Teach me~ M**ko Sensei!
*scene shifts into Sonya dressed like Gintoki during the 'Ginpachi-sensei' segments with a cigarette in her mouth*
"Yo, everyone… Today we got a letter from someone called 'C.A.M.E.O.1 and Only' asking: '...Their parentage has me most interested...We all know Ryo's mom and dad, and Togeshiro's dad...How about the others?' Hai… The Author claims it was hinted on the synopsis and first chapter, but here's your answer:
Togeshiro's parents are Doromizu Shinpachi, who changed his last name after being adopted into his wife's family and his wife, Doromizu Pirako.
Shinoyama's father is Yamazaki Sagaru, Chief Investigator of the Shinsengumi Special Police Task Force and his mother is a local Jeweler, Yamazaki Chiyo.
As for me, despite my striking resemblance to Eromes, we're not related at all (look, I even have a tail). My parents are OCs, just like me and will likely not appear in this fanfic depending on the Author's decision. My family name however, is a reference to Yousuke Akimoto, the voice actor of Houcihi, the Man-turned-Cat from the 'Kabuki Stray Cat' arc.
As for mr. Furuichi* from class 3-B, for peeking into the girls' dressing room, go and hang yourself from a tree"
Unlike what most people think, Marriage isn't the same as Death- It's not sweet and it's not a release
The land of the Samurai… It's been a long time since*-
"What the hell are you doing!" yelled Togeshiro and Sonya as they kicked Shinoyama through the screen on which the original introduction was being projected "Sorry, I just always wanted to do that. *Cough, cough* ok, let me try again"
On that day, Humanity remembered… The dread that was a life under their rule… The humiliation of being caged like birds…*
"You got a completely wrong introduction! You want me to beat you up? Is that what you want?" Threatened him Togeshiro as he grabbed Shinoyama by his uniform's collar "Ugh. Just let me do this…" said Sonya.
"Damn it! How could this have happened!? Al! Al****se! … Damn it! This… Shouldn't have happened…"
A painless lesson is one without any meaning.
"I've lost it…!"
One who does not sacrifice anything cannot achieve anything.*
"Quit it already, you pair of idiots!" Yelled Togeshiro as he slammed Shinoyama and Sonya's heads into the ground. "Whatever. If I have to play the straight man here then I guess I have no choice"
It's been 21 years since the end of the war between Earth, the Tendoshuu and the Liberation Army. By the end of the universal colonization era and the beginning of a new era of peace in the universe, Earth was finally acknowledged as an independent planet and joined the Galactic Union as a representative and sole member of its solar system.
The legendary trio which saved the world was known as the Yorozuya, led by the greatest Samurai in history, Sakata Gintoki.
But the scars of the war haven't completely healed. There are still people out there who try to stir up war by means of terror all over the universe. The fragile peace established across our galaxy is being stretched to the limit by the paranoia of the other solar systems and galaxies and the deep wounds left on the planet have yet to heal…
It was a calm Saturday morning in the park. Togeshiro, Shinoyama and Sonya were sitting on a bench in the center of the park, facing a statue made of silver and covered in graffiti of the legendary figure known as Sakata Gintoki. As Togeshiro took out a strange device from his pocket and pressed a button on it, it showed a hologram containing the picture of what seemed like a map with odd writing on it "This is the map the old man showed me. I tried looking all over the city and over the internet, but I couldn't find these charts anywhere"
"It certainly doesn't seem like any place I've been in before" said Shinoyama while focusing on trying to remember someplace like the one on the map, but failing to do so.
"That's because that is not a part of the city, or the Japanese nation, to begin with" said Sonya, all of a sudden "That is a chart of the Underground Nation known as Ryu no sōkutsu*"
"Ryu no sōkutsu? What is that?" Asked Shinoyama.
