This is the final chapter. Thank you for reading and enjoying this story. I really hope this isn't anti-climactic.
ETWentHome, thank you for your review. I'm relieved it's not just me who's disappointed with Ethan's current storyline and I really do hope it's not a permanent change as he's so lovely and such a great character. I'm really glad you enjoyed the first chapter. I'm glad it's not completely obvious what Ethan did!
X-Sammii-X, I'm afraid Cal has the day off today (as in the episode), so he doesn't appear, though he is mentioned. I'm really happy you're enjoying this so far. It's a horrible experience for Ethan! Thank you for your review.
westlifeforever80, unless his drink was spiked, which I doubt, Ethan does only have himself to blame! Poor Ethan. But I think he would suffer more than most because he'd feel so guilty for everything. Thank you for your review.
CBloom2, thank you for your review. You'll soon find out if your guess is right! I think you're right about why Ethan's stopped being himself and it's actually really sad. I think the worst thing is that his friends seem to like him better like this. I just want him to 'be more Ethan'!
Tanith Panic, thank you for your review. I'm so glad you think it's funny. I hoped it would be, even though it's not funny at all for poor Ethan. Yes, they definitely should help him out with paying Connie the £100!
Bonnie Sveen Fan, I'm sure Ethan will always honour his debts, though he might have to go to the bank as his wallet is probably lighter after last night! I'm glad you're enjoying this so far. Thank you for your review.
xXxAnInspiredWriterxXx, I hope you're not disappointed with what Ethan has done! Lily is in this chapter a lot so I hope you'll enjoy it. Thank you for your review.
Becs2202, he is definitely doing the right thing by having a bit of fun, but I'd rather see him doing what he considers fun. I doubt last night will leave him with good memories - or any memories at all! Thank you for your review.
Guest, I think I would be blushing too if someone else had written this! I hope it didn't embarrass you too much. Thank you for your review and I'm glad you found it funny, despite the embarrassing bits!
20BlueRoses, I hope you're right about the emotional reaction in the pipeline! I really hope Ethan seems more like himself in this story, though the Huntington's isn't directly mentioned as Ethan has more immediate problems! Thank you for your review - I'm so glad you're enjoying this.
Thank you to ETWentHome and Future light for favourites, and Gingersnaps2507, xXxAnInspiredWriterxXx and Lcasualty95 for the follows.
Ethan had just finished getting changed when Lily entered the staff room.
"Lily, are you all right?" said Ethan. "I'm so sorry about… last night."
"I'm surprised you can remember last night," said Lily.
"Well… I can't," admitted Ethan. "Lily, I'm so sorry I made you cry."
Lily raised her eyebrows. "You did not make me cry."
"Max said you were crying," said Ethan.
"I saw Alicia," said Lily. "She was very friendly and pleasant. I felt guilty."
Ethan looked at her sympathetically. "I'm sorry if I contributed to your feeling of guilt in any way."
Lily shook her head. "Not in the least."
"How was Alicia?" said Ethan. "If you're okay to talk about it. I really don't remember seeing her at all."
"She is very well and she has a new job in another hospital," said Lily. "I apologised for my behaviour and Alicia accepted my apology. We parted on reasonable terms."
Ethan smiled. "I'm really pleased, Lily. And I'm glad I didn't upset you, but it sounds like you're the only person I didn't upset! Everyone's been telling me what I did last night and I feel awful."
"Do you know what you did?" said Lily.
Ethan cast his mind back, trying to piece it all together. "I don't remember any of it, but I made a prank phone call to Mrs Beauchamp and later performed a charade at her house, causing £100 of damage. I propositioned Zoe and now she doesn't want to work with me anymore. I think something also happened between me and Jez, which made Jack jealous. I also annoyed Louise and frightened Dylan. Robyn thinks I need to apologise to someone, but she didn't say who. I spent time with two girls, one of whom has a husband who wanted to punch me. I got up on the table and sang and gave Jack reason to believe I'm not straight. And It wasn't just my glasses I took off. I whipped something out and waved it around. In public! I've already been called Ethan Hardman, Ethan Foolhardy and Ethan Hard-On today." He looked sadly at Lily. "And I feel so ill."
