This week has been a week of horror. In the US, the Orlando murders. In the UK, a far right "mentally ill" (aka white) extremist murders a wonderfully sincere MP. People are trying to take our rights away, trying to move us back, instead of forwards. I think we should all do our damndest not to let that happen. For my part, I will be voting to remain part of the EU for a start, but I also intend to carry on writing fanfiction, to do my part to spread the gay. So here's this week's contribution, which has our Myka struggling to resist her vampire, and struggling to reconcile the death of Warren Bering with her feelings for Helena. Stay weird, my friends. Don't give in. (Also. NSFW. Bad words and smut.)

Myka went back to the house, finding Tracy and Sameen sitting outside on the porch swing, watching David run around the yard playing Frisbee with dog-Pete. Amanda was out somewhere, Tracy said vaguely. Myka remembered, suddenly, that they needed to talk about the frightening strength of David's abilities.

"Hey, Trace. Could we talk for a minute?" she asked, and Tracy nodded, following her inside.

"What's up, sis?" Tracy asked.

"I wanted to talk to you about David. I'm a little frightened, honestly. There is no way he should have been able to hear what Dad was saying when he got killed. The distance is just incredible. I know it was his last moments, so maybe the volume of his mind was a little louder than usual – but still. He was in Colorado."

"Well, none of this really makes sense to me, Myka," Tracy said. "But if you say there are rules, then I believe you. What do you want to do?"

"I think we need to go see Artie," Myka said, and Tracy nodded.

"Sure, sis. Whatever you say," she said, before smiling slyly. "So, you and the vampire made up, I guess? Since you didn't come back last night."

Myka shifted a little uncomfortably, palming the back of her neck self-consciously.

"I… I didn't – we didn't do anything. I just… I can't stay away from her, not right now. It's a compulsion. This bond is so strong…" she trailed off, avoiding Tracy's eyes.

Tracy reached out and squeezed her forearm.

"Hey, big sis. Don't worry about it. Like I said, I don't blame her, not really. I mean, I'm sad that Dad's gone – a little. But I don't have any problem with you being with her. Quite the opposite, actually. It sounds like she's saved your life a lot, and I'd rather she stayed close in case something else happens."

"Okay," Myka said, nodding. "I guess I'll just have to let it sit for a while, think it through."

Tracy nodded at her and then sent her to sit on the porch with Sameen while she made some coffee. Myka went to sit next to the small woman, nodding a greeting.

"Thanks for the help, the other night," Myka said, a little self-consciously.

"No problem," Sameen said, nodding. "She's pretty hardcore, that kid."

"Yeah," Myka said, laughing a little – a sound that had no humour in it. Christina had killed far too many children to ever be considered funny.

"She's your vampire's daughter, huh?"

"Yeah," Myka said, with a small wince.

"That's… fuck me. How the hell did that even happen?" Sameen asked.

"It was the civil war," Myka began, and Sameen gaped at her.

"The American Civil War? Are you shitting me?"

"No," Myka said, smiling at Sameen's amazement. "Helena was made into a vampire just before the war, and she always kept an eye on Christina. Some sort of mothering instinct left over from her human life, I guess. There was this one night and there were some deserters looking for food – they killed her husband and the kid, too."

"Shit."

"Yeah," Myka agreed. "So she turned the kid – not realising, or maybe not remembering, that child vampires are insane. She turned the kid, and she just couldn't be controlled. Helena's maker, James, wouldn't help Helena control her thirst – he didn't care how many people she killed. So he was pretty thrilled when Christina turned out to be a bloodthirsty little monster. Helena eventually left them because she couldn't take it anymore, and learned to control herself and not kill every time she ate. And since then, the kid has been running around, killing children all over the place to get back at her mom. I found – there were some twin girls, and one of them went missing. I hadn't been here long. I found her, heard her crying, you know, in my head?"

Sameen nodded.

"I carried her back home through the woods, and her parents were so happy. It was one of the best days of my career. And then Christina killed them both, on Helena's birthday. She left a flower and a note. The kid is just… out of control," she finished, and Sameen nodded, avid and appalled.

