Gears of Comedy presents…
The New Man's Best Friend
by Stephanie G., aka MyFantasiWorld
Copyrights: Everything that is Gears of War belongs to Epic Games, People Can Fly, and The Coalition. Other material used here either belongs to me or other creators.
Rating: Rated M for language, violence and mild adult themes.
A/N: Here's the next chapter for the story and now fully extended after Marcus agrees to take care of the Rockworm (only those who have read the old chapter will notice the extension)! Enjoy, and please, R&R!
Summary: Since dogs, cats, and every known animal are now considered as food instead of pets to the human society, will Rockworms instead take over as humanity's new man's best friend? Follow Delta Squad and many of their friends on this random journey as they struggle to harness a friendship with these stone-shelled, cave-dwelling, constant-eating creatures of Sera!
Chapter 2: The Babysitting Service
ONE WHOLE MONTH LATER…
"Okay, Anya, what'll happen if it gets... bigger?" Baird asked while staring at the now six-foot worm in Anya's living room.
The blonde woman next to him thought to herself and bit her lip, "I can put it in the closet."
"Anya… let's not try to act stupid so you can impress the readers, please?"
"Sorry."
They both looked at the Rockworm again, and within a few moments Baird snapped his fingers, "Dizzy!"
"Dizzy? What about him?"
"Well, I've heard that he keeps a small farm with a dozen of those worms. Since Hoffman restricts them to be around the COG facility, he allowed Dizzy to keep them at his place. He can probably take care of it there, if you like. Hell, he's even got a license to prove it!"
"Hmm…" Anya placed a finger on her cheek, "I don't know. We should check it out first and see if it's fine for Blacky."
"Okay then, let's… wait… Blacky?"
"Yeah, I named it. You got a problem with that?" she glared at him, making him raise his hands in defense.
"No! No, I don't! Sheesh! Take it easy!"
CRUNCH! Munch, Munch, Munch!
They both turned to the worm named Blacky again and realized it started to eat up Anya's couch. They didn't motion to stop it.
Baird then crossed his arms, "So… who's going to watch over it?"
"What!? Why do you want me to watch it for you?" Marcus questioned roughly giving the two intruders an evil stare. He was sitting back on his couch with his arms hugging his torso.
Before he was interrupted by Baird and Anya entering his room, he was watching Benjamin Carmine play with his Xbox 360 video games. The Private had come into his room because he had found his games were half-eaten by an unknown worm creature, from what he had guessed, and asked Marcus if he can play with his games. He was sitting next to the Sergeant moving his body in rhythm while he played, like he was evading something from the game. Marcus turned away from the two with a grunt and kept watching the television screen to avoid getting involved in the conversation more.
Anya, without losing her frustration over his remark, evenly said, "Because, Marcus, you and Baird are the only ones who know about it and-"
"Well, if Baird does too, why doesn't he watch the damn thing!"
"He's going with me to see if Dizzy is trusted to take care of Blacky."
"Why worry about trusting Dizzy? You should worry about trusting Baird going with you. He's going to try and have his way with you if you don't watch out."
"Wha-?! Marcus! Why would you say something like that!"
"Yeah, Asswipe! Why would you say something like that!" Baird echoed her words but added in an offensive nickname. Marcus turned to meet Baird and snarled at him. The mechanic continued, "Besides, you're just jealous to know that I'm going with her instead of you!"
"No, I'm not! I just don't trust your ass for shit. I know how you are…"
"And I know that you're just jealous!" Marcus then sat up and growled.
Carmine, who was still keeping his eyes still on the game, stated, "I agree. You're not really good at hiding it, you know." While the Private kept playing his video game, he was unaware that Marcus was mad-dogging him next and suddenly got punched in the face.
The soldier got up from his couch and snarled, "I'm still not going to 'baby-sit' your damn pet!" As Marcus walked into the kitchen with his arms still crossed, Anya got provoked by his stubbornness and huffed as she placed her hands on her hips.
That was the first thing she had expected for Marcus to do: to try and ignore her. Luckily for her, she already had a strategy to convince the ignorant man, which Baird had noticed by the mischievous smile that slowly formed on her face.
He watched as she let her hair fall out of the bun she had kept it bundled into, almost making his jaw drop slightly in awe. Afterwards, she opened her shirt up to expose a large amount of her cleavage, which made his jaw hit the floor. She turned to him to mouth out the words, "Watch this…" and began to slip into the kitchen while Baird still stood with his mouth fully open.
Walking into the small kitchen Marcus decided to go to avoid the two visitors, Anya tenderly called out, "Oh, Marcus…"
"WHAT." The scarred man roughly said, avoiding any eye contact with her while slanting himself on the stove with his eyes closed.
