What the...? Ch.7
A/N: Ok, people. The irony of all ironies had occurred. On Saturday of this fateful week, I, VG, was dragged (quite literally) to see Princess Diaries 2 (shows you how old this is, doesn't it? Sorry!). Man, R (name not disclosed), YOU OWE ME!!! If a YW movie ever comes out you're sitting through it eleven times! Seriously. Though I was pleased because John Rees-Davies (Gimli for all you non-LOTR loving readers) was in it, and in one particular scene, he's running after his nephew, Nicolas, and R and I were rolling because it sounded dead-on like he was screaming "LEGOLAS!!!!!". So from then on, any time he had a dramatic moment, we'd lean over and whisper "Toss me!". Geez, the people in that theater must have thought we were crazy!!! And R has committed the sacrilege of all time! She keeps on comparing me to Mia, dammit! - forehead vein bulges-
R: Look! That's something you would do!
VG: HEY! I'm not that klutzy, am I?
R: And that's something you'd do, too, actually…
VG: -sobs- Ok, MAYBE I would…
R: And that…. And—
VG: ENOUGH! -has a break-down-
I give up. I admit that I am certifiably a klutz. And that perhaps I am a little like Mia (God help me…). -sigh- I guess I should read the books now, huh? But the fluffiness… it… it…strangled me! I felt like I was choking on cotton candy… And I usually LIKE fluff! So I'll give it a "Meh" borderline bad rating! An improvement, huh?
R: ADMIT IT! IT WASN'T BAD!
VG: Meh.
R: ADMIT IT!!!!!!!!!
VG: Fine, fine!!!!!! It was almost-good. THERE! I SAID IT! HAPPY?
R: Very much so. Carry on.
I've just been really busy, so I can't really update much! Sorry! ; I'm updating all of my stories before Christmas! Hey... has anyone seen a Charlie Brown Thanksgiving? I never did before because I don't like Peanuts much, but I was rolling. It was so crack-addict-y! Where are their parents? Jellybeans and toast for dinner, and the parents don't even notice they're gone...? -sigh- And poor terminally depressed Charlie Brown... -grin- Best part ever is the end line: "One problem though, guys! My grandma lives in a condominium!" WTF????? I was wondering what the hell that was supposed to mean for about an hour. Don't diss on the condos, bizzatch! I used to live in one! Ok, ok! Enough babbling! Happy Thanksgiving, all! Here's your present from me in honor of my first Thanksgiving at home! If anyone wants to e-mail me to nag me about updating just in case I go this long again, my address is laceyk1717 at yahoo . com
BTW- This is a bit of a departure from the "story-line" (Ha!)…so the end of the last chapter will be up shortly. Besides, it was getting too long to add the end of the last one to the beginning of this one. Plus, there's a bit of a family crisis with one of my grandparents in process, so… I'll try to update when I have time. Enjoy.
Holiday short #2- Thanksgiving (The first was St. Patrick's day... remember?)
CAT: Ok, ok. Enough of that. It's time for Thanksgiving fun!
Nita: Too bad by the time you post this it'll be a few days past Thanksgiving, you slowpoke...
CAT: Meh... there's such a thing as leftovers.
Kit: I don't like the sound of "Thanksgiving fun". Fun never means good things for me.
CAT: Oh, calm down. It's not a trick this time. I'm being nice for once: real, sincere niceness.
Ronan: Don't believe it.
Nita: Let's call a vote: Who thinks she's up to something?
All but CAT: AYE!
CAT: DAMMIT, AMS, you're supposed to be on my side!
AMS: Well, I'm going with the evidence. Sorry...
CAT: Whatever. Screw you guys. I'll eat all this food myself.
-table filled with food appears-
AMS: Hey! I didn't mean that... now let me eat. Please? You'll gain twenty pounds if you eat it all yourself.
CAT; Oh, fine. Dig in, everyone.
Kit: -drool- NO. I can't. It's poisoned. I know it!
Dairine: -chowing- Bah... to hell with reason.
Nita: Never thought I'd hear you say that...
Hermione: Well, she is eating it herself.
AMS: Is anyone else slightly creeped that the turkey carcass looks like a horrible specter of death after we've taken all the meat off of it?
CAT: Mmmmm... horrible specter of death... -drool- Now who wants to pull the wishbone with me???
AMS: -shudder-
Kit: I DO! I need all the luck I can get...
Nita: Not very lucky for the turkey, was it?
Ronan: HEY! I need more luck than you, Kit.
Nita: -ahem- Does no one listen to me???
