It's amazing the self control you can gain when you are denied something. Truly it's more when you are denied from someone other than the person giving you the spoils. What I mean, is it is hell to be surrounded by a group of family, when all you want to do is lay down on that rug in the living room and grind until cum runs down your thigh and stains that expensive recent turkeman purchase. So thus this is our lesson in self control. We get better by the day.
I look up at Derek as he listens to one of my grandmother's stories. They are generally funny, or at least end in a laugh. Saying that, you probably thing she is funny by nature, or that she is able to crack a good joke. That isn't the case. It's actually more that she has told a story, and either she doesn't get the point of her whole story, or she failed miserably telling it. That is when we laugh. We laugh at her naive foolishness.
"Grandma, you are so funny." Mark says with a laugh as he shakes his head. She wasn't funny. Just now, she was more annoying than anything. Just now, she was preventing me from the things that I wanted so badly.
"Yeah, funny." I say sarcastically. I look outside into the darkness. These people have been talking for so long, the sun has now set beyond the horizon and the blanket of stars now covers a pitch black sky. "So..." I mutter, hoping to disperse the crowd, sending them away.
"Oh yeah!" Mark says as he exuberantly grabs my arm. I have something I want to show you." He tells me as he drags me along through the house. I am powerless as his huge frame drags me along to wherever he is planning on going. "You have to see this movie. Have you seen it?" He asks as he holds up Superbad before my eyes.
"No... No, I haven't had time. And I don't have time right now." I whine as he places the dvd into my laptop and sits there with a smile on his face.
"Aw... Come on, Mer. You and I never get to spend time together anymore." He whines. I can tell that genuinely hurts him.
Okay, something is happening. My hard shell exterior seems to be melting, or dissolving or something. I have noticed this, and while I have tried to stop it in desperation, nothing has worked. I am softening up from a mixture of reasons. I know that this is going to get me hurt. Who on earth can walk around without a suit of armor on? I know people do it all the time, but those are different people. Those people aren't me.
I sit on the bed and watch the screen. Mark is right, I have not spent any time with him. I have been so distracted being a horn-dog that I haven't even noticed that he has grown an inch and he now has a very chiseled jawline set off by a nice shave job. He looked pretty good, and very grown up. I have to say, I am shocked. And I have to admit, I may be just a touch proud.
"This movie is so funny, Mer. I mean hilarious. I can't believe that you haven't seen it!" He says with a smile as he leans back and takes a sip of his soda. I take a note from him and lay back against the large stack of pillows.
"I live in a cave. My own little world." I tell him with a sigh. "School is sucking me down. I mean, I love it, but I'm freaking tired!"
"Are you sure you want to be a surgeon?" Mark asks plainly. I look at him in shock. It just now occurs to me that he is the first person that questioned my career choice. Meredith Grey is supposed to be a surgeon, period. No one told me I had any other choice. The truth is, I was born to cut, but having Mark say that, well, it is nice. He said it like I actually had a choice in the matter.
"Yeah. I mean- Yes, I want to be a surgeon. I really can't picture myself anywhere else." I admit with a smile as I look at the movie. "And we need to watch this- Oh my god, Mark." I say as I look up at the screen and start laughing. "This is so bad!"
"That is what makes it so good!" Mark tells me with a hearty laugh.
As I look over at Mark, I realize how much I miss him when he is gone. He is someone that I can talk to when I need to. He is always there and almost always open to whatever I say. He is the only one in the family that doesn't throw his judgement on you. I need to work to get back to this. I need to work on my relationship with him, taking time out just for him. Mark Sloan is an asset in my life that I cannot afford to lose.
"This is good..." Mark mutters as he glances over at me and smiles. "I mean you and me. I enjoy this." He tells me. That is the thing about Mark, he is sensitive. I hope he never loses that.
"It is." I agree as I lean my head back and watch the small screen. I glance up as I see the halfway open door, open completely. I immediately feel something. It's Derek. Part of me is mad that he has intruded on our special time, but part of me wants to run off and let him pound me. "Hey."
"Hey... What are we watching?" Derek asks as he walks over and looks. "Oh yeah! Mind if I watch with you?" He asks as he looks at Mark.
"Sure." Mark says softly. I can tell his heart wasn't in it. He doesn't want Mark in here. I feel Derek climb onto the bed next to me. Now this will be a challenge. This is testing my self control, once again. Oh yay. And I mean that in a completely monotone not excited way. That would be Meredith sarcasm, in case you can't spot it by now.
