From robbie: Yes. Yes, this is a wonderfully fluffy and adorable thing and these two seriously can't stop. We've tried. Literally, we have to TRY to get them to behave. Like, imagine us, writing away, yelling at each other like "how do we make them STOP so we can HAVE ADVENTURES instead of just kissing all the time?" (Usually CC pops in with - well, let's go kill things. That only sometimes works.)
They're ridiculous. We're ridiculous. We are having way too much fun. And now, as you can see from the title, we are bringing in even more ridiculousness? We are… not even sorry.
Notes. From CC: Yes. lots of references to canon storylines, and I hope it makes it more … worthy of the 616 - albeit a bit more dovetailed with the canon. Only better. And without so so much stupid. **as far as getting those two to behave, Logan suggests a hose. But. Who knows. They might like it.**
Yes. O. We are dorks. You love us this way though. Thanks for the reviews, guys! Silz, Scruffy, JD, ComicBookGuy, and Ophelia - you rock and we love you.
Ok. so I'm doing the new thing where I recommend a story from a fellow author and this time out of the gate, I'm gonna tell you to go check out Miran Anders and her story 'Just A Job' for Iron Man goodness. It's a movie verse thing, which as you know is not my jam, but it is a thing of perfection and I was a fan of it before we both were involved in the collaboration.
The Kart Guide to Flirting: A Wade Wilson Production
A couple days of sunshine and South Pacific sunsets passed, and Kurt and Kate were stretched out on a towel on the beach, listening to the lapping waves and soaking up a few rays. Kurt was watching the bamfs playing beach volleyball with each other and had thought Kate was asleep in the warm sun beside him until she very suddenly picked her head up to look his way.
"Did you bring bug spray?"
"What?" Kurt asked with a blink.
"Bug spray. If we're going to find your little buddy in the forest, I'm not getting eaten alive," she said, pushing herself up to her elbows. It was the first time she'd indicated that she was ready to go - but now it looked like she'd just made up her mind to get back to superheroing.
"No, I'm afraid it's not something we keep on the blackbird unless we know we're headed to the Savage Land."
She let out a breath that blew a strand of hair across her face. "Well, I'll just have to resign myself to being eaten alive, then," she said, a small smirk on her face. "Unless you have a better way to find our adventure partner?"
Kurt smiled a bit to himself and a moment later a pair of bamfs came up to him with quizzical looks on their faces before they muttered out a string of 'bamf-speak' that apparently Kurt could easily understand. "No, take your time but bring him here, please. I know he'll be hiding, but I trust you to find him." The two little bamfs nodded and disappeared in a swirl of smoke that hung in the air for a moment. "They'll do the hard part of finding him and then I'll go get him," he said easily as he just leaned back to relax once again.
She pushed herself up until she was sitting. "Just when I thought you couldn't surprise me," she teased. "Is there a secret to learning their one-word language?"
"I think you just start to know what they're saying. I think Logan understands them some of the time, much like how he understands Doop," Kurt said thoughtfully. "Henry is baffled by them both though."
She leaned back on her arms again, grinning crookedly. "He overthinks, if what you've told me is true," she said before she flopped back down again, this time on her back instead of her stomach.
"It is quite true," Kurt replied as he turned on his side to watch her. "That or Logan is just a bit more open to the possibilities."
A few moments later, one of the bamfs returned and tipped his head to the side before uttering out his favorite word - and after a quick glance Kate's way, Kurt disappeared, only to return a few minutes later with Logan, who looked positively relaxed in spite of the torn clothing.
"You sure you lovebirds are ready to pull up stakes?" Logan asked as he walked toward the jet at an easy pace.
Kate stood up and shook out the towel before she wrapped it around her waist. "I was promised adventure. Sun and sand is nice, but being a superhero is the best." She grinned at both of them before she winked at Kurt. "And in the best of company."
"I think it's time we turned an AIM lab upside down anyhow," Kurt said. "I hope you can handle temperature shifts well, Vögelchen."
"As long as there's coffee at the end of the day," Kate assured him and then leaned down to tickle her favorite bamf. "I've got a winter suit packed away somewhere too, just for stuff like this."
"Logan will steal you a carafe if that's your price," Kurt assured her. "I think he likes your interpretation of backup."
She looked up with a teasing grin. "Well, if the best friend likes me…" She just let the grin widen until she fell into a laugh.
"I don't think we're out of teasing territory though," Kurt warned. "Not yet."
"Like you'd have it any other way," she shot back, still laughing quietly, though Kurt noticed she didn't say anything further but to just bite her lip at him.
"You're right. I didn't think it possible, but I've even missed the picking and sass from that one," Kurt agreed as he pulled a shirt over his head.
"I thought you were going through withdrawals," she teased him.
"If you two are done?" Logan said. "I can pick on both of you and fly at the same time."
"And those are only some of your many talents," Kurt said, still grinning as he nodded and moved to follow Logan into the jet, Kate following behind with a bamf in each arm, one of which had stolen her sunglasses to wear for himself
"Most of the rest involve screaming though," Logan called back.
"Or whiskey!" Kurt countered.