-Kit grabs the wishbone before Ronan and wins against CAT-
CAT: HEY! That was supposed to be rigged to crush your spirit...
Kit: Finally! My luck is changing!
CAT: Wanna try it out? Say that again. YOU USED A SPELL, DIDN'T YOU????
Kit: Meep. Errr... no. Whatever are you talking about?
CAT: How'd you figure out how to do one, eh???
AMS: Well actually you disabled the shields so that Nita, Dairine and Hermione could play with the boys.
CAT: D'OH!
Kit: That means I can make a jump!
CAT: Nope... that's the beauty of author powers. I can do whatever I want. And no more spells for you.
Kit: You've just crushed my spirit.
CAT: I know... doncha love it? What a nice vicious circle. Now, let's be a good little fake family and say what we're thankful for!
Kit: WHA? THANKFUL?????
CAT: Welllll… I'm thankful that I'm all-powerful in this pocket of universe.
Kit: Hmph…
AMS: I'm thankful that this story was finally updated. It was getting dusty in that save file of hers…
CAT: Quiet, you. Though I do agree… Anyone else want to volunteer? Dairine?
Dairine: I'm thankful that I have blackmail pictures of Kit!
Kit: Of course.
Lone Power: I'm thankful that I have friends now! I feel so loved… -sniff- I love you guys!
CAT: Er… I'm scared…. Meep…
Hermione: Well, I'm thankful that this author doesn't try to steal Harry or Ron for her own little love slave like the ones in the HP section do… -shudder-
CAT: AUGH! I'm even more scared…
Draco: I'm thankful that you're not making this a Harry/Draco slash.
Harry: -shudder- Me too!
CAT: Ewww… I went to see Alexander. That was enough of that to last a lifetime.-see bottom note1-
Spot: I have nothing to be thankful for but the fact that you haven't given me a virus out of spite.
CAT: Still bitter about being Scooby, eh?
Spot: Yes. Very much so.
CAT: Meh.
Nita; Well, I'm thankful that I'm having fun… Plus, we haven't had any casework for a while. It's like a REAL vacation.
Kit: -sigh- I guess that is true. And I get to protect Nita from all the creepy guys.
Ronan: HEY! What's that supposed to mean?
Nita: …Protect me? I can do that myself, thanks.
Kit: Shut up, you lushly-locked Irish pansy!
Ronan: Whatever, Mr. Can't-make-a-move!
Kit: Take that back!
Ronan: You first!
Nita: I suppose that I'm thankful that this is the extent of the bloodshed…
Dairine: And I'm thankful for Celebrity Deathmatch and for how uncomfortable Ronan and Kit's fight makes Neets and--
Kit: I think she… dare I say it? Likes this place…
Roshaun: Well, I'm thankful that I'm here with you, Dairine. –winks charmingly-
Dairine: Huh?????
Roshaun: Did I make something unclear?
Dairine: I don't know… what do you… I mean…
Roshaun: Errr… of course, I meant to be in the presence of such a talented and.. err… bluntly honest wizard. Of course.
Dairine: Oh.
Nita: GAH! It's painful to watch, Kit.
Kit: I know.
CAT: Whatever. You two are just as bad.
Kit: HUH? What's that supposed to mean????
Ronan: Yeah. What's that supposed to mean?
Kit: Just what it sounds like.
Ronan: You were the one who just asked that.
Kit: Well… er… I meant—
Lone Power: Aww, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
CAT: Oh, and I'm thankful for my reviewers!
Kit: Reviewers?
CAT: I didn't say anything just now. Nothing at all…
Kit: Yes, you—
CAT: NOTHING AT ALL!
Dairine: Isn't a reviewer someone who critiques something? Which means -cue dramatic theremin music- --that there are people watching us!!! AUGH!
Kit: You mean people besides the ones here have seen the whole pink skirt thing? You sick—
CAT: Not really. They aren't watching you.
Kit: WTF??
CAT: Fine, I give up: I'll tell you. They're reading about you.
Nita: Huh?
CAT: Yup, as we speak. They're all big fans of the Young Wizards books—
Nita: WHAT? We're friggin' books????? What are these books about? And who writes them?
CAT: Well, there are seven books so far with an eighth coming. There are even three chapters of it posted on the Young Wizards website! –drool- They're in five languages so far! But not Spanish or French. Go fig…
Ronan: Cut the fangirliness. Who writes them?
CAT: A woman named Diane Duane. And they're all about you guys. Especially Nita and Kit.
Ronan: -sob- My spirit's crushed…
CAT: Yeah… you are only in the fourth book. –grins-
Nita: What, is this Diane Duane spying on us or—
Harry: Get used to it. That's what Mistress Rowling does to us.-see bottom note2-
Kit: But you're the one writing the story we're in now? You're not Diane Duane, are you?