"Go and sit down," said Lily. "I will tell you everything that happened last night. I think it is better to know the truth, no matter how embarrassing it might be."
Ethan nodded and sat on the sofa.
Lily sat next to him. "I will try to explain everything chronologically. You arrived at the pub and you drank various alcoholic beverages. This made you feel rather happy so you climbed onto the table and sang a song called YMCA. It appeared to have a lot of actions. Jack seemed to find this particularly enjoyable."
Ethan moaned and put his head in his hands. "Why that song? I don't think I even know the words."
"You stayed quiet for the verses and belted out the chorus," said Lily. "Cal, Max, Jack, Iain and Jez sang the verses."
"So, it wasn't just me?" said Ethan.
"It wasn't just you," confirmed Lily. "You did draw attention to yourself by being too scared to climb down from the table. Cal was going to help you, but Jez said it was a paramedic's job. So he lifted you down and carried you around the pub, calling you his 'doctor in distress'. He seemed rather pleased with himself and you were smiling."
Ethan groaned. "I suppose that's why Jack thought I was gay and felt I need to tell Jez I'm not."
Lily continued. "Max decided to order some pizza and send it to someone else's house so they are forced to pay for it. You discussed who to send it to and you shouted out Mrs Beauchamp's name. I don't really think you were following the conversation, but the others thought this was a good idea. So Jez phoned up, pretending to be Mrs Beauchamp. I believe the bill came to less than £100, but perhaps she is charging for the petrol costs and loss of sleep she suffered when taking the pizza to the homeless shelter."
"Oh gosh. That would seem to be my fault," said Ethan.
Lily shook her head dismissively. "Of course it wasn't. I'm sure someone else would have thought of Mrs Beauchamp if you hadn't. After that, Max became rather friendly with a girl. Dr Hanna was not entirely happy and started drinking heavily. I think she was desperate for some male attention and you were the object of her affections."
Ethan was deeply shocked. "And I took advantage of her drunken state and… oh my goodness. When Max said a girl's husband nearly punched me, did he mean him?"
"Almost certainly, but you did not take advantage of Dr Hanna," said Lily. "You rejected her, which I imagine saved you from the punch."
Ethan put his hands over his face. "Oh my goodness." For some reason, this seemed worse than propositioning her. "Poor Zoe. She must be so embarrassed."
"I rather think she must be," said Lily.
"I said just now that it would be quite a relief if Mrs Beauchamp dismissed me after last night," groaned Ethan. "Zoe probably thought I meant it would be a relief to get away from her."
Lily gave a reassuring smile. "Ethan, misunderstandings occur often in the workplace. Especially when alcohol has been consumed. But they can be overcome."
"Iain said something about a woman I'd be embarrassed to see again," said Ethan thoughtfully. "Presumably, that was Zoe. But Max said I was talking to two women."
"It is possible Max meant Alicia, who was there with Louise," said Lily. "You asked how she was and where she was working now. She told you. But that happened a little later. Before you spoke to them, Dr Keogh entered the pub. I think he believed that if he spent time with Max and Robyn, he might hear news of Lofty. But he did not stay long. I think you unnerved him. You offered to buy him a drink. Or rather, you asked if he fancied a 'quick one'. I think he misread your intentions. He left the pub without drinking anything."
"Oh my goodness!" said Ethan, horrified. "Do you think it was Dylan Robyn wanted me to apologise to?"
Lily considered. "I think perhaps Robyn meant you should apologise to Louise. After Dylan left, you noticed Alicia and Louise and went to speak to them. You knocked Louise's drink over when you said goodbye to them, but you didn't notice."
"Oh gosh," said Ethan. "I will certainly apologise to Louise. And to Dylan."
"Now, to continue-"
"Lily," said Ethan nervously, "why did Max call me Ethan Hard-On?"
"I have absolutely no idea, but I would guess it is due to Max's general immaturity," said Lily. "I don't actually know what a 'hard on' is. I am not very knowledgeable about colloquial phrasing."
"Oh, neither am I," said Ethan.
"So, you don't know the phrase either?" said Lily. "Then I will ask Max. I'm sure he will know."
