I apologize for the delay. I've just changed jobs and have had to travel some for work. I hope this chapter makes up for the wait. I appreciate all the kind reviews for the last chapter. Please continue to let me know what you think. I'm off for a few nights so I'll try to have the next one up no later than the weekend. Thanks again!
Helena stood outside her daughter's bedroom door deciding whether to knock or just enter. It had been so long since she had tried to spend a full day with Eleanor, or any quality time besides the few minutes it usually took to state her disapproval over her daughter's choices she wasn't sure what to do. She finally settled on just entering.
Easing the door shut behind her, Helena looked around taking note of the clothes strewn around the floor and thrown over various pieces of furniture.
"My God, what a mess," Helena muttered as she stepped further into the room. She looked over at her daughter's sleeping form, before her eyes landed on the table at the center of the room.
Helena walked over to the table, bending down to inspect its contents. She picked up a bag of pills eying them closely, "these definitely aren't prescription."
Sitting the pills down, Helena noticed the picture frame on the table. It was the same picture she had on her vanity of the day Eleanor took her first steps. Helena smiled to herself, happy to see her daughter still kept their picture close. She traced her fingers over the picture only to feel something on her fingers. Looking at them, she noticed the thin white powder on her fingertips.
Realization dawned on her, "She's snorting coke off of our photo. I've failed worst than I ever thought possible."
Helena walked closer to her daughter, studying her sleeping form. Rarely did she have the chance to observe her this closely without the backlash of yelling or screaming. "She's so at peace when she's asleep." Helena thought, "not angry at everything or everyone."
Deciding to wake Eleanor up, Helena sat down on the bed beside her daughters sleeping form.
"Eleanor, Eleanor wake up," Helena said as she shook her daughter's shoulder.
"Go to hell," came the mumbled reply as Eleanor rolled away from her mother.
"Likely, but not today," Helena answered, "Wake up, I thought you may like to go see Charlie White today."
Eleanor picked her head up from the pillow, "Why? It's not my birthday or anything."
"I know, I just wanted to spend the day with you is all. We don't have to go to the stables, we can stay right here, or do anything you want to do." Helena offered.
"Mum, are you high? What's going on, we don't just spend the day together." Eleanor questioned.
Helena laughed, "I'm not high. I know we don't just spend the day together and I'd like to change that. Eleanor, I've made a bloody mess of things and I'd just like to talk if that's okay."
At this, Eleanor sat up in the bed and leaned back against her pillows watching her mother carefully, "What is there that to talk about?"
"Scooch over, Eleanor, we're going to be here a while." Helena answered as she herself got comfortable.
Taking a deep breath, Helena began, "When you were born, I had this whole life planned out for you. You were my only daughter and I vowed that I was going to do better by you than my mother did me."
"Duchie rocks, mum. I'm not sure what you're talking about." Eleanor cut in.
"Now maybe, and to you, but for me it's a whole different story. Okay, Eleanor, I'm going all the way back to the very beginning because I want you to understand everything." Helena said, looking her daughter square in the eye. "Your grandmother wasn't always the best parent, and well, way back before your father there was another boy, he worked on our farm. He was everything to me. We were in love and planned to get married, until black Friday hit. I had never seen my father cry until that day. That day I found out we were going to lose everything. But before that could happen, my mother somehow managed to get me on the list of eligible women for a young King. All of our families hopes and dreams were pinned on me, so I said goodbye to the boy I loved and married your father."
Eleanor was silent, unsure of what to say, or where her mother was going with all this.
"So when you were born I vowed to myself that no matter what happened, I wouldn't do that to you. You were going to have the freedom to choose. I had so many dreams of all the things you and I would go and do. It's different when a mother has a daughter, Eleanor, she sees the big wedding, all the parties and dresses. But I failed you, somewhere along the way I lost site of the parent you needed me to be, and I became what I promised myself I'd never become. I'm not proud of who I've become, you needed a mother that was present and involved, instead I basically abandoned you. I let the status and image become more important than my family, until that was all that mattered. I can't tell you how sorry I am, Eleanor. I will do everything in my power to make it up to you, if you'll let me try."
