All I Ever Will Be
Chapter Thirteen - Healing
He kissed her, nearly missing her mouth he was so eager. Lip to lip, the kiss was delicate at first and then he took control of her mouth with his. He opened her lips with his tongue and tasted her, wanting to devour her completely. Her hands cupped his face beneath his hair, guiding their faces together. He felt her explore his own mouth with her tongue - timid and shy, trying to get a sense of his reaction.
Gaining confidence he reached up and grasped her waist with his hands, her thin body feeling frail underneath his fingers. She was so close to him now, her chest pushed up against his. He let his hands rest on her hips, wanting to do something else with them but not knowing what.
Her mouth left his, leaving a trail of kisses across his cheek and down his jaw as she moved to his neck. He almost jumped out of his seat when her lips made contact with his skin there - not realizing how very sensitive he was and he struggled to decide whether or not he wanted to pull away or keep going. Daryl wasn't used to letting people get this close. It had been so fucking long and never like this.
He decided to let her to keep going - she felt too good, too real for him to do anything but just sit there and hold her. He felt a jolt deep in his belly travel into his pelvis and excite him as she let her lips touch his earlobe. The stimulation erupted all over his body, and he nudged his head under hers to catch her lips, greedily kissing her again.
Her hands were everywhere now, in his hair, around his neck, on his face. Like she was memorizing every detail of him with her fingertips. All he could focus on was kissing her and smelling her and feeling her on top of him, right over his groin. She was so warm and the pressure of having her on his lap was so inviting.
She pulled away suddenly and he watched her as she reached for the underside of her shirt, lifting it at the edges. In the still moment, it was the first time Daryl even considered something else happening beyond their initial closeness - holding her hand, kissing her - he'd needed it, and he thought she did too - just to feel something after what they'd been through. But he hadn't considered more. They were living day by day and he had just been focused on surviving. But now - it was different. They'd had the time to stop and think and just be with each other.
She was stunningly beautiful in the flickering light behind her, looking lustfully at Daryl and he couldn't stop staring at her. She picked the fabric up, pulling her t-shirt over her head and off, absentmindedly discarding it on the floor beside them. Her drank in her body - milky smooth skin, sprinkled with freckles. Her blonde hair flowed perfectly over her shoulders leading to her slender arms, long and muscular. Her breasts rested in a plain white bra that didn't quite fit right. He knew he was staring at her, wanting to set her chest free, but he didn't care if she saw.
Beth smiled at him playfully, watching his eyes and pawed gently at the shirt he was wearing. "Take this off," she whispered to him, her voice sending another jolt through his body and he felt the excitement in his pants grow. He fumbled for the sides of his shirt, scrambling to get it over his head and as he did he threw it behind the couch, forgotten. She was kissing him again, her fingers traveling all over his chest, exploring his skin gently.
Her chest and torso met his and she was so warm and smooth and gentle as she moved and touched him, like she knew exactly what he wanted. Goosebumps formed on his skin and his fingers twitched as he gripped her hips tighter in his hands. She writhed on top of him out of - Pleasure? Pain? Discomfort?
"Am I hurtin' you?" he asked into her mouth.
She brought her head back and looked at him. "God no," she said. Gently she took her fingertips and brushed some of his hair out of his eyes. "You can touch me Daryl."
It was all he needed. Permission. He wrapped his arms around her torso and nuzzled his nose into her neck, breathing deeply, smelling her. It was pure Beth - no sweat or dirt or flower-scented soap, it was a sweet, natural smell that he couldn't describe. He let his lips touch her skin and felt her shiver in his arms, her hands reaching his shoulders. He licked her skin softly, trailing up to her ear. Her fingernails dug sharply into his shoulders and she arched slightly.
She was drawing circles with her fingers at the nape of his neck now and humming slightly with pleasure as he found the back of her bra. His fingers grabbed at the clasp, trying to remember how to take it off, realizing he didn't even recall this part of being with a woman. My god, he'd survived the apocalypse and couldn't even take a bra off.
Beth found his hands behind her back, gently pushing them away and doing the deed herself. A blush rose to his cheeks and he felt defeated momentarily. The feeling was forgotten as the flimsy piece of underwear fell away letting her breasts fall free. They were small and round with pearl sized nipples that perked to attention in front of him.