Using his ears as his awareness aid, he was listening to the clicking of Anya's shoes coming closer to him. Yet, he was oblivious at how she was looking at him, how she was dressed, and how quiet it had become. He was not sure what she was going to attempt to do, but he stayed true to keeping up his defenses by staying in that position. He understood that if he were to make any small changes to his disposition, it would lure himself into another conversation about the damn worm, and that was definitely not going to happen!
Anya finally stood face to face with the soldier, and Marcus, having noticed the sound of her clicking shoes had stopped, tried his best to keep his composure from breaking. Unfortunately, his curiosity got the best of him as he opened his eyes to reveal a whole different sight of Anya. He quickly stiffened up and blushed as he caught sight at how near she was from him. Aside from that, his attention was more focused on her appearance.
Anya's hair was loose from the bun she would always have it in almost every day, and her shirt almost made her chest look like it would pop out. Fuck, she looked so alluring he couldn't make himself look away from her, let alone move out of the closeness between them. Damn, she was just… just too fucking gorgeous!
He tried his best to back away from her, but remembered he was leaning against his stove. Instead of moving out from the open sides, he roughly clenched the edges of the counters. He was certainly stuck with the attractive beauty for good.
"You know Marcus…" she softly spoke as she placed her hands onto his chest to make him stiffen at the contact. She also pressed her breasts against him, forcing him to swallow hard while he fought to keep his eyes from straying down to them.
"Uhh… Any-"
"Shhh," she quickly placed a finger to his mouth gently, "I know we haven't had much time together…" Marcus raised his eyebrows at her statement. She then slowly brought her finger away from his lips and grabbed his hands to place them onto her waist, making him blush uncontrollably. "But we can make up for it, if you promise me to take care of Blacky." Anya then managed to ring her arms around his neck while holding a small distance from touching his lips with hers.
After hearing her last statement, he suddenly broke free from a surging arousal and knew what she was trying to do. He quickly said no before turning his head away to keep from looking at her.
"Please? Do it for me," She cooed and made him meet her eyes again, placing her lips at the same distance away from his again.
It made Marcus stop breathing, but he had enough air to let his mouth do all the talking to whisper, "Yeah…". Just as he was about to make himself go any further to kiss her, he smelt something burn behind him. He turned his head rapidly to find the stove had lit up his pants. "AH, SHIT! MY ASS IS ON FIRE!" He jumped out of Anya's embrace and submerged his ass quickly into his sink, which was luckily filled with water, and sighed in relief.
Anya then clasped her hands together and smiled, "Oh, thank you so much, Marcus! I promise you, it won't take long." She quickly wrapped up her hair into a bun and closed up her shirt. She proceeded to walk past Baird, who was quietly watching everything happen, winking at him to mouth out, "It worked!", and went out of Marcus' room to check up on her pet.
Baird watched her leave and walked to the kitchen, springing his steps towards Marcus with his hands behind his back. He snickered, "You let your guard down too much, don't you?"
"Shut it, Baird."
Carmine, who finally woke up from Marcus' blow, sat up on the couch and groggily said, "It's true. You really fell for-"
BONK!
Marcus threw a pot at his face and the Private fell back with a thud, landing at the same place he was knocked out on before.
"…and here's the food it eats. Blacky just loves it so much!" Anya said as she went over the counters of her kitchen that was fully stacked with cat food.
Marcus grabbed a can and looked over the label showing a bit of disbelief in his face. "You feed it cat food?"
"Yep," she happily replied, unaware she had completely missed the point.
He just stood silent and then grunted as he put the can back where it was before while thinking about what he just got himself into. Looking over the list one more time, he finally knew what he was going to ask her before she and Baird were going to leave, "So how long are you going to be gone?"
Baird popped his head out from behind the sofa Carmine was sitting at. While he was looking for something underneath, he answered for Anya, "Oh… let's just say it'll be at around, I dunno, six hours or more, but-"
"WHAT?!" both Marcus and Carmine yelled out in unison.
"Hey! I'm not finished yet! That's how long I think it's going to take. The vehicle we're using is going to take as long as a three-hour trip to-and-from the farm. So I'd suggest you guys get comfortable, 'cause we won't be back for a long time." Baird was almost ready to laugh as he saw Marcus fume up.
"No way!" Carmine complained like the child that he was, "I have a garden that needs to be watered today and I just had it scheduled today since last week!" He even took out a rather large calendar from out of his back and pointed at the block that read, "Water The Garden", along with a small, bad drawing of a watering can colored in green. Marcus just turned and looked at him blankly.