"That's fucking crazy," she muttered, eating a handful of what looked like pretzels.

"I know," Myka agreed, and they both sat in companionable silence for a minute until Tracy arrived with coffee for them both. They all sat watching David and Pete play, and Myka didn't need her gift to know that both Tracy and Sameen were slightly melting. It was awfully cute, Myka had to admit. Even though the dog in question was actually her friend and deputy, he was still a dog, and his exuberant joy was warming to watch. Myka thought it was a shame, really, that she didn't have any feelings for Pete other than fraternal ones – it would be much easier to be in a relationship with Pete than with Helena. It was unlikely that he would ever murder someone in cold blood the way Helena had.

She didn't go to the station that day, at Leena's insistence.

"We've hired a cleanup crew, boss. It's better if we just replace the furniture and decoration, Mrs Frederic thinks. We're replacing the carpet – I know you worked hard on it, but the blood is just not coming out. If there are any important calls, I'll let you know. Otherwise, I guess you should consider this a day off. Mrs Frederic will be coming to see you later, though."

"Okay," Myka said, before hanging up and returning to her coffee.

Mrs Frederic did turn up around lunchtime, and despite offers from Amanda and Tracy for her to stay, she only asked to speak to Myka before disappearing again into the ether.

"Sheriff Bering, I heard about the unfortunate incident at the station. Rest assured, the cleanup will be taken care of and the station re-equipped as necessary. I have come to see you, however, to warn you. This danger, the evil of which I warned you – it is almost time, now, and you and your people need to be vigilant. The girl is deranged, and her master no less so. You must be vigilant, otherwise no-one will be left to stand against her and her master, and that will begin an avalanche, a wave of violence against humans the likes of which you could not imagine. You have sacrificed a lot, Sheriff, but you may be called upon to sacrifice more before this matter is resolved. I trust in your judgement," Mrs Frederic said, before nodding and walking off to her car and driver.

The Mayor's visit left Myka unsettled. This trouble or evil or whatever she was predicting was pretty terrifying, and it was a lot to put on Myka, who was just a Sheriff, at the end of the day. A Sheriff who could hear thoughts, and seemed to be surrounded by supernatural beings, but still a Sheriff. How was she supposed to stop a wave of violence against humans?

If the rest of her guests noticed her preoccupation, they didn't mention it. Later that day, however, Myka decided to tell them what Mrs Frederic had said. They all sat in silence for a moment, digesting what she'd said.

"I think Leena is the one who gets to see the future or whatever. I don't know what they're planning, but we all need to be really careful. Sameen, would you be open to signing on as a Deputy for a little while?" Myka asked, and the small woman nodded after a silent conversation with Tracy.

"Cool. First thing tomorrow, we'll go get you some equipment – silver bullets, handcuffs, all that good stuff."

Sameen nodded again, this time more eagerly. The prospect of shooting someone seemed to cheer her up. Myka had to agree – the idea of shooting Christina or James was very appealing.

"Tracy, I need you to make sure that you stay close to David. Christina attacked the station because she can't get in the house. You need to keep your eyes open."

Tracy nodded, a little wide-eyed, but she also looked furious at the idea of anyone touching her son. Myka thought, with some satisfaction, that if anyone touched David they might take on more than they'd bargained for with Tracy.

Myka took the opportunity to call Artie to ask if he could see David. His new assistant, Deb, answered, and said his only appointment was late the following evening.

"Believe it or not, he's got a lot of work on this next few days – actual law stuff, you know," Deb said dryly. "He can see David tomorrow after his last appointment. 8pm okay for you?"

"Sure," Myka said. "Thanks, Deb."

When she thought about it, however, she wondered how good of an idea it was. The sun would go down when they were at the appointment. Maybe it would be a better idea to have Artie come to them, if that were possible. She decided to talk to Tracy about it later.

