All I Ever Will Be

Chapter 20 - Reunion

Author's Note: This chapter is a little bit longer than my previous ones, but I really wanted to get the end scene in here because it's important moving forward with Beth and Daryl's relationship. Upcoming will be how Beth and Daryl adjust to having some of Team Family in the house with them and how they deal with the possible scenario of others stumbling across the house, among other *things*. As always thanks for reading, favoriting, following and reviewing! It's kept me motivated to keep writing, so a big thank you to all of you! :)

Beth ran first, dropping the machine gun on the ground to pick up her legs and run towards the bodies. They were practically shadows but she would recognize them anywhere. Rick held Judith to his chest, making wide strides across the property. His hair and beard had grown since Beth had last seen him and Judith - that sweet baby girl was whimpering in his arms, her arms flailing as they ran together.

Behind Rick came Michonne, strong and thin and then Carl on her heels, both of their smiles getting wider by the minute as they came into view. When Beth and Rick met in the grass, she practically peeled Judith from his arms. She was longer than before, but not much heavier, worrying Beth instantly. But the joy she felt from holding Judith in her arms again was staggering. Judith's hair was wispy, falling over her ears and into her eyes now. She half cooed and cried at Beth who kissed her cheeks. They were raw red from the elements and sprinkled with salty tears so Beth wiped them away, squeezing her tiny body to her chest.

Rick's arms were around her then, squeezing her like he couldn't believe she was real - the disbelief overwhelming both of them. He smelled of dirt and sweat and blood, and she wondered how long they'd been running around on foot without shelter for Judith. He was shaking, though she couldn't tell if it was involuntary or not, quivering with excitement or weakness - maybe both.

Daryl reached the group and Rick left Beth to greet him. She watched them embrace like old friends would, Rick's hands on Daryl's shoulders, half laughing, half crying, looking disbelievingly at each other.

"How'd you…" Daryl trailed off, his gruff voice wavering slightly. "Where'd you come from?"

"We heard an explosion," Rick explained, pointing towards the trees. "Followed it last night and into this morning. Saw some kinda animal blown apart - land mines, is it?" Daryl nodded in response. "Wasn't sure the kind of people who might be in this place so we just watched it for a while - then we saw you and Beth come outside…" He took a sharp intake of breath. "Couldn't believe it."

Michonne swept Beth up in a hug then, wrapping her muscular arms around her and squeezing tightly. Beth responded, embracing her with one arm, baby Judith still squirming in her other arm. Michonne smelled wild, like she'd been outside for several days, like nature had crept into her very skin, overtaking her. Beth could tell they'd been traveling through the forest for quite some time.

Carl came next, squeezing Beth tightly around her waist and she welcomed him, watching as Michonne embraced Daryl, happiness swelling in her chest at the insanity of it all. She'd known that someone would have to stumble across them sooner rather than later, but she hadn't dreamt it would be anyone they had lost. She realized she was grinning uncontrollably, though worry was heavy in her chest for how long they'd been without food or shelter. Breaking her out of her internal thoughts, Judith reached her tiny hand out, as if to tell Beth to look at her and hug her, so she did just that, raising her above her head and bringing her back down into her arms to hold to her chest.

"C'mere 'lil asskicker," Daryl said from behind Beth and she turned around to Daryl, holding his one good arm out. Judith's arms reached for him and he scooped her out of Beth's arms effortlessly, holding her on his side, like he had done so many times before. He grinned at Judith and she reached out to tug at his long hair that fell in front of his face.

Beth could feel a million emotions explode inside her, watching Daryl with Judith. She'd thought it was sweet before that he'd taken on such an fatherly role when Rick was in mourning, but now, it was different. Their relationship had changed and something lit up inside of her seeing Daryl with Judith again. So calm and sweet and gentle and patient, the Daryl she'd been trying to pull out of his wounded skin since they'd met. Judith let out a cry then - not one that was tired or bored, but one that was hungry. Beth knew it well.

"Let's get ya'll inside," Beth said. "Clean you up," she said, reaching out for Judith. Daryl gave her up and the baby slipped back into Beth's arms. She kissed her head. "Get you some food - some sleep."

She started to walk then, guiding the group out of the sun and back to their safe house. Rick was on edge, talking to Daryl in a low voice, "Are you sure this place is safe? What happened to your arm? Are you alone?"

