Clarke was about to leave the comfort of Lexa's bedroom to visit Arkadia once more. It never got easier, especially when she was frequently concerned about Lexa's safety. The threat of Pike was gone, but there were still others out there that wished harm on their Commander.
"Wait," Lexa said, snatching Clarke's wrist. "Let me do your makeup."
Clarke raised her eyebrows. The only time that Lexa had ever done her makeup was for special occasions, and this was not one.
"What for?" Clarke asked. She pressed a quick kiss to Lexa's lips. "I know you don't want me to leave, but I'm always going to come back, okay?"
Lexa's grip slackened and Clarke found herself gasping Lexa's hand.
"I wouldn't leave if I thought you were in danger still," Clarke assured, though she was lying. She knew Lexa was at risk now more than ever, but ever since she had been shot, her personal security had been doubled at Clarke's insistence. Lexa laughed.
"Clarke, I can handle myself," Lexa pointed out. "It's not my safety I'm concerned about- it's yours. Your people may not take so kindly to Pike's execution."
"Don't worry, I'll be back before you know it," Clarke replied after a pause, purposely avoiding the issue at hand. She was well aware of the fact that while she had her supporters at Arkadia, there were just as many, if not more, who disagreed with her decisions. "Besides, no one is going to mess with Heda's girlfriend."
Lexa smiled sadly. Clarke kissed her on the cheek before she left the room with an ache in her heart.
She found Octavia milling about, riding her horse around in circles at the outskirts of the market.
"Took you long enough! Why can't you just say goodbye and move on?" Octavia snapped. "You two are just too sentimental."
"Like it doesn't take you twenty minutes to say goodbye to Lincoln," Clarke replied, swinging up onto the horse that she borrowed from Lexa.
"It doesn't! We hug, we say goodbye, that's it. You on the other hand, recite vows, hug, make out, do each other's hair, swap sweaters, say goodbye, and then repeat four times," Octavia pointed out, rolling her eyes as they rode away from Polis. Clarke couldn't even deny it. She purposely left one of her shirts draped on the arm of a chair in Lexa's room, and found one of Lexa's in her pack.
"I feel like I should point out that she just got shot a couple weeks ago," Clarke reminded her friend.
"I can't believe you just played that card," Octavia groaned, rolling her eyes. Clarke grinned, knowing that she had won.
The news of Pike's execution was met with mixed reactions. Of course, those who supported him weren't too pleased, especially those who weren't keen on the alliance. Others agreed that he deserved it, but were upset that they weren't invited to watch the execution. Those who had attended, didn't say much at all either way.
Most importantly, Marcus Kane was in support of Clarke's decision, which tamed the more opinionated people.
"So that's it? You're just going to kill everyone who doesn't agree with you?" asked Bellamy once Clarke had adjourned the meeting.
"That's not what this was about," Clarke insisted, offended by the implication.
"Right, of course," Bellamy agreed, but there was an edge to his tone that made Clarke uncomfortable. "You're just trying to protect your Grounder princess, aren't you?"
"I'm sorry," Clarke muttered. She didn't really mean it, but it was what Bellamy needed to hear. Red-faced in anger, Octavia approached them, having overheard their conversation.
"You have some nerve, talking to me about killing people, when you were part of a group that slaughtered three-hundred innocent people, who were sent here to protect you!" Octavia shouted in Clarke's defense.
"How is that any different than what happened at the mountain? There were children in there, and Clarke-" Bellamy cut himself off. Octavia looked at Clarke, her expression shifting from one of rage to a softer, more supportive one.
"You think I don't know that?" Clarke asked, her voice quieter than before. She wouldn't admit it, but his words hurt her, especially considering how much she used to rely on him. "I think about it every day! The difference is, I'm trying to make peace, and make things right so that I don't have to do anything like that ever again, but you would have! If Pike hadn't been impeached."
"You're off doing what's right for you and Lexa, while I'm over here doing what's right for our people! The grounders will never ally with us, and we have to assert ourselves while we still have the upperhand!" Bellamy insisted.
"You're right," Clarke hissed bitterly. "The grounders won't trust us, not as long as we continue massacring their people! And if you think I'm not doing all of this for our people, you're mistaken. The alliance won't work if I'm not at Polis, advocating for us."
"Enough," said Octavia. "Obviously you guys aren't going to reach an agreement on this, and I'd rather not see you two beat each other up."
Clarke stormed off, unable to keep her composure. She busied herself with mundane tasks among her people, asking about day-to-day life, how things could be improved, how things had improved since they had joined the coalition, etcetera.
"Clarke?" said the familiar voice of her mother. "Chancellor Kane would like to speak with you."
"Right, of course," Clarke said, wiping her hands off on her pants. "I'll be right there."