"We're out of whiskey," Logan told him. "Got thirsty and didn't want coconut water."
"I'm going to buy you a big water jug with your face on it," Kate warned as she finally managed to snatch her sunglasses back.
"Good." Logan replied. "I'll fill it with whiskey."
"After you drink the original contents. I will make you do that first." Kate put her hands on her hips with her best confident grin.
"Sounds like a challenge for you," Logan said, one finger pointed her way. "But you can try, I suppose."
"And I'll win. I always win."
"That's gonna be a problem," Logan argued, shaking his head solemnly "I always win too."
"Well, there's a first time for everything," she said, waving her hand. "I'll be sure to let you drink whiskey to drown your sorrow after I win."
He barked out a little laugh as they headed for the plane. "Oh, that's just not how it's gonna work. But it's okay, I'm sure there are groups that'll help you get over your first loss."
"Speaking of yourself in the second person, of course," she shot back. He just grinned her way as Kurt came to stand next to him, chuckling under his breath at the two of them.
He tapped Kurt in the chest with the back of his hand and tipped his head Kate's way. "Oh yeah, she's fun."
Kurt just grinned to match him. "I may have noticed already."
Kate beamed at both of them as she practically vaulted into the co-pilot's chair. "So - give me some coordinates. I'm pretty sure I remember how to set them."
"Kurt's your navigator," Logan called up to her. "You're in the wrong damn chair."
She let out an actual squeal and then clapped both hands together as she slid over into the pilot's seat. "Oh, yes. Yes I like this a lot."
"You spoil her, mein Freund," Kurt told Logan quietly as he closed the hatch behind him.
"She's a good kid," Logan countered with a shrug. "And you know if she's gonna hang with us - she should know how to fly it alone anyhow." Kurt nodded his head in agreement before he clapped Logan on the shoulder for a moment and headed up to the cockpit.
"Relegated to co-pilot on my own plane," he said with mock disappointment. "Such a disgrace."
The flight to the AIM facility was an easy one; there were no hiccoughs in their flight - the landing was easy, and both Kurt and Kate were dressed for the considerably cooler weather by the time they stepped out of the jet. Kate's peekaboo holes showed a darker purple underarmor that kept in the warmth, while Kurt was wearing a thicker uniform for the cold. Logan, as always was in his usual sleeveless yellow and blue with no special adjustments of any kind.
As they approached the facility Kurt finally turned to Logan. "I know this was in SHIELD's records, but what, precisely, are we aiming to do here?"
"They're trying to manufacture a healing serum," Logan said. "Apparently Ogun was helping Cornelius to manufacture it. At least, according to the records I saw. And SHIELD thinks that they might be trying to splice part of my DNA to kids - the old 'build a super soldier' angle." He turned to look at Kate with a dry expression. "Because they've had so much luck with that in the past." He paused a moment just looking down on the building. "I want to put an end to it and wreck their research."
"Yeah, the super soldier attempts tend to make things way worse." Kate shook her head and followed his gaze. "For a group that boasts about how big their brains are, they are… very stupid."
"Not sure if it's that they're stupid or if it's just more complex than they want to admit to," Logan said in a muted tone. "They've sure screwed up a few people trying to make it happen in the past."
"Then let's make sure they don't do so to anyone else," Kurt said, nodding quietly.
The three of them slipped toward the facility - half buried in the Siberian tundra. Infiltration looked like it was simple enough - that far into the middle of nowhere, there were very few possible visitors and even less in the line of unfriendly infiltration.
Kate pulled her fuzzy purple earmuffs down tighter over her head, and one of the bamfs tugged at them as well, trying to help. She looked ahead of herself to where Logan was leading the way and frowned as she turned to Kurt. "Why is he wearing a sleeveless uniform? I get the healing thing, but - seriously."
Kurt just laughed a bit to himself before he tried to answer her. "He's rather weather resistant," Kurt explained. "It's part of his mutation, I believe - he does well in freezing weather and prefers the cold more often than not - though sub arctic temperatures don't do him much justice, healing or no."
"I'm getting cold just looking at him," she said, shaking her head. "It's a good thing there will be coffee later."
"If you're really cold, we'll sich schmiegen for warmth," Kurt suggested with a grin. "I'm told the blue fur is … helpful in cold weather."
She looked him up and down with a grin to match. "Yes. I bet I could hide my face in there and be just fine," she teased, touching a gloved hand to her red nose.
"Before or after we're done with the mission?" he teased as his tail wrapped around her waist. "I wouldn't want you trying to aim while you're shivering."
"Your concern is noted and downright adorable," she replied, laughing, as she pulled on her earmuffs again. "I'm hoping it's warmer inside, and fighting bad guys does get the blood pumping…"
"I can think of better ways to get your blood pumping, but if you insist on a fight, then we'll just have to start there," Kurt said with a smirk.
"It's a good warmup," she agreed.
When they got to where Logan had taken up a scouting post, he was smirking to himself. "I'll try to make this quick," Logan promised. "Zip in, zip out - I'll rush to the jet so you two can take your time coming back." He quit trying to hide the smile that was threatening to break loose. "Maybe they have a picnic you can steal while we're in there. Make a thing out of it. You know - food instead of just sex so you don't wear down too bad. I'd still avoid the water though."