Baird ignored his complaint after noticing he had pulled something out of nowhere like what Marcus does with his weapons, and asked, "How did you-", but he stopped only to conclude there was no way he could possibly get an answer and said, "Y'know what, never mind."
Baird stood up from the floor, though, thinking he might have the potential to do it too. He then reached for his back like if he was grabbing for something, hoping he was able to pull out the jacket he was trying to look for. Fortunately, he did! He looked at his jacket in shock, but shrugged the thought off like if it was no big deal and went ahead to sling it over his shoulder and head for the door.
"Well, we better get going, Anya." Baird called out to the Lieutenant, who was making sure everything for her pet was in place and ready to be used.
"Yeah, just hold on a sec." She turned to the Sergeant and quickly tip-toed up to his face, planting a small peck on his scarred cheek, to his surprise, and quickly headed for the door before responding, "Take it easy, you three! Remember, don't let Blacky out of your sight!" She then disappeared out into the hall.
Marcus just stood motionless for a few seconds, but realized that Baird was still holding the door open looking at him with piercing eyes. The soldier just smirked at him like if he was mocking him for winning his own game, but the mechanic just snarled and slammed the door hard enough to leave cracks crawling on the door frame and force a picture to fall off the wall.
"But… my garden…" Carmine whimpered, almost ready to cry for being ignored the whole time.
The Rockworm, which was also being disregarded, made a random cry and started to climb onto the couch Carmine was sitting at. He watched it as it laid its head onto his lap, making him turn really pale by its approach. Blacky looked at him as if it was asking him to pet its head just like what a dog would do. After he offered a few shaky pats on the head, the worm randomly cried again, making Carmine jump high enough to hit the ceiling of the room and get his head stuck.
Marcus, all the while, was watching them and giggled at the Private's sudden state. "He, he… Nice."
ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CEILING…
Carmine had hit the ceiling so hard it made him fall unconscious for a while. When he woke up, he shook his head and noticed he was in another room rather than Anya's. Looking around the place, he found himself staring up at four familiar friends of his, Dom, Jace, Cole, and Tai, sitting around in a circle.
"Hey, guys, how you all doing?" He groggily asked.
Each one of the boys looked at the other in bewilderment except for Cole. He instead yelled out while throwing up his cards in defeat, "Dammit all! I almost had three spaces left to go!"
Dom ignored the thrashball player and replied, "Uhh… good." He then started to inspect his head to ask, "Hey, Carmine, how did you get your head stuck into… umm… the ceiling? And why are you in Anya's room?"
"Good question, but before I answer… can you help me get my head unstuck, please?"
"Don't worry," a gruff voice from the other side of the floor said, "let me just…"
POP! THUD!
The Private was successfully yanked out of the hole, but he landed on the floor so roughly he was thankful enough the large soldier, who looked just a lot like Marcus, was able to cushion the blow.
"AUGH! SON OF A -" the soldier hollered in pain.
"Oops! Sorry, Marcus… WOAH!" Marcus roughly pushed Carmine off of his back and made him hit his ass on the floor this time.
"Yo, Marcus Baby, you in here too!" Cole waved over to him excitedly through the gaping hole on their floor, "Damn, you both have some game in y'all! Ha, ha, ha! I hope there's room for one more!"
"No, Cole, it's nothing like that-"
Dom then intruded over his statement, "Oh c'mon, Marcus, quit hiding under the rock, we know why you're in there." He winked at him while giving him a thumbs-up.
Tai also began to find himself in the conversation, "Love is something you could deny, my friend, but it is also something you could never hide. That is why we can easily see that past you."
Jace looked at him skeptical, knowing Tai will not leave any sentence spoken without creating it into some poetic language, and translated for him, "Umm… what he means, Marcus, is that it's obvious there's something going on between you and Anya Stroud. Especially that you're in her room."
Marcus knew he didn't have a chance to convince them from their misunderstanding of his reason for being in Anya's room, and pinched the bridge of his nose sighing.
Carmine finally got up rubbing his bruised butt, and clarified for Marcus' sake, "Actually, we're in here to take care of Blacky." He then pointed to the creature that began eating the collapsed ceiling.
All four of the men looked down at it in surprise, and Tai exclaimed, "A Rockworm! Why in Miss Anya's room?"
Marcus looked up at him, "If you really want to know, we'll talk about this privately in here."
"Right," Dom stood up in anticipation, "C'mon you guys, we don't have anything else to do now that our Monopoly game is destroyed." He looked at the board game that Carmine had also made a hole in.