"During the great war, because of the terror spread by the Amanto military forces aiming to conquer Earth, paranoia and hatred drove Humanity into becoming hostile towards the Amanto who settled in by the end of The Great Joi Wars, even the ones who lived in co-operation with them and were like friends and family to them. The Amanto in turn feared and despised Humanity, but because the launching stations and many of the transportation ships were destroyed during the war, they had nowhere they could flee to, so despite Miss Kagura's best efforts, most of the Amanto living on Earth decided to seclude themselves from Humanity in a massive-scale cave system they dug underground and built cities in, known as Ryu no sōkutsu. To this day, those Amanto live in isolation from the outer world and live their lives in poverty under the eternal darkness of which is life under the caves" by the time she finished that sentence, Sonya looked like she was about to cry.
"That is a really sad story…" said Shinoyama "War takes its toll on both sides of the fight. The only ones benefiting from this are the greedy countries, planets and people making money from the suffering of those they defeat and/or conquer. I used to live in Ryu no sōkutsu myself"
"You did?" asked a surprised Togeshiro "Then why did you leave?"
"I might not look like it, but I was very adventurous when I was small. I wanted to see what the outer world looks like, so I ignored my Mom's orders and my father's warnings and went outside when mostly everyone was asleep, getting exiled from my city the moment I stepped out of its gates. After that, I lived by myself in Edo, in even greater poverty and… Well, you can probably guess how things turned out for me later on.." said Sonya with a sad smile "I'm sorry, I didn't know" said Shinoyama while patting on Sonya's shoulder. Togeshiro did the same "It's okay, you couldn't know. And besides, I kind of deserve to be punished…"
"Well, for now let's forget about the sad talk and focus on the treasure. After we become rich, we'll probably be able to bribe your way back into your city and back to your family" said Togeshiro with a smile and a wink. Sonya smiled back and jumped out of the bench "You're right! Let's go and get richer than we ever imagined!" said a pumped up Sonya. The three cheered and went towards a pizzeria to eat until they couldn't shove another olive into their mouths.
"So, do you know your way around here, then?" asked Shinoyama while licking his fingers and looking at the map with detail "Not really. Like I said, Ryu no sōkutsu was a massive cave system with whole cities located in its pocket areas. This is a different city, but looking at the entrance which is located inside Mount Hiei, if my memory about maps serves me right, this city should be right under the city of Kyoto"
"Let's head to Kyoto, then!" said Shinoyama.
"Hell yeah!" said Togeshiro.
Hell no!" said Togeshiro's mother as she spoke with him in their house at night. "Why not? I'm just going on a trip with my friends to Kyoto!" replied Togeshiro, trying to sound innocent "Oh, please! Don't give me that. You're clearly going to do some reckless and dangerous job with those friends of yours; you think I can't see right through you? I told you not to deal with this kind of stuff. Do you have any idea how many times your father and I nearly died when we were your age and fooling around? Why don't you get a regular part-time job like everyone else?"
"Mom, I'm a Samurai! I can handle myself in whatever situation I get thrown into! Stop looking down on me!"
"Don't yell at me! Don't you understand that there are people out there more dangerous than you can imagine? And how can you call yourself a Samurai when you can't even swing a sword properly with that mechanical right arm of yours!" Said Togeshiro's mom, getting slowly irritated "I have two arms, you know? I've practiced my swings with my left arm and I even have this plasma weapon I got from Dad! You don't believe I'm strong enough? I'll even take you on to prove you just how strong-" However, before he could reach for his weapon, Togeshiro was stopped by the sound of a sword being unsheathed and prepared for an Iaido* behind him. As he turned around, he saw his mom behind him with a Katana in her waist belt, ready to strike him the second he touched his weapon "Go ahead, try me. I'll chop your remaining left arm myself if that's what it takes for you to stop putting your life in danger" her expression was filled with a cold determination. Togeshiro slammed his fist against the ground in frustration. "Togeshiro, maybe you should listen to mom. She only wants you to be safe" said a young girl, around the same age as Togeshiro, as she opened the sliding door to the salon "Shut up, Kogame! This has nothing to do with you!"
"I'm just trying to help you. You're my brother, you know?"