Having Derek next to me during the movie is no picnic. In fact, I would equate it to a personal hell. I am torn between them. Mark is so supportive. I know the last few years I have been brushing Mark off just to get laid. In my heart, I know that isn't right. So I sit, watching the movie, trying not to breathe in Derek's manly scent. It's a scent that has the ability to send me over the edge. I'll never let him know that.
It's hard to sit between two men, one of which you could be considered borderline obsessed with, while watching a sexual based movie. Boys may have dirty minds, but I have to say, mine is pretty bad. The whole time I am watching this movie, I am thinking about my own dirty little fantasies. I have to tell you, they are pretty dirty.
"So?" Mark asks me as he stands up and takes teh dvd out of my computer. I look at him and smile. At least it was entertaining. I can say that.
"It was good." I tell him with a nod as I look into his hopeful eyes. He just wants me to have a good time. "Thanks, for watching it with me." I add. I don't know where that came from. Thanks for watching with me. I am off my rocker.
I don't say another word as I walk away from them. I quickly go to the bathroom and look in the mirror. I want Derek right now, but I refuse to run right to him. I have to show some sort of restraint. I wash my hands and splash water on my face. I look a little tired, but I think it is school wearing me down. I quickly exit, wanting to just get some fresh air and a clear mind. I go up the stairs and rush outside.
The blanket of stars is amazing. Generally I'm not a watcher of stars, but this is something else. Usually they aren't so brilliant in the city. The tiny sliver of a moon is shining brightly, but not bright enough to light up the earth. It is perfect, other than the fact that there is no snow on the ground. They are expecting snow tonight and I hope we get it, other than it is a pain in the neck to deal with.
"Hey." I hear Derek say as he walks up behind me. I jump at his voice. I'm already a jumpy person and it only gets worse when I am completely relaxed.
"Ah! Oh... Hey." I mutter as I turn around. I may be jumpy, but not enough to protect myself, seeing as I didn't know he was there until he was on top of me. "I just...wanted some fresh air." I explain as I look up.
"Do I have that effect on you?" Derek asks as he closes in the space between me and the wall. I feel my back press against the cold brick. "Do I?" He asks again as he breathes on my neck.
"You may." I admit with a sigh as I relax against him. I feel each of his legs go around him, his hard cock pressing high into my thigh. "You just might." I tell him as I breath my hot breath on his chest.
"Let's fuck, Mer. I've been dreaming of this pussy." He tells me as he rubs himself against me. I take in a few gasping breaths as I feel my core heating up and getting wet. All I do is have to remember the way he feels and I am dripping wet for him. No need for lube here.
"Are you...clean? Have you been fucking without a condom?" I ask him as I play with the leather belt on his jeans.
"Nope. Just you. I only do that with you. And god, my cock had been missing that." Derek admits as he plays with my belt and then the zipper on my jeans. I feel them fall and then he takes down my panties. His jeans are now laying in a pile around his ankles. "Oh god, I need you, baby." He grunts as he rams his cock into my clit.
"Oh, oh!" I gasp as I feel the sensations ripping through my body. "Just do it, Derek." I groan, wanting him to excavate my bush. "Oh god." I beg as I feel him slide in. "Oh..."
"Oh babe, that's tight!" He almost squeals. "It's going to be fast, your pussy is just too damn tight."
"And that's my fault?" I tease as I feel him slide in and out gently. The crisp air is breezing over my red cheeks. My hands wrap behind Derek's neck and my legs hold on tightly. I feel the rough brick on the cheeks of my ass, and my back. "Maybe I need to get loose?" I ask, too seriously for him. I rotate my hips so he can go deeper.
"I think not." Derek groans as he continues to grind against me, his thick veiny cock running in and out, making sloppy sounds thanks to my ample fluid. "I think it's perfect."
I have to almost laugh. He is jealous at the thought of someone else fucking me. I am jealous too, but I would never let him know. I stay silent and never say a word about all the girls he fucks, but it gets to me. I don't fuck many guys, but apparently the very thought of that gets Derek hot. I feel him begin to go a bit quicker and deeper after our conversation. He is trying to prove himself. You would think the fool knows he is at the top of the list.
"Oh god! I'm there, Derek. I'm there." I cry as I feel myself tightening up. The sweat is coming down my back, trickling down my ass. I feel droplets on the back of my neck and a bit slipping between my breasts. I am there. The heat is radiating off of Derek's body and my own. "Oh god... Oh god." I pant as I feel his cock beginning to pulsate.
