VI.
Though Barry is used to the disapproving stare Joe had perfected while raising him and Iris, the one he is giving Barry at the moment has to go down on the top ten list of exasperated looks he has received since moving in with the Wests. "This is a horrible idea."
Barry grimaces at his foster father but he knows better than to reply. Since waking up the day before, Barry had upgraded from lying down shirtless in a stiff hospital bed to wearing a t-shirt and sitting up in a stiff hospital bed. He would find this quite the accomplishment if he didn't feel just as crappy as he had the other day. Joe's loud and pointed disapproval certainly isn't helping.
Caitlin bites her lip and helps Barry lay back against the fresh pillow she retrieved for him. "Barry, you know Joe is right. There is no way you can go to work tomorrow. Your fever is still way too high and your wounds have barely healed. If you do anything even slightly straining, you could get rid of all of your progress."
He crosses his arms to the best of his ability, both the IV in his arm and the soreness of his abdomen limiting his motion. "C'mon, guys, I've still gone to work after I was hurt worse and it was fine!"
His doctor frowns at him and Barry wants nothing more than to sink down into the sheets and cower for all eternity. But his side twinges at the mere thought of that and he is once again reminded that movement is a bad idea. "Yes, but in those instances you had your full healing capabilities. I was completely confident that even the worst of your injuries would be healed within a day at most. Now, Barry, we can't rely on your abilities to do the work for you. We have to tough it out and hope that you'll be better in no time."
She grabs his wrist gently in a comforting gesture. Her touch is chilly against Barry's flushed skin, something Barry is really happy about. He looks up at her face, at her tired eyes and pale cheeks that have been worn down from countless hours of working on him. He realizes that as painful and irritating his current predicament is for him, it's just as bad for Caitlin. For the past year, she's been able to find comfort in the fact that she can pull him through bad situations and his healing abilities will handle the rest, no sweat. But now, she no longer has that contingency to fall back on, and it must be terrifying.
Barry is in no way, shape, or form doubting Caitlin's competence as a doctor. This situation would be concerning for any experienced physician.
"Hey," He says up to her. His attempt at some reassuring words would go much better if his head wasn't pounding so harshly and forcing to speak in a pathetic whisper. "It'll be okay. We'll find a way to solve this."
Caitlin smiles at him and pats his arm. She turns to look at Joe, her face immediately falling back into its tired state. Barry follows her gaze and finds that Joe looks just as exhausted and overwhelmed as she does. As a matter of fact, if all of the members of Team Flash were gathered in front of Barry – as many of them have left to pursue other tasks and their day jobs – he's certain that all of them would be sporting the same tired expressions. They have all been stumped by their elusive metahuman and the current lapse in Barry's abilities.
For a brief moment that takes Barry's breath away, he's afraid that they won't be able to solve this.
Both Joe and Caitlin seem to sense that he's not backing down from his case to leave the next day, no matter the physical cost, so Joe approaches his bedside and pushes Barry's shoulder into the pillow. The gesture is nice, but Joe's hand is surprisingly warm and the sensation grates on Barry's nerves.
"How about you stay here for the rest of the day," Joe compromises with a shrug of his shoulders and a glance in Caitlin's direction. "And then we'll see how you feel by tomorrow."
Barry doesn't want to admit it, but this whole conversation has been extremely draining. Any energy he had upon waking up has been sucked away. With each passing second, all of his ailments have become more apparent to him. His headache is unrelenting, his throat has started to itch, his skin burns, his stomach churns, and the bullet wounds in his side pulse hotly. Already, he wants to relax entirely and take a nap before anything gets worse. As his heart beats pain into his body, he's starting to like this deal more and more.
"Fine." Barry says for the sole sake of appearing as if he is calm and collected.
Wide grins spread across the faces of Joe and Caitlin and they are clearly prepared to congratulate each other on their small victory. Barry doesn't even have the energy to be mad at them for being so happy, he just manages a small grin in their general directions as he sinks fully into the pillow and stares lazily at the ceiling.