Kurt had to shake his head and laugh at Logan, his face pointed up at the sky, but then there was a little pfft sound, and he looked back at his friend to see that the remains of a snowball were plastered across the side of his face.
Kate was standing there with hands on her hips. "I will get water in you some way or another," she threatened teasingly.
Logan just grinned back at her before he packed up a snowball and whipped it at her. "You first." The snowball hit her in almost exactly the same spot she'd nailed him. "Turnabout and all that."
She looked downright surprised for just a moment before she broke into a grin. "Oh, you are eating so much snow," she declared as she just started to stoop down and pack up snowballs to throw his way as fast as she could while he did the same.
The bamfs quickly divided up and picked their sides as the impromptu snowball fight began. It was short, as both of them were great shots - and were half soaking wet with snow by the time Kurt asked if they had a mission to attend to or if this was simply an exotic locale for them to act like five-year-olds.
Logan paused just long enough to twist at the waist and whip the snowball in his hand square into the middle of Kurt's forehead. "Spoilsport." Logan brushed off most of the snow he'd had plastered to his shirt before Kate sent her last snowball his way - hitting the side of his head again with a grin.
"Oops," she said in a giggle. "It slipped." Logan just half smiled at her before pointing a finger her way.
"You're goin' down, Bishop. Later," he promised. "Just be happy we have people that need saving."
"I'm here anytime you want to get your butt handed to you," she countered with her hands on her hips and a huge grin on her face.
"You got it," Logan replied with a shake of his head. "How about we just get down in there and nail these creeps. I'm thinking basic maneuver number three, you on board?" He was looking at Kurt, who just nodded seriously.
"I think that would be best, yes," Kurt agreed before looking to Kate. "Number three?"
She looked them both over for a second and crossed her arms. "I - am not a telepath. I don't know what that is unless someone wants to, oh, use their words."
The two X-Men gave each other a look before Kurt explained, "It basically means we break the place up in whatever you think will do for pure destruction."
"But - keep the innocents clean," Logan clarified with a raised eyebrow. "Kinda wrecks the whole point when you get civilian casualties."
"Save the kids, break stuff - see, that wasn't so hard to explain!" Kate said with a teasing grin.
"No, but it sounds more sneaky when you give it a number," Kurt said with a laugh.
"So flashy," she smirked. "You'll have to teach me the rest later. Private lessons."
"We only use a few numbers - and some have been switched over to code names," Kurt said as they came up on the facility. "Though our favorite isn't one that either of us can help Logan with."
"I'll want to see that one when we're done with the trouble tour," she said, reaching for her bow now that they were closer to the AIM lair.
"Unless, of course, we find a way to add it to the trouble tour," Kurt amended with a smirk.
Slipping into the facility itself was easy enough for the trio, and they quickly made their way toward the labs from their makeshift window entrance. They were ready to burst through the metal lab doors, weapons raised as Kurt did the countdown, when a perfect Tarzan yell broke the near silence and a red and black unitard when flying past them on a climbing rope.
Logan swore under his breath before he kicked the door open and the three of them rushed in to join the now in-progress battle that Deadpool had started for them.
"Keep out of friendly fire," Logan half-barked toward the two of them before he dove into the fight, claws out and swinging.
When Kurt looked her way, Kate raised an eyebrow and with a teasing warning said, "Don't worry. I've played with Deadpool before. You don't need to watch my back," before she ran out to just start shooting.
Kurt followed Logan's lead, keeping half an eye on Deadpool the entire time even as he had brought all three blades into play - and teleporting out of the way when the red-and-black-clad menace got a bit too close for comfort.
But despite Kurt's careful avoiding, Wade let out a loud squeal when he spotted Kurt - or more properly, when he saw the bamfs of smoke as Kurt tried to keep teleporting away from him. It was just proof of how much Wade thought of him as he fought tooth and nail, even stepping on his opponent's heads and shoulders, in his attempt to get closer to the Amazing Nightcrawler.
"Nightcrawler! What're you doing here of all places?" Wade called out with a chuckle. "C'mere and gimmie a hug you big, beautiful Bamf!"
"I'm trying to stop some evil, Wade - the greetings will have to wait," Kurt called back to a clearly disappointed Deadpool.
"Well - hugsies later though, right?" He asked with a bit of a pout before he picked up his cell phone for a selfie with Kurt in the background. Afterward, he almost immediately turned when he heard a twang and did a full on double -double take before he let out a delighted noise that bordered on obscene. "BETTER HAWKEYE! What are you doing here? And with the Bamf-master?" The cell phone was snapping away as he tried to get both Kurt and Kate in frame. "This is so going on my blog!"
Kate was grinning his way and even twirled an arrow between her fingers and saluted him with it before she fired. "Same thing as you - kicking butt and taking names and being the best!"
"Oh, Oh! Best team-up ever!" He was dancing in place, clapping, and singing to himself as he put the phone away and started his assault again, singing 'Together Again'.