The day was strangely pleasant. Myka felt a sense of belonging that she hadn't felt since she was a child, on the rare occasions when they'd gone to visit cousins or grandparents. Family was a strange concept for her, and even with Jack and Rebecca, she'd never really felt like their child – just the kid that they took in out of pity. Not that they ever made her feel that way – that was just how she felt about it. Her father's abandonment had meant that she'd never really relaxed enough there to feel like she belonged. She thought about Abigail, about how she'd planned to go and see the woman again before all the craziness of the last weeks. She made a mental note to arrange another session soon, to help her to deal with all of these changes in her life. The situation with Helena and this blood bond alone was worth a few sessions, surely? Myka shook off her preoccupation and took a turn playing Frisbee with Pete and David, and later Pete (in human form) showed the kid the fundamentals of basketball, looking so serious that it made Myka smile, and Amanda melt.

"He's so sweet with him," Amanda said, almost gushing, and Sameen snickered next to her.

"Shut up, Shaw" Amanda said, blushing and nudging Sameen with her shoulder. "He's cute, I can't help it. Anyway, you can't talk – have you even left Tracy's side since you guys met?"

It was Sameen's turn to blush then, and she turned away as if she hadn't heard, but Myka could see the tips of her ears pinking up. Myka chuckled, and Sameen shot her a filthy look that dissolved into fondness when Tracy came out of the house carrying beer and soda.

The day had gone a long way towards restoring Myka's spirits. At the back of her mind, however, was the problem that Helena had become. Myka was resigned to spending time with Helena for at least the next few days. After that, however, was a question mark. She still had a decision to make – whether to forgive Helena or not. Or rather, not whether to forgive Helena, but whether to trust Helena not to do something like this again. Myka couldn't honestly say she was upset that her father was dead, but she was upset that Helena had had him killed. No-one else seemed to be, however – not even Tracy, who was being surprisingly phlegmatic about it. David seemed a little sad, but accepted the absence of his grandfather in an unusual way that Myka thought might have something to do with him having heard the man's last thoughts. She made a mental note to talk that over with Artie when they spoke.

That night Helena appeared at the bottom of the stairs to the porch, her posture uncertain, but Tracy stood and welcomed her, and David ran to her, grabbing her around the legs and shouting "Aunt Helena!" Myka could see the stunned confusion on Helena's face. She had expected anger or fear even, for her part in arranging Warren's death, but she was receiving none from anyone but Myka. She looked at Myka, her eyes wide, and Myka nodded at her, indicating the seat next to her that Sameen had just absented. Helena came to sit next to her and kissed her on the cheek, her cool lips lingering.

"Good evening, my love," she murmured, and Myka took a deep breath.

"Hello, Helena," she said, for want of a better phrase. She didn't know how to relate to Helena, and it showed. Everyone was watching them, eyes wide at the awkwardness of the scene.

"So, Helena, can I get you some Tru Blood?" Tracy asked, cutting through the atmosphere, and Helena nodded and smiled.

"I missed you," Helena said quietly, and Myka sighed.

"I can't talk about this now, Helena," she said quietly, and Helena nodded stiffly, her face set. Pete and Sameen shared looks of awkwardness, and Myka had a desire for a moment to strangle them. They could at least try to make things less awkward, but neither of them had the best social skills. Or any. Myka hurriedly asked them about their military days, which led to another conversation between Pete, Sameen and Amanda where they were trying to one-up each other with their combat stories. Tracy returned with Helena's Tru Blood, and they sat quietly watching the three ex-military weres duke it out over who was toughest, or who had the best story. David grew weary early on in the conversation and came to sit on Myka's knee, and it wasn't long before he ended up fast asleep and draped across both Myka and Helena. Myka had to admit that she was truly content in that moment, feeling that sense of belonging once again along with the happiness that came with her new bond with Helena. She revelled in it, and part of her hated that she felt that way, because it wasn't her choice. She felt good when Helena was here whether she liked it or not. It didn't matter that she'd always felt happy when Helena was around; the point was that now she didn't have a choice. She sighed and put her head on Helena's shoulder, giving in to the way she felt. Helena put her arm around Myka and they sat there with Myka's new family, David asleep on their knee. Myka smiled a little, and Helena pulled her closer, her arm cool around Myka's waist. Myka wondered how she could even be contemplating giving this up for the sake of Warren Bering, a man who had abandoned her in her childhood and whose most recent input into her life was to call her a freak and threaten to hurt her and her friends. It didn't make sense. But so little of her life did, now, that she couldn't make heads or tails of any of it. She took another slow, deep breath and let herself relax, resolving to enjoy the moment for now and worry about the future of the relationship once the intensity of the blood bond had waned.