CAT: I wish. I write fanfiction!
Ronan: Oh lord…
Dairine: So what's the deal with AMS over there? Is she the author, too?
CAT: Nah… she's just around for amusement. I can't get her to read all seven books. Short attention span, ya know. Actually, I can't even get her to read the first one. She's more into anime.
Carmela: OMG! You are my new best friend!
CAT: Hey! Don't go stealing my best friends!
AMS: Meh… you're into it too and you know it.
CAT: True.
Carmela: Isn't Yusuke in the YuYu Hakusho manga the best???
CAT: Completely! Err… -ahem- This is a Young Wizards fic. Must… focus…
Kit: So… if the eighth book's beginning is out, what's gonna happen to us next?
CAT: Well, I don't really know. I can't spoil it for when it actually comes out, so I don't read them.
Kit: Gah. What a letdown…
Carmela: What an otaku…
Kit: So…errr… how many people have read this?
CAT: I have a whole 62 reviews! Though some are from the same people on different chapters…
Ronan: That's all? Ha ha! That's pathetic!
CAT: Shut up! Your section isn't exactly the biggest.
Harry: Yeah, my section totally overwhelms yours.
Kit: Screw you…
CAT: Be –yawn- nice. –snores-
Kit: -pokes her with a stick- HA! She's asleep! She let her guard down around us! We'll finally be able to get out of here!
AMS: AHEM. –pokes Kit with the same stick-
Kit: D'oh! I forgot about her. –yawn- Maybe the food really was poisoned. Dammit, I fell for it again! So sleepy… -snore-
Nita: Yeah… it's not that you stuffed yourself on turkey… not at all…
Dairine:I should have known! Kit, you're an idiot: it's Tryptophan… -snore-
-Soon, everyone's asleep asleep but AMS-
AMS: CAAAAAAT, the horrible specter of death is staring at meeeee!!!! HELP!
CAT: Mmm… pretty pony… -drools-
Part 808 or something of the sort- (the long-anticipated, really, really late) CELEBRITY DEATHMATCH!
CAT: I love naps.
Ron: -snickers- The CAT girl likes to nap…
Hermione: Ron, that was the worst joke. Ever.
Ron: -sniff-
CAT: LET'S GET TO WHAT WE'RE HERE FOR! WOO!
AMS: … why are you using all capital letters?
CAT: Well, in the words of my Government teacher, BECAUSE GOVERNMENT'S FUN! THIS IS IMPORTANT STUFF HERE! –see bottom note 3-
Nita: If I'm not mistaken, the presidential election was FOUR WEEKS AGO.
CAT: YAY! NOW I'M GETTING OTHERS TO TALK IN CAPITALS! –ahem- ANYWAYS, NOW THAT THE SMART-ASSES ARE DONE, I'M DOING IT THIS WAY IN HONOR OF THE OFFICIAL CASTING OF THE ELECTORAL VOTES ON DECEMBER 10th. YUP, THAT'S IT. IT'S NOT AT ALL BECAUSE I'M A LAZY BUM AND DIDN'T GET AROUND TO POSTING THIS AT THE BEGINNING OF NOVEMBER. NOPE.
AMS: Just tell us who's going to be on this segment. Though I have a sneaking suspicion…
CAT: JOHN KERRY VS. GEORGE BUSH!
Kit: Oh dear lord…
CAT: IN THE FIRST CORNER IS JOOOOOOHHHHHN KERRY!
-enter unshaven, severely disgruntled-looking Kerry-
Kerry: I hate life.
CAT: And in the second corner, George W. Bush.
AMS: Wow… she stopped using capitals…
CAT: That in no way shows my political affiliation.
Nita: Right…
Announcer: LEEEEEET'S GET READY TO RUMMMMMBLE!
G.W.: I'll take you down with my strategery. HIYA! WACHAAA!
Kerry: Go ahead. Just kill me now.
G.W.: Ya know the best part? You have to obey me! I'm President again! Woo! Lick my shoes.
Kerry: Shoot me in the head.
G.W.: We can do whatever we want here, right? I'm gonna start out with my gun… then the electric chair… then I'll send 'im to Iraq!
CAT: That makes no sense whatsoever.
G.W.: CHENEY! SHE'S PICKIN' ON ME!!!!
Cheney: You are in direct violation of the Patriot Act, Miss Crazy Author Teen… if that is your real name.
CAT: It's not.
Cheney: So you admit you're using an alias??
