Chapter 23
Old Wounds
"A hand above the water,
an angel reaching for the sky,
is it raining in heaven-
do you want us to cry?" - Queen (this song is in the musical I'm in, opening night was today!)
The air in the hospital waiting room was heavy and stale and it tickled Alec's throat as he breathed it. He was sat on the edge of his chair, hands clutched together nervously anticipating Clary and Simon leaving the room so he could go in. Beside him sat Magnus, looking fairly calm and collected as he gazed at the mundane white walls ahead.
"How are you not freaking out right now?" He hissed.
Magnus smiled sadly, "this is by no means my first hospital visit. And I find that it helps to have someone calm. To make sure people don't hurt themselves."
Alec considered this before nodding, it made sense. They sat in a silence punctuated by Alec's fidgeting.
Finally the chipped door opened and Clary and simon walked out. They looked shaken. Clary was pale, her freckles standing out in contrast. Her hair was limp and unkempt. Simon appeared to have forgotten his glasses, meaning he squinted uncomfortably.
Alec stood up slowly, no longer eager to visit the sick boy. He stared at his friends and they held his gaze as they left the room, and presumably the hospital.
"Come on" Magnus whispered, taking Alec's hand and gently leading him towards Jems room. Alec followed.
The room was surreal. The bed was huge and white, making the frail boy in seem even more delicate. His silver hair had been shaven in places and his pale skull marked with black ink, presumably for surgery. A tube snaked round the bed and entered his nose and another his arm. By the bed in the two simple chairs sat pale imitations of Tessa and Will, who looked up as Alec and Magnus entered.
Magnus let go of Alec's hand and rushed over to their friends hugging them tight. Alec however was unable to tear his eyes away from the silver haired boy before him.
He thought back to two years ago when he had stood in a similar room staring down at his brother. He remembered the way his brothers eyelid had twitched, as if about to open. His feet stumbled backwards away from the bed.
He remembered how Max's black hair had seemed to fade.
Alec clutched the door handle and yanked hard. How they had kept talking, singing, reading to Max...even after they knew he could no longer hear them.
He practically fell into the corridor, ignoring his friend's calls.
He remembered the look on his mother's face as she decided to let go...
His feet slapped the ground... he remembered willing those eyes to open, just once more so he could say goodbye...he turned a corner so fast he tripped and fell panting down...But they never did.
Alec closed his eyes tight and just remembered.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
"I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here
'Cause I remember it all too well" -Taylor Swift (again sorry)
A little finger stroked along the colourful spines of the books, carefully selecting the right one. Alec watched, a small smile on his face, it was clear who the youngest Lightwood was going to take after.
"This one" the little boy finally said, excitement in his hazel eyes as he pulled out his chosen story. The book was a small paperback with a detailed cartoon on the front. "Ahhh, an anime, what a surprise," Alec chuckled, taking the book and laying on the bed.
"I haven't read this one yet" Max pouted as he curled up beside his brother. He paused. "Plus the boy on the front looks like you."
Alec raised an eyebrow before looking back down at the books cover. The boy on the front did sort of look like him...what with his choppy black hair, pale face and typically huge blue eyes. "I don't have an eye patch though" Alec mused, referring to the boys unusual accessory. "OR," he gasped with faux horror, "Was that your plan all along?!"
Max giggled wildly and shook his head. Alec did the 'I'm watching you' gesture, before opening the book and beginning to read.
...
"Come on Max, you're not even trying!"
The little boys legs sped up slightly in response to his sister's yells, but not enough.
"9th place" Izzy groaned, "shameful"
Alec rolled his eyes at his sister before smiling as the youngest Lightwood trudged towards them. Isabelle ruffled his hair roughly and said in a teasing voice, "nice one Max, now we know who would die first in a zombie apocalypse."
Max looked worried by this but Alec put a reassuring hand on his shoulder, "don't worry she's only teasing. Plus people who try hard to win in everything often are insufferable and arrogant people." Isabelle scowled at that comment, but Max smiled.
"Where's Mum?" He asked looking around.
Alec bit his lip, "well she wanted to come, but her mean boss won't let her...
Max frowned, "that's what she said last year...I though she'd come this time"
Isabelle snorted, "as if. Mums always 'too busy' for us."
"Don't say that Isabelle!" Alec snapped, "Mum works really hard so we can get by. Not to mention pay for all your 'essentials'"
Isabelle sniffed angrily but didn't argue, instead looking down at her phone. Alec bit his lip again, he hated telling his siblings off, but sometimes it had to be done. Still despite all he'd said to his sister, he wished their mother could have made more of an effort.
...
"Hey..."
Mayrse froze in the doorway, guiltily turning to face her son.
"Really mum" Alec scowled standing up from the arm chair he'd been snoozing in. "3am...couldn't you have tried?"
