All I Ever Will Be
Chapter 21 - Together Again
Beth was in the kitchen, staring into the pantry. The shelves had been packed to the brim when Daryl and her first got to the house, but she was starting to see their supply getting somewhat smaller. She anticipated it would get emptier quicker now that there were more of them in the house. They still had plenty, but they'd need a plan for some fresh food at some point to keep everyone good and fed.
In the corner of the small closet was a variety of sealed pasta in different bags. Beneath it were cans of tomato paste. Not as good as the real stuff, but she could make due. The thought of a pasta dinner brought back memories of her father, always joking about spaghetti Tuesdays and she smiled at the thought of him creeping into her mind. She missed him so much, but she'd vowed not to be sad about his death. It wouldn't be what he wanted.
The house boasted a gas stove, no doubt another clever asset the professor had put into the house for this exact scenario. Well maybe not exact - Beth supposed that he'd suspected to still be alive. Daryl had checked to see what the fuel level looked like and it seemed decent enough for now. She could at least boil water to cook pasta and make a decent meal for their first night back together.
She carried her supplies out to the kitchen, placing everything on the counter. Then she took a pot from one of the lower cabinets to pour water into. It wasn't until she lit the flame underneath the pot on the stove and turned that she saw Michonne standing in the kitchen with her.
"Hi," Michonne said, taking one of the high chairs from beneath the kitchen island to sit on.
"Hi," Beth responded, coming towards the marble countertop to talk. "How are you feelin'?"
"Girl, I got a real shower in for the first time in months. I feel like a rockstar," Michonne said with a smile. "Missed you. How've you been?"
"Hangin' on," Beth said honestly. "Worried we wouldn't never see ya'll again."
Michonne nodded. "Us too. Been traveling for days. Judith's been real run down 'cause food's been so hard to come by. We've done okay though - made do. Carl's been a real trooper." She looked at Beth, holding her with her gaze. "Real glad to have found you here. This place is unreal."
"I know," Beth replied. "We were walkin' through the woods, trying to find shelter and I fell into a hole. Found a door that led to the bunker. It was like we were meant to find it."
"Were there people here?" Michonne asked, before Beth could continue. She sensed she already knew the answer.
Beth nodded slowly, looking down at her hands, remembering what had happened when they first came. Daryl was right - Beth hadn't dealt with it. They'd jumped head first into their new home, and she had acted like none of it had ever happened. She wanted to pretend it didn't. She wanted to sweep it under the rug and never remember it again. Thinking about it wasn't going to help her survive, it wouldn't change anything, but she knew herself well. She'd have to deal with it eventually.
Michonne looked at Beth knowingly. "And, I'm guessing they didn't just walk out the front door?"
Beth shook her head. "There were two men - Daryl knew them from before the Turn through Merle. Drug addicts. They'd been hiding out here for ages."
Michonne nodded, understanding.
"The bunker downstairs has rooms and they were keepin' some people hostage. Us too, for a little while. Daryl and I were the only ones that made it." She looked up at Michonne then, her eyes wide. "I killed one of them. One of the men." It was so sudden to say, but it just slipped out of her mouth. She wasn't quite sure why she'd said it. Maybe she needed to hear herself say it, but the confession, or whatever it was, made her tense up inside.
She turned around then, to look at the pot on the stove. The water was beginning to boil, so she started tearing open the bags of pasta and pouring the contents into the water angrily. Michonne's touch on her shoulder startled her slightly, but she welcomed it, turning around and letting herself be enveloped by her arms.
"I'm sorry Beth," Michonne said, squeezing her tightly and then letting go. "That's awful. Sorry you had to go through it. Sometimes we have to do terrible things to survive."
"Thanks," Beth replied softly, feeling somewhat comforted. Michonne was strong and wise and brave - someone Beth could look up to. She had killed before, and lived to tell the story and still managed to find things to be happy and positive about. Michonne was living proof that things could be okay.
"How's Daryl been?" Michonne asked, going back to her chair to sit.
It was an innocent enough question, but Beth wasn't sure how to respond. She was practically bursting at the seams with the emotions she felt for Daryl, but she couldn't tell Michonne that. What would she say? That he'd saved her from death a million times? That they'd started having feelings for each other and kissing him was becoming a normal occurrence? That Beth practically gave up after she'd thought she'd lost him from the land mine?
"He sort of shut down after the prison," Beth heard herself say, her mind still spinning with possible answers. "We camped outside for a while - it was pretty rough, but we made it through. We'd been here only a day or so before he got hurt." She sighed. "He was basically asleep for a week - found some painkillers in the bunker so he'd have time to heal."
Michonne was still watching her intently, nodding to indicate she was still listening, so Beth kept going.
"We've gotten pretty close," Beth said, thinking it was casual enough to be the truth. "He's been good to me."
Beth thought she saw Michonne's eyes twinkle, but she didn't say anything, only nodded with a slight smile. "Good," she said. "He's rough on the outside, but he cares."
Beth smiled. "He does. What about you?" she asked. "Saw you had a limp when you were walkin' in before. Everything okay? Anything you want me to take a look at?"
Michonne shook her head. "Ah, I'm alright. Landed the wrong way on my ankle the other day. It'll heal up just fine." She shrugged then. "We've been movin' since the prison pretty much. Found some supplies along the way, but it's nice to actually feel somewhat settled for now. At least we can catch our breath."
"Yeah," Beth responded, smiling at her. She reached across the island to squeeze Michonne's hands in her own.