Daryl talked as they walked across the lawn around to the front of the house to enter through the front door. "We're alone," she heard Daryl say behind her. "Beth and I left the prison together - haven't come across anyone we know yet." He paused then and sighed. "We fell into this place - there's an underground bunker - the place is massive. Stocked full of shit. I'll explain more once you're good and fed and have some rest in ya," he said. "How long you been on the run? Ya'll look rough."

"Not sure," Beth heard Rick say softly. "Been movin' place to place…tryin' to keep everyone good and fed but it's been so hard…with Judith." He said Judith's name laced with a twang of guilt.

"Then, a while back we saw someone sprinting across an open area. Looked a lot like Beth." Her run. The voices. She'd been so spooked and hadn't gone back and guilt consumed her as she looked down at the baby in her arms. Judith's head was laid against her chest and she was sucking her small thumb.

"Beth had to go on a run," Daryl said simply.

"Alone?" Beth heard Rick ask Daryl, surprised.

Daryl must have nodded behind her and said, "I was hurt. Land mine. Needed antibiotics," was all he said. Rick seemed to accept this answer with silence.

Beth watched Michonne and Carl walk just ahead of her, both looking weak, tired and broken down. She noticed Michonne had a slight limp and decided she would ask her about it once everyone was sitting down with food in their bellies.

Beth ran ahead of them with Judith still in her arms, opening the door with her shoulder to let them get inside. As each one of them passed Beth, she saw how run down they truly looked, but there was a clear sense of relief on everyone's faces.

Carl's jaw dropped as they entered the house and he wandered off slightly heading back past the heavy staircase that spilled into the front foyer.

"Damn," Michonne said, like she hadn't meant to say it out loud. Rick came up behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders, squeezing them slightly. Beth saw Michonne's grin widen as she brought up a hand to clasp to his. It was intimate and normal and familiar and Beth looked at Daryl who stood with his back up against the front door to see if he'd noticed the happy moment. Rick and Michonne, she'd always seen it at the prison - it felt right.

She caught Daryl's gaze and he stared into her, expressionless. Her smile faded slightly, so she shifted Judith on her hip and led them towards the kitchen.

They sat around the kitchen table, everyone eating their fill. Beth was feeding Judith a jar of applesauce she'd found in the back of the pantry with a proper spoon. Michonne, Rick and Carl were scarfing down cans of cold soup and beans and nobody was speaking. Daryl sat at the far end of the table, taking everything in.

Seeing these people that he considered his family again was inexplicable. He was so sure they'd never see anyone again and having them stumble across the very house they'd been living in was a friggin' miracle. Finding Rick, his brother, made Daryl feel safe and secure again but also made him realize he'd been letting his guard down since they'd found this place.

The fairytale and deception of it all had slapped him in the face. He was lucky to be alive and he was lucky Beth hadn't gotten torn apart on her run. Seeing Rick, Michonne, Carl and Judith had reminded him of the world around the house, the world they were really living in, not this made up homey bullshit that he and Beth had fallen into. They'd been blinded by the safety, naive to the dangers that could lurk right outside their doors, dumb enough to believe they could be content, even for a minute.

He was angry at himself, thinking of the funeral home. That momentary sense of calm, the feeling of security - it was all really a sham. Things went south in an instant and the same thing could happen here. He felt a cloud hang over his head, but his head hadn't been this clear since the prison. He needed to stop getting distracted and focus on keeping these people - his family, safe.

Then, Judith let out a burp that echoed throughout the silent room, and Carl laughed, then Beth laughed, her grin spreading to her ears. Michonne smiled, messing with Judith's hair and Rick let out a low chuckle. But Daryl was done pretending that everything was okay.

"Gonna check the perimeter again," he grumbled, standing up from the table abruptly. Rick, Michonne and Carl were too consumed with Judith and their food to notice his sudden change of demeanor, but Beth looked up at him, her face curious and slightly hurt and he felt anger rise in his chest. Why was she looking at him that way? She'd made him feel safe and distracted - wanting to kiss him all the time and build some kind of home. Who was she kidding? He nodded at her, not speaking and turned away then, heading for the door.

He knew she'd be upset at him, wondering why he'd run off but he needed to put some distance between them. He couldn't keep pretending, not with Judith and Carl here. It was bad enough he'd done it this long with Beth. His thoughts were racing and he was angry at himself - angry at Beth - angry that things weren't different. He needed to be alone.

