TCA- I'm typing this up as fast as I can, I have to go back to school tommorrow, regardless of how I feel, because if not I get to see the doctor again. Ah, well….I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho or any of its characters. If it was my creation I would have cut Yomi, Sensui, and several others some slack because even bad guys have good feelings.
Youko1776, Mouko Mizaki, Happydemonhobo, and Madhumalati thank you for reviewing!
Yomi takes a deep breath and then begins to talk again. He hates having to bring all this forward but hopefully Kurama will understand.
"Back then our situation was inverted." He adds the word partially to this statement. Kurama had never been in love with him or tried to impress him so the situation could not be a completely mirrored image. "You were the boss and I was your humble second-in-command. I had my sight back then…" The memories flood Yomi's mind and do not stop.
"You and I were eager for power, eager to create a new kingdom, and to achieve our goals we needed things. We needed to make our names known and we needed followers. We needed money. So we chose the most dangerous of paths even in Makai: we became thieves."
"I was headstrong, impulsive, and reckless. I wanted to be the boss and I did all I could to challenge you." Yomi is glad for the moment that he no longer has his eyes…Kurama could have read his emotions so easily. I wish I never would have challenged you, I miss being your second-in-command. I want to start it all over, and we have our kingdom now! No…such thoughts should not be revealed, no matter how beloved and beautiful Kurama was. "I started doing things my own way, looting castles and villages, and losing many, many men in those incursions."
A memory flashed in his mind. He had taken a group out against Kurama's orders to invade a castle. They had rushed through, setting off trap after trap. Man after man had died, until only Yomi was left. Even then he had fallen into a pit filled with youkai…they had surrounded him. He had known he was going to die, but damn it all he was going to go down fighting! Before it had resorted to that he had been safe, surrounded by corpses. Youko had come and saved him. 'If you go on like this you shall meet a rather bitter end, Yomi.'
Naturally Yomi had not headed the warning. The raids were the only way to get Youko's full attention. He always showed up right before anyone could kill Yomi, though not so quickly that Yomi never got hurt. He got hurt plenty. Every time was worth it.
"You were the opposite of me," Yomi reminisces. "Always cold and calm. You were so ruthless but you enjoyed the planning. You relished in strategies. Now I think I am actually willing to admit that I was nothing but a puppet, casually manipulated by you." Yomi clenched his jaw slightly, wishing that it hadn't been that way.
They could have been perfect. They could have had everything together…Yomi held back tears. He could fix this; he could make it right between them all. He just had to get rid of the darkness in their shared past because once that was gone everything could be better. They would be perfect. They would have everything together.
"I didn't understand your methods. I wasn't qualified to be your second-in-command." Yomi hates those two facts. He hadn't understood the kitsune…that had to be part of the reason Kurama had never noticed him in that way. He wasn't even qualified to be anyone's second-in-command, so how the hell had he managed to become Youko's? He certainly had to have been lucky.
"One day I hear rumors about a castle that was stuffed with treasures and had little in the way of guards so I took a group out." The description he had heard was more than tempting, it was orgasmic in its own right. The treasures he had heard tale of had been things that would please Youko beyond all reason.
At first he wasn't going to go, but then he had realized something. The descriptions had seemed like something Youko would like and maybe if he stole the artifacts and then gave them to the kitsune as a gift…an unexplainable joy had filled his heart at that moment. He was going to steal all of it without getting rescued. He was going to bring the treasures to the kitsune. He would bow at his feet, declare his eternal and undying love, and then give the treasures to the thief. Then they would mate and be together forever.
Life hadn't given him a break however. His group had been attacked by an assassin, the same one that was now shackled to the wall, and they had all been killed. Then he had turned towards Yomi and they had fought viciously.
"All the while he refused to tell me who he was or who sent him after me." Yomi turns his head momentarily to the assassin. "He still hasn't told me after all these years. He proved to be much stronger than me and he slashed his swords across my face, blinding me. I managed to wound him badly as well and he rushed off."
"Life is worth more than the reward. Those were the only words he spoke; I lost my sight and never even knew why."
He had been defenseless and scared afterwards but it hadn't mattered. He had crawled about blindly for a few hours, looking desperately for the castle. It had to be real, because he still wanted to show Kurama that he cared. Kurama would come for him and he wanted to give something to the kitsune.
"I hoped you'd come and help me, and I waited a lifetime for you, but you never came. A thousand years passed and we never met again, but I never lost hope that we would meet once more." The words slip out of Yomi's mouth and he wonders if it is possible for one's heart to take control of one's wits. He decides that it is indeed possible and the he needs to watch what he says from here on out. He just gave the kitsune a serious advantage in this thing, an advantage that he was hoping to give away later in the game.
It is a game, how can it not be? It was a game when he was with Youko and it is a game when he is with Kurama. The only difference is the experience of the players. Youko had gained so much in his human lifetime. Yomi had gained a kingdom and an infinite amount of followers. That wasn't what the prize was in the game, though knowledge had a well to do ring to it in the big picture.
In the end the prize was passion and Yomi wanted it more than anything else in all of the worlds. He had been offered the hearts of many but only one could ever enchant him or hold him in thrall. Youko, Kurama, Shuichi…his lovely kitsune. He would beg, he would threaten, he would scream, and he would cry. That was his part in the game.