Eleanor studied her mother carefully, looking for some kind of tell that she was lying. Instead, all she saw was remorse and guilt written on her mother's face. "Why now?" she asked quietly.
"Because it was brought to my attention how badly I've messed things up with every one of you. I finally saw myself in a mirror, and saw who I've become and I'm not proud of it. I told you about my first love and what my mother did to really make you understand. I picked the power and prestige once over love once. It was the right choice then because I wouldn't have you or your brothers if I didn't, but I'm not going to pick it again; this time I'm choosing my family. I'm choosing you and Liam and your father over all of this."
"You're choosing us?" Eleanor questioned bewildered before adding, "if that's true, did you ever love dad or has he always been means to an end."
Helena thought for a second, deciding how to with complete honesty. "I'm not going to lie to you. It did take some time, but I came to love your father. We've shared some good years, and some not so good ones." Helena paused, "Simon said some things to me the other night that really opened my eyes to how badly things have gotten between all of us. And then he told me told me to choose love, and I am."
"Dad told you that? And your choosing him too?" Eleanor shook her head. "I'm just trying to wrap my mind around all of this."
"I've made some serious mistakes in my life, Eleanor, not being a good mother is at the top, but not being a good wife is right behind it. To the people I've been a good Queen and fulfilled my duties as I should, but as I wife, I haven't been the partner your father deserves. He's a good man, and he deserves far better than me. But for some unearthly reason he still loves me; we had a long talk and are trying to work some things out. With that said, I want you to know that I've decided to support him in his decision to abolish the monarchy."
Eleanor jumped from the bed at the last statement, "What the hell, mum? Is this some kind of sick joke?"
"Eleanor, sit back down, please," Helena instructed. Eleanor sat back down on the edge of the bed as her mother continued speaking, "This isn't a joke. I may not agree with his decision but I'm going to to support it. I do see his point, how it's affected you and Liam, how it affected Robert, how it's affected me. Yet, it's been the only life I've known for so long; it's been the only life you've ever known. There is always a chance the referendum won't pass but if it does, we're going to be alright."
"That's not what you said to me the other day. As I recall you told me I'd be nothing without this." Eleanor emphasized the last few words.
"I was wrong. Eleanor, look at me. You are so much more than all of this. You have a fire within you, your spirited and smart, and you're beautiful. You can do anything that you choose to do, and I was being a complete and total bitch for telling you anything other than that. I'm sorry for that." Helena eyed her daughter carefully before adding, "And your especially more than all of the drugs sitting on that table over that. The pot is one thing, but the rest, it's time to sober up darling."
"Like hell, mum. You can't just come in here and say all of this stuff, drop a few bombshells on me and then tell me I need to sober up!" shouted Eleanor as she jumped off the bed again.
Helena stood up, looking for a garbage can. Spotting one in the corner of the room, she grabbed it and made her way to the table as Eleanor watched dumbfounded.
"Yes, I can. Because I have let you get away with too much for too long," Helena said as she began throwing everything but the picture frame in the garbage. "I haven't been the best mother, but goddamit I'm still your mother. And the days of staying stoned out of your mind are over"
Before Eleanor could even respond, Helena sat down the garbage can and marched over to her until they were standing nose to nose, "No matter what has happened or how much I've let you down, I love you more than you will ever know, and its damn well time I start showing it. So let's try this quality mother-daughter time again tomorrow, okay? Now, I told your father I'd help him with some house cleaning so I'll just go wait for him to get back."
Helena wrapped her arms around her daughter giving her a squeeze before kissing her on her cheek. She then turned to go, stopping to grab the garbage can full of drugs as she did. "You won't be needing these anymore. Love You!" she yelled back as she left the room.
Eleanor stood unmoving, completely in shock over what had just happened. And then, slowly, a small smile crept across her face. It was the first time in years that her mother had actually talked to her and not just at her. And better yet, in one act of taking out a garbage can, had actually proven how much she did love her daughter.