Kurt made his way closer to Kate with a disbelieving smile. "You know him fairly well then, Better Hawkeye?" He was clearly amused by Wade's fanboy routine for Kate, even as Wade paused and enthusiastically waved at the two of them.
"I spent last Christmas with him and Clint," she said with a shrug and a grin. "He's actually not terrible."
"No, he's not - just be careful if he pulls your name for Secret Santa," Kurt said with a laugh. "He takes it very seriously but blows it entirely when he dresses up and tries to make you sit on his lap to tell him what you'd like."
"Voice of experience?" she teased. "Now that is a mental image that'll linger."
"Not me personally," Kurt laughed. "But I have witnessed it happening and it's the kind of thing I am sure he would repeat if given even half a chance."
"Last year he bought an entire tree and house full of toys for a pickpocket's kid before we took the guy to jail, so…" She shrugged and grinned again. "Maybe he mixes it up."
"He's a good person at heart - even if he tries to deny it," Kurt said in a bit of a whisper. "It's a terribly guarded secret."
"Don't let him sweet talk you with his mysterious demonic-angelic ways, Katie-bug!" Wade called out before pulling off a move that Kate was sure she'd seen in a terrible B-rated Kung-Fu movie - complete with the screaming cry and the paused pose.
Kate smirked at Wade's antics before she looked back over at Kurt. "Too late for that," she said in a low whisper before she laughed louder and shook her head at Wade. "I don't need a chaperone!" she called his way.
"I think you might! He's dangerous." Wade shook his head. "All that swashbuckling debonaire hotness. Makes a girl weak at the knees." He said the last part in a southern accent as he fanned himself.
"Oh I do hope he's dangerous." Kate was grinning at Kurt with her tongue between her teeth again, still laughing.
Wade paused and looked her way for a moment before starting to nod. "You know what? I think I like it. Yes. I WILL GO DOWN WITH THIS SHIP! The internets are going to go crazy when they see this one. I can't believe they made it happen for real. That. That is just - Team Awesome forever!" He then started muttering what the two of them decided was gibberish as he bowed and called out his thanks to Ophelia and robbie with an honorable mention to munitions officer CC and Cas - none of whom the others had heard of.
Kurt just watched him open-mouthed with a scrunched up face as his swords drifted downward. "What …"
"This is the part where I ignore him and just shoot things," Kate advised, shaking her head and rolling her eyes.
"Well, be quick about it, the numbers are thinning fast and I think he's completely lost his mind," Kurt said. "As if he had much to begin with. Besides, I'd like to get that picnic before we head off across the Pacific again."
She positively beamed his way. "Well, I'll have to step up my game then. Want to see a quadruple shot?"
"I'd like to see any trick you'd like to show me," Kurt replied in an overly smooth tone with a wink.
She paused and had to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear with a little giggle before she looked back to the battle and lined up her four arrows between her fingers. "Later, blue boy. It's happening," she said with a wink to match his before she let them fly, the arrows in the eyes of two far off AIM creeps.
"THERE IT IS LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!" Wade shouted out, both arms raised triumphantly as if he was celebrating a touchdown. "BETTER HAWKEYE!"
"Sie sind ein Wunder, liebchen," Kurt said with a proud smile before he kissed her cheek and bamfed off to get closer to Logan and the mess he was making.
Wade had still been impersonating a football celebration as he watched Kurt bamf away, but when he saw the last member of the group, the impersonation came to an abrupt halt. "Kate!" Wade stage whispered, one hand to his mouth. "Kate! I have a question!" He had one hand raised and was dancing in place as he repeated her name over and over again with a different inflection every time. "Kaaaaaaaaaate!"
"The bathroom is three doors down that way. You don't need a hall pass," she said without looking his way as she lined up another shot.
"Yes, good. I already peed on the director's desk earlier though - no. I just. I need a reality check and I know you'll tell me the truth."
That got both eyebrows up, and as soon as she released the arrow, she turned to him. "Okay, shoot."
"Alright, so," Wade said, turning on his best impression of a teenaged valley girl. "Like, a few years back? I totally started like - hallucinating things - specifically like - rabid rabbits with big sharp teeth? So like, nothing was working to get rid of them until I pissed someone off into um - helping me? And - I can't do that again? For reasons. So - I just … I think I'm hallucinating. Am I seeing things? Because I am like - totally sure that if I'm imagining this that I am reallyreallyscrewed."
She looked around the place for a long moment. "There aren't any bunnies here - thank goodness."
"No - no, it's not bunnies this time. No. This time - it's something nearly as small and a little more vicious." Even through the mask, he looked anxious and tortured.
The slow smile started as Kate clued in. "Well, there's nobody here but you, me, Nightcrawler, and Wolverine, so unless you're seeing, like, Cyclops or something…"
His mouth was visibly wide open in spite of being behind his mask, and without any further prompting, he busted into a dead run for the two X-Men clearing out what was left of the AIM soldiers left in the room.
Logan barely turned in time to see Wade approaching fast and before he could move to avoid him or even stab him, Wade tackled him hard, pinning his arms to his side as he squeezed him and went so far as to start kissing his cheek over and over while he did his best wailing widow.
