Hoho, here is the awesome (hopefully funny) second chapter!

So, here comes our beloved Shinsengumi ... enjoy and be happy :)

The disaster of cook, GrDDWorries and THIS MEANS WAR!

During Shinpachis wallow in self-pity some more stupid characters join the scene.

„Oi,oi, look who is coming here, Kagura-chan~… the broom with his sadist kid and the disaster of cook."

„Oi, Shinpachi looks like you get not only a gorilla father but also a sadist dog and ingredients."

„OI! Did your Chinese fugitive of brat just called me ingredients? And how do you even proceed from cook to ingredients? What is wrong with you? And you are the least worthy one to judge me, you sugar freak! Did your sugar cancer already spread into your brain?"

„Sugar cancer? Sorry, all this nicotine of yours must have altered your pronunciation. By the way, are you really sure you want to have an argument about illegal immigrants? I'm pretty certain your Gorilla over there has no vet certification. And when was the last time he had a check-up of diseases? If you think we will give our lady some flea covered beast, you sure as hell are mistaken!"

„Oh, actually we did get him checked last week cause his behavior was worrying…" Hijikata trailed of.

Everyone stared at him in disbelief, Sougo with a huge malicious grin on his face, promising murder and torture, Kondo silently crying, in the shallow attempt to hide it.

Not that anyone was fooled.

„W-w-wait! WAIT! NO! Thats not the point! In the first place who are you to assume that our Gorilla who lives in the clean, rich and shiny part of Edo has fleas? If somebody has to check than of course your Gorilla who lives in the suburban jungle of filth!"

„Toshi… that doesn't make it any better.." Kondos tears stream now more vehemently, giving up in hiding. Hijikata panics more.

„N-n-n-n-n-o I-i-i-i m-mean of course it shouldn't matter if anyone of them has fleas we are in a free country, a-a-and…and.. we can always wash ourselves!" haughtily of himself and his quick thinking he glanced to a still crying Kondo, who forces himself a tiny smile on his face.

„I am.. hick.. proud… hick.. of your.. open mind, Toshi…. really." Gintoki pats comradely on his shoulder and nodding empathic he adds:

„Well said, Gorilla. Well said."

Hijikata -still confused- tried to focus on the important matters.

They were here for a certain mission and he would be ashamed to call himself the Demo-… Vice Commander of the Shinsengumi if he couldn't complete this properly. Of course there were this little miscalculations and annoyances -to call it names the Yorozuyas (or to be specific, a certain dead fish eyed bastard)- but nonetheless it wasn't anything he couldn't handle.

For he was the unofficial leader of the Shinsengumi, the caretaker of a Gorilla boss, and the survivor of a sadist assassin, he, the great Demo-… ahem.. Vice Commander.

While Hijikata indulges with his inner monologue, Gintoki watched with slight worries

-well maybe he should say with a little bit more worries … not to say ..maybe Great-Danger-Destruction-Worries (in short GrDDWo) which only appear when two monster-like individuals met. But of course he wasn't worried… never-

the fight between Soichiro-kun and Kagura which was -like always- frightening counterbalanced.

Frightening, because we have a 14 Year old alien girl from the Yato tribe, which were the best fighter in the universe, and on top of it she was the daughter of the strongest man (well, alien hunter but it was basically the same, right?) in the universe, with a brother who was the

1) best friend and ally of his archenemy

2) his second archenemy (well, kinda, he wasn't sure if prince baka ranks second or third), and

3) the strongest space pirate in the universe (well, not yet, but the whole series is outlined for him to become the top alien boss (whoa, another reference of One Piece! Has the Anime really this much money?) and the strongest man in the universe after beating his father (also soon to be) so it is basically the same right?).

So… yeah, this girl was fighting with a 18 year old human, who was indeed a sadist -but the last time he checked, he didn't get some weird kind of superpower in being so, so it basically means nothing- and they were counterbalanced.

So any questions again, why it was frightening? Nobody? Good.

Of course nobody was as frightening as himself in Shiroyasha-mode, -just watch the damn opening and flashbacks!- but he was open minded, enough to recognize the quantity of power they had.

Or so Gintoki thinks.

Anyway, during the kids dogfight and the adults overestimated monologue, the pitiable Gorilla Commander and the not-so-pitiable Gorilla boss lady consulted each other.

„Otae-chan! You look so beautiful today! No, in fact you look every day beautiful, haha. How are you feeling? When will we marry? Is this week good?"

Otae paled a little bit and her fists clutched harder in the attempt to regulate her anger.