Joe pats him once on the arm before he leaves the room, heavy footsteps clunking on the tiles as he leaves for work. The ceiling has turned into a spinning mess of boredom and nausea so Barry turns his head to watch as Caitlin adjusts his IV and sneaks a peek at his vitals. She nods in satisfaction and moves to the other side of the bed so she can look at his covered bullet wounds. Barry's head follows her. This time, she shakes her head in dissatisfaction.
"Anything different?" Barry asks.
Caitlin looks up at him and shakes her head as she carefully smooths the gauze back over his wound. Even with her fingers being so light, his skin throbs uncomfortably in response. "No, it's the same as yesterday." She sighs and moves to criticize him from the end of his bed. "But, it might be better if you stayed in bed longer rather than foolishly pushing yourself before you're ready."
"Uh-uh." He responds. "We had a deal, you don't get to judge after we made a deal!"
She smiles. "Fine, no judging for the moment." Caitlin walks over to her workbench at the opposite end of the room, her heels clicking on the floor until she sits down in one of those wheeling chairs that it appears all doctors are required to own.
While Caitlin fiddles with her microscope and starts to pipet various liquids into vials, Barry loses the ability to keep his head looking in her direction so he falls back to stare at the ceiling once more. He tries to take a nap since he has nothing else to do but his mind is simultaneously going as fast as he does while also moving in sluggish circles. As much as he wills himself to sleep, he can't in the heavy heat his body is surrounded in. He tries to shift positions a couple times, but each attempt ends in hot spikes of pain emanating from his injuries so he eventually stops.
After what feels like hours of him trying to find a way to sleep, though it has probably only been 10 minutes, Caitlin is still working away at her workbench. Barry decides that his curiosity is better than mindlessly staring at the ceiling so he chooses to bother her.
"What are you working on?" He asks, his voice much more slurred than he would ever care to admit.
"I'm trying to synthesize a painkiller that would work on you." Caitlin replies. Her voice is slightly muffled by her face being pressed against the microscope, so she turns to explain herself to him. "Essentially, most painkillers work by interrupting signals sent from nerves to the brain." She looks at him to check if he's following her thought process so he gives a short nod that rattles his head. "Your metabolism has been so fast since you were struck by lightning that it's always burned through painkillers before they have the chance to take effect. But, if I can make one that is potent enough and resilient enough to stay in your system, it could finally work for you."
He raises an eyebrow. "How potent?"
She looks a little sheepish and tilts her head to the side. "Potent enough to be an overdose for one of us."
"Oh." He doesn't know what kind of answer he was expecting. "That's really potent."
Caitlin smiles sadly at him and sets her pipet down of the table. She walks back over to him and looks over his vitals on the monitor before looking down at him with a concern he is all too familiar with. "How are you feeling? Do you need anything?"
He shakes his head and regrets it when his brain starts to implode. "Too hot, I can't sleep."
Caitlin squeezes his hand briefly and walks out of sight. This time, he can't even fathom looking at where she's going. Besides, she's back in under a minute, armed with a wet washcloth that is nice and cold when she puts it on Barry's forehead. He sighs in content and closes his eyes, relishing in the relief he's been given.
"Better?" She asks.
"Better." He confirms.
After that, he's able to take a few short naps. Most of them blur together and the only way he is capable of keeping track of time is by the subtle changes throughout the day. He can feel it when Caitlin changes the washcloth on his head, the new one dripping precious cold water down the side of his face. She moves around the room, sometimes sitting at her workbench and then standing next to Barry the next time he opens his eyes. At one point, Cisco comes up from his lab to sit by Barry's side. He must have arrived in the middle of one of Barry's naps because one second the chair is empty and the next, Cisco is leaned back with his feet propped up on the edge of Barry's bed as Caitlin quietly scolds him from a distance.