Kurt barely kept his laughter in check as Wade kept going and Kate across the room was nearly on the floor laughing as Logan tried to dislodge a very happy Wade who was flat ignoring his protests.
"Damnit, Wilson!" Logan barked out, trying to gain a little space - and failing miserably. A moment later, Logan grit his teeth and popped his claws into Wade's sides, but aside from an instant of shock, Wade barely slowed down.
"It is you!"
"Giant. Hug. Magnet," Kate said between peals of laughter, completely unable to keep it together.
"Get him off!" Logan shouted.
She was trying to get a hold of herself enough to try and get out more than a few words. "No, no - this is a good look for you. We'll finish off the lab in a minute. You just... bro hug. One second. Teddy and Billy are gonna freak." She dug in her pocket for her cell phone before she snapped a couple shots with a broad grin and even stuck her head in for a selfie on the last one.
"I want copies of that, Katie-bug!" Wade called out.
The first one was just as it had been for the past few minutes with Wade showing Logan exactly how much he missed him and the second snapped just after Logan finally wriggled one hand loose and sent his claws through Wade's head - though even that didn't slow him down much, and Wade still looked to be trying to hug him in the background with Kate in the frame on the last one.
"Ooooh! Are we doing selfies? Come on, Bamf! Get over here! You need to be here too!" Wade called out, finally letting Logan go and rushing over toward Kurt, who was quick to bamf over to Kate before Wade could reach him. "Don't let him sneak outta this, you loveable little fuzzy blue Elf," Wade called out. "You just hang onto that little buddy of yours and keep him close."
"I already have pictures with Kurt," Kate said, shaking her head.
"But not any pictures with all of us," Wade whined, slouching, his knees together as he pouted. "Pleeeeeeeeeeease?"
"He's going to whine until he gets what he wants," Kurt pointed out.
Kate just laughed and rolled her eyes, knowing full well that Kurt was right. "Okay. Group shot then. The bamfs can hold the camera if you promise not to break it," she said, crouching down to the nearest one, who nodded solemnly like this was a monumental trust.
"Cameras," Wade clarified. "This is totally going to be my new background."
When he tried to pull Logan close to him, Logan punched him in the mouth. "Keep your lips and your hands to yourself or I'll cut 'em off."
"Come on, Logan - you know this will end faster if you just play along," Kurt said, his arm over Logan's shoulders. "Don't worry, I'll act as a buffer between you and the big crazy merc." Logan shot a glare Kurt's way as Kurt waved Kate closer. "Try to get your crazy Secret Santa to behave for one minute?"
She grinned brilliantly and then turned to Wade. "Behave for one minute, please," she told him with as much seriousness as she could muster.
"A whole minute?" he whined spectacularly before he just straightened right up with a perfectly reasonable sounding 'Okay' as he cheerfully made his way over to Kate. "Clock's ticking," he warned. "Fifty nine. Fifty eight. Fifty seven …."
"Quick, take the picture," Kate laughed as she pointed at the little bamfs.
When they were done, and the timer had run out on his minute, Wade started bouncing in place again. "Okay, okay, okay - so … now what? Where are we going? What are we doing? More fun? Right - it's more fun. People to be stabbed, sniktity-snikt? Right? Comeonnnnnnn let me go too."
"Someone has to get the kids out," Logan replied as he took a few steps back from Wade, though Wade just followed him step for step. "And they're hiding me - so. It's on you to play hero."
"You'll want to wash off the uniform a bit before you do," Kurt advised.
Wade looked down at his blood-soaked uniform for a moment. "Oh. Well. Any chance you have a spare X-Men uniform on your jet - I totally rock that look."
"I don't know that that's the best -" Kurt started to say, but Logan actually cut across Kurt and thrilled Wade.
"I think we have one that'll fit you," Logan said. "About the same height and build."
"Really?" Wade said, completely surprised that they'd said maybe. Logan nodded and waved for Kurt to come over, where the two of them put their heads together.
"Slim left one in the jet. Found it the other day," Logan said. "He can have it." He turned to Wade. "But you gotta wear all of it." Kurt shook his head with a chuckle and nodded before he bamfed away and returned a short while later with, as Wade put it -
"Oh. Em. Goodness. An actual, honest to Galactus real X-Men uniform. For me." He was bouncing in place as Kurt handed it over.
"You have to wear the entire uniform. All of it." Wade nodded and immediately began to strip - all three of them just quickly turned away, though Logan took it a step further and put his hand over his eyes. The others quickly followed suit when Wade tried to ask their opinion on how best to work the look - still stark naked and trying to get close and in their faces.
"Okay, I'm ready," Wade announced after a few minutes. "How do I look?"
"I'm not turning around first," Logan said.
"And I need my eyes," Kate added.
Kurt let out a sigh and peeked behind him as Wade struck his very best Cyclops pose. "It appears as though we're safe," he said, sounding very relieved.
"What do you think, Katie-bug? Is it me?" Wade asked from behind a set of Ruby quartz glasses as he tried to check out his own backside.
Kate turned to look and had to stop and just - shake her head before she started to laugh. "You should keep it for Halloween," she told him. "Clint's got full-sized candy bars again after last year's near-revolt. He might even give you two for this one."