"I heard about your fight with Bellamy," Abby said. "Are you alright?"
The question took her by surprise- she couldn't recall the last time anyone other than Lexa had asked about her personal well-being.
"I'm fine," Clarke insisted. She couldn't afford to come across as weak around her own people. "I'll see you tonight for dinner."
"Aren't you going back to Polis tonight?" Abby asked, furrowing her eyebrows.
"Bellamy might be an ass, but he did have a point," Clarke explained. "I can't do as much for my people if I'm not understanding their struggles. I'm going to spend a couple days here before I go back."
Abby grinned, and Clarke couldn't help but smile back. She hadn't seen her mother smile like that since they had been on the Ark together.
Her added time at Arkadia also gave her time to assess the Jaha situation. Of course she'd by now heard of the City of Light pills that he'd been passing around- even offering one to her. Though the offer was tempting, or rather, she just wanted to take one so that Jaha would leave her alone, she politely declined.
However, as the days went by, his attempts became more and more aggressive. Cornering her in dark hallways, forcing the pill into the palm of her hands, and nearly trying to force it in her mouth if she hadn't punched him in the gut to get away. She felt some guilt about having to use such measures on her former Chancellor, but she reminded herself that she was only acting in self-defense, and her actions were justified.
"Mom, we need to get this situation under control," Clarke said urgently. "It's not safe and it's definitely not appropriate anymore."
She bit her tongue to keep from spilling all of Lexa's concerns about Jaha. Suddenly, killing him was starting to seem like the best option.
"I don't know what to do," Abby admitted. "But I agree, he is out of control. This isn't the Thelonious I used to know and respect."
"Can we arrest him?" Clarke asked, only half joking. "He tried to force one of those pills down my throat and I have a feeling that isn't the first time he's done that to someone."
"You'd have to talk to Marcus about that, since he is the Chancellor," Abby said, sounding concerned. "Are you alright?"
"I had to punch him," Clarke confessed, not missing the way that her mother called Kane by his first name. The same way that Clarke was allowed to address Lexa by her first name.
After hearing of Jaha's aggressive actions, Kane had Jaha placed in a detention cell. Clarke couldn't help but wonder how he was even elected to be Chancellor in the first place- during his time on the ground, Jaha had spent more time locked up than he did otherwise. She didn't dare say those words out loud, although she knew Lexa would appreciate it.
She took the opportunity to search Jaha's living quarters. She might not be able to stop him from looking for the chip in Lexa's head, but she could at least stop him from spreading the pills around if she could destroy them.
She found them in a hollow section of the wall, poorly hidden behind some cloth draped over it. It was the first thing her eye was drawn to in the room. She stuffed the box of neatly stacked pills into her pack, and left without leaving any sign of her presence.
However, just as she exited the room, she found herself bumping into Jaha.
"You're many things Clarke, but I never took you for a thief," said the older man, who seemed to tower over her despite not being that much taller.
"What are you gonna do? Float me?" Clarke asked venomously. "Send me to a planet assumed uninhabitable? Electrocute me?"
"Just hand over the box and we'll act like nothing happened," Jaha replied calmly. Clarke clutched the strap of her bag a little tighter.
"I can't do that," Clarke said. "Not when you're threatening my people with them."
"They aren't yours," he said, and before she could figure out if he was talking about the pills or people, he grasped her arm. Almost immediately, she tried to shrug her arm free, but his grip only tightened. She felt her blood boiling beneath her skin, and lifted her hand to fight back, when another voice interrupted their encounter.
"Let her go, now," said Bellamy. Clarke looked at him with disbelief. Jaha released her arm, but the anger didn't leave his expression. "You're not supposed to be out here."
"That's some way to address your former-"
"You lost our respect when you left us on some adventure to find the City of Light," Bellamy said matter-of-factly as he handcuffed him.
"Thank you," Clarke said. "I'm sorry about earlier-"
"No, don't be," Bellamy said. "I'm sorry. I was being a jerk. Don't beat yourself up about being away all the time- you're doing a good job."
She couldn't help but be taken aback by his words. She was so used to being the one apologizing all the time, and it felt strange to have her feelings validated like that. She thanked him again before he started walking Jaha back to his cell.
Adjusting her bag so that it lay flat against her, she decided that it was time to go back to Polis. Maybe for good. Of course, that wouldn't be logical- especially when the largest factor in her decision making process was her relationship with Lexa. But the back and forth was definitely taking a toll on her emotions, especially when her efforts weren't always appreciated.
"You said you'd be back two days ago," Lexa said stoically when Clarke walked through the gates of Polis, leading her horse behind her. "Explain yourself."
"There was a situation at Arkadia," Clarke explained briefly, using every ounce of strength she had to keep from running into Lexa's arms. "I'll put this horse away and then we could go for a walk to catch up?"