"Look Alec, I did. Stephen said I couldn't have the day off and he's my boss and I-"
"-its his birthday mum! His birthday! It only happens once a year and you are meant to be here for it."
"I told you I couldn't get the day off"
"Well why didn't you use one of your free days today, instead of using it to visit Joseline and luke in new York!"
"I...I..." she faltered, seeming unable to justify herself. Her eyes teared up and she looked down.
Alec took a shuddering breath, trying to stay calm. He slowly walked towards his mother and laid a hand on her arm. "Look I know you're working hard for us and there isn't a day I don't appreciate that...but please...just miss it next year. Miss mine if you want but not maxes or Izzy's...they need you"
Mayrse nodded jerkily, a tear escaping the corner of her eye. "I'll never miss it again"
...
"Hey Alec...Alec...wake up"
Someone shook his shoulders roughly, but he kept his eyes tightly shut, hoping they'd give up. Sure enough he heard footsteps walking away from him and he relaxed back into a deep sleep.
Coldness seeped through his hair and shirt shocking him so that he jerked violently awake. A girl grinned down at him, her green eyes smug.
"Go away Aline" he groaned, falling back down onto what appeared to be the floor. She giggled, annoyingly chipper, "come on its ten o'clock, don't you and Izzy need to go".
Alec tried to sort through his muddled mind in order to make sense of Aline's words. Then he sat up fast, causing his stomach to lurch violently. He glanced down at his watch, trying to make our the numbers through the haze.
1:00pm
" shit," he swore trying to get to his feet, and failing miserably.
"Where's Izzy?" He groaned, after Aline had pulled him to his feet. "Passed out upstairs," the girl replied, grinning satanically?
"She better be alone" Alec growled as he pulled himself up stairs, clutching the banister in attempt to stop the world from spinning.
Aline didn't answer to this, instead gesturing to a door and leaving him to it. Alec turned the handle and stepped into the bedroom. Sure enough there was Isabelle, hair a mess, make up smeared and apparently naked.
"Oh God," Alec choked trying not to look at her bedmate. He looked around for something to throw that wouldn't hurt her...as there was no way he was going near that bed. Grabbing a worn teddy bear, he hurled it at his sister, hitting her right in the face.
She flailed wildly, before sitting up with a murderous expression. "Alec" she snapped, "can't you just shake me like a normal person" before realizing that she was topless and pulled the sheets up to her neck.
"What the fuck Izzy" he shouted, not caring that his head hurt and he rarely shouted. "You're sixteen and you're sleeping with random guys"
Izzy's shocked expression turned cold and defensive. "His name's Sam, he's in my History class"
"Have you ever spoke to him?"
"Yes, he said I had nice tits" Isabelle replied, her tone bored.
"Fuck Izzy...I" Alec trailed off looking down at his little sister. The five year old who used to cry when their mum made her wear pink, the ten year old who used to make him buy her sweets from the corner shop with his pocket money, the fourteen year old who screamed for ten minutes when the 'cute guy in her math class asked her out'. Now he didn't recognise her.
"Why are you doing this Iz?" he whispered.
She glared back at him, her black eyes wet. "Because I like it"
"No you don't"
"Well how would you know? Huh! You never spend time with me anymore, it's always about Max, or school or work-" angry years fell from her eyes but she quickly rubbed them away. "You're just as bad as mum!"
"You're being selfish!" Alec yelled ignoring the screaming in his head. "All I ever do is try and make life better for you and Max and this is how you repay me. By throwing it all in my face and acting like a cheap whore"
They stared at each other, both sets of cheeks glistening with tears. Then Alec took a shaky breath and muttered, "I've got to pick Max up" before turning and striding out.
He was just unlocking his car, when the houses front door flew open and a half dressed Isabelle called, "Alec wait. I don't think you should drive, your angry and probably still drunk, its not safe."
"That'll be sad won't it," he spat, "then I won't be around to look after all your unwanted babies"
He slammed the door, turned the key and drove off, the imprint of Isabelle's broken expression burned into his mind.
During the drive he thought.
He thought about Isabelle's rebellious mistakes. About their absent mother and about Max who was too sweet and kind to deserve any of them.
He focused on the road. Trying to clear his fuzzy brain.
When he finally reached Max's school, where he had been attending a sleepover event, he was dismayed to see Max sat alone on the curb. He pulled in, Max immediately rushing to sit in the passenger seat, his teeth chattering slightly.
"Did the teachers just leave you?" Alec asked, anger and guilt churning his blood.
Max bit his lip, "I told them you were just coming?"
"When was this"
"11:00"
Alec almost cried. "Max I-I am so sorry. I suck. I promise I will never let you down again."
"Promise?" Max asked, sticking out his pinky.