"You got it," Wade promised, still trying to puff his chest out and sound authoritative. The little bamfs still had the cameras, and it didn't take long at all before they were excitedly zipping around with a full-on photo shoot, complete with bamf-lined runway audience and Wade making laser noises.
"Hey, numbnuts," Logan called out. "How bout you let those kids out before you get more blood on your uniform?"
"But I'm not even ble -," Wade stopped and started to wag his finger Logan's way. "You…. you were going to stab me again weren't you?"
"Were?" Kurt asked, his head tipped to one side.
"But for the children," Kate said with a pretended solemn look Wade's way.
Logan just glared hard at her with a sour look on his face. "I don't think I can hit him hard enough to feel better."
"I've heard if you drink lots of water and stay hydrated, you feel healthy and happy and not nearly so grumpy," she countered. "Your old man is showing."
"Ha ha," he shot back dryly with a sneer. "You," he said jabbing a finger Wade's way. "Take care of the kids. We're leaving." He turned to walk out, still scowling.
Kate rolled her eyes at his scowl and then looked over Wade's way. "'Til next time," she promised with a grin and held out her hand for the expected high five, and he positively giggled to run over and meet her there before he also rushed to pick her up and spin her around in a hug.
When her feet hit the ground after the hug, he booped her nose to boot and then turned to stalk up to Kurt as menacingly as he was able. "Be nice to her …. Or else."
"Have you ever known me to be anything but a gentleman?" Kurt asked, his posture relaxed and open. "Or even heard that I would ever consider being anything but?"
"No. But - Wolverine is your bestie. Things can change." He stuck his finger in Kurt's face. "I'm serious."
"I promise you, Wade, if anyone's heart is to broken here, it is mine," Kurt swore. He covered his heart with one hand and raised the other. "I swear it."
"Oh, please don't tell me I have a reputation as a heartbreaker," Kate said, trying to laugh despite the very pink blush at the situation - both Wade's antics and Kurt's sincere promise. "I try very hard not to go around breaking anyone that sweet."
"If you have a reputation, then I fear I may need to make preparations for my inevitable crash and burn," Kurt replied with a smirk. "Thank God I have my Wolverine back to drink me through the pain."
"You…" Kate shook her head at him and then in three quick strides just ran over to kiss him. When she finally took a step back, she put her finger in his chest. "Stop saying things I don't have a good response for."
"Then perhaps to be safe, I'll have to remain silent until you give me permission to speak again." He grinned and picked up her hand to kiss it. "How ever will I communicate?" He continued to kiss his way up her arm, one eyebrow raised as he waited for her to tell him to stop.
She didn't make a move to stop him, one eyebrow raised to match his expression before she fell into a little giggle. "Oh, I can think of things that don't require words at all," she half-whispered.
Kurt just smiled wider and kept up his gentle kisses making it clear he was holding steady to his stay quiet pledge. She just started to giggle until he'd reached her shoulder before she finally said, "Oh, for crying out - this isn't fair," in a high, nearly breathless tone. "You can talk, you - you ridiculous imp!"
At that he picked his head up and grinned before he kissed her properly. "I don't know - I thought I was doing alright with non-verbal communications."
"Excuse me, Kart? Who did you want this picture set sent to?" Wade said as he looked up from the other side of his phone. "Because this is like a how-to guide on flirting."
Kate looked over her shoulder at Wade and then back at Kurt. "If you want to start with the other hand? He isn't allowed to be around," she said.
"I'll teleport him to Tahiti, if that's what you wish," he replied quietly. "Though if it would make it easier, I could run him through. It won't kill him, but he usually gets the message to go away."
She pretended to think about it for a moment before she lightly shook her head. "He has to save the kids still. Why don't you take me somewhere instead?" she asked with an impish grin.
Kurt grinned and tipped his head her way before pulling her closer, and with a glance Wade's direction, they disappeared in a puff of smoke.
When the two of them reappeared - much later - near the jet, it was dark outside, and it took them a moment to track down the third member of their team. When they did find him, he looked to be meditating, just sitting in the tundra and waiting for them, not even looking up when they made their way over and Kate was still walking with her arm through Kurt's and a faint pink flush across her face that wasn't entirely from the cold.
It looked like Logan had made a new friend while he was waiting for them, too - if the massive wolf lying in the snow beside him was any indication. It picked its head up and watched the two of them for a moment, and Kate paused. "Is that - normal for him? I thought the Wolverine thing was just… you know. A name."
Kurt grinned and tried to keep from startling the wolf. "He has a way with animals. They seem to like him."
"Well - giant hug magnet. Animals can probably sense these things," she whispered, shaking her head, though she had to stop with wide eyes again when the wolf stood up - taller than Logan - still looking at the two of them with an interested expression.
"Wade get the kids out?" Logan asked in a low rumble without opening an eye or looking their way.
"Yes, he did," Kurt said with a quiet smile. "A few hours ago, in fact."
"Good, I told you to take your picnic - maybe before we hit the next group of jerks you two can find food."
Both of them were grinning, though Kate's was a bit more a smirk as she said, "And water."
"Only if ice cubes in my whiskey counts," Logan shot back.