CAT: If you mean a penname, then yes.
Cheney: That's it: it's to Guantanamo Bay with you.
CAT: WTF??? I'M in control here.
Cheney: YOU HEAR THAT? She threatened the President! TERRORIST!!!!!!
G.W.: Yeah.. TERRORIST!!!
Kerry: I'd rather shoot myself in the foot than listen to this.
G.W.: Hey! You're still here!
-enter Kerry's wife-
Teresa: DID I MARRY A QUITTER???
Kerry: No, ma'am.
Teresa: Then what are you going to do???
Kerry: Fight him, ma'am.
Teresa: NOT JUST FIGHT HIM, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
Kerry: Win.
Teresa: I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
Kerry: WIN!
Cheney: Get him, George! ATTACK WITH YOUR PROPAGANDA STORM!
Bush: There is a positive link between Al Quada and Iraq. HIYAAA! –kicks Kerry in the shins-
Teresa: JOHN! Attack George's right arm with your Flip-Flop attack!
Kerry: I do… do not… do support a war in Iraq… but I'd do it differently! -smacks Bush-
Cheney: BUSH! Morph to…. Hidden mode Flip Flopper!
Bush: No… really! They did have weapons… but now that we're here, we'll say it's because Saddam was a tyrant. Yup. That's my story and I'm sticking to it… until something more convenient is proven.
Teresa: Attack with your Healthcare kick!
Kerry: What are you going to do for the dire need for Medicare reform?
Cheney: AUGH! My right arm's tingling again… Quick, George, get him with your Incoherent Change of Subject Attack!
Bush: Uhhh.. I'm a former active Armed Forces man!
Kerry: -blink- But I didn't say anything even remotely related to that. And no. No you are not.
Bush: Was so.
Kerry: NO. YOU REALLY WEREN'T.
Bush: Well then.. uhhm… gay marriage is bad!
Kerry: Well, Cheney's daughter is gay. Nice work making your kid happy, daddy.
Cheney: Oh no he didn't.
Bush: Oh yes, he did.
Kerry: GAH! Why the hell am I even still subjecting myself to this?? I lost. –sobs- Screw you guys, I'm going home.
Voice-Over: I pity the fool who doesn't vote Nader.
Kerry: What now? Can't I just go back to Massachusetts and buy myself something pretty? Maybe some more Botox… or… Ohhh, like a sports car. Teresa, can I have a sports car? It can be bright red and—
Nader: The Green Party is taking this chance to stage a coup d'etat! BOOYA!
Kerry: -blink- How? I thought you guys were hella-anti-war.
Nader: Yes, but that's not really the point. It's like war to end a war. Get it?
Kerry: You sound like Bush now.
Nader: Shut up! I do not. GO, LEGALIZED MARIJUANA ATTACK!
-smoky haze fills the battle dome-
CAT: What the hell??? At least I shielded off the arena…
Ronan: You say that like it's a good thing.
CAT: WHAT???
Ronan: I'm a teenaged European. Yes, I have—
CAT: Stop right there. I want to keep my PG rating!
AMS: That's looong gone, my friend.
Bush: This reminds me of my college years… I mean… no. No, it doesn't at all.
Kerry: Heyy….. why can't we all just be friends. We're all rich and that's all that matters. Well, unless you're Nader and bring the weed. Who cares about politics?
Nader: -pokes Kerry's cheek- Ohhh, it just goes right back into the same position. Pokee, pokee…
Bush: If you want my job that bad, Nader, it's OK by me. Especially if you legalize this stuff.
CAT: I never thought I'd say this… sure, I joked about it at school, but… Ralph Nader has just won Celebrity Deathmatch… and the presidency.
Ronan: Meh.. all's well that end well. I gonna have to come visit you guys in America more often, though…
Post A/N Notes:
Note One-I went to see Alexander this Thanksgiving. More manlove in that thing than you can count. Normally I wouldn't care, but there wasn't really a plot either. Plus, it was the sappiest manlove ever. I don't even like really, really sappy romance movies about a guy and girl. Actually, I was one of the only ones in my government class that thought the gay marriage bill/amendment should be passed in our state( I live in southwest OH… very conservative). Meep… I hope I didn't offend anyone who is conservative! I lurve you all…
Note Two-Wanna hear more about how J.K. treats Harry? Read the first chapter of Lost, my new x-over fic! If you guys vote, I'll even put YW on it!
Note Three: Mr. Newkirk is awesome.
C'mon… you know you want to review… now, the periwinkle box has been lonely. Make it (and me) happy.
Periwinkle Box: I've been alone for so long. –sniff- Click me!