"Is that so? Because from my point of view, up until now I was just the useless trash that came out after you were born. It's always all about you. All Dad and Mom ever do is shower you with praise while hitting me whenever I did something wrong, because you're an angel and I am a good-for-nothing"
"That's not true, Mom and Dad love you too" said Kogame as with a low voice. "Yeah, right. Maybe it'll be better for everyone if I just committed Seppuku! Oh wait, that's right… I'm not even a Samurai, right Mom?" said Togeshiro, not understanding why he got more and more pissed the more he talked. He then turned towards his sister Kogame "The only successful heir in this family is you, dear sister" replied Togeshiro with a venomous tone "stop it…" said Kogame, looking like she was about to burst in tears "I wish you would just DIE ALREADY!" Kogame gasped and ran away "Togeshiro!" yelled Togeshiro's mother as she slapped him so hard he fell to the ground. "…You see? I was right. All you and Dad ever do is hit me" Togeshiro stood up and rejected his Mom's hand as he silently walked to his room and closed the door behind him. His mother clenched her fists in pain and sat next to the dining table.
"Father, am I a horrible mother?" she asked eventually. A very elderly man was there, sitting outside of the room, on the wooden floor leading to the garden. "You're not. The kid just felt like a shadow to his sister his entire life. Being pressured by her success, as well as trying to no avail to avert his father's gaze towards him, He couldn't take it anymore and just exploded unintentionally in front of his Mother and older sister, for whom's sake he would give his own life, even if he would never admit it. But this is no bad parenthood; No one knows better than you about the fragile spirit of your daughter and how hurt she's inside. And of course, you already know why your husband always focuses on Kogame more than he does on Togeshiro"
"So I should just do nothing about it? You're telling me it's fine to just leave things how they are?" asked the unbelieving woman "Yes. After all, despite being light years away, unlike me the kid's father hasn't abandoned his son for one second. He's testing him, like a bird pushing its scared fledgling from the nest and putting its life in danger in order for it to fly. You could learn from the birds, you know? Just take him to a cliff and-" before the old man could finish his sentence, the dining table went flying through the paper door and hit him towards the pool "How about I push you from a cliff instead, you senile old man" said the pissed mother while cracking her fingers. The old man emerged from the pool, spitting and coughing "What I meant to say is that you should let your son experience danger firsthand and intervene only if he's in a serious life-or-death situation. Also, you should call your husband back. That bastard can't run away from his responsibilities forever, you know?"
The mother thought about it for a while before smiling and looking at the old man "Thanks, Father"
"It's not Father, it's Big Daddy Jirochou. Now get me out of the water, give me a massage and go buy me a porn magazine. Actually, just bring me the new volume of Turaburu-" and with that, a cup of tea crashed on his forehead and sent him sinking into the pool.
The next morning:
Looking into Togeshiro's empty room the morning after the fight, Kogame covered her mouth with her hands while Togeshiro's mother shook her head "He's as stubborn as his father and grandfather…" On the train to Kyoto, Togeshiro sat on a seat next to the window and next to an obese man who was sleeping with a newspaper covering his face while Sonya and Shinoyama were sitting in front of him. "Sigh… My mom is going to kill me when I get back home…" Said Togeshiro while looking out of the window "Don't worry, she'll forget about it later on" said Shinoyama with a calm voice "You don't know my Mom. She'll cut my manhood and sell it online to buy me Latex and joke about it for the rest of my life…"
"Yeah, right. In what currency? Dongs*?" joked Sonya while looking at the serious and disappointed expressions Togeshiro and Shinoyama were making "…Too soon?"
"Too soon."
"Too soon."
The train stopped at the station and the trio stepped out of it "Let's do this" said Togeshiro.
Meanwhile, on the Andromeda galaxy:
A war was happening in space "Mayday, Mayday! The Terrorists have taken over our mothership and destroyed most of our fleet! We need backup NOW!" yelled a soldier into a speaker as the lower part of his ship was being blasted by the space Terrorists. The soldier came towards the deck to witness it being jetpack-assaulted by a group of terrorists "It's over…" he whispered, kneeling down as he witnessed his brave comrades charging forwards, only to get slaughtered by the terrorists. The man took out a pendant and opened it, revealing the picture of a little child "I'm sorry, sports. Dad won't be coming home like he promised" the terrorists noticed the soldier which remained kneeling on the ground and charged towards him, but getting blown to smithereens by cannon fire "Huh…?" as the soldier looked up, he saw a fleet of space battleships with the symbol of a Komainu head on each of them "That's…!"
