J'onn J'onzz woke in another cell (or at least he was fairly sure it was another cell). This time, though, he found himself strung up and hanging from the ceiling. He was alone. Jeremiah wasn't there with him and all he could remember was the sharp pain that had shot through him from the electrical shock they'd dealt to him.

Earlier that Year…

It was the first time since he'd taken the persona of Hank Henshaw where he thought that he might actually lose Alex. All of those years of watching over Alex Danvers and her family...and because of his past...he almost lost her. As he stared at her from above, all he could think was that it had come so close.

The White Martian.

He'd froze up before...she'd stepped in and protected him the best that she could. She'd been there for him, she'd listened to his story about Mars and what had happened to the Green Martians...to his people...to his family...to his wife...to his daughters…

He'd told Kara and Alex that they were like daughters.

He still believed that.

He loved them fiercely.

Loving the Danvers sister was not something that he'd ever planned on doing. It was a contagious thing, though, with both of them. He couldn't not love them. He could have lost them and that echoed through his head. It would have been his fault. He would have failed his family and these human girls he claimed as his daughters.

Alex was suddenly looking up at him and he instantly looked away, as if he wasn't actually watching her. He sucked in a breath and could sense her and her thoughts. He should have before, to keep her from catching him staring...but he'd been so lost in his own thoughts. It wasn't something he allowed himself to do often.

A few minutes later, she was behind him on the walkway. He didn't turn to her, he just waited for her to join him.

"You've been quiet since we got back."

"I made mistakes, Alex…"

"You trusted us...you trusted yourself," Alex pressed. "Those weren't mistakes."

"I froze-"

"And I was right there."

He looked over at her. If it had been anyone else that had been with him when he'd froze up with the White Martian in the field...they would have certainly judged him, but here she was acting like it was nothing. He placed his hands on his hips and his gaze turned downward. "It can't happen again…"

"It's not, the White Martian's locked up-"

"There are more out there, Alex...and eventually, they'll come here…"

"And when they do, we'll be ready," she told him confidently. When he lifted his head, there she was staring at him. "All of us. Together."

His mind was looking for a way out.

Any way out.

As J'onn hung there in his cell, all he could think was that Alex needed help...she needed what they had in Cadmus. There had to be a way for him to get it to her. He squeezed his eyes shut, but horrors continued to haunt him. His mind kept flipping between images of Alex crying...suffering...but then suddenly it was his wife and daughters burning on Mars. Screaming, he struggled even though he knew it was useless.

He couldn't give up on hope.

Alex was going to die.

He couldn't let that happen.

He wouldn't.

There had to be a way out.

He didn't know what it was that brought them in, but eventually they used their shock sticks on him until he passed out…

It was sunny and bright.

Even though this wasn't something he did often, it was a special occasion.

A birthday.

Giggling filled the air and then it was like he was dragged into reality. It felt like everything brightened for a moment as he scanned the party. There was bright decorations and balloons everywhere, a jumper, food everywhere, and people that he saw everyday in clothes he didn't often see them in...and they were all happy and smiling (which was also something that he didn't see everyday).

There were some agents he saw there that tried to avoid socializing outside of work, but he was glad to see them. Kara and Alex Danvers at the other end of the party caught his eye and when they waved at him, he waved back. If anyone could bring out all of these people, he knew it was whose birthday they were honoring.

He found himself being run into and when he looked down, a grin spread across his face. "Well, if it isn't the birthday girl herself," he said and picked her up.

"You never ever come to anything fun anymore!" she greeted him cheerily before wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging tightly. "I'm so glad that you came, Uncle J'onn," she whispered into his ear.

As he held her, all he could do was remember her when she was so tiny...so scared...and yet so brave. He'd held her then. It had been so much harder then because it had been hard to hold down his emotions of his own daughters at that age. As time went on, it became easier...but he always remembered.

"Do you know how old I am?"

"Five," J'onn responded brightly.

"Am I?" she asked in an odd tone.

It was like he was pulled away and then shoved back unexpectedly. The colors dimmed and paled. What was more shocking was that he wasn't holding anyone anymore. "Charlie?!" He spun around, searching for her...now only seeing people that he didn't recognize. He moved past them and then stopped.

On the other end of the party, he found a group dressed in black. Rain fell from the sky and the party behind him disappeared. It was grey and wet and miserable. He wanted to continue to look for Charlie, but somehow...he was drawn to the other gathering. As he got closer, he realized he recognized people.

Vasquez.

Adler.

Torres.

And then he couldn't breathe.

Headstones were lined up in front of the gathering. All the names on the stones he recognized. His chest tightened and the world spun. Each name hit him separately, but just as hard as the face of the person flashed into his mind.

Davis Harewood.

Lara Benanti.

Charlotte Benanti.

Alexandra Danvers.

It wasn't possible, he told himself. The crowd turned, every single one of them now staring at them. He knew them all. All of them. If they weren't one of his agents, then he was a member of an agent's family like Harewood's wife and kids. All of them were draped in black, but their clothing wasn't drenched from the rain like his was. They eerie moved together and then Lucy Lane at the front of the group pointed to him. "This is your doing...they're dead because of you...because you failed them. You failed all of us." Their faces disappeared for a moment and all that was left was skeletons in black with glowing eyes. "You always fail us, J'onn J'onzz…"

"No!" he shouted. His eyes glancing back to the gravestones. It wasn't possible. They weren't dead. When he looked back, what he saw was even more horrific than the skeletonized agents that had once stood there.

Charlie.

"It's not real," J'onn whispered.

The little girl smiled and took a step towards him. Her hair was down and curled on the ends. She was wearing a bright brilliant blue dress, which reminded him of something...but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. "The reality of this is that you have allowed people you love to die."

He put his hands up to his head, holding it. "You're trying to trick me!"

"This isn't Cadmus, J'onn J'onzz," she said almost cheerily. "This is you. Your own mind see you being responsible for killing all of these people you love...even this child."

"Stop!"

"I'm you...if you want me to stop, you could end it…" Charlie told him almost mockingly.

"End it," came another voice.

A familiar one.

His eyes snapped open and his eyes filled with tears. Charlie wasn't there anymore, but instead was replaced by Alex. "No...please...not her…"

The image of Alex moved towards him and suddenly her visage morphed, her pallor turning grey and her eyes turning black. She almost looked alien for a moment or possessed. Black blood started to pour from her eyes, ears, nose, and mouth as she continued to move towards him. "End it!" she shouted, her voice distorting towards the end to something that didn't sound like Alex's voice at all.

J'onn just stared at her, reminding himself that it really wasn't Alex. His heart was breaking at the realization that this might just the last closest time that he'd have to looking into all of their faces...into her face. As tears flooded his cheeks, he forced the reminder that the ghoulish form of Alex in front of him was just his own head...his subconscious filled with emotions he couldn't make right...the guilt, the doubt, the fear, the regret...all of it…

Gunshots.

He looked around, but there was nothing.

"Ignore it," the ghouled Alex ground out angrily.

He couldn't.

They didn't stop and he realized...that the gunshots...they were trying to pull him out of the nightmare he seemed stuck in. The gunshots were reality...and just maybe...he had a chance…

Just maybe...there was hope.

When his eyes snapped open, he felt even more drained than he had before. J'onn blinked rapidly as he wished suddenly for a long observation window like the one that had been in the cell he and Alex had shared before. There was just a tiny window in the door of this. He couldn't see anything out of it, but he heard the gunshots.

Hope.

The lights flickered for just a moment before the entire cell...and facility beyond...went black.

TBC…