"You mean the ones the bottle sits in?" Kurt asked.
"Yep, those are the ones. The ones that don't water it down."
Kate shook her head at the two of them. "I'm going to start just putting water straight in those bottles. You two are going to blow my shot at a Storm sleepover!"
"If we come back without needing medical intervention, you'll get your Storm sleepover," Kurt promised.
"That's a very low bar, and I like to challenge myself," she teased.
"It's not as low as you think," Logan teased as he stood up next to the wolf and laid his hand on its head. "Can we go now, or did you want to try and make friends too?"
"Will it try to eat me?" she asked, eyeing the wolf for a long moment.
"He's not tryin' to eat me," Logan replied with a shrug.
She took a hesitating step forward, trying her best to look nonthreatening. "Hey, there," she said with a little smile. But she didn't make it more than a couple steps before it started growling low, its lips curled back and teeth bared. Logan just looked down at the growling wolf and shook his head.
"Guess he's not friendly."
She took a quick step back and didn't take her eyes off the wolf. "That's not fair," she whispered, eyes wide.
"Bamf her outta here, Kurt - he scared her." Logan looked up at her quickly. "Didn't anyone ever tell you they can smell fear?"
"I thought that was a myth."
"No," Logan said with a frown. "It smells more or less like ammonia."
"That - okay. That's not something I thought I was ever going to learn," Kate said, shaking her head the slightest bit as she took a step back toward Kurt.
"Ready?" Kurt asked with an expectant look, and she just nodded and put her hand in his. When they reappeared in the jet, Kurt ducked his head down to catch her gaze. "Don't take it personally," he told her. "No one has been able to step up to one of his furry friends before. Not even one of his girls."
She looked put out for just a moment before she shook her head and just sighed at him and tried for a little smile. "Well - I've got one of his furry friends - the fuzzy blue one," she pointed out, flashing a little grin his way. "But we are going to have to talk about rules if he's keeping, like, a harem I don't know about."
Kurt laughed out loud for a good couple of minutes until he was wiping tears from his eyes. "It's nothing like that," he promised with a grin. "He has a habit of mentoring young girls. Teaches them to be formidable threats to anyone in their path - himself included. There's nothing deviant about it at all."
"Well that's a relief," she said. She was still watching him with a wide grin that had started the moment he burst into laughter and just seemed to widen the longer he laughed. "Why's he teaching girls how to take him down, anyway? That sounds counterproductive."
"Not necessarily to take him down," Kurt amended. "Just - to be fierce. And - he takes issue with men that cross women the wrong way. He can be pretty old-fashioned like that."
She made a show of making a little 'o' shape with her mouth, eyebrows raised as she did everything but put a lightbulb over her head. "Oh, now I understand why you two are best friends," she teased.
Kurt tipped his head to the side. "You got that out of him mentoring girls? I'm not sure I follow you."
She took a slight step back and did a perfect imitation of a curtsey, the smile wide and teasing. "No, I got it out of old-fashioned sensibilities. You've walked right out of the pages of some high-brow, romantic, classic literature, Mr. Wagner, sir," she told him playfully.
He chuckled and stepped back for a low bow before looking up at her with a smirk. "I do like the sir part." When he stood up again, he took her hand. "Tell me, Miss Bishop, should I get my friend, or should we start the games again freshly?" He ran his thumb over the back of her hand as he just smiled at her.
She couldn't help but giggle a bit. "People will talk, good sir," she teased him.
"They'll talk anyhow," Kurt countered. "They have terribly dirty minds."
"And you, of course, are a paragon of virtue," she replied, still grinning wide.
"Whoever told you such things has lied to you in the worst way," he countered with a grin before he kissed her hand again, this time twisting it to land the kiss on her palm.
She just took another few steps closer and with a wicked grin whispered, "Prove it."
He clasped his hand over his heart and threw his head back. "Oh, yes, you are a heartbreaker." He swept her up off her feet and attacked her neck with kisses. "I swear to you I will prove any rumor you want to throw at me. Even if you just make it up on the spot." He pulled back and just smiled at her. "But I think to explore this properly we should finish this mission and go find somewhere to disappear to where we won't be bothered by interruptions. Like semi-responsible adults."
She just leaned in and kissed the edge of his jaw. "You are a tease," she whispered.
"And I apologize from the bottom of my heart - but at the rate we're going, you'd lose your Storm sleepover when we both died of starvation."
She laughed and just nuzzled her nose into his neck. "Don't say things that make sense. It makes it hard to argue with you."
"I promise to drink some water at some point too."
"Well now you're just playing dirty."
"I thought you liked that."
She laughed and kissed his jaw again, then the edge of his ear. "Fine," she whispered while she was there. "Go get Stabby."
"I think the bamfs can deliver the message," he replied. "I'm quite comfortable here."
"Me too," she agreed as she just continued to follow the edge of his ear, now thoroughly grinning and giggling the slightest bit when she got to the tip.
"Mein Gott, Vögelchen," he breathed out. "And you say I play dirty."
She just laughed. "I thought you liked that."
He just gave her a look that read all kinds of trouble. "You are playing with fire and a half demon."