"Oh baby! Fuck yes! Fuck yeah... Oh yeah..." Derek groans as he drives into me one last time, our bodies going into simultaneous climaxes. Everything goes white as pleasure washes over me. I feel my core pulsating as he shoots his hot cum into my core. I close my eyes as I feel our bodies together, Derek laying against me. "I missed that."
"You have no idea." I say as I let my head fall to the side. I open my eyes, feeling snowflakes on my nose. It's snowing.
"Wow... That never- Yeah." Derek says, unable to say something else, I would assume. I feel him pull out his shrinking cock and bend down to pick up his jeans.
"Yeah." I agree as I begin to dress myself, picking up the clothing that I have left there on the side of the house. I wonder what my grandma would say if she knew I was having sex outside her house. Well, against her house. Something had to support us.
I don't say a word as I walk off and away from him. For some odd reason, I feel a little guilty about doing it like that. Not that I don't like it. I definitely like it. I walk into the house, going upstairs rather than back down in the basement. I look around the great room at the family, they are laughing at some show and talking.
"You were outside..." My aunt says as she glances up. I feel my heart fall to my feet. Oh my god, what if she has seen me? I feel sick, wondering how to play this out.
"Um... Yeah." I finally respond as I look into her eyes. I feel my heart beating so quickly I can barely take it. If ever have I been near passing out, I am there. "Yeah, I was outside... I had to get something from my car." I lie as I pat my pocket.
"Oh." She said, not caring. At that moment, I realize that she knew nothing. I guess she just heard me come in and decided to point it out.
"Well, the stars are amazing tonight. And it's starting to snow." I added, knowing I am safe. Now I can elaborate without the fear that she knows more than I thought. I have no idea where Derek is, but I'm glad he didn't follow me right in. If he had come right in behind me, that would have been suspicious.
"Hey." Derek said as he walked in. He walked right into the kitchen to grab a drink. I didn't say a word to him as I stood there.
"So how is school going?" My aunt asks as I stand there. I sigh and drop down, sitting on the floor. This is actually a good thing. I need to resist another round for right now. i have found that the more I get, the more I want.
"It's good. Really busy. I have a full load. It's always insane, like I just go there and home. When I'm home, I study." I explain, almost whining about it. Everyone says I am a whiner, and I think they have a point.
"That's life, Mer. Imagine what it will be like when you are a surgeon." Aunt Claire points out. I sigh and nod. She is right, it will be no walk in the park. Social life, not that I had one, will be over.
"At least then I will be doing something I want, not sitting in lecture and reading nonstop." I tell her with a nod. "I just want to cut."
"Well, I hate to break it to you, but in order to cut, there are a lot of steps that you have to follow. One of those steps just happens to be reading nonstop." She teased. "But really, Mer, I am proud of you. You have incredible drive." She praised with a smile.
"I just want to succeed." I explain softly. The truth is, I want to succeed. I want to push forward and show everyone, especially my mother, just what I can do. I never see her. She lives in the hospital and likes it that way. Then again, that may be me in a few years. "And I will... Succeed." I mutter under my breath.
"So how was the movie?" Aunt Claire asks. I guess she is tired of speaking about my education and my future success. Then again, maybe she doesn't want to talk about my mother. No one ever wants to go there in this house. They all hate her.
"It was good." I tell her with a nod. "You know Mark. He has a way with picking movies." I point out. I immediately see her mouth form a smile.
"You have that right. Ninety-nine percent of them are crap!" She says quickly, making a point. Rarely does Mark choose a good movie. It's like he is engineered to search out crap movies, especially t the theater.
"Well, I think I'm going to hit the hay." I say quickly. I see Derek coming back towards me. I'm not sure if I want to fuck him again tonight or just go to bed.
"Okay. Goodnight." My aunt Claire says, causing the rest of the family to join in.
"Night!" I say as I pull myself to my feet and walk off. Of course, as I round the corner, Derek is standing there with a shit eating grin on his face. I know what he wants. It's as if he can read my mind. It's as if he knew that I was contemplating sex or no sex.
"So..." Derek says with a raised brow. I let the smile that wants to cover my face happen. I can't help but giggle at him. He just never stops.
"You want a second round." I say, feigning disbelief. Of course he wants a second round. He is like that. He never stops. He is just a boy. That is how boys are.
"Um... Well, yeah. who wouldn't?" He asks frankly as he follows me down the stairs. I swear he has a spring in his step.
"You have a point." I say as I turn around and face him. I stop by my door and look into his eyes. I have no control. I know this. I quickly grab his shirt as I walk into the room backwards. No self control. It's sad... Really.