Barry is grateful for Cisco's company once it's there. Singlehandedly, Cisco eliminates the stiff silence of the room and talks to Barry whether or not he is awake. He tells old stories that overly-exaggerated twists and cheesy punchlines and even though it hurts to laugh, Barry appreciates the humor. There's a smooth quality in Cisco's voice that rises and falls so rhythmically that is so soothing to Barry's scrambled mind, meaning he can drift in and out of consciousness comfortably. When he's awake, Cisco's animated storytelling provides a welcome distraction from all of the pain Barry is in.
Sometimes, Barry wakes up when Caitlin is checking his stitches and Cisco's persistent voice keeps Barry breathing deeply so he can make it through. When all of this is over, Barry's certain that he owes his friend a huge fruit basket.
In the evening, Iris stops by briefly to wish Barry well and press a soft kiss to his forehead before she heads home. Joe comes back and Barry sits up straighter and tries to look awake enough so he can actually get out of bed the next day, even if it goes against everything his body is telling him to do.
He knows that it's probably a horrible idea to even consider moving when he's still so incapacitated, but he also knows that he can't stay put for another day without going insane. He hates being unable to do anything and he hates being treated as fragile by his friends. He knows that they mean well but he's the kind of person who needs to be up and moving and active even if it isn't the greatest idea at the moment.
Joe leans against the doorframe, analyzing him as Caitlin and Cisco stand off to the side and do the same thing in a less-than-subtle way. Barry has started an intense staring contest with Joe, one he refuses to give up on, meaning that he's either going to win or die trying.
Finally, Joe breaks the tense silence but he doesn't break eye contact with Barry. "I still think it's a horrible idea for you to be out of bed when you're clearly not doing any better."
"I agree with Joe." Caitlin says. She has the stern expression on her face, the one she has whenever she's issuing her professional opinion on something. "Only rest is going to help you heal until we can fix what's wrong and moving around is definitely going to risk pulling your stitches open."
"Dude," Cisco pipes up. "No offense, but you look absolutely awful right now and I can't imagine how going to work is going to do you any good."
"Come on, guys." Barry pleads. "I can't stay here forever. Besides, I need to get back to work soon and I might as well start tomorrow."
"The Captain understands why you're gone, Barr." Joe assures him. "You're on sick leave because you are sick. I'm sure he'll be fine with you taking more time off."
"Please. I'll make sure to eat and Joe can check in on me." Barry scrunches his face up in discomfort. "And if you think it's really necessary, he can check and make sure that I don't pop any stitches."
Caitlin looks conflicted and she looks at Cisco as if to ask for his opinion, but he looks just as troubled. Eventually, she sighs and crosses her arms. "Only if you eat everything and you stay seated the entire time you are there. If anything happens, Joe will bring you right back here and that will be the end of the discussion. Got it?"
Barry nods after each condition is stated and excitement mixes with the sickness in his gut. He finally breaks eye contact with Joe, having won the contest.
He goes to bed that night feeling jittery from both sickness and anticipation. Still, as happy as he is to have won, he can't help the sense of dread that crawls into the back of his mind.
. . .
The next day, Barry is up a long time before he has to go to work. He would like to say it's because Caitlin was grumbling around the room he was in with the obvious intention of waking him up, but it's probably more than likely due to the fact he slept for three hours at most the night before, spending the rest of that time shifting restlessly and alternating between shivering and tossing his covers away.
But Barry doesn't mention all of that to Caitlin. She already hates this plan enough without Barry giving her extra reasons to keep him in S.T.A.R. Labs.
Joe stops by with a change of clothes and a ride to the station. They leave the room to give him some privacy and Barry tries not to focus on their not-so-quiet conversation at the other end of the cortex about how they plan on getting him back to a place of resting. Meanwhile, Barry does practice keeping his hands steady as he puts on the stuff brought him and ties his converse slowly on his feet. He manages to walk out to them without stumbling, which he finds is quite the accomplishment, and he bids the reluctant Caitlin a cheery farewell even though he feels like he's about to melt into a puddle due to the heat he's experiencing. But, by the time he's walking out to the car with Joe, he has to zip his jacket up all the way to keep out the sudden cold.
