Author's note: A heartfelt thank you for each person who took the time to review or send specific comments.

This chapter takes place right after the Awards' ceremony at the end of murder 2.0.

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Chapter Two

On his way back to the bullpen, carrying Gibbs' award, Tony couldn't help but chuckle as he recalled the vexed look on Director Vance face as Gibbs failed to materialize to receive his award. For a man who obviously liked to maintain good control over his "subjects", it must be excruciating sometimes to deal with Gibbs. Tony could actually sympathize a bit; while it is true that he worshipped the man – Gibbs not Vance – he still had first hand experience of how difficult it is sometimes to cope with him.

Ducky and Ziva were trailing a bit behind, talking animatedly─that is Ducky talking animatedly and Ziva listening with a smile. Tony had caught sight of McGee, earlier, as his Geek squad surrounded him, and heard a few "good to see you, boss!" floating around. He might tease the probie mercilessly, but he recognized the fact that McGee would make a very good boss.

Heading to his desk to deposit the award in its customary place, his mind went back to his own boss. Gibbs did not care much for public ceremonies and formal affairs, Tony could understand that, but would it really kill the man to show up there, even if just once, and acknowledge the appreciation shown by his superiors and colleagues? Tony shook his head, still smiling, Gibbs was being just.. you know.. Gibbs!

Ziva and Ducky joined him just as he was about to put the award in that special box in his drawer. Tony recognized the look in her eyes, one that was usually a precursor to a teasing comment or a barbed one, depending on her mood.

"Don't you think that this," Ziva asked as she pointed at the award, "should go in there" and turned to point at Gibbs' desk.

"Believe me, Ziva, if this goes in there, it may very well end up .. right over there!" Ducky and Ziva followed Tony's hand which pointed right at the elegant recycle/garbage bin beside Gibbs' desk.

McGee caught that last exchange, and Tony could see that he had a look identical to the one Ziva was still wearing, the look that could roughly translate into "payback time, DiNozzo!" Probie has gotten so much better at teasing Tony back, and it was only fair, after all Tony has been giving him a hard time for years now. Nevertheless, McGee still wore his heart on his sleeve, so it will take him some practice before he will be able to catch Tony by surprise.

"So, DiNozzo, you really have no ulterior motives in keeping these awards in your desk?" McGee asked sweetly.

"What other motives could there be, probie?"

Before McGee had a chance to deliver his well-thought answer, Ziva interrupted, "Something about spotlights, may be," turning to Ducky, she added, "what you were telling me during the ceremony.."

McGee frowned a bit and turned to Ducky who was, for some reason, starting to look uncomfortable with the conversation, "What spotlight, Ducky?"

"I was talking about the limelight, which is close enough to the spotlight, but .." Ziva interrupted again, and her smile grew as she shifted to face Tony, "Yes, something about the men who will go to such length to thrust themselves in the limelight, sounds familiar, DiNozzo?"

McGee looked at him expectantly, waiting for a typical scathing retort that didn't come, and the look on Tony's face was not one he expected, either. He wasn't all that good at reading Tony, but he could tell for sure that this look was neither amused, nor challenging. He turned to Ziva, who was frowning a bit and seemed to be catching on that fact as well. Ducky, on the other hand, looked even more uncomfortable than before.

The silence stretched only for seconds, and then Tony stood up, sill wearing that odd look, and instead of answering Ziva, he turned to Ducky, "you were not talking about me again, Ducky, were you? Thought I told you to wait on that autopsy…"

"No, no… I was in fact talking about our serial killer."

"Isn't that what you were doing the last time too, talking about the serial killer, and pointing to something we had in common?"

"I meant to talk to you about that Tony, I know it must have upset you, and I regret it, but, it was just a brief moment of levity.. a spur of the moment observation.."

Tony interrupted him a bit loudly, "That's just it, Ducky, it wasn't a spur of the moment thing!" McGee and Ziva watched warily as a clearly agitated Tony started to pace around, as if finding difficulty to put his thoughts in words.

He recovered rather quickly, and turned to face them, looking at Ducky intently, "What bothers me even more than the comment itself, is the fact that you and Gibbs seem to have had this conversation before, you immediately knew that Gibbs was referring to me when he talked about being familiar with narcissists, he never mentioned my name.. so is that like a common joke, a running gag or something?"

Ducky opened his mouth to answer, but he was once more denied the chance, as Tony stopped him with a gesture.

Tony took a deep breath to calm himself; he could see that Ducky was looking concerned and a bit guilty, and the man was one of the most decent persons he has ever met, no question about that. He also had to be honest with himself, the hurt and anger he felt was mostly at Gibbs, it was just a lot easier to confront Ducky.

Since yesterday He has stuck firm to his resolution to avoid thinking about this whole episode. There was no place for any feelings other than concern for Gibbs' safety, and sheer relief when the killer was caught and Gibbs remained safe. But, now, he just could not stop the thoughts, emotions and memories that were racing in his mind, and what he really needed was some space to sort it all out. Besides, his teammates are not exactly used to dealing with him in that mood. Ziva might push, which doesn't always work, and McGee would look at him suspiciously trying to determine if Tony was really upset or was just playing one of his tricks. Abby would understand, he knew that, but he wasn't the only one guilty of worshipping Gibbs or trying to justify his actions, so may be he should spare her that.

Thankfully, his teammates, and even Ducky, have remained silent, though they were obviously bursting with questions.

"Ducky, it's ok. We can talk about it later." Ducky looked at him, clearly wanting to explain himself a bit more, but somehow he refrained from talking and just nodded. Tony turned to get his carry-on and leave, only to realize that he was still holding Gibbs' award, he hesitated for a few seconds, then quickly got out the box containing the other awards and deposited the whole thing on Gibbs' desk.

Ziva' eyes followed Tony as he placed the awards on Gibbs' desk, and quickly left with a rushed "see you tomorrow." McGee kept looking at Ducky, more than a bit perplexed, and he barely caught his whispered, "Oh dear…," as Tony left.

"Uh.. what just happened, Ducky?" McGee beat Ziva to the question, and they both looked expectantly at Ducky.

Meanwhile, in the elevator, a particular memory replayed itself in Tony's mind, something that he has told Gibbs a few years ago, after an incident that involved a big bomb, a North Korean ex-spy, Ziva, Gibbs and himself, he had interrupted what he thought would be some form of heartfelt thanks from Gibbs with a confident: "You don't have to say it, Boss. We know how you feel about us," to which Gibbs has happily replied that he would kill them himself if they ever disobeyed a direct order again.

The memory was bittersweet, and so much has happened between then and now, the one thing that Tony knew for sure was that he couldn't have said that today, and may be he shouldn't have said it back then.

Tbc.

Gibbs P.O.V. next chapter