He might as well have been drooling as he watched her and she noticed, giving him a sort of cocky smirk as she put two fingers underneath his chin and lifted his face to look at her. Their eyes met and it took all of his strength not to unbuckle himself right there. But Beth deserved better. The flames of the fire danced behind her, throwing shadows across her skin. He shifted underneath her, pulling her body closer to him, finding her mouth, wondering how she tasted better every single time their lips met.
Daryl brought his hands up her sides, over her arms and down the front of her, grappling at her breasts, feeling the smooth skin there, hoping his hands weren't too rough for her. His palm brushed over her pink nipples and they hardened beneath his fingers as they playfully toyed with them. She took a sharp intake of breath then, reacting to the sensation of his touch. They were a mess of tongues and lips and saliva but he kept his hands cupping her chest, rubbing his thumb across her sensitive skin. Her breath became shorter and he smiled slightly knowing she enjoyed it.
He was so wrapped up - so intensely connected with her that he barely noticed her fingers making their way to his back. She pushed her palms flat, then down his his shoulders and towards his spine and he froze, his eyelids snapping back. He leaned sharply back against the couch, away from her body.
She looked at him, her eyes wide. "I'm - I'm sorry," she stammered, bringing her arms quickly across her chest. He'd forgotten. How could he have forgotten so easily? His scars - they were his and his alone and he'd kept them that way since he was a boy. He wasn't ready for anyone else to see them. To get this close. To know what he'd endured.
Glancing at Beth he was suddenly aware that she had felt like she'd done something wrong. He reached out for her, his hands landing on her arms. "I'm sorry," he said shaking his head and looking down.
Beth dropped her head to meet his gaze knowingly. "It's okay Daryl," she said softly. "I saw you - gettin' changed once," she said. "I know."
She knew and she hadn't been repulsed or afraid or pried for more answers. She was still here with him, wanting to explore him - every inch of his body, scars and all. She hadn't been afraid to touch him. He looked at her, really looked at her now, wanting to understand why she was doing this with him. Why she was wanting him like this. She smiled kindly at him and he felt a sense of comfort, the feeling of being okay. Was that even possible anymore?
They'd stopped kissing and touching intimately now and Daryl felt guilty, like he'd ruined the moment. Beth sat back down on the couch next to him and put her small hands behind his neck and down his back. He turned to face her, apologetic - wanting to explain how badly he wanted her, but she stared at him, smiling, pushing him away from her so that his back faced her.
Uncomfortably, he shifted, so very aware that he was letting her see him - all of him, knowing she could see every deep lash that lay permanently on his skin. He looked to the ceiling, apprehensive and self-conscious but as she placed her hands on his shoulders and slid them down, really feeling him, he relaxed, letting his breath flow freely.
"Oh Daryl," he heard her whisper as her fingers explored the ugliness of his scars.
"It's not so bad," he tried to reason.
Anxiety welled in his chest and he wanted to turn around and pull on his shirt, pretend it hadn't happened, pretend she didn't know, but before he knew what was happening, he felt her lips kiss his skin slowly. Every scar he knew was there, she was pressing her lips against them, as if she was trying to heal them.
"Beth," he said softly, looking over his shoulder. "You don't gotta."
"I wanna," she breathed into his skin, continuing to kiss him and he let her. She felt so good and graceful - like something he'd been missing his whole life, but didn't know he needed. She worked her way over his skin, slowly and tenderly, her soft lips brushing his rough wounds, gently touching him all the while. It was the most affectionate thing he'd ever endured.
And then she pulled him around towards her and caught him in a kiss, relishing him and he suddenly needed her more than any of the times before. "You didn't deserve that life," she said softly into his lips, bringing her hands to meet his face. "You're a good man. Such a good man."
It was overwhelming, hearing her say those words. He didn't understand her immediate acceptance of who he was, not just after the turn, but before. He realized he didn't just want her, he wasn't just protecting her, they didn't just end up together, this was something more. He needed her more than he realized.
He reached for her shoulders and she fell into him. They laid down together, Daryl with his arms behind his head and Beth beside him, curled up, fitting into the curve of his body perfectly. He was pleased that she didn't move to put her shirt back on as she pulled a blanket from the back of the couch to cover them both.
She closed her eyes then, pecking at his shoulder blades with her lips and he sensed her breathing slowing as she started drifting off to sleep. He looked at her, her eyelids closed, her pink lips, plump and moist from kissing, her hair wavy and soft, tickling his skin. He felt safe and warm and content - like nothing mattered, like the world wasn't slowly dying outside these walls and he fell asleep easily for the first time in years.