„Ah.. yes well about this… didn't we agreed to start slowly? I need more time to acclimate myself … and everybody else also has to cope with this first. You know this isn't easy for me, you understand …right?"

„What? But we can be finally together! Our feelings are mutual. What is there to wait about?" Kondo pouted.

A vein popped on Otaes forehead, and every attempt of suppressing her temper failed. Her fist grabs his collar and she drags him down, till they are face to face.

„Listen." Her voice deep and bristling of swelling rage

„You like me. You love me. If you want that our relationship continues, you do what I say. Do you UNDERSTAND?" In consideration of her glaring eyes and scrunched mouth -which tells him not so subtile that she is fucking mad- poor Gorilla had no other choice but to reconsider.

Immediately. On his knees. Pleading.

„Well.. we sure as hell didn't believe that Kondo-san actually managed to schmooze her. Turns out we were right." Sougo chokes unemotionally while being held in a headlock.

„Damn right, you super sadist! As if Anego would ever submit to anything! She will conquer the world, with me as her General, and then you will be the first one to be pushed in the volcano of screams and torture. And I will be watching, sitting across in my castle of Sukonbu, enjoying sake and listen to your ugly, slow, death. Ahk-"

She screamed as he twist her wrist and freed himself while simultaneously grabbing her hair to hold her down.

„You want to kill me? Sorry China, you are hundred years to early for that."

He spouted haughtily from above.

„And I should better give you a lecture about how to scare your opponent, 'cause this was terrible. Really, a volcano of scream and torture?"

He sneered at her, watching with content joy the darkening of her cheeks.

„HAH? You aren't any better, you sadist! You getting hard for wracking a helpless girl? You asshole! Let me go! If you rip off one strand of my precious hair, you will regret it for your life time, you pervert!"

„Who do you call a pervert? And no, I only get hard by wrecking real women, not little brats who didn't even has their monthlies. Or are you already in your puberty? I really can't tell by your ugly face, it just doesn't seem to change…"

„Oi, you sadist, let me go and I show you how much I can change your shitpile that you call face!"

„You should really watch you language, bitch."

„Have a problem with my accuracy, asshole?"

„No, just thought you may leave a false impression to the men watching, slut."

„You calling me a prostitute, fucker? Don't you dare insult Tsukky and the others! Every women has to live, and it's better than a payed killer sadist, sadist!"

„Ha, said it twice!"

„That was with intent, asshole! Read between the lines!"

„To much effort."

„Then don't complain."

„Whatever."

„Fuck you."

„No, fuck you."

„Said it twice!"

„With intent!"

„Don't copy me."

„As if I need that."

„Well, than let me go already, so I can beat you to death."

„Never gonna happen. You're way to arrogant."

…

Gintoki and Hijikata simultaneously turn around, deliberately deciding to ignore the bantering kids.

„You really think Kondo-san and the women are together?"

Hijikata whispers, eyes not leaving Otae who is momentary punching Kondo because he touched her shoulder.

„Not a second." Gintoki whispers back.

A heavy sigh escapes him and he wonders why the lady apparently tried to fake a relationship with his boss. That his Commander don't get the difference between real love and this, isn't all to surprising, he was stalking her for devils knows how long.

But the question was why. Why would this gorilla lady do this, if not for a cruel attempt to break Kondo-sans heart more.

„It makes no sense."

Gintoki laughed at that -because seriously, what in this fucking anime makes sense?- and approaches the outed pair carefully, maybe the tiniest bit relieved in the encouraging presence of the Mayora.

„Oy, Gorilla, are you really together?" Kondo spins, a scary stalker smile on his face and nods frequently.

„Of course! I love her! And I knew she loves me, too! Haha! Everything is perfect! We will getting married next week and have ten beautiful girls who will look like Otae and- Agh!"

He goes down with a thunk and the men slowly lifted their gaze to Otaes way-to-kind smile.

„Yes, we love each other, but we both agreed that a marriage is still too soon and something you have to decide carefully. Right?"

Hesitation from the pile of meat on the floor. A feet chunks down, only centimeters away from Gorillas balls.

„YES! Yes! Of course it is way to early! We just came out in the open, so we have to let everybody adjust to that first! AHAHA. Haha. .ha. …" He lifts his head.

„Don't look at me like that! Toshi! Yoruzuya! Don't show me this disgusted look! I'm still a man!

I have still balls, right? Right!?"

„No, you were never a man in the first place. Don't try to confuse things. But I am disappointed at your lack of animal pride. At least try to bite her hand or something. Even Sadaharu has more balls than you, ne Ogoushi-kun?"

„Who are you calling Ogoushi-kun? And no, I think we should see this as an improvement, at least he has been tamed."