"Oh, so Wade was right - you are dangerous," she countered before she just kissed him properly, her arms wrapped around his neck.
A few moments later, one of the bamfs appeared - purple blush over his cheeks as he quickly said something to Kurt that had him just squinting at the little blue cuddle ball. "You're kidding, right?" he asked, but the little guy just shook his head. "Alright, I understand. Stay close." He turned to Kate. "Well, I was wrong," he told her. "Our stabby friend has a limit to his patience. He had one of the bamfs take him out of here." He let out a sigh and shook his head.
"This would not be a problem - if not for the jet," he told her. "I can't trust the little bamfs to take it back for us, and he's already finding trouble, I'm sure."
She had stopped her teasing grin as soon as he'd said Logan was gone and looked thoughtful for a moment. "You bamf on ahead and just tell me where to meet you both," she suggested. "That's the beauty of teaching me to fly, right?"
"Well, I was going to have them bring back Henry to take the jet - but if you'd rather fly -"
She had to stop and consider, then shrugged. "If you think he wouldn't mind having me along even after we've thoroughly annoyed him into leaving…" she said at last. "I like sticking with the instantaneous travel - and with you."
Kurt looked thoughtful for a moment. "Logan probably thinks he was cramping our style a bit and just chose to remove himself from the situation."
She rolled her eyes at the idea. "No, I'm the one cramping the X-style with you two. I'll play nicer, I promise."
"He won't see it that way, but I appreciate the misplaced guilt," Kurt told her. "It's kind of cute. Particularly when I should have been more professional from the beginning. Forgive me."
"Don't you dare apologize for being perfectly charming," she told him, shaking her head and puffing out her breath. "Now, let's go get Wolverine before he ends up bringing SHIELD down on himself without us."
"Knowing him, the only way he'd allow himself to be caught would be so he could crash the helicarrier," Kurt supplied.
"Then we'd better hurry," she said, the teasing grin returning. "You never know - he might decide that sounds like fun."
"He already has a plan in place," Kurt told her. "He came up with a way to do it alone a few years back when they finally pushed through the registration issue."
"Well I hope he left room in his plans for an accomplice or two."
"He tries to carry the blame himself. I keep telling him it's not possible with his body ratios."
She laughed and nodded in agreement. "He needs a few taller people to help. Know anybody?"
"If he hadn't made Cap angry, he'd likely be at the top of the list," Kurt reasoned. "But I guess since he's out, we'll have to do."
"Well then." She leaned over to kiss his cheek. "Take us to adventure, blue boy."
He smirked and turned to the bamf nearest them. "Bring Henry here. Do you understand?" The little blue cherub nodded his head and disappeared. When he and a very confused looking Dr. McCoy reappeared a short time later - still holding a test tube - Kurt explained quickly: "We lost Logan - but we're going to get him. I'm sorry, but I need to have you return the blackbird."
Henry looked dazed, and he frowned a bit at the two of them before Kurt shot him a brilliant smile, and he and Kate simply disappeared with a tiny wave.
Additional Notes – i.e. you need this to understand robbie's Hawkeye.
From robbie: I'm continuing to love the positive response and just - I'm so tickled everyone is continuing to enjoy this hilarious little story we cooked up just to have fun. We truly and deeply enjoy these characters, and I'm glad that it's showing through.
Just a couple of Kate notes from a serious Kate fan: So. The Clint thing. Alright. I'm still a little annoyed with Marvel because they very recently re-wrote her entire backstory to wedge Clint in there and make it seem like he's been a force in her life from the beginning. Which was patently untrue for years. In fact, until Fraction's magnificent Hawkeye run, these two weren't really a Hawkeyes-Squared team. Yes, they were supportive of each other and had a good relationship, but it wasn't the magnificent brother/sister dynamic we have right now… But that's not the point.
The point is? When Kate first got started? It wasn't because of Clint. It was because she was attacked, and after that, she decided that not only was she never going to feel helpless again but also that no one else would have to experience that. So she took every self-defense class she could get her hands on, in addition to archery and fencing. (Seriously. Go read the first Young Avengers run. Kate. With. Swords. BEAUTIFUL) She literally invited herself along to join the YA squad and for the ENTIRE first run absolutely refused to let people call her Hawkeye, even in a joking way, because she didn't want to take Clint's name. He was dead, and she didn't want people to think she was trying to replace him.
Ultimately, Steve was the one who gave her the name, not just because of archery, but because she stood up to Steve and demanded that he allow her to be a superhero despite her age and training level. He was so impressed that he gave her the name and the bow and told her only a Hawkeye could stand up to him like that.
So that was the original origin of Kate's Hawkeye name. Not the nonsense Marvel recently put out where she spotte Clint from ~afar~ and got all ~little girl heart-eyes~ (no I'm not bitter why do you ask). And I think it's a much stronger story for her to have chosen her own path rather than for her to have been gift-wrapped a lame origin story, you know? (And as CC and I have said when we discuss this, it really degrades Kate to more of a "female knockoff wannabe" as opposed to her own character.)
Anyway, now I'm rambling. But yeah. Read the original Young Avengers run for the superior Kate origin story.