The entire car ride, Barry keeps his arms wrapped his torso, his elbow pressing down on his bandaged side to prevent it from moving as much as possible whenever they drive over a particularly large bump. At the moment, his stomach is remaining surprisingly cooperative and he hopes it will remain that way for the rest of the day. Joe is silent the whole time, occasionally glancing at Barry's hunched form with a look mixed between concern and stubborn pessimism.
They make to the station without Barry throwing up, which he counts as a win, but as he's getting out of the car, his torso twists uncomfortably and he remembers why he shouldn't even be upright at this point in time. Joe is still getting out of his own seat and making his way around the back of the vehicle, so Barry uses his limited amount of time to breathe through the pain until it lowers to a tolerable level. He's able to stand up straighter just before Joe reaches him to raise a judging eyebrow and walk next to him for the rest of the way. Barry resists the urge to rub his side the whole way and, thanks to his episode, he mourns the return of his rebellious stomach.
Joe doesn't mention it when Barry chooses to take the elevator instead of the stairs and though his desk is downstairs, Joe sticks by his side even into the elevator. Really, Joe doesn't mention anything as he follows Barry around. Barry guesses that it's a form of silent treatment that won't be resolved until one of them admits that their idea is horrible. As that will never happen, Barry knows he might as well make Joe speak earlier on.
"You don't have to come to my lab with me." Barry says. "I'll be fine on my own."
"No way." Joe replies immediately. At least it wasn't that hard to get Joe to talk. "You want to go to work before you're even close to ready, you follow my rules."
"Joe," Barry sighs. He knew this conversation would come eventually, what better place to have it than an elevator. "I can take care of myself, you don't have to babysit me."
Joe actually laughs at that, a bitter, sarcastic laugh that would make Barry's insides turn if they weren't already turning. "Of course you can, that's why we're in this situation in the first place!"
Barry frowns. "What do you mean by that?"
"Barry," Joe starts and Barry can tell a storm's brewing in that man's words. "You always do this. You push us away and refuse to accept any help until it's too late. I just wish you would trust your friends more, that you would trust enough to take care of you."
Joe turns Barry by grasping his shoulders and Barry prays that he can't feel the heat of his fever through his thin jacket. "Listen, Barr. We all love you, we just wish you would come to us more when you need help."
Barry can't help the cynical scoff that comes out of his mouth after Joe has finished speaking. "Look where that's gotten you." Joe's frown deepens but he doesn't interrupt. "Every single time you guys help me, every time I make a decision that affects the entire team, someone ends up paying dearly. I'm sick of being the cause of your problems, and I can't let that happen again."
Even with Joe in the middle of a parental scolding, his expression softens. "Barry, we've talked about this. You weren't the only person making decisions that day."
"But what if I had been?" Barry asks. Often, he had run the events of that day through his head over and over again until he thought it was going to explode. He questioned every move he made, judged every step and tortured himself with wondering what he could have changed to save more lives. "I can't let you guys get caught in my bad choices like that again, even if that means I have to take care of everything by myself."
If Barry had thought he was feeling better in the morning even after his long night, then he'd thought wrong. His headache is back and making his right eye feel like it's constantly twitching. Of course, his horrible stomachache had teamed up with his bullet wounds to make for a spectacular throbbing festival of pain in his side and he was feeling too hot again.
Thankfully, Joe doesn't have time to respond to Barry's rant because the elevator doors open with a soft ding and Flash business is officially off business as they walk out and a few cops take their places. Barry quickens his pace to reach his lab, which he enters with relative ease considering the floor was currently spinning in dizzying circles. Unfortunately, Joe had continued to follow Barry into his safe haven.