„Well, you have a point, but in the sake of animal-rights, I don't know if Gorillas even count as pet animals. We should get him a jungle to see him in the wild."

„No, thats way to expensive! Do you even know how much preserving a park in a city costs? And than imagine a whole jungle! Are you out of your mind?"

„Tch. Can't even make a tiny jungle for their chief. Blame on me, for expecting anything from you tax robbers."

„What was that? You just insulted me for the least thing counting? And what do you mean, you had expectations? My ass! As if you could think that long to expect something! No!

In the first place why are you calling us tax robber if we do our job, but are disappointed if we don't waste money on hilarious things? You nuts? You had a sugar shortage and lost your reasons?

A, no, sorry, my bad, you never had any reason to begin with. All the sweets you ate are blocking your blood supply!"

„HAH? As if that would ever happen! The only thing that could block it, is your dog food mayonnaise, with all it fat!"

„WHAT? Don't you dare insult the holiness of mayonnaise! And, wait. That is the only thing you are angry about? Like, I just insulted your brain capacity?"

„Ah, well you were right about that. I was too lazy to actually manage the strength to think more than a second about it… no need to get worked over it, right?"

„Hmm.. thats actually pretty sincere and all."

„Yeah, I know. I'm telling you all day long, Gin-san is a really honest and clever man. But you never listen." He sighs.

Hijikata kind of feels guilty about it.

No! Wait! He doesn't feel guilty about it! No way! Never! As if he would feel that way just because the natural perm had admitted one of his mistakes!

He certainly will never feel-

„Not that I actually care what you or the rest of the world thinks. Everybody, apart from me, is just thinking the wrong way. Don't know why they make so much effort. Maybe it is their lack of sugar."

Yeah. Right. He doesn't feel guilty. Never.

„But seriously, do you really want us to believe that you conveniently changed your mind on the last day of the anime show?" Hijikata asks monitoring the gorilla pair. Otae grits her teeth violently but manages her anger.

„Of course."

„Hmm." Gintoki hums, still not abel to lay the finger on this.

„Then you can start to prove it to us with a kiss, like Kagura said." Otae nods.

„Yes, nothing would I love to do more, but my Gorilla has currently a louse infection"

-everybody ignores the loud and teary „Otae?!" -

„So if you would like to see more, you have to watch it the next time." She smiles.

Nobody moves.

In the heads of the attendee it made klick.

That was the reason.

„Anego! You traitor! You are trying to outdo me, the heroine, in the last episode, by getting a boyfriend before me!"

„You crazy chick! You are trying to outpace me, the protagonist, by getting a spin-off!"

„You gorilla lady! You want to use Kondo-san for your own benefits, betraying his love, and trump over all of us!"

„You damn women! You want to manipulate the fangirls feeling, by showing them one of their ships and make them beg for more!"

„BUT!" All of them screamed in unison

-well except of Shinpachi who watches with open mouth at this giant battle, questioning the sanity of his friends and family, and the need of popcorn.-

„THAT WON'T WORK BECAUSE WE ARE TOGETHER MUCH LONGER THAN YOU! AND OUR FANGILRS ARE MUCH MORE AND INFLUENTIAL THAN YOURS!"

Silence.

The two couples slowly inspect the other, estimating the threat level.

They all know what this means.

This means war.

Nobody except the partner can be trusted. Everything is on the line for the support of the fangirls.

For the holy goal of achieving a spin-off.

Kagura glances towards Sougo.

She hates this bastard, and luckily the feelings are more than mutual. Anything else would have been a huge disappointment. Because as much she detest him, as much she loves to fight him.

Of course it is always a matter of life and death -one wrong move and there will be no Insane-Kagura-Killer-Mode-Fight-Of-Revenge against her brother number two- but that is exactly why she enjoys the thrill of their fights so deeply.

After all she is a Yato, she is fated to fight.

Nonetheless as much as she likes their battles, she wouldn't give him as far as a finger to help him and in not a million years will she trust him.

Everything regarding him is suspicious.

The handcuffs he is carrying? Suspicious.

The Bazooka he manages to bring out at the best timing? Suspicious.

The Paper of the candy he just threw away? Suspicious.

So, she has a real problem at hand now.

The huge Garbage-Dump-Detection-Worries (in short, GrDDWo) that are always troubling her near this super sadistic person -that goes so far, that she is shooting at everything in sight, if her thoughts accidentally wander towards him- are telling her to beg out of this.

He isn't to be trusted.

But she can't overlook this offense at her role as heroine. No way in hell will she let herself be outpaced by this traitorous serpent!

