My mind didn't care about where I'm going, just as long I calm my heart down from wanting to beat out of my chest. Having the window down made goosebumps appear all over my body along with a shiver coming up my shine. I think it's a good shiver.
My car finally pulled over at the top of a ridge that oversee half of Knoxville, this place is where you can have a moment to grip reality and make sense of things that are not clear at first when looking at them. Right now, I need to make sense of things.
I wonder how Dave's doing right now? Probably pacing back and forth in the house making his tracks be known that he is worried. I understand that he is. Trust me, but in the back of my mind just kept repeating the same question over and over. What if he cheats again? Yes, everyone deserves a second chance. When you've been cheated on and left before, that scared feeling creeps back into your mind and stays there forever.
Before me and Dave met. I was with someone that I thought was my soulmate. His name was Shane. We dated all through high school, and when we graduated, we decided to move out into our own place. Young love what can I say. We have our mindset that we're going be together forever and we're going to live together. We get our own place and live together for about a four months. The first three months were amazing. We spent so much time together that I felt like we would always be in the honeymoon stage.
Then on our fourth month, things started changing. Shane started spending more and more time away from home. My second job didn't help with the distance either. Anyway, when we did see each other, he didn't knowledge me that much. He wanted hardly anything to do with me, which crushed my heart in so many ways. This made me feel as though I was not good enough for him anymore. Was it my clothes, hair, look, etc.
May 1st was our fifth month living together and things hadn't gotten any better. Actually things got worse each day that passed. Shane started sleeping on the couch and wouldn't even call me to check and see how I was doing.
That morning I got up and getting in the shower to wake me up. The warm water felt amazing on my skin, made me wash away my concerns for the moment. As soon as I get out of the shower, they're going to be coming back like a fluid. I just wanted things to go back to normal, where we loved each other all the time and made time together. That won't happen, a voice whispered to me. I knew that voice was right, but decided not to believe it.
I ended my shower and got ready for work. Before leaving, I looked at Shane asleep on the couch while the TV played American Dad softly, he must have feel asleep watching this. My heart broke more and more every second my eyes watched him sleep. What are you suppose to do when the person you love more than anyone else in the world looks at you as if your just someone they use know.
I leaned down and kissed him softly on the cheek, before placing a blanket over him. I turned around and walked that morning, not knowing the he would be long gone by the time, I came back home. You can't really prepare for that. If your trying to then your relationship won't last very long. Be happy and enjoy each day you have with someone.
A couple hours later, I pulled into my driveway with my beat up little bug that wanted to just go head and quit running for me. I'm glad it's still lasting. Buying a new car is not in my budget at the moment.
I also noticed Shane's car was gone along with the grill on the back right side of the carport. Weird. I pulled underneath the carport and got out of my car looking around to see how much stuff has changed, since I left hours earlier. Nothing else seemed out of place outside anymore. I braced myself and walked into my house.
My heart beat was beating almost out of my chest when I walked into my kitchen. My eyes scanned through the kitchen, nothing seemed gone here. Good. On to the next room. The living room was different, Shane's Xbox was gone and his PlayStation. Even more weird. Then my legs ran into the room and that's when I realized he was gone. All his clothes were gone.
I fell to my knees and cried softly for what seemed hours, but was only a few minutes. When someone breaks your heart this much, it's hard to trust anyone else. You're afraid that the person you have now will do the same thing the other person did. Leave you with no explanation. No reasons why. That's the only question you can ask a moment. The only question that comes to mind.
Finally, after a few months, I ran into Shane and his new girlfriend at a restaurant downtown. I wasn't angry anymore at him. I was ok with his decision. If he was not happy then he shouldn't have stayed. Having said that, this doesn't mean I will trust the next person that walks in my life.
I shook my head coming back to reality. I feel like tearing apart my car, but what good will that do? None at all. Just create a mess for me later. Why is life so difficult? Why do decisions need to be this hard?
What else can I do? Maybe I need to stop and realize that Dave's my soulmate and that's why it didn't work out with Shane. This is where I need to be at in life. Wake up and see, before the chance is gone. You only get one good chance at happiness. One chance at true love. This is my shot. I just don't know if I can trust him.
My legs moved back to my driver's side door and my hand pulled the door handle. The door opened slowly and I grabbed my phone. My screen lite up having 10 messages and 13 missed calls from my family and friends. Dave probably called them because he doesn't have my number. I guess I need to go back home and figure out what we need to do.
My body got in my seat and I started my car. I started on my way back home with my demands in mind for if we do get back together. Don't get me wrong, I love this man. I have to start trusting him again and that's a long road ahead of us.
I swiftly pulled into my driveway and turned off my car. My mind looked at my window for a second, trying to calm myself down a little, before I go back in the house and face Dave. I just hope the decision I'm about to make will be the right now. There's no going back.
Finally, after a few minutes of sitting in the car, my legs moved so I can get out. I shut my car door and sounded my alarm. My legs moved forward to my door as my heart raced even more now than it was earlier.
Dave came rushing out the door meeting me halfway with a concerned look on his face. His arms rushed around my waist pulling me tight against. I can feel the fear and concerned from him. It's like a flowing stream full of emotions. One by one. I didn't mean to cause any concern or hurt. I don't know why I rushed out. I think it was because I became scared. Scared of getting hurt again, betrayed again. It's silly I know, but I don't want to go through all the late night crying, the sleep alone with not being used to it.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you away." Dave whispered to me.
"It's ok." I whispered moving my arms around his neck and burying my face in his neck.
"I can sleep in the spare room and give you space if you want." Dave whispered motivated.
"No." I said firmly.
"I'm behind you one hundred percent with whatever you." He said smiling.
"Good because we're back together now, but under some circumstances." I said moving away from him and placing my hands on my hip.
"Yes ma'am." Dave said smiling so big nothing in the world could change his attitude at the moment.
"No more lying to me. Tell me the truth. We'll talked more and more about problems in order to figure things out. Tell me where you're going and who you're going to be with as vice versa with me. That girl has to be in the past and left there." I said firmly.
"Deal. She is long gone. I want you and only you." He said coming back closer to me.
"Good, because I only want you." I said kissing him passionately.
The kiss felt intense and long time coming for us. My life felt like it was falling right back into place. All the pain and misery I went through in the past is gone. Replaced by love and happiness.
"I just need to know one thing." Dave whispered softly.
"What's that?" I asked softly.
Dave pulled back a little from me and dropped down on knee in front me. Oh my god. Is he really doing this right now? I'm dreaming. I wish I was in a way. I've never been big on the idea of marriage. It's nice yes, but it's hard to get a divorce than to get married.
"Will you marry me?" Dave asked pulling out a small diamond from his pocket. The way he looked at me was something I had never seen before from him. Do I say yes and marry the man I love or do I say no because I'm scared and I don't want to go out of my comfort zone?
What do you guys think? I'm going to add an extra person to the mix soon, be aware!