"Dammit," Cole muttered to himself as he got up after everyone else did, "Three more spaces…".
MOMENTS LATER AFTER MARCUS EXPLAINED THE SITUATION…
"So now, I'm stuck here babysitting this thing." Marcus pointed at the Rockworm playing fetch with Carmine, who somehow had suddenly overcome his fear of it rather quickly.
"Well," Tai was convinced as he watched Carmine toss the ball for the Rockworm to fetch just like a dog would do, "these creatures seem to make good pets after all. They cannot harm you unless you pose as a threat to them in some way."
"Ha, ha!" Cole laughed out loud, "I'm pretty sure Boomer Lady has no definition of 'pet' in her dictionary. That girl would kill and eat your pet spider for all she cares, no matter what it is!"
"Glad she's not here to know about this worm, then," Marcus responded.
"Worms? Like those? Hell no!" However, he took a moment to think and decide to take back his last statement to say, "Well actually… I'm not sure. Never really asked her 'bout that. Probably never will. Eating those kind of things is just straight-ass nasty!"
"I don't think I can take up the offer of eating one at all," Dom said with a disgusted face.
"You and me both," Jace agreed.
"Anyway, I didn't think Anya was interested in these kind of things."
"Yeah, well," Marcus agreed while turning to look at the oversized worm, "Baird believes that they could be the only species left around that can be possible to make as our 'pets', ridiculous as it sounds."
"I wouldn't be too sure," Jace looked over to Carmine, "The Rockworms aren't the only pets we have here."
The Private then turned around to see everyone looking at him without any clue as to what they are talking about. "What?" Carmine asked.
"Yeah," Marcus grunted, "but he's more fucking annoying than the god damn worms. You can never teach him new tricks."
"Hey, what's that supposed to mean!" Carmine shouted insulted by his words.
When Blacky the Rockworm came back with the ball in its mouth, it spit it out at the Private's face. The force of it was so hard it knocked him out as worm spit covered his entire face. The whole group started laughing at him while Carmine began to see stars hover over his head.
"So anyway, we all shouldn't tell Hoffman 'bout this, right?" Cole remarked.
"Exactly," Marcus nodded his head, "The last thing I want him to do is to kill me over with a Brumak. He'll be pissed if he ever found out about this, especially since it belongs to Anya. He wouldn't think twice about demoting her and then throwing her out in the streets."
"Actually, he almost did kill us with a Brumak," Dom recalled almost saying it out loud to himself, "Marcus, do you remember when we held up a small zoo of Locusts? You know, during the time when we forgot to lock the Wretches in the cage?"
"We didn't, but Carmine's stupid brother did..."
SOME TIME AGO NEAR THE COG'S HEADQUARTERS…
Dom looked over the list on his clipboard one more time before he was sure all the Locusts they rounded up for their brand new zoo, called "Locust Land", was ready to be put on display for the folks of Sera to see. "Okay… We have the Drones? Good… The Boomers… The Berserkers… The Theron Guards… The Kantus… The Seeders… The Reavers… The Corpsers… The Brumaks… The Bloodmounts… The Tickers… The Rockworms… and the… wait a minute…" He quickly stopped as he caught sight of a few empty cages.
"Well now," Dizzy walked up from behind and stood beside Dom, along with Marcus on the other, "That's the last of 'em suckers! So, are y'all ready to let the herd roam free, kid?"
"HUMANS!" The Kantus screamed out from its cage startling the three, but only to be hit in the head by Mataki's club.
"Shaddup!" Mataki yelled as she dangerously held the weapon over her head, making the Locust whimper and hide into the darkness of the cage.
"Umm… these are the cages for Wretches, right?" Dom pointed his pencil at the two empty confinements, "They're empty." Both Marcus and Dizzy looked at him wide-eyed and gazed into the cages to make sure what he had said was true.
While they were searching, Anthony Carmine ran up to them and yelled out in glee, "Hey guys! I'm done with checking the locks to the cages!"
"Carmine…" Marcus turned around slowly gritting his teeth, making the Private halt in place, "did you LOCK the cages before we took them out?"
"Yes… Wait… What? Okay now, wait a second… I was supposed to lock the cages, not unlock them?" Everyone glared at him and he squeaked, "Whoops."
During all that time taking the cages out from the trucks, they didn't notice that the COG's headquarters was damaged and on fire with people and Wretches jumping out of windows and running after each other. They also didn't hear the cries of help and monstrous roars filling the air.