Kurama would act cold, he would glare at Yomi with cold eyes, he would act superior, and he would pretend not to notice how much Yomi loved him. That was his part in the game.
"I thought that I could get answers if I found the youkai who took away my light, so I searched for him." He let out a chortle, trying to cover up his little slip in the game. You never come out and say something in a comprehensible way, it has to be cloaked. It makes life so much easier and it doesn't hurt when you spill your heart and soul out.
"Why have you kept him here even if he hasn't spoken?" Kurama has a look in his eyes and Yomi finds it cute.
"Don't you find the presence of this youkai soothing?" Yomi says with a smile. He doesn't bother answering Kurama's question with words because he can answer it with action. He kicks his leg out hard and a thump fills the air. The youkai moans and wakes up.
"Please, kill me," the assassin begs. The words come out with great difficulty; his voice is raspy and hoarse from the years of silence. This is probably why Kurama hired him; the capability not to break under maiming makes a great assassin. He probably was paid a fair share of money, a king's random. How ironic. "Have mercy... I can't stand... the pain anymore..."
"I think you've suffered enough." Yomi agrees. He has to finish his move; he has to put the past away. "But before I kill you…you must answer this one question: who gave you the order to attack me?" Kurama's eyes harden, his heart beat quickens, and Yomi tries not to sigh in frustration. That's the kitsune he knows…cold and cruel. Why doesn't he act the way he does in ningenkai? Yomi likes the softer side of his old friend because it calms him in a way that he can't explain. He feels like he's walking on air.
"His eyes…so cold…the bandit-Youko Kurama…" The bandit manages to rasp out the words after what feels like an eternity. With a roar Yomi yanks his leg up and then smashes his foot into the assassin's head. It cracks like a rip watermelon under the pressure. Kurama remains calm and unshaken, just as stolid as he was before. Yomi turns to face him, equally calm despite the roar of anger that had came from his lips moments before.
"Kurama, you might not believe it, but I understand." There's the first step. Kurama needs to know that Yomi doesn't blame him. This shall fix the trust problem.
"I admit that I was stupid and careless. I sacrificed too many of our men." There's step two. Let Kurama know that Yomi was willing to accept that he had been reckless and idiotic. Admittance of idiocy makes kitsune feel superior.
"Had our positions been inverted, I'd have done the same and killed you without hesitation." And there is step three. Lie to make the kitsune feel better. He had to think that Yomi was as insensitive and selfish as he was back then. No need to scream that he had always loved the kitsune, there would be a time for that later.
"What do you want with me?" Kurama looked coldly at Yomi. This wasn't how it was supposed to be, they were supposed to put the past behind them now! Yomi almost growled in frustration. He would have pulled his hair out in frustration, but that was not kingly behavior and Kurama had forced him off guard repeatedly.
"I merely want you to join me and be my second-in-command. I need your strength." He stops himself before he tells Kurama that he needs his love. "In the past, despite my stupidity, I was useful to you somehow." Please let me be useful again. I can give you the world. "I need your help to unify Makai. I want my dream to come true." I want you to love me. I want us to rule together, like we wanted to do so long ago. Yomi waits expectantly for Kurama's reply. The cards are all on the table now, and it is Kurama's turn.
"What happens if I say NO?" Kurama says with a dispassionate look in his eyes. No, No, No! That couldn't happen, that wouldn't happen! Yomi holds his panic inside and tries not to do something stupid.
He had planned way to long for the kitsune just to turn the offer down. He cared about the kitsune; he understood the kitsune, hell he would kill for the kitsune if that was what it took. He had to keep him here so he could show him that, he had stacked up all the aces just so he could see his friend again. He'd be happy if Kurama just accepted him as a friend again!
"Humans travel a lot, don't they?" He shoves this out quickly, not knowing what else to do. Please let Kurama say yes…he has to stay!
"What?" Kurama's eyes are open now, and the atmosphere of the room has changed drastically. Kurama is startled and it must have slowed down his thought process.
"Your human mother is on a plane right now. Let's hope that that plane doesn't crash, after all human's die so easily." He hates himself for it, but Kurama won't leave now. He can't leave because he thinks Yomi will kill his mother. Yomi sighs inwardly. Kurama loved Shiori and because of that he would never actually hurt the woman…maybe someday he would be calling her mother as well. Then he and Kurama would look back on this and laugh.
"When I first met you, you were very insecure," snaps Kurama. "Who taught you to be this dissimulated?" Kurama is beyond furious and Yomi tries to keep from doing anything else to upset him. He loves Kurama.
"You get angry easily, but never to the cost of your calm and reason. You know what to do not to lose someone important. Your thoughts are always two or three steps ahead into your strategy, and you always know the best path to choose. Intelligence comes above everything and only then come love and hatred. You're sad, cold, and ruthless. Makai soon will face hard days, and I'll need a cold, ruthless ally to help me." Yomi throws out the information quickly, trying to justify his actions. Not to Kurama, but to himself. Things will get better, and Kurama will forgive him eventually. That's how love works.
So Kurama grudgingly agrees to be Yomi's second-in-command. He has no choice in the matter, just as Yomi had no choice in the way that the matter came about. People will do crazy and stupid things for love, especially if the love is an unrequited one. The only thing Yomi knows is that he wishes he had his sight back, even if it is just for a moment. He wants to see Kurama, his beautiful light, again.