Chapter four

"Spring cleaning, DiNozzo?"

Tony has been rummaging for something in the bottom drawer of his desk, when Gibbs sneaked up on him, in that typical "creepy" way that Tony has been trying to perfect for years now. He lifted his head quickly, barely avoiding hitting the edge of his desk, and as Gibbs appeared to be waiting for an answer to his bizarre question, he shook his head "No," with a look that clearly told Gibbs what he thought of the question. Unfazed, Gibbs went on, "Ok., do you need me to requisition a bigger desk for you, then?" Tony started to see where Gibbs was going with the seemingly irrelevant questions, so he merely said, "No. the desk is fine."

"Good!" Gibbs simply said, looking pleased with himself for a reason that Tony couldn't fathom, then he turned around with decisiveness, grabbed the pack of awards from his desk and put them back on Tony's desk.

He said nothing more, but his face loudly projected a satisfied: "Here you go, Problem solved!" Tony looked incredulously at him, or to be more precise, he found himself looking incredulously at his back as Gibbs promptly left the bullpen.

Both McGee and Ziva have been watching intently, but they wisely refrained from commenting. The unpleasant scene of the previous night was still fresh in their minds, and though they have failed to get the details out of Ducky, they managed to put the pieces together more or less. They decided, then, to wait and see what kind of mood DiNozzo will be in the next day. He came in a while ago, exchanged a brief and cheerless good morning with them, and settled quietly at his desk.

It is really strange, McGee reflected, that while they all tried, each in his own way, to get DiNozzo to shut up and grow up, whenever the man actually obliged, and acted like a normal grown up, his uncharacteristic silence left them feeling uneasy and a bit unsettled. He thought of the first few days after Vance has reassembled the team, minus Tony who was still on the carrier, and the obvious feeling of imbalance that each one of them has experienced, even Gibbs who had the most experience in dealing with change, and how that feeling had vanished once Tony has been reinstated. He looked at him, and saw the emotions playing clearly on his face, from incredulity to anger, then to nothing as his face shuttered and he turned back to whatever he was doing before Gibbs interrupted him. This is not good, McGee thought.

After a few moments, Gibbs returned and they all settled into a quiet and rather boring day, doing the required paperwork. The day actually was a bit more boring than usual, Given that DiNozzo hasn't uttered a single word for hours now. Gibbs sighed inwardly, it was a good thing that they were not in the middle of a case, it was neither acceptable nor safe for either of them to be that distracted in their line of work. He had tried to use the awards' issue to send some kind of positive message to DiNozzo, admittedly a cryptic message, but his senior field agent was usually very good at reading him. Judging by the way DiNozzo looked now, it didn't work. They would have to get this out in the open and address it, no matter how much he personally hated that option.

As the day finally came to an end, Tony gathered his stuff and started to head towards the elevator, Ziva and McGee had left minutes ago, while Gibbs was still at his desk.

Gibbs' quiet words stopped him before he went far, "Do you want to tell me why you don't want to keep those awards for me anymore, DiNozzo?"

He turned around facing Gibbs, and silently looked at him. He was actually tempted this morning to simply pick up the awards and dump them once more on Gibbs' desk, but he felt this would be just be too.. juvenile. People generally expect him to be juvenile, and he had to be honest with himself, he was juvenile; he also tended to brag, show off, sometimes go overboard with inappropriate comments, obsess over his looks, and his car, he could be oblivious and thoughtless at times .. his list of faults was rather long, but as far as he could tell, narcissism was not one of them.

He has been staring silently at Gibbs for a bit too long judging by the impatient look on his face, so he countered with a question of his own, "why did you think I kept them in the first place?"

Gibbs didn't expect this question, and he really didn't have an answer, "I'm not sure, DiNozzo." Gibbs sounded and looked uncomfortable, so Tony relented a bit, "Do you think that by having them in my desk I gained some sort of personal satisfaction, as if I shared in your accomplishments?"

Tony wasn't used to seeing that particular look on Gibbs' face, he looked baffled, as if trying to guess the right answer for a question that would make him either pass or fail a test.

"I will make it even easier," Tony said a bit impatiently, "do you think I did this for you or for me?"

Gibbs wasn't the only one uncomfortable with this kind of talk, Tony didn't handle emotional confrontations well, but he has had a bit more practice in recent times.

Gibbs finally answered, with some hesitation, "For me, DiNozzo .. you were happy for me, proud.." he trailed off, the words didn't come easy to him, but it needed to be said, so he forced himself to continue, "have that changed, now?"

"No," Tony answered quietly. "I am just not sure how you interpret my actions .. not on a professional level, I know you mostly think I'm a good agent .. but on a personal level, I just don't know .." Tony fell silent. He also didn't know where they were going with this conversation, and whether it would make things better or worse.

Gibbs looked pensive for a moment, and then said, "let me ask you something, and answer me honestly, what do you think of McGee?" The question was totally unexpected, and totally unrelated to what they were saying, Gibbs already knew that, so he stopped Tony's objections with a gesture and added, "just bear with me, DiNozzo, what do you think of Tim, not as an agent, but as a person?"

It was Tony's turn to feel like he was facing a trick question. He thought a bit and answered, "He is loyal, and as much as I hate to admit it, really smart- he has a good heart," Gibbs interrupted him, "from what you're saying it is obvious you both like and respect him, right?" When Tony nodded, Gibbs looked at him pointedly, "do you think McGee knows this for sure?" Before Tony could take a breath to reply, he went on "If you do, then you better think again, I know the teasing and banter is mostly harmless, but there were some comments and jabs that could convey disrespect whether intentionally or not."

Tony was giving this some thought, but he was already feeling rather miserable and he didn't exactly want to feel guilty on top of that. Gibbs was obviously following his line of thought, as he said rather gently, "I'm not trying to make you feel bad, that's not what I am trying to accomplish here DiNozzo, I'm just showing you that it is possible to respect, like, and care for someone, and still say or do things that convey the opposite."

"I get what you're saying..." Tony grimaced, and muttered to himself, "and it seems I will have to talk to probie at some point.."

"and Palmer too,"

"Come on Gibbs, I barely talk to the guy.." Gibbs just stared at him, and Tony sighed, "I will think about it, besides, you hardly treat him any better.."

"That's right, but you're not me, DiNozzo .. for one thing, you're a lot nicer."

Tony was a bit angry, a bit hurt, and now also a bit guilty, but he just couldn't resist smirking and adding, "not to mention a lot more popular, more good looking …"

"All right DiNozzo, don't push it.."

Gibbs wore that half smile that was often seen whenever he verbally sparred with his irrepressible senior agent. He was secretly relieved that Tony has relaxed enough to find some humour in the situation. But he knew they were not done here, not by a long shot. His gut was telling him that the thoughtless comment he has made a couple of days ago has triggered something like a little avalanche in Tony's mind, and that they have only touched the tip of the iceberg.

Tbc.

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