Disclaimer: Don't Own

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I Need You

"Dammit!" I exclaimed to myself as I situated the last outfit for the show on the manikin and poked my finger with a needle,

"More trouble in paradise?" Eli asked coming from around the corner.

My face sunk and I took a rather large breath.

"You could say that."

"Did you talk to him?" he asked and my eyes shifted to the ground.

"Nope I just avoided him. I don't know what's wrong with me. It's like whenever he gets in a ten mile radius I want to bolt," she admitted sighing.

"Avoiding him isn't going to help anything. You're being unfair. He's probably sitting at home wondering what on earth he did to upset you. We males aren't very complex creatures so when a woman avoids us we assume we screwed up," Eli insisted lightly.

My shoulders sank as I looked to my left at my reflection.

There was no happiness in my face at all.

The new plum berry blush I bought was wasted on a depressed face.

"But what can I say? He's happy and I don't want to mess that up. He's always there for me without question. I need to be there for him and not spring this on him just because I decided to have this revelation when he just happens to be in the middle of an intensifying relationship," I concluded making up my mind.

I couldn't tell him.

He would never do that to me so I definitely wasn't going to do that to him.

I needed to love him enough to let him be happy.

"Fair enough but, wouldn't it all just be a lie? You said you tell each other everything. If you don't aren't you just making your friendship a lie from here on out?" Eli questioned.

"Not a lie, just a sacrifice. I'm doing it for him."

"For him or for you? Is it your desire to be a good friend that is holding you back or just plain old fear? Think about it," Eli finished and then turned and walked out.

I mulled over his question for a moment.

I honestly wasn't sure.

Maybe a little bit of both.

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I sighed walking into my house. So exhausted. Things had been crazy busy today but, it was good because I was pretty distracted the whole time.

I walked into my room, not even bothering to turn on the lights, and closed the door.

I threw my shoes and jacket in the corner followed by my shirt.

I flipped the light switch on.

"Aaaah!" my voice rang out to another person in my room.

Billy sat up with sleepy eyes.

"Hey Janey, I guess I fell asleep," he said rubbing his eyes.

His eyes grew and his alerted seemed to shot from 2 to 10. That's when I realised I still had no shirt on. I bolted into my closet as quick as possible.

I could feel my face get red with embarrassment. It's not like this had never happened before but, now it seemed so…..horrifying.

I put on a shirt and walked out.

"What are you doing here Billy," I stated more than asked.

"Since when do I need a reason," he said pointedly. His tone was biting and offended.

I stayed quiet.

"What's going on Jane? Because I honestly don't know. Is it the about the party? Did something get broken? Or what?" he said, half laughing.

"Talk to me Jane," he asked standing in front of me.

I didn't know what to tell him. I knew I wasn't going to confess my feelings but, didn't really have a backup story.

"Look I was just giving you some space. You have other obligations. So do I. It's ok," I excused turning around to take of my jewelry.

"No it's not ok." Billy spat and my eyes teared.

"Yes I know I'm in relationship but, you Jane are my best friend in the world and I won't make it ok for you to just walk off to the sidelines of my life just because things are getting more serious with Zoe. Jane we are forever."

The last sentence really did it and I was crying.

"Hey woe what's wrong," he said putting his hand on my shoulders and turning me around.

"I just want you to be happy Billy," I said amidst my tears.

"Why wouldn't I be happy," he asked completely confused.

"Because of me!" I just about yelled.

"I make your life so much harder between school, my family and my job. You don't deserve that. I don't want to weigh you down. And Zoe...well she…"

"Jane stop right there," he said sternly and placed his hand on mine.

"Who talked me out of beating the crap out of Jimmy Holiday in fifth grade or stayed up all night making that stupid volcano in 7th grade." I smiled a little at the laughter in his voice.

"Who holds my hand and never lets go. Who lets me crash in their home, eat their food whenever I want, no questions asked ever. Who can I call day or night no matter what because I know for a fact that she'd never give up on me. Who? Not Zoe. You. And she's great and I want it to work but, she's not you and no one could ever be you Jane. I need you Jane, especially now because this whole relationship thing is scary and I'm sort of freaking out," he rambled on.

"Why would you freak out. You're amazing," I said easily and he laughed.

"See you just proved my point. How am I supposed to know I'm amazing if you don't tell me," he countered, grinning.

His arms were around me before I could stop him.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to smile or cry because I was more sure than ever that my feelings needed to be locked away for sure. And it wasn't about me. It was about him and what he needed. And he needed a best friend with a shoulder, an ear, and a voice. Not a confused girl who realized too late the treasure she had right in front of her the whole time. But it was ok. He was still a treasure even riddled with friendship.

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K Bye