Ethan gasped. "No! Don't ask Max!"
"Why not?" said Lily.
"Well, um, I, you see, I actually do kind of know what it means," said Ethan, blushing. "It's… rude."
"Don't be ridiculous, Ethan," said Lily. "I am a doctor. I discuss 'rude' subjects all the time." She thought for a moment. "Does the term perhaps refer to an erect penis?"
Ethan couldn't look at her. "Um… well… yes."
"There: that wasn't so hard, was it?" said Lily. "And no. That was not a pun."
"What was it that I whipped out and waved around?" said Ethan fearfully.
"Your money," said Lily. "You wanted to buy a round for the whole pub so you got some notes out of your wallet and started waving them in the air. Max and Robyn convinced you to buy a round for your table instead."
Ethan almost collapsed with relief. "There is one more thing that really worries me."
"What's that?"
"Jez says that when I removed my glasses, I also removed a few items of clothing," said Ethan.
"Jez is absolutely correct," said Lily.
Ethan closed his eyes. "I suppose I had better ask which items of clothing?"
"it was your coat, your scarf and your hat," said Lily. "That was all."
Ethan felt slightly relieved, but he had a feeling Lily's recital of events wasn't over yet. "I suppose you'd better tell me what happened after that."
"I didn't see everything," said Lily. "You all left the pub before I did. Cal was in the loo and Iain made the suggestion that you pretend you'd left without him. So you all went outside. Cal came out of the loo and I told him where you were. When we went outside, you were lying out cold on the pavement without your glasses, coat and scarf. Max was talking about drawing a certain body part on your forehead. Jack suggested taking your clothes off. Jez wanted to steal some toilet paper, wrap you up like a mummy and leave you on one of the hospital benches. Iain asked if he could borrow my bra and put it into your hand. Naturally, I said no."
"And Cal?" said Ethan wearily. "What did Cal suggest?"
"Cal said he was going to take you home in a taxi and put you to bed," said Lily. "Cal was fairly sober. I think he had the same idea as me: to make sure you were okay."
Ethan sighed. "Why does everyone always want to protect me?"
"Because you're not as used to alcohol as the others," said Lily. "We knew that you would wake up remembering nothing. We knew this would lead to the others' dropping worrying hints about what you'd done and cause you to feel anxious and guilty. And that is exactly what happened."
"Why?" said Ethan. "Didn't they think I was already suffering enough?"
Lily's voice was gentle. "They think only of their own amusement and would have done the same to anyone. But Ethan, please listen to me. Do you really think you belong with them? Do you belong in a pub, drinking heavily until you pass out?"
"I want to have new experiences, Lily," said Ethan. "I want to try the things I was too afraid to try before. I don't know when it will all be taken away from me."
"Exactly," said Lily gently. "You don't know. So you shouldn't use the time to do things you think you ought to have experienced. It's what you want to do that matters. Those are the things you will regret not doing. Those are the things you will look back on with enjoyment."
Ethan looked at her for a moment, then he released his breath in a slow sigh. "You're right. I certainly don't look back on last night with enjoyment. But what should I do instead?"
"The things you enjoy," said Lily gently. "Become a consultant. That has always been your ambition and I see no reason for that to change. Once you have achieved that, you should use all your annual leave. Visit all the places you've dreamed of visiting – and if you prefer a walking holiday in Switzerland to gambling in Las Vegas, then you should go to Switzerland. Go on more cookery courses." Lily paused for a moment. "I would like to go on a cookery course too. I am a competent cook, but I do not wish to be merely competent at anything and I know I would enjoy it more in your company."
Ethan looked at her in surprise. "I would like that very much, Lily. Very much."
Lily nodded. "I believe you will have much more fun doing what you like than what Cal would like. You are a different person from Cal."
"I don't want people to say I'm wasting my life," sighed Ethan.
"Then don't spend time doing things you don't really enjoy," said Lily. "That is a waste. You should not care about what other people think of you, Ethan. It is your life. Your life to enjoy or to waste. And if you are enjoying yourself and hurting no-one, including yourself, I don't see how anything you do could be a waste. Think about it, Ethan. Please."