Helena spoke little, but she did, at one point, refer to Sameen as "little shadowcat", causing a ripple of amusement around their little group.

"Why'd you call me that, HG?" Sameen asked, her mouth full as usual, and Helena looked at her uncertainly.

"Well, you are little, even in your were form. The smallest werepanther I have ever seen," Helena began, and Sameen's face darkened, but then a smile crossed her face at Helena's next words, "and you are without question the fiercest. I believe you would have killed my daughter had she not run away. She ran away because of you, in fact. Does the name offend you?" she asked, and Sameen shook her head, grinning with an open mouth full of food. Pete and Amanda shared a look of amusement, and Myka sighed. There was probably some sort of popular culture reference that she and Helena were both missing, but Sameen seemed pretty pleased with her nickname, so Myka mentally shrugged.

Later that night, Myka went back to Helena's house, ostensibly to allow Pete and Amanda a night in a real bed, but if she was being honest, she wanted to be alone with Helena. She needed to be closer to the vampire. The bond demanded it, but so did Myka's heart. She didn't want this separation, but her head was still so messed up about everything. And no-one else felt the same way, not even Tracy, who'd spent her whole life with Warren as her father. Granted, Tracy was a little more pragmatic and sometimes a lot scarier than Myka would have given her little sister credit for, but she'd still have expected her to be angry at Helena for killing their father. The fact that she wasn't had destroyed any certainty that Myka had about what the right thing was.

Helena lifted Myka and carried her home, the landscape around them blurring during the short journey back to her house. Myka could sense a tension in the vampire that she didn't understand. When they arrived at the house, Helena carried her directly to the huge bathroom, and set Myka on her feet before beginning to fill the tub. Myka didn't have time to ask what she was doing before she had disappeared. Myka heard her use the microwave downstairs. For want of anything better to do, Myka sat on the closed lid of the toilet, her hands under her thighs, and waited for the vampire to return.

Helena returned a few minutes later with a glass of wine for Myka and a bottle of Tru Blood. She handed the wine to Myka and put her own drink in the cupholder on the side of the tub. She began to strip her clothes off, and as she did so, she began to speak. "I have been so worried, Myka, that I would hurt you. So worried, in fact, that I gave no thought to the idea that you might hurt me. Let alone so profoundly. It has been – what is it you humans call it? A learning curve. I had no idea that I had the capacity to be so hurt. But nor did I have any idea that I could love anyone, let alone a human, this much. And now we are bonded. So what now, Myka? For we can clearly not stay away from each other," the vampire finished. Her tone was matter-of-fact, and she slipped into the tub, naked and gleaming, as Myka watched, transfixed.

"I… I don't know, Helena," she admitted, and after a moment, she, too, began to strip, putting her wine down on the side of the tub and stepping in. They looked at each other, faces expressionless, and Helena said nothing for a long moment. She took a sip from the steaming bottle, and when she turned back to Myka, there was blood on her teeth. Blood on her fangs. Myka felt an intense pang of need.

"You don't want me anymore?" Helena asked, but it wasn't truly a question. It was slightly mocking, slightly hurt, and slightly angry.

"Helena, you're making out like you're the victim here. I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to break up with you. But you killed someone. Someone who wasn't in the process of trying to kill me, or hurt anyone. He was just an ass. And yeah, I understand that you perceived him as a threat, and that you dealt with it the way you thought was right. But it wasn't, and I know you haven't been human for a long time, but you should know that, Helena," Myka said, exasperated.

"I know it now, Myka, because you say it. I know because you have told me, because Tracy has told me, because Pete has told me. But I don't understand it. The man hurt you. He destroyed your childhood and because of him, what should have been a precious gift became a curse. Your boyfriend, Sam? He could have lived, but for your father. You were beaten and abused because of him. And you cannot sit there and tell me that your father would have dealt well with the revelation that his precious grandson was a 'freak' like his daughter," she snarled.