Michonne winked at her. "Let me get some bowls out for the table," she said. "We can all eat together. Family meal."
Beth nodded happily and watched as Michonne began to rifle through the cabinets, pulling out large bowls for the pasta and went to set them on the table. Beth went to work on the tomato paste, mixing it with water and heating it slowly over the stove. She watched the pasta cook, and once it was done she drained the water and added her makeshift sauce.
"Wow," came Carl's voice from behind her as she worked over the stove. "A hot dinner? This is amazing! Thanks Beth!"
Beth turned to smile at him and saw that he was holding Judith who squealed at the sight of her. Beth laughed, stirring the meal and brought the pot over to the table to serve. Rick and Daryl had been sitting in the living area and looked up as Michonne, Carl, Judith and Beth came to the table.
"Aw Beth, you didn't have to cook nothin'," Daryl said, looking at her from the couch.
She shrugged. "Wanted to. Come on and eat," she said.
And so they did, all of them sitting around the long wooden table that was situated between the living area and the kitchen. The sun was setting outside, giving a beautiful backdrop to their first meal together since the prison. The presence of the others they'd lost were missed, but it was oddly normal.
They were quiet, all eating from their bowls eagerly. Finally, Rick broke the silence. "I'm thinking we need to figure out a replacement for those land mines that have been tripped," he said. "Keep the surrounding area safe." He looked around the table. "It's a large open property - we're surrounded by trees so we won't be able to see anyone or anything coming before they're on our land. We were able to walk right in - others could too."
Daryl nodded. "We should check the bunker - see what kind of supplies are down there. Beth and I searched the house but downstairs is a damn maze. There's some blueprints we found, should be helpful."
"Good," Rick said. "We'll get to it tomorrow."
Judith was squirming in Carl's arms so he passed her to Michonne who bounced her in her lap.
"Is she gettin' tired?" Beth inquired.
"Think so," Rick said, smiling at his daughter and back at Beth.
"Can I put her to sleep?" Beth asked Rick.
"Course," he replied kindly. Beth stood up from her chair and reached out for Judith. Michonne handed the baby to her and she fit perfectly in her arms, laying her head sleepily against Beth's chest.
She took in Judith's perfect little face, her soft, pink skin and wispy hair. Her eyes were sleepy and she brought her small fists up to her eyes, rubbing them - a sure sign of her sleepiness. She cradled her body, happy to be back with her and carried her up the stairs.
Rick had picked the room next to Beth and Daryl's and saw he'd made a makeshift crib next to the bed with a drawer he had pulled from the dresser. He had lined it with towels and blankets to make it comfortable, and Beth smiled, knowing it would probably be one of the most comfortable sleeps Judith had gotten in a while. They could really make something here. There was plenty of wood from the surrounding trees - she supposed Rick and Daryl could even build a real crib for Judith to sleep in.
Judith was restless, so Beth started to sing to her. "Oh you got to, Hold on, Hold on, You got to hold on, Take my hand, I'm standing right here,You gotta hold on." She continued the song, the lyrics rolling off her tongue fluidly. Judith liked her Tom Waits renditions, she thought, and she liked singing them.
She paced around the room, rocking Judith until she started to fall asleep, her breathing slowing and eyelids fluttering. Quietly and carefully, she placed Judith in her makeshift crib on the floor and watched her as she fell into sleep, easily and peacefully.
Once she was sure she was asleep, Beth turned to exit the room and was greeted by Daryl in the doorway. He was leaning against the frame, watching her. He looked taller, bigger - stronger maybe? She had forced him to get his arm back into another sling she'd made for him from a cut up oversized t-shirt. She didn't know how long it would last, but his bone still needed to heal. He'd tucked his long hair behind his ears and his blue eyes stood out sharply against his dark features. He had a hint of a smile on his lips. Staying as quiet as she could, she exited the room, closing the door behind her and entered the hallway.
"She asleep?" Daryl asked quietly.
Beth nodded. "How long you been standin' there?" she asked curiously.
"Not long. Heard you singin'," he said.
"Helps her fall asleep," Beth said.
"You're good to that baby," Daryl commented.
"That what you came up here to tell me?" Beth asked, raising her eyebrow.
"No," Daryl responded. "I just," he hesitated, "I wanted to say I'm sorry. About before. How I acted." He bit his lip. "Might not seem like it, but I'm tryin'."
Beth smiled at him. She couldn't help it. "Are you apologizin' to me Daryl Dixon?" she asked.
"I might be." He shifted uncomfortably. Clearly apologies weren't something Daryl did often.
"Well you might need to do a little more to make it up to me," Beth said playfully, feeling forward and frisky all at once. She brought her hands up to his shoulders and standing on her tiptoes, she kissed him.
They were getting more familiar as each day passed, the kisses getting heavier and deeper - Beth knew it wouldn't be long until it led to something else, especially with Daryl feeling better now. He was gaining confidence with her, she could tell, as he placed his one good hand around her neck and thread his fingers through her hair.
It was meant to be a playful kiss, but Daryl wasn't a playful kind of person. He was passionate and rough, like he wanted to devour her every time their lips touched. It was addicting to her, the way he wanted her. She got lost in him every single time.
And then, someone cleared their throat. Beth practically jumped away from Daryl, her heart skipping a beat. She could still feel Daryl's lips on her own, his beard scratching at her chin and she let out a low giggle, her heart beating fast. It was like they'd been caught, school kids, kissing under the bleachers.
"Hi," said Rick, placing his hands on his hips and giving a low chortle. "Now what do we have here?"