Just then, a familiar yelp came from none other than Hoffman himself. He became one of those unlucky people, because he was soon being chased by a Wretch which made Marcus laugh. "So it was you guys! Sending all these Wretches to destroy my headquarters!" Hoffman yelled out as he passed by them to go into a rather large cage, containing the big, ugly Brumak.
"Colonel, don't go in there!" Mataki yelled out after hitting the Wretch with her club and sending it flying a mile from where she stood, but it was too late for Hoffman to hear her.
Within a few silent moments, the ground rumbled under their feet. Then another rumble was felt again, which made Carmine fall on his butt. Then another, and another. Suddenly, a Brumak towered over the group with its shadow, making Carmine jump from the ground into Mataki's arms.
"DOM! MARCUS!" Hoffman called out angrily, who somehow managed to get onto the Brumak.
"Well," Dizzy quickly said to the two victims, "it was nice knowing ya boys!" Then all, except Marcus and Dom, hauled ass.
The cages containing all the Locusts simultaneously flung open their doors, allowing each and every one of the creatures to step out and align in front of the two, ready to pummel them down with everything they got.
The two soldiers looked at each other, and Dom calmly suggested, "Marcus, I think we should run for it."
"I think we should too, Dom."
Then they started to run while being chased by all the different types of Locusts, along with Hoffman taking control of the Brumak. "YOU SONS OF BITCHES DESERVE IT FOR DESTROYING MY NEW OFFICE I JUST GOT TODAY!"
Everyone stayed quiet for a moment after watching the flashback, and then started to laugh out loud, except for Dom, Marcus, and the still-knocked-out Private.
"Oh, man!" Cole wiped a tear forming from his eye, "That is classic! Ha, ha, ha!"
Dom and Marcus started to feel angry, making Dom cross his arms and look away. He then gasped as he noticed a large hole on Anya's wall. "HOLY SHIT!" Dom exclaimed, "Where's the rockworm?!"
The whole group fell silent, turning to where Dom was looking at and also gasped. Then they focused on the trail of slime that had belonged to the rockworm, which traced from where Carmine still laid unconscious to the gap.
Marcus jumped off from his seat in alert and picked up Carmine by his shirt, went to his sink full of water, and dunked his head into it, making the kid fight out of it to grab some air before he drowned. The soldier turned him around to face him and exclaimed, "Carmine, where's the fucking worm!"
"Huh?"
"The Rockworm! Where the fuck is it?!"
"Wha- I dunno… I was knocked out…"
"With a ball?! Ah shit…" Marcus looked up at the ceiling in aggravation, then back at him, "Kid… remind me to break your head open with it next time."
"Marcus," Jace went up to the two, "take it easy. I'm sure it didn't go too far."
Tai then added, "Of course. Hoffman's office is ten floors up from here so he will never know it is here. It is impossible for a Rockworm to climb up there, anyway."
"But what if it takes the stairs… Gasp! Or the elevators?!" Carmine panicked, making Marcus stare at him unimpressed.
"Uh… I highly believe it's impossible for them to do such a thing."
IN THE ELEVATOR…
The Head Chairman, known as Richard Prescott, was taking a flight to the fifth floor of the COG's headquarters, and suspiciously, there was a Rockworm next to him. It somehow collapsed inside from the top of the elevator not too long ago. He turned his head to look at the creature and the creature did the same to look up at him. They both simultaneously took their time to turn away from each other, almost as if they mimicked each other's actions.
Prescott then responded as he shifted only his eyes towards Blacky, "Are you going up or down?"
The Rockworm just cried out randomly and the Chairman replied to it like if he knew what it was saying, "Tenth floor? Hoffman's office? I don't think he would like to see you around there."
The worm cried out randomly again making the man nod understandably. "Alright then."
Prescott turned to the buttons and pressed the tenth one. They both stood quietly in place, and when the elevator stopped at the floor Prescott was taking, he mumbled to himself as he walked out, "This is going to be interesting…"
BACK AT THE ROOM…
Marcus looked out into space wide-eyed and thought back from what Carmine had said. Knowing that whatever was too ridiculous to happen in reality was surely going to happen in this god-forsaken fan-fiction, especially in a comedy like this one. In fact, that worm could probably be in Hoffman's office at this very moment, because it could take a damn elevator! The soldier quickly let go of Carmine and dashed out of the room and into the elevator.
The Private was caught by Dom from falling and asked, "What happened? Was it something I said?"
A/N: Hope you guys enjoying it so far. Wait, what am I saying? I'm pretty sure there are other stories better to read than this one! Why are you still here?!
Ah, whatever, I still appreciate those who are sticking around with me to the end, though. Read on to the next chapter and remember to leave a review. I always love to hear feedback.