"No, he wouldn't, Helena. I don't know what he would have done. But I never got the chance to find out because you killed him. That's not how humans do things."

Helena looked at her incredulously.

"Okay, that's not how we should do things. Murder is a crime, Helena. I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I care if he's alive or dead. I don't. It's not that he's dead. It's that you thought it was okay to kill him. That's the problem."

Helena looked at her for a long time.

"I do understand, Myka. But I do not agree with your idea that because of this, we should separate. I can learn, to understand your morals, what is acceptable in your human world and what is not. What I cannot do is find another person I love. I love you, and only you. You have taken that away, without discussion or my consent," Helena ground out, and Myka felt a twinge of remorse.

"Maybe you're right, Helena. Maybe I've been looking at this wrong. Maybe we should try again. Right now, I don't know. This bond has my head so confused that all I want to do is be near you. I can't trust my own feelings right now," Myka said, shaking her head slightly.

"I understand," Helena said, her eyes suddenly half-lidded. She moved closer and somehow her mouth was around Myka's earlobe, and a hand was touching Myka's hip and then her lower belly. Myka took a shaky breath.

"Helena, I didn't mean…" and then she couldn't speak for a long moment because all she could think was oh god because Helena's hands were on her buttocks, pulling Myka easily into her lap, and Helena's mouth was on her neck, sucking on her gently, fangs stinging but not penetrating.

"Helena, I think we should talk," Myka managed, her brain becoming less clear by the moment.

"And I think I should fuck you until you forget your name, let alone why you felt the need to leave me," Helena snarled, her lips framing the swear word precisely against Myka's ear, and Myka didn't protest anymore, because how could she? Helena waited for her to say no. She looked Myka in the eyes, her pupils huge, and when Myka didn't protest, Helena took her roughly, fingers and fangs slipping into her simultaneously, causing Myka to cry out, a broken cry of pleasure and pain mixed, and then Myka didn't think anything at all, because she couldn't remember anything but this, the feeling of Helena inside her, the things that Helena made her feel. Helena was rough with her, but it was incredible. She felt like Helena was reaching inside of her, touching some part of her that no-one had ever touched. It was profound, somehow, the depth of the sensation that Helena gave her. And Helena was right - during the long night that followed Myka couldn't have concentrated for long enough to remember her own name. Hell, she couldn't have identified herself in a line-up.

Later, when she was fighting to stay awake, Helena's arms around her, she realised that the vampire was weeping quietly next to her.

"Don't cry, Helena," she said, drowsiness almost overtaking her. "I didn't stop loving you. Please, don't cry. We'll talk about it when the bond isn't like this. Please," she said, and Helena buried her face in Myka's hair.

"I've never loved anyone like this," Helena whispered, and Myka tightened her arms around her.

"I've never felt this hurt before," she said, and Myka's heart twisted.

"I'm sorry, Helena. I've never felt like this either. I'm sorry. We'll work it out. We'll talk about it," she promised, and Helena nodded. But it took a while for her tears to stop. Myka managed to stay awake to comfort her, but as soon as Helena settled down, she fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.

The following morning she found a note by the bed, along with her key.

My love

I hope that you meant what you said last night, because otherwise you have given me that most poisonous of gifts; false hope. Today I sleep in the ground, ten paces to the north of Paul James' final resting place. I hope to see you when I wake.

Yours

Helena

Myka smiled slightly and brought the paper closer to her face, detecting the faint scent of Helena's perfume. She had never met anyone like Helena, and might never again. The vampire loved so fiercely. Myka had to admit to herself that she couldn't see a way to leave Helena, no matter how heinous her actions in dealing with Warren Bering. She loved the vampire too much, and the idea of losing her – of leaving her – was almost unthinkable. She wondered how much of that thought was her, and how much was the blood bond. In some ways, it didn't really matter, because the blood bond had been forged by Helena saving Myka's life. She couldn't exactly complain about its existence.