On the deck of the leading ship, a man was giving orders while passing through his soldiers:
"Unit 1, Unit 2, Unit 3, surround the main battleship and neutralize its weapons"
"Yes, sir!" said a group of people to his left.
"Unit 4, rescue: Find and retrieve the injured ones, don't bother with retrieving the corpses- I don't need lives risked for lives lost, you got me?"
"Yes, sir!" responded a group of people behind him.
"Units 5, 6 and 7 provide support to the other ships. Seiheitai, move out"
"YES, SIR!" responded the entirety of the people on the deck.
An anchor was shot at the deck where the soldier was kneeling. The man leading the Seiheitai slid across the metal wire which connected his ship to the other, the iron soles of his boots leaving a trail of sparks in the artificial atmospheres of the ships, which were now merged like bubbles on contact. 'The space navy fleet feared and revered across the universe- The Seiheitai!' the soldier thought to himself as the man jumped and landed next to him. He was wearing what looked like a winter greatcoat with a waist belt that had a wooden sword and a Katana strapped to it, as well as black military boots. He wore glasses on which the right lens was darkened like in sunglasses while the other one was transparent. Looking at his face with detail, the soldier noticed a bunch of scars going through and around his right eye, not to mention that his right pupil was glowing red 'A cybernetic right eye… A wooden sword and a 'Katana', there's no mistaking it… he's the man known as one of the ten strongest men in the universe- Admiral of the Seiheitai and Yorozuya legendary three, Shimura Shinpachi!'
"You. You're part of the intel unit, am I right?" Shinpachi turned to him "Huh...? Oh, yeah.."
"I need you to tell me in detail about everything that happened in here. Can you do it?"
"Uh…" paused the soldier, shaking his head and pulling himself back together before recalling the events that took place. He stood up and saluted as he spoke "Sir! We were leading a fleet of ships which contained highly valuable cargo under an order from the Union with outmost-priority, when we were attacked by the group of terrorist leading the current assault!"
"… What's this 'highly valuable' cargo you're talking about?" asked Shinpachi "400,000 pounds of crystalized Altana, sir!"
"Crystalized Altana!? And this much? Why did the Union… No, the better question right now would be what the Terrorists are planning to do with it…" he then looked at the Intelligence Soldier's pendant "That's your son?" he asked him "Yeah, my pride. He's gonna be 12 this year… I wanted to be there for him, but I also wanted to fight for the peace of the universe. It's always like that on the battlefield isn't it? Us faceless soldiers die while all but none ever remembers us or appreciates our efforts… I shouldn't have left him. I'm scum, aren't I?" he asked Shinpachi "Yeah, you're scum. Everyone who's willing to leave their family behind for half-assed motives like that is scum and deserves to get kicked by a horse and die. And who would know better than I do? I'm of those scums, after all"
"Sir?"
"What's your name, soldier?" Shinpachi suddenly asked "Um, it's Terakado Akira… Sir" Shinpachi held his hand forward and Akira hesitantly grabbed it, shaking hands with him "Hold on to that name, because if you don't, no one else will. We're not faceless soldiers, remember that. By the way, my name is Doromizu Shinpachi"
"I know sir… Wait, Doromizu-" their conversation was interrupted by a ring coming from one of the pockets in Shinpachi's outfit. He took out his cellphone and answered the call "What's going on!?" asked Shinpachi.
*Takayuki Furuichi is one of the main characters in the series 'Beelzebub'. He's the local 'straight man'.
*Part of the original introduction of 'Gintama'.
*Introduction of the series 'Attack on Titan'.
*Introduction of the series 'Fullmetal Alchemist'.
*Ryu no sōkutsu- "Dragon's Den".
*Iaido- A modern Japanese martial art and sport that emphasizes being aware and capable of quickly drawing the sword and responding to a sudden attack.
*The Dong is one of the currencies with the lowest value in the world. One Dong is worth approximately 0.000045 USD. This is actually a joke with a double meaning to it, as Sonya is implying that Togeshiro's d**k is microscopic and Dong can serve as slang for d**k.