAKE ARMS AGAINST A SEA OF TROUBLES, AND BY OPPOSING, END THEM! TO DIE, TO SLEEP, NO MORE!
Dairine: Make him stop… it's bringing back bad memories of reciting the Hamlet soliloquy in front of the class… So I added a few lines to make it less boring! Big Deal! My version was better than Shakespeare's anyways… D plus my ass…
Hermione: -kicks him- He—lllll—oooo???
HARRY: AND BY A SLEEP TO SAY WE END THE HEARTACHES AND A THOUSAND---
CAT: -hands her some punch- Here… give him this.
Hermione: What's in it?
Harry: NATURAL SHOCKS THAT FLESH 'TIS HEIR TO!
CAT: Ohhhhh, just some -ahem- horse tranquilizers -ahem-. I made it special for him.
Hermione: Excellent…
Nita: Ooooo, look at the pretty color of his eyes… Neat-o…MORE PUNCH! -makes Ronan drink some-
Dairine: -suspiciously- I think you've had enough punch… Something weird's going on…
Hermione: -makes Harry drink the "punch", which makes him pass out- Whew… I'm glad that's over with…
Harry: SOMEthing about mortal coils… ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ….
Roshaun: What is it about this elixir that makes everyone act so peculiar? -takes a drink of punch- Ahh… intriguing… Head spinning… shpeech shlurring… depressant, yet anti-depressant.. Whoa. You guys have some cool shtuff here on Earth… By royal decree of me, I shall now import this to my country to feed to my court when I want entertainment. …What ish it, anyways???
Dairine: Errr, I have a sneaking suspicion that it's alcohol… OK, who spiked the damned punch??? Prince Lightweight over here is obviously drunk. And Nita… and… hell, everyone's drunk here but me and Hermione, who's just using those pixie stix like a drug…
Roshaun: Who and what is a lightweight? Doesn't sound complimentary…
Announcer: Everyone looks at CAT.
CAT: Whaat????? Me? Never… ever…
Dairine: Right...
CAT: Really! It wasn't me!!!!
Dairine: Fine. But I'm watching you.
Nita: Ya know, Kit, I've alwayshed wondered why you never kissshed me. I mean, Ronan did, why won't you?
Kit: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?????????????????????
Ronan: Yeee-ah! Big pimpin'… Homey-G's all up in the ghetto of Ireland wit' their gats! All my be-otches, holla!
Nita: I don't think I've had quite enough rum for that kind of talk…
Kit: I'll kill 'im!!!!! How's that hair feeling?
Ronan: Don't playa-hate!
Kit: -vein bulges on his forehead- Must… not… aid… entropy…
Lone Power: C'mon! I won't tell…
Ronan: Aw, hell naw. How're you about to take his side, Lone Pizzle?
CAT: -blinks- What have I done???
AMS: I hope you're proud of yourself.
CAT: Oh my…
Ronan: HEY! Look what I found! -pulls a karaoke machine out of the corner-
CAT: CRAP! I thought I hid that well after he started talking about dancing…
Ronan: I know what I'll sing about!
Kit: I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU YET!!!!!
Ronan: -ignores him and turns on the music-
U can't touch this
U can't touch this
U can't touch this
U can't touch this
Lone Power: AUGH! This song is my own creation, but I still hate it! EVIL!!!! -drains the punch bowl- Ahhhh… mortal drugs.. Mmmm… -passes out-
My-my-my-my (U can't touch this) music hits me so hardMakes me say,"oh my lord thank you for blessing me
With a mind to rhyme and two hyped feet"
It feels good
When you know you're sown
A superdope homeboy from the Oaktown
And I'm known as such
And this is a beat-uh!
U can't touch this
I told you homeboy
U can't touch this
-tries to free-style dance-
Nita: OW! He just hit me in the face with hish foot!
Kit: That's it!!!!-smacks him over the head with the microphone-
Ronan: Whew… I needed that… alcohol does funny things to me…
Kit: -continues to beat him over the head-
Ronan: Owww… that's—Ouch! enough! I'm—OW! fine!
Announcer: Ronan and Kit collapse from the exertion.
Nita: YAY! It's my turn!
-grabs mike out of Kit's fist and cranks up Alcohol (aforementioned song that I skipped most of… oh well…) by Barenaked Ladies-
Alcohol, my permanent accessory
Alcohol, a party-time necessity
Alcohol, alternative to feeling like yourself
O Alcohol, I still drink to your health
Dairine: Wait a second… why isn't my dear sister slurring anymore?
Nita: I thought that Alcohol was just for those with
nothing else to do
I thought that drinking just to get drunk
was a waste of precious booze
But now I know that there's a time
and there's a place where I can choose
To walk the fine line between
self-control and self-abuse
-hops around the room-
Dairine: The weird thing is that I really can't tell if she's drunk or not…
Nita: I love you more than I did the week before
I discovered alcohol
Would you please ignore that you
found me on the floor
-sings pointedly toward Ron, Roshaun,
Harry, Ronan, Kit and the Lone Pizzle-
Trying on your camisole?
O Alcohol, would you please forgive me?
-smattering of polite applause-
Nita: Thank you, thank you!
Dairine: You pulled an Elizabeth Swan, didn't you???? How—
Nita: You really didn't see the whole spiking thing coming?
Dairine: Actually, not until it happened…
Nita: -cackles diabolically- I suppose evil minds think alike…
Dairine: HEY! I'm diabolical! I'm the friggin' evil genius! If I were an animal, I'd be a frickin' shark with a frickin' laser beam attached to its frickin' head!!! see bottom.
Hermione: Whatever. We all know I'm the genius anyways.
Dairine: You did the same thing????
Hermione: Nah… sugar-high semi-wore off. Too bad…
Nita: So what do you think of my plan?
Hermione: Plan?
Nita: Weeeeeelll, CAT did leave us a nicely-equipped costume trunk…
Hermione: Are you pondering what I'm pondering?
Dairine: Duh!
CAT: Excellent… it's all going according to my master plan…
AMS: What master plan? You've been winging it all along.
CAT: Err… nuh uh! I'm the biggest friggen' evil genius of them all! Everything is going according to my plan. Capiche?
AMS: -sighs- Why did I ever let myself be dragged into this??? Why???
A/N1- I know what you're thinking: I make them cross-dress way too much. And that there is something very wrong with me. Well, you got a 50%... It's not just cross-dressing on the next installment, it's full-blown makeovers… excellent… And of, course, the Jerry Springer show to sport their new looks. Among other things… Heehee..
See bottom- Excerpt from Randomaia's The Rampage of the SugarHigh Author! Though changed a bit to fit this… Heehee… cracks me up every time…
A/N2- Hey, you guys! All of the active YW ff writers/readers should all get together on the internet sometime and chat! I know, it sounds creepy, but we do all have similar interests, don't we? And message boards can be intimidating… Anyone up for it? C'mon.. I'm putting myself on the line here… Plus, ya know, you'll probably get more reviews if you know the people…; I can never find interesting people to talk to online… ah well, tell me what you think in your –nudgenudge- visit to the periwinkle box! TTFN!