The daylight was wavering, the sun low behind the trees. The sky was slowly turning a deep pink and Daryl watched it as he walked towards the tree line. The sky was one of the things that hadn't been contaminated by the Turn. Still just as beautiful as he remembered it. He used to climb up onto the roof of his house when he was younger, just to get away from everyone and be alone. He'd lay on his back, smoking a cigarette or some pot and watch the sky change color overhead. It was calming for him - one of the only things he'd ever remembered that relaxed him.

He reached the tree line quickly and walked along it, not really sure what he was looking for. After walking for a few minutes, he headed in between the trees, flashes of memories coming back from the explosion. His back was feeling better, but certain movements were still painful. He found the wire to the land mines and made a point to stay away from it, but still stayed in the forest. He weaved in and out of the trees, his bad arm getting stuck on some branches.

Looking down at himself, he felt frustration rise in his chest and he ripped off the sling that had held his arm in place, not caring what Beth had said about his arm getting funny. What good was he to anyone with his arm in a fucking sling? He threw it beside him, and it landed in a pile of dirty leaves. He glared at it as though he could pour his frustration into it.

The world beyond this house was still dangerous, it was still fucked up. Finding a bunker and supplies wasn't going to change any of that. Being with Beth, that wasn't going to change anything either. If he let himself get close to her and distracted by their relationship, it could compromise the skills he could actually bring to keeping everyone safe.

Rick and Michonne - what would they think about Daryl and Beth being together anyway? They'd think it was silly or inappropriate even, and Beth - she deserved better. He'd known that all along. This fairytale they'd been playing, it was all hopeless. What would come of it? Some kind of romance story? Kids? Marriage? He scoffed at the thought. Even in the apocalypse, that kind of shit didn't happen to Daryl Dixon.

It had been about a half an hour when Beth came to look for him. He hadn't seen her come out of the house, but he heard her behind him suddenly. She was trying to be quiet - stealth, but she was fucking terrible at it. He kept walking.

"Daryl," her voice rang out loudly against the quiet of the forest, but he didn't turn. Instead, he picked up his pace. He just wanted to be alone - couldn't she understand that? "Daryl, wait," she tried again.

She came up behind him quickly, but he turned away from her, though her fingers were on his arm. "Daryl, what the hell?" she said, frustrated.

He turned around then, stepping away from her. She stopped in her tracks, looking at him. Her hair was down, hanging over her shoulders - her eyes, wide and blue and searching his face, looking for an answer to his behavior. Her hands were on her hips again, fingertips dancing over the denim that covered her legs. She was beautiful and he hated her for it.

"What's up?" she asked.

He shrugged slightly, not answering. "Want to check the perimeter is all," he said. "Haven't checked it since yesterday - wanna make sure there's nothin' we need to worry about."

"Let me help you," she offered, coming up towards him. "Rick, Michonne, Carl and Judith are gettin' some rest."

"No," Daryl responded. "I'll do it myself." He turned away from her.

"Where's your sling?" she asked.

"I don't need it."

"Yeah," her hand reached his shoulder, tugging at it to turn him around. "You do."

"I don't Beth," he said. "Quit your naggin'."

She took a step back then and he kept walking away from her, wanting to put the space between them.

"Daryl, what's going on?" she asked, jogging behind him. "You're actin' weird. Ain't you happy they're here?" she said. "Ain't you glad to see them?"

"I am," he said. "But I wanna make sure we're all safe before we go off celebratin' like nothings wrong."

"What's wrong?" she asked innocently.

"The fuck you think is wrong?" he yelled, turning sharply to yell at her. He knew his frustration was uncalled for, but he didn't care. He couldn't hold back his anger - he'd never been able to. The confusion of it all, how he felt about Beth, wanting to keep everyone safe, not being able to fight for himself, it was all bubbling to the surface now. "The world as we know it is gone and we're sittin' here playin' house together?"

Beth stared at him, her mouth wide open, looking like she might cry.

"You killed someone a month ago - have you even dealt with that yet? Lost your Daddy and your sister! It's like we've forgotten where we came from and what we've been through. I've lost my damn mind," Daryl growled. "Pretendin' everything is okay. Bein' with you, like we're gonna be boyfriend and girlfriend or some shit. Not keepin' guard, eating meals at the fuckin' dinner table like we're the fuckin' Cleavers!"