"I'm busy," Lexa said coldly. "I am Heda- or have you forgotten?"
"I haven't forgotten," Clarke insisted, aware of the looks she was getting from Lexa's guards. "I guess I'll see you later."
Walking her horse towards the stable, Clarke could feel Lexa staring at her. She held back a smirk as she unfastened her horse's tack and hung it up where she had found it before leaving.
"You publically disrespected our Heda," accused the gruff voice of a burly man she didn't recognize. Clarke turned to face him, her knees weak with fear. "You're just another sky-rat. You may have gotten the approval of Heda, but you'll never gain ours."
"Enough, Katon," replied the familiar voice of Lexa. Clarke felt relieved. "She was only teasing."
"Teasing? She's Skaikru, what gives her the right?" demanded the man, whose anger did not subside.
"Clarke is...," Lexa paused and glanced at Clarke before continuing. "We are seeing each other, romantically. It should be common knowledge by now- I'm surprised you hadn't heard, considering the amount of times I've caught you gabbing and spreading slander about your fellow comrades."
Suddenly, Katon's face grew to be bright red, and Clarke was sure that hers matched. She hadn't expected Lexa to be the one to reveal their relationship- especially without talking to her about it first. Despite being incredibly shocked, she also appreciated this protective side of Lexa.
"Pardon me, Heda," Katon said, excusing himself as he fled the stable. Lexa watched him leave, and then turned to Clarke.
"Sorry, I hope that didn't make you uncomfortable," Lexa said in a much softer tone that made Clarke's heart melt.
"Not at all," Clarke replied, giving her horse one final pat before leaving the stall.
"And Arkadia? Did you travel well?" she asked, somewhat urgently.
"You'll be glad to know that Jaha has been arrested for trying to assault people into taking the City of Light pills," Clarke explained. "He won't be bothering us for some time."
"That's great news," Lexa agreed. She paused before adding, "so why do you look so upset?"
"Well, my people hate me," Clarke admitted. "They're upset that we executed Pike."
"They shouldn't be. They agreed to banish him," Lexa replied, her eyebrows scrunched together with confusion and concern.
"Yeah, that's what I thought, but Bellamy...," she trailed off, unsure of what to say, or even what to feel. Lexa offered her hand, which Clarke eagerly took. "He yelled at me for being here all the time."
"Don't dwell on his words, Clarke," Lexa said, her eyes sympathetic when she met Clarke's solemn gaze. "He doesn't understand the sacrifices you've made. You've spent a lot of time apart over the last few months- you're different, he's different. And maybe you don't fit together like you used to. That's fine. Some people are only meant to be close to you for a certain amount of time."
"Yeah, maybe you're right," Clarke agreed. A rather large part of her was upset that she had drifted apart from Bellamy, though upon remembering his recent actions, she came to realize that the Bellamy she knew now was not the same one that she led her people with so long ago.
Lexa reached out and lifted her chin.
"Don't fret, let's have some supper and get you cleaned up. You'll feel better once you've rested," Lexa suggested. Clarke smiled appreciatively. While meals on the ground at Arkadia had improved significantly with the help of the Grounders upon joining the coalition, the food at Polis was always better. Perhaps due to the fact that she was dining with the Commander, but also because of their years of experience.
Supper, as usual, was served in the dining hall, where Lexa's generals and the other ambassadors ate at one table. The other tables were occupied by the commoners of Polis, and occasionally other clans if they were in the area. There was always food available, courtesy of the chefs who worked around the clock to put food on the table.
Clarke took her regular place beside Lexa, who sat at the head of the table. Across from her was Indra, who still hadn't completely come around to the idea of Skaikru being in the coalition. A brief word was said, thanking those who participated in putting the meal on the table, before they were allowed to eat.
While everyone spoke among themselves, Clarke felt Lexa's hand slip into her own under the table. It was hardly the first time it had happened, but it never failed to give Clarke butterflies in her stomach. Lexa gave her the briefest of smiles before returning to her inscrutable mask, which only contributed to Clarke's butterflies. The idea that the Commander only softened for her made her feel incredibly special, even though she wasn't really.
"Clarke?" said a voice, in a tone that indicated that they had been trying to get her attention for a while.
"Sorry, pardon?" Clarke said, earning chuckles from around the table. Her face grew hot with embarrassment.
"How was your trip?" asked one of the friendlier ambassadors.
Feeling it would be inappropriate to talk about her personal issues with these people, Clarke said, "it was fine. My people aren't thrilled about the death of Pike, but they agree that he deserved punishment for neglecting the terms of his banishment."
"Didn't they decide on those terms?" replied another ambassador.
