Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy. In this story, Meredith doesn't have the baby until mid S10. Please Enjoy.

Alex's POV

My chest was heaving as I laid on my bed. My head was totally filled with thoughts about Izzie, how her surgery will go tomorrow, and about how her soft lips melted with mine so perfectly. I was crazy for letting her get away from her, I missed her like crazy and all I could think about was how much I wanted to kiss her. In hindsight, I shouldn't have been thinking about my ex when I had a beautiful girlfriend who loved me laying next to me. In fact, I'm not proud of it, but if she hadn't of rolled over and wrapped a tiny arm around my torso, I would have fallen asleep thinking about Izzie. Still, Jo was my girlfriend, and I loved her.

I pulled her close to me and kissed her head softly. Her face was buried in my neck and she mumbled 'I love you.' I felt guilt surge through me as I remembered that, seconds ago, I was thinking about my ex. I sighed and said "I love you too" as I fell asleep, snuggled up with my girlfriend, with images of Izzie dancing in front of my eyelids...

The next day was brutal. I walked into the hospital, one hand in Jo's, the other holding my blessed cup of coffee. I saw Izzie talking with Meredith and Derek, and I kissed Jo on the cheek as Leah and Stephanie dragged her off somewhere. 'God, I hope Shepherd knows what he's doing' I thought. Meredith hugged Izzie tightly, and Derek led her off somewhere, probably to get prepped for her surgery. I tried to follow inconspicuously, but Cristina jumped out of nowhere. "Hey, can you consult on a patient of mine? A 7 year old with a wicked tumor in her left ventricle?" I rolled my eyes internally, trying to look over her shoulder. "Get Robbins to do it." I heard myself say, as I pushed past her. "I already asked, she's scrubbing in on some other surgery, you're the only other Peds Attending on call..." She trailed off as I ran off, following in Shepherd's footsteps. I found them in pre-op, and she was alone whilst Derek wandered off to get something. "Izzie.." I said as I walked into the room. She smiled sadly, and I grabbed her hand. I felt another wave of guilt run through my veins as I leaned down and kissed her cheek. "You'll do great. I have faith in you. I- I love you Isobel.." I said, and I felt my eyes water.

"You have a girlfriend.." She said uncertainly. "I'll break up with her." I said, and she shook her head. "Alex, I'm dying. I love you, but when I'm gone, you need to move on. Stay with Jo, she loves you so much.. and let's face it. This is probably the last time we'll talk, so I love you, but unless there's some stupid, unlikely chance that I live, stay with Jo, be happy and pretend like I never existed, just like you were before I showed up. Jo loves you, and you love her. Admit it." I shook my head. She was right- I did love Jo. "I do love Jo," I almost stopped there, but the sad-but-triumphant look showed me that even though she didn't want me to end things with Jo, she was still in love with me. And knowing that made me continue. "But I love you more." I finished, squeezing her hand.

"I'll see you in post-op." I said, as a nurse wheeled her off to the OR. I stayed behind for a minute, trying to decide what to do. I was in love with Jo, I really was. I loved everything about her, the whole sneaking around her judgy friends was a huge turn-on, I loved the way she snuggled up next to me at night, trailing soft, loving, meaningful kisses down my throat that usually ended in sex.

But still, there it was, It was like a constant ring in your ear, a reminder that even though I loved Jo, I was still madly, crazy, stupidly in love with Izzie. And that realization was like a slap in the face coupled with a bucket of cold water in the morning. It was exciting and terrifying all at once, and it was the rush of adrenaline, it created high that beat any narcotic drug. Because whether I wanted to admit it or not, Jo wasn't enough for me, and I refused to hold that against her. She was an amazing girl that deserved someone who only thought of her. I needed to end things with her, whether it hurt like a bitch, like a stab in the chest or not, she deserved it. I wasn't one of those guys that strung a girl along, for another girl, for mourning, whatever.

I shook my head again and sighed through my nose. I was getting a headache, so I pushed all the thoughts of Jo and a possible break up out of my head, and I jogged off to watch Izzie's surgery like I promised.

It had already started by the time I got there. Shepherd was easily 30 minutes in, and I was shaking. I didn't watch his delicate hands do magic on her brain, but instead I focused my line of vision on Izzie's face. They had a tube going down her throat as expected, but her eyes were closed in an uneasy sleep. She was relaxed, but she looked almost upset. I forced my eyes off her distressed, closed eyes and glanced around the gallery. Cristina and Meredith were on either side of me. Meredith must have seen a look on my face I didn't know I was making, because she grabbed my hand and squeezed it. Cristina quickly followed suit- she grabbed my hand and rested her head on my shoulder.

"It'll be okay, Alex." Cristina said, and I shook my head slightly. Izzie started to crash, and they seemed to disregard the DNR, because after the shocked her once, she was alright. I felt tears drip down my face and I made no move to wipe them away. The salt water dripped over my lips, and I bit my lip so hard it bled. I prayed to God for the first time in 30 years. I tasted the metallic blood and said the same thing in my head over and over again. I chanted "Please let her live, please let her live." Again and again in my head, and after 5 hours, Cristina, Meredith and I hadn't moved an inch, unless you count a 7-and-a-half-month-pregnant Meredith who got up to pee every 30 minutes.

Finally, after what seemed like a lifetime of waiting, the surgery was over. Izzie had lived. There was a 97.5% chance she was going to die, and she lived. When they closed her up and sent her off to recovery, I felt like screaming with joy.

The battle wasn't over though; she still had to wake up.

My pager went off; 911, pit. I rolled my eyes and half ran half walked to find out what was going on in the Pit.

It turns out that the 911 was an old patient of mine named Camilla, her brain tumor came back, so I paged Shepherd to come see her. I had sent some intern to watch for Izzie to move to post-op, and as soon as I got the page that she was moved, I set off to see her.

She still wasn't awake, but she had brain activity, so it was only a matter of time before she woke up. I sat next to her and held her hand. I looked into her gorgeous face and thought what the hell I did to deserve such an amazing, beautiful, sadistic girl like her. All of the sudden, her eyes began to flutter. My heart skipped a beat as her brown eyes popped open, and she whispered in a rough, hoarse voice from the tubes "Alex..?"

And with that, my mind was made up.

Izzie was, and will always be, my first and foremost choice.

I know it was a cheesy ending but I'm a sucker for a happy ending. The next chapter will be up later, maybe today, maybe tomorrow. But as much as I love, love, LOVE Lexzie, I am slowly adapting to the magic that is Jo and Alex, so I must be a sick, masochistic person to put myself through all that pain that is making Alex decide... We'll see!

R&R,

~Lexi~