As soon as Barry plops down in his chair, Joe was approaching him. Apparently having dropped their earlier conversation in favor of discussing it at a better time, Joe had Barry sit up straighter so he could barely lift up his shirt and check on his stitches. He must have passed the test because Joe retreats a few moments later with a curt nod. The older man crosses his arms and leans on Barry's desk, his face creased with thought as he observes his foster son. Barry tries not to shift uncomfortably under his gaze.
"You shouldn't be here." Joe finally says with a quick wave of his hand.
Barry rolls his eyes, wincing slightly when the world keeps spinning even after he has finished the movement. "Joe, it's just one day. Let me finish my work and I promise we can go back as soon as I'm done."
Joe seems to finally accept that this isn't a battle he's going to win so he sighs, squeezes Barry's shoulder firmly in farewell, and walks out of Barry's lab. Barry knows he'll be back, but it's nice to be alone for the moment.
Rather than jump immediately on his paperwork like he promised, Barry decides to lean back in his chair for a bit to collect himself. He rubs his eyes and pulls his jacket closer to his body as another shiver travels through him. As delicately as possible, he adjusts his lower body slowly to alleviate some of the pressure on both his stomachache and wounds. When he's moved around to the best of his ability, he rolls his chair closer to his desk and starts sorting through the paperwork that has been left for him.
He manages to get through two files by the time his lunch break has arrived. Whenever he needed to get some test results or do something else in a different part of his lab, he ended up just rolling his chair as it proved to be much easier than trying to stand up again.
Joe enters the room right when Barry expects him to. Wordlessly, he checks Barry's stitches again and sits off to the side with a calculating stare as Barry is forced to eat two of Cisco's calorie bars and at least half of the sandwich Joe brings him. He manages to do the task, but the food in his gut starts to join forces with his uncomfortable stomach and the scent of the other half of the ham sandwich starts to mess with his head. But, Barry doesn't let any of his discomfort show. Even if he's starting to regret coming to work, he has to stick with it to the end.
It happens when he's standing to reach another couple of files on the other side of his desk. He figures that they are close enough to eliminate the idea of using his chair as transport so he rises quickly from his seat and moves around the corner of his desk to reach the files.
Except he must twist around on his feet or something because one moment he's standing in a swirling world with black dots spotting his vision, and the next he's lying down on the uncomfortably cold floor, warm hands gently patting his cheeks and his hearing oscillating.
Barry gets his eyes open eventually, but they glide through the air and follow each turn of the spinning room rather than focus on Joe, who had been leaving the lab but is now kneeling over Barry, his face horribly twisted with concern and his mouth moving with words Barry can't hear.
But his hearing does come back, slowly and sounding as if it has been zoomed in on. He blinks blearily at Joe as his voice finally comes into focus and the spinning of the ceiling starts to slow down and he no longer feels like his body is on a turntable.
"Barry! Barry! Come on, wake up, son!" Joe is calling as he continues to pat Barry's cheeks even though Barry's eyes are open. "Don't do this!"
Wow, the world feels all kinds of horrible right now, but Barry can't let Joe suffer with worry over him. Somehow, he raises a floppy arm and grabs Joe's wrist with it, knowing his gesture is working when Joe stops yelling and patting his face and instead holds onto Barry's hand like it's a lifeline.
"'M fine." Barry slurs, his eyes closing again because it takes a lot of effort to stay awake when his body is trying to tear itself apart from the inside.
"Oh no you don't." Joe scolds, patting at his face again until his eyes reopen. When everything's calmed down and Barry is no longer trying to close his eyes with every breath, Joe sighs in exasperation. "You gonna listen to me now?"
Barry gulps down air and gives a shaky grin. "Think so."
He doesn't protest as Joe helps him to his feet and slings his arm over his shoulders. He doesn't fight when Joe tells the Captain they're going home early, and he doesn't fight when Joe buckles him into the car and drives them back to S.T.A.R. Labs, muttering about his stupidity the whole ride.
Why fight when he's so clearly doomed?