"I swear on my life" Alec replied, linking their fingers tight.
Max grinned happily and began to chat about the films he'd watched last night while Alec began the journey home. He couldn't believe he'd let his little brother wait in the freezing pavement for two hours. Anything could have happened and he would have never forgiven himself if it had.
Max went silent, in favour of listening to his favourite Beatles CD and Alec focused on the road. He was having trouble changing gear properly, as his hand was weak and clammy, and his brain seemed to be slower at processing the simplistic of things.
He paused at the opening to roundabout, trying to remember the correct exist. He thought it was third...but it could have been 1st. He decided it was first and pulled out to join the heavy flow of traffic circling a small concrete island. However he was just turning off when he noticed the sign read for the wrong place.
Without thinking he quickly swerved, forgetting completely about indicating or anything. Something barrelled into his car the impact smashing his head against the steering wheel and knocking into oblivion.
...
Looking down at his hands, Alec was surprised to notice that his hands were purple. He rubbed them slightly, watching as they turned white with pressure before returning but their blueish hue. He wondered if this meant they'd succumbed to the beginnings of frost bite...but he didn't really care he couldn't feel them. He sighed, his breath visible, and looked down at the clean stone before him.
Max Lightwood
Beloved son and brother
You were always too good for this world.
Sleep sweetly
He'd been sat here, on the icy grass surrounded by the memorials of the dead for hours now. He had long since forgotten what the elderly priest had said, in his dull monotonous voice, all his empty words and promises of a 'better place'. His mother's tears that she had sobbed out onto his suit jacket had dried as well as Alec's own. He remembered how everyone's pitying glances had been mixed with whispers and stares. They knew what had happened, how Max had died. They knew who was to blame.
His finger lightly traced the gritty edge of the gravestone and caressed the newly dug soil.
He sat there for a very long time-alone except from the birds shrieks and the trees whispers- until he heard another sound.
A voice, high and clear...a girl? She was shouting something again and again. Alec wanted to tell her to stop, but he couldn't find his lips.
The voice grew louder until it suddenly stopped. However before he had time to revel in the peace of solitude he felt his shoulders begin to shake.
"Alec, Alec look at me...Alec" the voice came again...very close this time but still muffled as though under water.
He felt his body turn, although he didn't remember telling it to, and suddenly he was looking at familiar black eyes that filled his with warmth.
His mothers eyes?...no, those were blue...his sisters...yes...Isabelle.
The eyes stared at him for a bit and then the mouth tried to smile, but failed to control the wobbling lip.
"Oh Alec" she whispered shakily before wrapping her arms around him and pulling him off. He wanted to protest, he knew there was a reason he had been sat amongst all those stones and sadness, but he couldn't quite remember the reason.
Soon he was sat on something soft although sticky. A car...his foggy mind suggested. He felt hands peeling off his clothes and replacing them with big fluffy things which he snuggled into. Something hard pressed into his lips and suddenly his mouth was flooded with hot liquid. A hand rubbed his back.
After his fifth mouthful his nerves woke up and he began to shiver. Isabelle wrapped her arms around him, trying to still his trembling body. She hummed in his ear, something familiar.l, and traced patterns on his shoulder.
Alec clung to the numbness as it faded, replaced by guilt and grief.
The hand rubbing his shoulder seemed to grow bigger and the song turned to muttered words.
"Shhh Alec just breathe slowly" the voice murmured...definitely not Isabelle's.
Alec opened his eyes, which hadn't known were shut, to see clean white walls and an unbranded hand sanitizer suspender.
The hospital
Jem
Max
Alec wondered what Will and Tessa thought of him now, he couldn't even visit his friend in hospital without freaking out.
"Breathe with me Alec, in...out...in-"
"Magnus?" Alec turned his head lethargically to see black hair nestling his neck and tanned fingers holding his.
The head nodded and tightened his hold.
"Just keep breathing" he whispered. So Alec did.
A/N
so I got this all finished and edited on the 7th of feb…...only to find I was unable to access my account…..
so sorry about that, I have no clue what happened. It said "server not available", if any one knows then pm me :)
so yeah, this chaps a bit longer than it's predecessors, although I'm still struggling with the plot. So we have Camille's secret lover, Isabelles baby and Jem….have I bitten off more than I can chew? idk, suggestions are welcome ;)
Reviews responses for the accountless:
Guest: Make his last words poetic huh...well as much as I'd love to I want to make this story realistic...we'll see
Random Person: no probblem, they were always going to get back together :) Wiked is my favourite musical...going to see in in a couple of weeks ahhhhh, the play went well thanks I got a rose and I may have cried a litlle :/ you'll find out who \camilles boy is soon...Thanks for reviewing xx
Thanks for all the reviews, they defo make me update faster...hint hint.
Lots of virtual love
Amy
xxx