And even less will she lose in a battle of shipping pairings against this so-not-hotter-than-her gay pairing!

Gay couples may be better in theory but they will never beat her in praxis! As if the two of them will manage to casually hold hands despite more erotic stuff like kissing. It was an easy win, thus she will just have to make peace with the sadist for some split seconds -till they crush this hilarious and so not-cooler-than-her pair- and than they can go back to killing each other like usual.

She glances at Sougo and give him her haughty I-will-go-with-you-now-but-don't-you-dare-think-you-did-win-and-that-I-need-you-or-anything nod.

Sougo glances at Kagura.

She gave him her I-will-go-along-with-you-now-but-don't-you-dare-think-you-did-win-and-that-I-need-you-or-anything nod and he just needs to think one second, before he answers with his Fine-I-will-try-to-manage-to-fake-a-relationship-with-a-chinese-brat-who-is-still-way-to-young-to-be-attractive-only-because-I-want-to-see-Hijikata-despair-in-submitting-to-Danna-and-not-because-I-want-to-help-you-or-be-together-with-you-or-anything nod.

He can always kill her off if it gets boring -what apparently never happens when China is involved, a curiosity that still bothers him sometimes- and he really sought to see the flustered and angry face of hopfully-soon-to-die Hijikata.

He probably thinks he is the man in their relationship and will get to lead Danna. A grave mistake. A devilish grin spreads over his face.

Yes, this will certainly be very much fun.

He only has to watch out as not to discomfort Danna too much, because of all possibilities he has to prevent the mad step of Grave-Danna-Dangodecrease-Warrior-stage-outburst (in short, GrDDWo) -which he only happens to see once to scare him (he is not ashamed to admit) for his lifetime- at all costs.

Hijikata glances to Gintoki,

and grabs his hand not willing to think over this situation more than a second.

Like hell will he let Sougo got a Spin-Off with China not only for his pride, but mainly for his own survival.

If this kid was the Protagonist he can already see all the death flags on his head, mayo, with his luck he will be the brutal boyfriend of China, who he has to torture to get the girl!

As if he will let something like this happen! Over his dead body! And If he has to play happy couple with this Good for nothing permy bastard, then so be it!

Not that half of the audience already assumed they were together, -so no harm done here- and in the battle of dominance, they have clearly better footgrounding.

Because seriously if you have to choose between some 12 year old school romance, or an adult only erotic-bad-boy-fighter-romance with two hot guys like they were-… like HE were, and a okay guy, who sometimes do something slightly heroic (not that he cared… or that he noticed!), it should be obvious which couple to choose.

Gintoki glances at Hijikata,

and didn't think twice when he accepts the hand.

It was the worst possible outcome for this day, for his last glorious day in the anime, his last day where he could show his supremacy as the protagonist.

And now, on his last day of work and glory some stupid, hilarious and complete not-so-cool-as-him side characters with so far-over-the-edge-kinks that nobody would believe to be true (like serious Sukonbu who eats that stuff nowadays? Yes, nobody! And come on, to blow everything in your way up, is so mainstream, couldn't you think of something better Sofa-kun?) wanted to outdate him? HIM?

The mysteriously lazy and caring, goofy and hurting, childlike and astonishing serious miraculous, all loved main character?

The mad war hero Shiroyasha and the human who beat -till this day- every living being that messed with his people?

They want to Fuck with HIM?

He is so going to destroy them!

Nobody takes his place as the strawberry drinking Yoruzuya! No nobody than him can eat Parfaits and sweets! He has to protect the sweets! They are HIS ALONE!

And if he has to held hands like high schooler with this stupid Mayora, so be it!

They probably think they will win because he and the walking cigarette stock can't get along, but god are they mistaken!

They don't want to get along, but that doesn't mean they can't.

As a matter of fact, the aggressive cop beside him is possible the only person in this shitty anime that can truly understand him.

Not that they talk about this stuff, no not them… like ..never, but he knows and Mayora knows that he knows and he knows that Mayora knows that he knows.

So basically, the Mayonnaise bastard is not the worst partner for this stunt.

A sadistic smile spreads on his face.

They are so going to pay for this humiliation on his last day!

Well, did I fired you up (please say yes! .)

So yeah, the story unfolds!

Poor Shinpachi, barely got any screen time..

And, what do you think?

And on which side are you on? HijiGin or Okikagu? O.O

Be my friend and comment (and if some native speakers out there (or no native speaker^^) has found some comprehension mistakes of my part, please tell me, I want to improve my writing skills :D )

See you all (hopefully) next week ;)