"Daryl!" Beth yelled his name with distain in her voice. "Stop it."

"No," he said. "We got Judith to protect now. I can't keep pretendin' we're all safe here 'cause we're not. I put you in so much danger just by not payin' attention. Let you go out on a run all on your own," he winced as he said it, like it pained him.

"Daryl, I'm not stupid or weak. I did just fine on that run. You needed help, so get over your ego and accept it!" she yelled. "I know we're never truly safe, but there's no harm in tryin' to let a little light in."

Light. Beth was always so positive and hopeful and here he was, standing in the forest, yelling at her. What a dick he was. "What the hell are you doing with me Beth? It isn't like you want to be with me - is this some way of getting' over all the shit we've been through, or was it just cause I was the first person you could latch on to?"

"Oh fuck off Daryl," she said through her teeth. "You know that's not the truth."

"You and me," he said, pointing his finger at himself, then back at Beth, "It won't never work."

"You don't mean that!" Beth shouted at him.

"Yeah I do!" he shouted back. "What the fuck you think Rick and Michonne are gonna think?"

"What the hell is with you and not wanting anything good in your life?" Beth spat at him. "Just because we've found something good in each other doesn't mean we're bein' stupid." She took a careful step forward towards him. "We can protect each other and still have somethin' good. I see the way you look at me. I know how you feel about me. You're being insecure and stupid!"

The words stung him. The way she said them, like she knew what was going on inside of him, it made his anger waver momentarily, but not for long. "How's that?" he growled.

"Storming out 'cause you're worried what Rick and Michonne are gonna think?" she sneered. "You're acting like a child. How about you admit to yourself what you really want?"

"How's this going to end Beth?" he asked her seriously. "We gonna go get married or somethin'? Is that what you think?"

"I don't know what I think!" Beth yelled, taking another step towards him. "What does it matter? Why can't you just be? Why do you gotta have an answer for everything? Some things don't work that way."

"You need answers in this world, Beth," he growled. "You don't have a plan or know what you're doing, you put yourself and other people in danger. I can't be distracted and worryin' about what's goin' on with us and worryin' what everyone will think and tryin' to keep us all safe at once." The words came out all jumbled and he felt like he was rambling, but he couldn't help it. The truth was coming out - all his worries, his thoughts, his frustrations - he was throwing them all at Beth and she was just standing there, taking it.

"Stop worrying what people are gonna think, Daryl," Beth yelled. "Stop worryin' about needing to protect everyone all on your own. Jesus," she said sharply. "We got more manpower than ever now and you're worried about all the responsibility you got on your shoulders? Don't you ever see the positive in anythin'!?"

"Yeah, I guess not," he grumbled angrily. "Never had a reason to."

"Here's your reason," Beth said, indicating that it was her. "There's your reason," she said, pointing to the house. "What we have together, it's good. It's really good. But I can't give you an answer Daryl," she said. "I don't know what's gonna happen today, tomorrow - in a year - and you're gonna have to deal with it. That's how love works. It just exists. There's no right or wrong."

His vision tunneled momentarily as he processed what she said. He wanted to respond, he wanted to confirm that he'd heard what she said, but he couldn't get his brain to work with his mouth. Instead, he watched her as she walked up to him until she was close enough to touch him and took both of his hands in hers.

"Whatever this is Daryl, gettin' mad and frustrated ain't the way to deal with it. I'm here. I'm not goin' anywhere. If anyone's gonna say anything, they can fuck off because it's not their business. Rick and Michonne? They're family - they'll be happy if we're happy. You gotta know that. You're overthinkin' this." She reached up to touch his arms then, her thin fingers sliding over his biceps. "Stop doubtin' that I want this - that I want you." She looked up at him beneath her eyelashes.

He found his voice again. "I'm afraid," he said, realizing what he was saying after he said it.

"Of what?"

"Of you. Of this." And then he dipped his head down to kiss her, the familiar taste of her filling him. She closed the space between them, their bodies meeting and he felt her against him. Small frame, strong arms, her hands grasping his face and he stopped holding back, bringing both of his arms to her back, sliding his hands beneath her shirt to feel her skin with his fingertips. She arched at his touch and the movement excited him, making him want all of her immediately. The pain and frustration was gone and he knew in that moment that she was his. He needed to stop questioning it.