Part 3: Threesome

A/N: Everything is far from fine in Doug's head. Warning: Seriously dark, violence against the innocent, end-game spoilers and swears. This chapter is why this ball of fluff is M. Not what I expected in this joyride of a piece, but here we are. You could probably skip if you wanted, but the last chapter(s?) won't be as good. All good stuff belongs to the hard working geniuses of MONOLITHSOFT.

Doug was dreaming. That dream. Again. He didn't know why he was still surprised whenever it came around. Every time he fell onto his couch, too exhausted to make it to his real bed, chances were he'd have that dream. Sometimes it appeared even on regular nights. And it was guaranteed, absolutely a lock, that if he fell asleep after a night spent at the bar, the whole scene would roll through his head before morning. Sometimes he thought that he drank just to get the dream.

Why would anyone want this dream? It was always the same, and never the same, and it always ended badly.

He would be standing there, across from Lao, arguing, begging him to change his mind. They weren't anywhere special, sometimes it was Los Angeles, the real one, sometimes it was some anonymous barracks. Only a few times he thought it was Mira. Where they were didn't matter. The main thing was, he knew for certain that it was before any of the craziness, before Lao had done the first wrong thing, whenever that had happened. Before he started ditching his team. Before he started betraying everyone still alive. Maybe before there was a reason to betray anyone.

Doug would stand there and beg him, over and over, not to turn against everyone who loved him, who stood by him. And Lao would look at him with that face that always looked like it was going to give him a special smile, but not just yet, those dark eyes that should be full of gentle mischief, before shaking his head. No. He never spoke. God, Doug wanted to hear his voice again, but all he got was a glance and a shake. A movement that was so Lao, it made Doug choke up remembering it. It almost made the rest of the dream worth it.

Different nights he'd be yelling rather than pleading, or threatening. But mostly it was just begging. And it never ever worked.

And it was never just them. There was always a third person, different from night to night, standing just a bit beside Lao. Most often, it was Elma, but several times it had been Lin. He'd seen Irina, he'd seen Gwin. Once, just once, he'd seen Tatsu, which was almost ridiculous enough to change the course of the dream. But it hadn't changed that time either, just speeded up, making it worse. There were other people too, on different nights, members of Lao's team, his team, guys from the Army, Lao's brother-in-law. Sometimes he wasn't even sure he'd met the third person, if it was just a random stand-in for somebody that was important to Lao.

And then, even while Doug was still pleading, after Lao shook his head "no", Lao would lift up his hand and fire the gun he'd been holding.

Thank God it hadn't been one of the really bad nights. The ones where Lao calmly aimed at his own head and fired. Or the ones where he aimed at the extra person and fired. It had been the third kind.

Usually, he'd wake up shaking. Sometimes he knew he'd woken with a shout. The one time where the third person had been little Chenshi, that had been the worst. He'd almost stopped begging, because he just wanted to look at the little girl, his darling Princess Sugar, he wanted to get her to wave to him or smile at her Uncle Doug, but the logic of the dream couldn't be avoided. He'd begged, Lao had shaken his head, and lifted the gun and… Doug had woken up screaming, and although he covered his mouth with his fists, he didn't stop howling until nausea hit him with unstoppable force. He'd spent the rest of the night in the bathroom, vomiting until there was nothing left but dry heaves. Even then his body kept trying to remove the traces of that hellish play-through.

Doug was getting to where he really didn't mind option number three so much.

So, actually, no surprise that he'd had that dream, drunk as he was earlier that evening. Falling asleep in a skell wasn't going to change that. There he was, in the Outfitter's hangar this time, Lao in front of him, and hey, there was Alexa standing just to the side. He begged Lao to stop. When he was awake, he sometimes wondered if his dream self would ever get tired of offering the same arguments, the same bargains. But in the dream, it always felt fresh, original, almost as if it was going to work. Not as in "this time it will work" but as if this were the only chance, ever, to make things change.

He begged, over and over, please, bro, don't do this. Do not follow this path. Reaching for Lao. And Lao almost smiled, and shook his head, and turned the gun directly on Doug.

He knew in reality he'd never hear the explosion, but that's what always woke him. Except this time he didn't hear it.

"Doug, Doug! Wake up!" The skell was swerving violently side to side. His head smacked against the right window, fairly sharply. If he hadn't just woken up from his own private hell, he'd be scared and a little bit in pain.

"What's wrong?" he asked, trying to keep his voice low and calm. Not 100% successful, what with his heart still racing from that dream.

"You, you lunkhead! You started shouting and moaning, and I can't very well give you a good pinch to wake you up." The skell instantly fell still, quiet and motionless. When he peered out the windscreen, he was surprised to see that they were actually moving at a pretty nice clip along the ocean surface.

"So you risked losing control of your skell just to give me whiplash?"

"I'm writing it off as extreme maneuvers, and it worked, didn't it? I was afraid you'd twist out of your restraints." Alexa shot him a worried look before snapping her eyes back to the front.

The dream hadn't been that bad, had it? Except he really hadn't liked seeing her there. She had nothing to do with this, it just didn't feel fair. She was just trying to do her job, and getting him to help her was an accident.

"Sorry, just a bad dream, I guess," he answered her.

"Some dream." They rode in silence for a while. "Lao was in it, right?"

"I say something?"

"Not much. You kept asking something, just a mumble, but his name came out pretty clear. You weren't happy. Doesn't take much to guess." More silence. "You okay?"

"It's just a dream. I asked him stuff, but he didn't answer. Then he … he just went away."

"You knew him back on Earth, right? Before all this hoopla?"

"If you mean the fucking destruction of everything I have ever loved, yes."

"Right. Hoopla. Whatever."

"Sorry. Sorry, Alexa." Doug wished he could stretch, pace, move somehow. All he could do was sit tight, crammed in a space that suited Gwin more than somebody his size. "That dream always makes me a little edgy."

"I get it. Not your first time, huh?"

"No, I guess not."

Alexa did a few sweeping curves along the water. Gentle but fast. Soothing. "You know, Dougie, it wouldn't kill you to tell someone about it. Me, I just know skells and engines and skells and weapons and skells. And skells. But there's gotta be people worth talking to about other stuff."

"You're worth talking to. As long as it involves skells."

"Important stuff, noodle brain. Because you did not sound like a happy camper. That can't go on forever."

"Don't worry none about me. I'm okay. And skells are important."

"Why, yes, yes they are." Her voice shifted to contain a little more of her usual glee. She maneuvered another looping circle. "Well, if you're awake, how about we kick this party up a notch?"

"As in going home for some pizza?"

"Listen to you, what a wild man." Alexa was already easing the skell upward, but fast. "I said, kick it UP, not let it die in a corner. Let's go to Sylvalum. Energy mist is forecast, and I want to try and squeak a few more kilometers out before morning."