"Yes," Clarke admitted, feeling embarrassed by the immaturity of the sky people. "But they assumed that he would respect our deal and that it wouldn't come to this."
Sensing the uneasiness at the table, she added, "they should've known there was no reasoning when it came to that branwada."
This earned her several laughs from around the table, and one of Lexa's generals launched into a story about a fool he had encountered among his travels.
After supper, Lexa and Clarke retired to Lexa's chambers, where a bath was already drawn for Clarke. Now that they had some privacy, Lexa was much more affectionate. Pressing little kisses all over Clarke's face and neck, her hands roaming everywhere- causing Clarke to laugh for the first time since she left Polis.
"I missed you," Clarke said, leaning her forehead forward until it touched Lexa's. "I wish I didn't have to leave all the time."
"Maybe someday, you and I will owe nothing more to our people," Lexa replied, doing a horrible imitation of Clarke's voice.
"Do Commanders ever retire?" Clarke asked, though she already knew the answer. However, a foolish, idealist part of her hoped that one day she'd be able to steal Lexa away and life would truly be about more than just surviving.
"Usually they die before they get the chance," Lexa explained. "In the past, no Commander has ever willingly stepped down, but it's not forbidden. They'd live their life as an outcast though."
"So no chance of us running away and living in a little hut at the edge of nowhere?" Clarke asked, only half teasing.
"As appealing as it sounds, it would never happen," Lexa sighed. "Besides, living at Polis would be much more comfortable for us. If we were wed-"
She paused, and Clarke's lips spread into a grin.
"Go on!" Clarke urged, bumping Lexa with her shoulder. Lexa just rolled her eyes.
"I was going to say, you would become of equal status to me," Lexa explained. If she was uncomfortable talking about their future, she didn't show it. "And, we're safer here. We wouldn't have to worry about gathering food or always being on guard like we would have to if we lived in a hut at the edge of nowhere, like you suggested."
"I can tell you've put a lot of thought into this," Clarke remarked. Her face hurt from grinning so widely and she couldn't remember the last time she felt so happy.
"I haven't! I mean, I've considered it- but it's not like it's all I think about when you're away or anything," Lexa replied defiantly, but she was obviously flustered, and Clarke loved it. "Anyways, you need a bath. You're way too stressed and you just need to relax."
"Right, I'm the one who's too stressed," Clarke laughed, earning another eyeroll from Lexa. "I think you're just using it as an excuse to take my clothes off."
"Be that as it may," Lexa replied matter-of-factly. "You've had a long trip. I'm not arguing this any further."
Smirking, Clarke obliged and took off her clothes, leaving them in a pile on the floor by the bath tub. Lexa followed, entering the en-suite bathroom just as Clarke sunk into the hot water.
"Okay, maybe I was a little stressed," Clarke admitted as the warmth relaxed all of her muscles. She shut her eyes and breathed in the smell of lavender. Lexa's hands reached out from behind Clarke and started massaging her shoulders. Clarke jumped, causing the water to start sloshing around in the tub.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you," Lexa said, withdrawing her hands, but Clarke reached out and snatched them before they got too far away.
"You didn't," she insisted. "I was just surprised, that's all. Please, don't stop."
Lexa paused, but resumed her work. Clarke settled back against the edge of the tub and closed her eyes again. Once she finished massaging Clarke's shoulders, she moved to washing Clarke's hair with soap that also smelled of flowers and more importantly, it smelled like Lexa.
"How are you feeling now?" Lexa asked after a long period of silence had risen between them.
"Excellent," Clarke replied. The smile on her face hadn't left since she sunk into the bath, and she wondered why she hadn't done this sooner. "You have magic hands."
"So I've been told," Lexa replied smugly. Clarke turned around abruptly, her smile dropping instantly.
"By who?" she demanded, before she could even think of suppressing any feelings of jealousy. Lexa smirked.
"She's very beautiful, the one who told me this," Lexa said fondly. "Our love was forbidden, but that only made it more exciting."
"You never mentioned anyone other than Costia," Clarke questioned. Lexa nodded. "So it was her, then?"
"No," Lexa replied, letting her hands fall into her lap.
"Is there another person in your life you haven't told me about? I know we haven't really said that we were exclusive, but I mean, we've said I love you, so I thought it was implied-"
"Clarke," Lexa said, cutting her off. "There isn't anyone else. You told me that when you were drunk last month after-"
"Oh." Clarke's face turned beet red, and she turned around again so that Lexa could resume working on her hair. "You think I'm beautiful?"
"Of course I do," Lexa replied, massaging some rosemary oil into Clarke's hair. Clarke grinned.
"Well, I think you're beautiful too," Clarke said without looking at Lexa, and twirling her thumbs underwater. "But you're not funny."